"But you give me money for my pocket-expenses. If, I don't buy anything then what will I do with the money? I don't lack anything, I replied."
From the savings I made of the money given to me Mother I bought a watch for my own mother, a small watch made in Switzerland. It was as small as a ting My mother showed this to the Divine Mother and to that I had gifted it to her.
The Mother asked me later: 'You gave your mother a watch? How much did you spend?'
"Just sixty rupees. Mother. It was from the saving! from your money."
The Mother didn't say anything more.
While Dada was talking to us a lady came and wished him for his coming birthday. She asked: 'Dada, how do you feel on your birthday?' ¦
Dada answered: "I feel no difference because the vital has no age."
Dada's residence is being repaired. Many of the bead ready to fall. And so a thorough repairing is being done. kanu is getting the masonry done while Praveen is in charge of the carpentry. Work has been going on all day and night for all day and night for several days now. They've resolved to finish the work on Dada's room before his birthday. The masonry work is now over. The carpentry-work is in full swing.
Dada remarked: "Praveen stayed awake all night yesterday to supervise the work." Hardly had he said this when Praveen walked into the office.
Dada told him laughing: "There you are! You stayed up all night to supervise the work. Like a war-general! I too stayed up all night answering letters. You were awake there and I was awake here!"
Praveen replied: 'I am the king's general. The general must be like his king!'
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A sadhak was talking with Dada one day. He remarked:
'I remember very well, Dada, how vigilant you were in your constant protection of the Mother. One day the Mother was going to the Playground and it was raining. You were behind Her. Suddenly She slipped and you held Her just in time. So often we've seen the Mother walking. Her hand resting on your shoulder.'
But I failed to protect the Mother on two occasions, Dada observed. She was playing tennis with me but She was quite far away. She slipped and fell backwards. Luckily She didn't get very much hurt. On another occasion the Mother was in the bathroom. It was four in the morning. In those days She used to lock the bathroom door. I was waiting outside. Suddenly there was the sound of glass tingling. Then a thud as of someone falling. After hesitating a little I finally forced the door open only to find Her lying on the floor. She had a glass in Her hand. I had heard the sound of that glass fall and break. The Mother was hurt in the head. There was a small pool of blood on the floor. So I picked Her up in my arms and brought Her to Her room. There was nobody else in the room .There used to be a lot of cushions on the Mother's bed. Holding Her in my arms and taking my weight on my left leg I moved the cushions with my other leg to make some place and finally laid Her down in bed. The Mother was unconscious. Immediately Dr Sanyal was called. A little later She regained consciousness. The Mother was very light. The fact that I could take my weight on one leg and move the cushions with the other and manage to lay Her down meant She was quite light.
*
Dada was giving somebody a 'badge' while talking to someone. And it fell to the ground. Laughing, Dada remarked in French: Quel maladroit! (What a clumsy fellow) The Mother would always say this whenever She dropped something. As
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it was Dada's birthday just the day before I understood that he was still full of Her memories.
On his birthday Dada distributed a photo of the Mother, badge and a sweet. The laminated photos were over. Dada said: 750 photos got over yesterday in the distribution means that 750 people came to greet and wish him.
Someone remarked: 'Dada, I was present for the Terrace darshan of the Mother in 1973.1 saw you were holding Her, you brought Her up to the railing and then went back. That was the Mother's last darshan.' ;
Dada became unusually thoughtful. Then he said;
Yes, during that period, the Mother used to remain most of the the time in trance. She wasn't in Her body. We weren't sure if the darshan would take place that day. When She returned for a while to her physical consciousness I asked Her: Mother, will You give darshan? ,
The Mother answered: 'Yes.'
That was at eight in the morning. I informed- that the Mother would give darshan.
The Mother was in the habit of getting ready well ahead of time for any engagement. It was about half past one then, She asked me: 'Is the darshan over?'
"No, Mother, I answered, There is plenty of time. Take some rest until then. I'll call you when It is time."
