Among the Not So Great

The Journey’s End

“My days are coming to an end. You need not tell anyone. But when I am gone, keep my body for some time. Don’t take it away in a hurry! Cremate it and wait some time (at the cremation ground). Don’t come away in a hurry.

“The Mother’s music may be played. But whisper in my ear ‘Sri Aurobindo Saranam mama’. You may not tell or call anybody. Meditate 10-12 days — 4 persons like they did for Noren Das Gupta (Manoj’s father). When and if suggestions come for feeding on 10th or 12th day — don’t interfere, don’t say ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Keep silent.”

On his birthday, 12th December — Sitaram went upstairs, to Sri Aurobindo’s Room. He had difficulty (physical) but felt better afterwards. When the February Darshan was approaching, he said he would go “upstairs” although by now he was ill and weak. Those close to him said, “You can’t climb all those steps. You said you are weak.” Sitaram protested, “No, no, I must go.” He even conspired with Prashant: “Let us run away and go for the Darshan.” Anyway, he prepared himself, got ready the usual “offering” and was taken early on the 22nd (the day after Darshan). He expressed a wish to sit on the Mother’s terrace for as long as he wanted to, — and not to be disturbed. He was there for 45 minutes. He came back and declared, “I have offered myself with the ‘offering’ (of money)!”

The days passed — 25th February — Sitaram was not sleeping much. He called Dr. Dilip Dutta and asked for some medicine; he wanted to get at least two hours sleep. (He could not sleep well those days — the last two months.)

A week went by. On the 2nd of March he went out for his usual walk — with help — came back to his room and said, “I will not eat anything.” But later, he said, “Give me a small piece of toast and milk.” That was the last nourishment he took before setting off on his ‘Homeward’ journey. He told his attendants, “Tell me when you come, where you go or when you sit here.” (He perhaps wanted to know who was near him at all times.) Through all this he would do whatever he could — a little bit. He would sometimes say he was busy! When asked, “How are you busy, being indoors all the time?” he smiled and said, “Boka (foolish one) — I wake up early, finish my ablutions, take my Complan, wash myself and sit for prayer. I pray to the Mother and our Prabhou. I pray first for the whole world, for India, for Pakistan, then all the Centres, the devotees and Ashramites. I then pray for the Dining Room workers.

“I then go for my bath. After that I go to the Samadhi, the Meditation Hall and Nolini-da’s Room, then I move on to the Reception Hall before I return to the Dining Room. Here I meet my ‘Gundu’ (he was referring to a photo taken when the Mother was 3 years old. Gundu means ‘chubby child’. This was his favourite photo. He had it all over the place in many sizes.) I then meet my friends, then back to my room.” This programme sounds good enough and normal — though a bit unusual — for any well-meaning sadhak. But it is extraordinary when you realise that all this time Sitaram never left his room!

He continued, “I then eat a little, rest, do the magazine work, lunch, walk (if fit enough), then I sit in my chair and repeat my ‘prayer’ of morning before dinner. Then I go to bed and pray for myself.” (At last!)

He ended with, “Boka, — how then you ask me — ‘How are you busy?’.”

This is one of those unbelievable things you have to believe — because it is Sitaram who says it. He was one of those rare men by whom you judged the event.

On the 3rd of March, about 12:30 p.m. Sitaram evinced some pain in his stomach. He was given some medicine. The night came on and early morning at 4:30 a.m. — Prashant had to call Dr. Gayatri. Vishwabandhu too came later. He vomited a few times. The doctors said he should be taken to the Nursing Home. But Sitaram had already warned his close friends not to take him to the Nursing Home even if he suffered. So there he lay — his breathing became heavy. He then called softly to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo five times and left this world as quietly as he had lived in it. The day was a full moon day — Holi Poornima — a day when the gods of our town went for a sea-bath. Sitaram too took a holy dip, merging into that vast ocean of Love, into his Mother’s arms.

I would like to add here a few unusual dreams Sitaram had during the first month of this year. Were they part of the buildup before the final curtain?!