Champaklal Speaks

Champaklal’s Letter to Sri Aurobindo

OM

Kansia, P.O. Ankleshwar,
28.4.21, 3.00 p.m.

My Ishwara,

I have a persistent desire since many days to write to you; but I cannot decide which things to write. I feel like writing down everything but am unable to put all in front of you in words. Kindly shower your grace on this son of yours who has taken refuge in you and yourself see all I have to tell you, all that I need at present and all my difficulties, and kindly grant what my being aspires for and all that it needs.

Still, as I cannot control my impatience, I am writing a few things to you. As directed by you I sit in meditation but do not get any joy in it. Although I do wish to meditate, I cannot do it with joy. And as told by you, during the meditation I pray to the Divine Shakti but cannot surrender myself to you. While trying to surrender, my eyes burn and my head feels heavier and heavier. Once during meditation something happened, but only for a second. What happened I do not know, but I felt that if it happened always I could meditate for longer periods. It would be good if one can sit peacefully and happily without being disturbed by thoughts. I pray for your Grace that I may be able to meditate in peace and joy and also do the practice you have given in the same way.

Next, I talk too much. I want to stop that. Talking too much is a great hindrance in my sadhana, yet I cannot stop it. I wish to remain quiet all the time, so please do whatever needs to be done. Also, please do what you need to do with my mind.

Sheltered at Your Lotus Feet,
Your servitor and obedient son Champak's
sashtanga dandavat pranam in Your holy service.

P. S.: I had finished writing this letter. But this morning, when I was half awake, I received a question coming from you: “You want a practice which you can do peacefully and happily, don't you?” I tried to listen to the instructions you gave for doing it but failed to hear anything. Kindly let me know if the question really came from you or it was just my imagination.