The Mother was in trance then. At darshan-time I accompanied the Mother and helped Her to reach the railing. She gave Her darshan. Then She asked:
'Is the darshan over?'
"Yes, Mother", I answered.
And once again I held her and slowly brought Her back to Her bed. The Mother was elsewhere. In total trance. Her eyes were always closed and She remained indrawn.
Just before She left Her body She suffered a lot from the pain. But She would hardly ever mention anything about Her pain.
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The Mother Terrace Darshan of 21.2.73 with Pranab watching over Her
Pranab in his late 50's on18th October
One day Dada said: Without absolute freedom the Mother's work cannot be done. One cannot do Her work through force and regimentation. But then it is for each sadhak to determine how much freedom he can take. It depends on the sadhak's willingness how much freedom he will take, how much control he will exert on himself, how much he will restrain himself.
In another context Dada said one day: Anxiety, worry is a bad thing. It can kill a human being.
Like the human face, the human body too has two sides. They are not identical. There is a slight difference. If you draw a line dividing the eyebrows, the nose, the chin in two, you'll see the two sides, the left and the right are quite different. The Mother used to say: 'If this were not so then the human face would look like a statue.'
A glimpse of Dada's extraordinary personality and sweetness can be had through a very ordinary incident. Some devotees had come, a husband, wife and their daughter. A cassette containing a song written and composed by Dada had just come out and he wanted them to hear it. Two of his songs Pledge Renewed and Comradeship had been recorded by professional artists in Bombay and sent to him. Chinmoy too had got these two songs sung by his disciples in America and sent the cassette to Dada. Seventy-two singers from seventeen different
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countries have sung this song and these two songs have been played almost everywhere in the world.
Dada wanted to play this cassette to them. Dada looked at Gangaram-da and he got the hint. At once he went to Dada's room to get the cassette player. But Savitri had locked the room and gone away to school and Dada did not have a key. Gangaram-da came back.
Dada did not say anything. All he had to do was give a little indication and people would somehow find Savitri out and get the key from her. But Dada did not tell anyone anything, not even the slightest hint of an order.
He went on talking. He said, "The song came to me in a most wonderful way. I was testing my clarinet one day rather casually. I began to play. And automatically a melody emerged. As I played the clarinet I thought to myself: 'I will never remember the tune.' So I asked Savitri to tape it then and there. I played the melody and the whole thing was taped.
Even more astonishing was the fact that while I was playing the melody, with the melody slowly the words started coming too. And so with the melody I began writing the lyrics as well. And like this I managed to compose both the songs. First there was the melody and then came the lyrics.
Someone remarked: 'Normally the melody follows the lyrics. First the lyrics, then the melody.'
"But in this case, it was just the opposite, Dada observed. First came the melody and then the lyrics fell in place in tune with the music. The melody is a mixture of Bhairavi and Ashavari ragas."
Just as Dada was talking Bharati appeared. Perhaps he had just been waiting for Bharati. He told her: "Bharati, I have a little problem." :
'What, Dada?' she asked.
"The problem is I would like them to hear the song. The cassette player is in my room. But Savitri has locked the room and gone away to school."
'I'll go and see,' said Bharati and left. A little later she turned up with Savitri holding the cassette player.
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I was quite amazed to see how full of sweetness was Dada's conduct. He was not worried in the least. He did not order anybody or tell anybody anything. But just 'Bharati, I have a little problem.' I am told that Sri Aurobindo had a similar capacity for gentle sweetness by merely expressing a wish without giving an order. He never asked anybody to do anything for Him. Dada is indeed a true follower of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. This is something that must come spontaneously from within. You cannot get it through effort.
The cassette was played and everyone enjoyed the songs. Someone asked Dada if he had learnt music in his childhood.
Dada answered: Yes, as you do at school. I used to sing. Then at puberty your voice breaks. My voice cracked too and then you could hear three-four types of sounds. So I stopped singing.
When I formed the Physical Culture Club and laid stress on developing the body I stopped singing altogether. I was quite fanatical and believed that if music was not given up entirely then physical culture would not be possible.
Then when I came to the Ashram I started composing songs though not in a regular, sustained way. I have a book of songs. Many of those songs have been set to music by me. Tinkari- da of the Ashram once told me: 'Many people come to learn music from me. Why don't you write a song on the Mother and Sri Aurobindo? I will teach my students this song to start with. And so I wrote a song called Guru-vandana, Sri Aurobindo Namey Ananda. Outside the Ashram this song became very popular in many other schools in Calcutta, Andhra, Bangalore, Orissa where it is sung before starting the classes.
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Here are the two songs written by Dada in English:
Pledge Renewed
Standing at Thy Altar,
Oh our Lord Supreme,
We renew our pledge to
Labour for Thy Scheme.
Bringing Golden Light down,
From The High Abode,
We shall change the word to
Suit The Holy Mode.
Give us Your Love,
Give us Your Strength,
Give us Your all powerful,
Steady, simple Faith
Ego and desire we shall
Throw in The Flame,
heaven and the earth shall '
Mingle as the same.
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Comradeship
We the new,
We the young,
Marching on
Hand in Hand :-
Smile on lips
Rosy cheek,
Hopes in heart,
Merry band.
A new Light
has touched the earth,
A new Truth
has taken birth
All we need
to give the shape,
Adjoined-hands
and blissful mirth.
Come ye comrades
come ye all!
Can't you hear the
Clarion call?
Bathing in the
Golden Light,
Will change the world and
change us all.
Happy and peaceful
world will come!
As we reach our
cherished goal,
All will live in a
joyful state:
Many in body but ?
one in Soul.
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The house where we are at present was seen and allotted by the Mother. In this house formerly VIP's used to come and stay. A family member of Lord Sinha once came and stayed here while on a visit to the Ashram. The Barons used to live in this house too. Later he became the governor of Pondicherry.
We first stayed in the house where Mona stays today. At the time the landlord took back the house for his own use and so we had to find accommodation elsewhere.
Before going to play tennis the Mother would go looking for a suitable house for us. Finally She chose this house for us.
By then the Mother had allotted a room in the Ashram for my brother Debu. He used to stay in the room next to Nirod da's. And where the present Ashram Post-Office is situated was my brother Hriday's residence. Chotka went to the poultry and my youngest brother used to live in a rented house somewhere else.
For this house the Mother looked at everything in the house, selected the kind of furniture needed for the rooms.
The Mother wanted to get a house constructed near Atelier and allot it to all my brothers and my mother. But that didn't happen. The circumstances changed.
In any case I came to live in this house with my mother.
The Mother came to see the arrangements one day. She saw that a radio had been removed from a particular place and a cupboard that was given was made of very cheap, bad wood. The Mother asked those responsible for arranging the house where the radio was and why such a cheap wooden cupboard was placed there. 'Please send this cupboard to the kitchen and get a good cupboard here,' the Mother ordered.
The Mother asked me to open the drawers of a table. I had kept all the little things that She had given me in that drawer. She was delighted to see all that neatly arranged. You know how to utilise things with great care. That is why it is a joy to give you something
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I was always used to keeping my things neatly. I always keep each thing in its rightful place. Even when I see other people's things in a mess I try to put them as neatly as possible. This is part of your nature otherwise it isn't possible. You can't change your nature by advice and persuasion, But then by seeing beauty and order constantly the same order and beauty can be absorbed by one's nature. But for me it has always been part of my nature. I have such old things with me but I keep them so carefully that you can't tell They are so old.
The Mother would say: 'How much a person is organised can be gauged by looking at his drawer. He who can keep his surrounding, his house and all his things in a beautiful, careful way, his life too takes on that same beauty and grace. And he whose life is disorganised and disorderly, you'll see his world around him is also chaotic. If you want to make your life calm and beautiful then you also have to make your surroundings as beautiful and orderly. Don't we say that there is a certain 'lakshmi-shri' (harmony and beauty) in a man's life and action?
A husband and wife came to settle down in the Ashram some time ago. They are quite aged. The husband can hardly walk now. He takes a few steps with great pain and then must sit down.
His wife came and recounted all their hardship to Dada.
When she left Dada observed: They had a lot of hopes that at the end of their lives they would come and live peacefully in the Ashram. But our Ashram here is not quite the right refuge for the final days. When the time was right they didn't come. Now just see the difficulties.
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Sri Aurobindo had just left his body, Dada told us one day. Rishabhchand-da wrote an article entitled The sun is set and sent it to the Mother. Nolini-da read it out to Her. After listening to the article She remarked: 'But the sun never sets. The sun neither sets nor rises. As we see it from the earth, appears to do so.'
What She meant was that Sri Aurobindo had not left. The sun never sets.
After hearing the Mother's remarks Rishabhchand wrote another article and this time it was entitled The sun never sets.
The Mother remarked to Nolini-da: 'You see how these intellectuals work. Yesterday he wrote The sun is set and today it is The sun never sets. This is the way of intellectuals.'
I was playing tennis with the Mother as usual, Dada told us one day. Suddenly overhead I saw a flock of little birds flying in the sky. As I was looking in their direction the Mother asked me: 'What are you looking at?'
I said: "Mother, look! There is a flock of beautiful little birds flying in the sky"'
'Oh, those are swallows,' She answered..
Oh, so that's what you call swallows. Back home ia Berhampur we call them 'nak-kati' (noseless) birds.
A couple came from America to meet Dada after a long gap.
'Can you recognise me, Dada?' the man asked.
"Mukul, it is you! How you've grown!"
Then looking at his wife he said: "One can't recognise you anymore. Your face has changed somewhat. Of course I am seeing you after ages! So tell me how you are."
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I went through a bad patch of health, the gentleman continued. My daughter lives in America so I was with her. I had to undergo a bypass surgery. But now I am fine.
" What are you doing now?" Dada enquired?
I have retired now, Dada.'
Dada was quite surprised: "Don't tell me! I've seen you grow up before me. You got married. You had a girl. And now you are even retired? Good God! How time flies! But see that you put on years but don't become old."
A girl from Bombay has come to look after a relative here who is unwell. This relative does not have anybody in the Ashram of her own.
The girl said: ' I've attended on her single-mindedly. I could not go anywhere, not even come and see you. Now she is all right and she can even cook herself. And this is how I've been able to come and see you today. I am leaving in a day or two.
' I am glad. You've done a good thing. You have to do both. One is the inner work and the other is the outer work And must try and establish harmony between the two. You are doing both the jobs well. And you look fine.
"The more you are able to keep contact with the Mother the better you will feel and you will live in a happy state."
'You are absolutely right, Dada. But still there are moments from time to time when everything is in a turmoil.'
"Turmoil comes primarily from the mind. It is the ideas from the mind that upset everything. Then there are the impulses from the vital, they too cause disturbance.
"The more you can stay in the Mother's protection single mindedly, the more She will set everything right."
'But, there are times when I am confused.'
" That too will be cleared by the Mother.
"The Mother will show you the way. And what needs to be done She herself will do for you. The more you advance
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inwardly in the Mother's consciousness the more strength you get. You are doing fine."
'Everything becomes so clear when I listen to you, Dada the girl replied.
Dada gave her a photo of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo and a' Blessings' packet.
One day Dada told us: Someone sent the Mother a very expensive alarm-clock. When this alarm clock would go off early in the morning in the Mother's room you felt as if you were listening to two sweet birds of the forest.
Those who were arranging flowers on the samadhi early in the morning really believed they were listening to some real birds.
From this a rumour went around that two birds from forest came daily to the Ashram to wake the Mother up!
I first came to the Ashram for the April darshan of 1942, Dada recounted one day.
At that time I was struck by an energetic, slim, fair you man. He was always walking up and down in the Ashram busy in his work. I asked an elderly sadhak who he was.
I learnt that he was a Konkani and that his name Madhav. He had been visiting the Ashram for some time. Each time he stayed for a few days at the Ashram. He would help Nolini-da in his secretarial work. That's why I used to imagine that he was the assistant secretary of the Sri Aurobindo Ashram.
In 1947 when I came to the Ashram for good he had permanently settled here.
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In the beginning I didn't have any contact with him. Sometimes we would meet because of some work. But I always felt as if a true bond of friendship was growing between us.
Very soon the Mother brought me close to him. And my time at the Ashram was spent very happily. During this period I had the occasion of seeing him from close quarters thanks to various kinds of work. I came to know that he was an able administrator, a capable worker, a good writer, a great scholar and a sadhak of a high order. He served the Mother ways.
A long time ago in 1936 my father sent my photo to the Mother. Madhav-ji used to keep a file of all the sadhaks. In 1947 when the Mother heard from me about this photo that had been sent She asked to see it and told Madhav-ji about it. Within ,five minutes he got the photo and handed it to the Mother: , I was personally quite astonished to see how organised with these files of the sadhaks and how well he kept them.
At times I used to write something on some subject or another. And I would go to Madhav-ji with these writings for any necessary correction. He would go through them very sympathetically with great care. With just a few changes he would infuse life into my writing. He never changed my style or thought. It was quite an amazing style of correction really.
He had a very sharp mind and an extraordinary memory. I observed he would serve the Mother in a state of great inner calm in a spirit of self-consecration.
Towards the later part of his life he would on his own initiative travel in India and abroad doing the Mother's work. That was the reason why his presence and influence in the Ashram work diminished and slackened a little. His health too deteriorated to quite an extent.
And then when he came back to the Ashram and started leading a secluded life, I felt he was no more as energetic as before. I would feel sorry for him. But he continued to do the Ashram work with the same earnestness and care.
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He always kept in touch with me as he had a certain sympathy for me. I had a long correspondence with him about the present condition of the Ashram.
Madhav-ji is no more in our midst. The Mother's beloved child has gone back into Her arms and he is at eternal place.
We all know that there is a constant battle between the divine and the undivine forces. The divine forces are trying to establish the divine kingdom on the earth and the undivine forces are doing everything to try and block that from happening.
Personally I very deeply feel that all our elders who are leaving us one after the other were all of them very able generals and brave soldiers in this great divine battle. Like courageous soldiers giving themselves up to God they fought the battle and ended their life doing so. Madhav-ji was a front-ranking general among these. Let us hope that we are capable of realising all the objectives and winning that victory for which all of them put in all their life and endeavour and sacrifice.
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What we need is a True Leader
In the fast approaching 21st century, the pressures for change are mounting both within and without at a speed that baffles us many a times, and brings with it seemingly unsurmountable problems, chaos and disorder. Our organisation is no exception. The crisis becomes more acute when the direction and guidance provided by present leadership is as confusing. We took up this subject in our Editorial "Crisis of Leadership' and asked Pranab-da to throw some light on the present phenomenon in his own column. The response was a valuable correspondence between Sri Madhav Pandit and Pranab-da, both leaders in their own right and in their respective fields carrying influence and impact which is more than evident. This hitherto unpublished correspondence we felt could well give us some food for thought.
Madhav-ji,
Two days back, I heard your tape-recorded speech, and I fully agree with you. In our Ashram collective life there is no true unity.
For a long time I have been feeling it. Once I told the Mother that our ideal was unity in diversity. There was plenty of diversity in the Ashram. But the Mother had not yet succeeded in bringing unity in it. She remained silent and said nothing.
I understand that unity can come in two ways. One, the ordinary way, when collectivity faces a common danger. Then, for mutual safety and security men forget their little ego and self interest momentarily, come closer and work for the larger interest.
The other way is, when men transcend themselves, have at least the psychic realisation and their consciousness is tuned with a Higher Truth, they rise above ego and desire, and true unity in collectivity takes place.
Once the Mother told me that if She were to pick from the Ashram population those who come only for the Truth, She would get only a handful of them. Most of the people had
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come because it was convenient to stay here. This She said as early as 1947. Since then the situation has further deteriorated
If the majority of us had come only for the Truth, the picture would have been different. At least, if the elders amongst us who are running the organisation had the true realisation, they could surely lead us to a better understanding, and as a result there would be better unity in our collective life.
All the qualities you mention in your speech which favour better unity, such as love, understanding, fellow-feeling, comradeship, compassion, tolerance, patience, etc., are psychic qualities, and how can they come from people who have an ordinary consciousness?
I feel that what we need badly in the Ashram at the present hour is a truly good leader. We do not have any leader amongst us. It is true that the Mother's and Sri Aurobindo's consciousness pervades the Ashram atmosphere and they are guiding each aspirant according to his or her capacity and aspiration. But the presence of a true leader amongst us on the material plane will make a big difference.
I am always praying to the Mother to send us a true leader, who would guide us in our day-to-day activity and help us to achieve the ideal set before us by the Mother and Sri Aurobindo.
Pranab
2.11.91
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Ashram
6.11.91
My dear Pranab,
I thank you for your warm, constructive and live response to my plea for promoting a minimum sense of oneness in the Ashram. I agree with you on every point. What you write about the Mother 's approach clarifies many things.
There is, however, one point on which I feel differently. To have a single leader here is not on the Mother 's programme; this has been my perception even before She withdrew from Her body. What is required is a collective leadership in keeping with the demand of the present Evolutionary Force. We must strive and build up a wise, upright, large-visioned leadership in tune with the Mother 's Consciousness. To that end, I suggest that a core body-not exceeding three must be first formed, with the door open for a larger circle to be formed later. This core group must be essentially a spiritually oriented body exerting itself to see that the collective life of the Ashram keeps to certain well-defined norms. It should be its duty to draw the attention of the Board of Administration When lapses occur or threaten to occur. Its role must be constructive from an objective, impersonal angle.
Pranab, we should stir ourselves before things cross the brink. Let us accept our bona fides and yoke ourselves to this sole purpose of arresting disintegration which is raising its ugly head and, building up a required confidence among our colleagues. Can't we make at least a beginning now?
With love
Yours Madhav
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19.11.91
Dear Madhav-ji,
I have read your letter dated 6.11.91. Such a prompt reply to my letter within minutes is possible only for a person like you, who have a sound intellectual and spiritual background.
But our differences remain as regards one man's leadership.
I do not believe in collective leadership. The term itself seems be a misnomer. I believe that it has been borrowed from modern western thoughts, which arose out of a fear of giving birth to dictators or autocrats.
Whatever group or committee we make, the final decision has to be taken by one man. Then where is the scope of collective leadership? The leader may have advisors, helpers, executives, etc, but the true leadership finally rests on one man only.
If we probe into history, we shall never find an example where collective leadership solved any problem of man. It can serve as a stop-gap arrangement, temporarily, as it happened after the murder of Julius Caesar by forming the triumvirate.
Successful kings, explorers, scientists, reformers, political religious leaderships, are all one man's show. And our tradition of Avatars, spiritual leaders and the existence of Guru vadas are all examples of singular leaderships.
Your comment, to have a single leader here is not on the Mother's programme, is true as long as the Mother with us in Her physical body. But after Her Mahasamadhi the situation has to be viewed from a different angle.
It is my firm conviction that in the present Ashram set- up, only a man having Supramental Realisation can handle effectively all our Ashram problems, and help us to march towards our goal of Integral Transformation. Any other efforts, done in a human way, will only add to the confusion already existing and are bound to end in abject failure.
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It is better to wait with patience and see how things develop. the Mother has told us that the Supramental Force works quietly, in a most normal and natural way.
In the meantime, let each of us execute our responsibilities as sincerely and as well as possible, aspiring for the Mother's Guidance and waiting for the arrival of a Supramental Leader.
With loving regards,
Yours affectionately,
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