Nagin Bhai Tells Me

Esha-di Tells Me about Nagin-bhai

I went to Esha-di's place along with S. and M. and had a fairly long session with her, from 5.40 to 6.50 on 20 January 1998. It was an intimate meeting and there were no inhibitions or reservations in talking about Nagin-bhai's sadhana as far as it was made known to us, or as far as we understood it.

Nagin-bhai spoke very rarely about his personal experiences to anyone; in fact he always avoided talking about these. Only during the last few weeks he would speak something, now and then, but that also very briefly.

It was 25th April 1997, immediately following the Darshan. Early in the morning Nagin-bhai suddenly felt that his soul wanted to leave the body. He was wiping his hands after the bath when he had this strong but quite unmistakable feeling. At once he sent a message to Dr. Datta to that effect. Dr. Datta was not yet ready, but he rushed to his house and examined him. The doctor found him medically to be perfectly all right, his heart, pulse, blood pressure, everything. But Nagin-bhai again said the same thing, that his soul wanted to leave the body. The doctor visited him a couple of hours later to examine him again. But, from the medical point of view, he was quite normal and there was no sign of any concern in that respect. When Nagin-bhai repeatedly spoke about his soul wanting to leave the body, Dr. Datta told him that he would examine him only as a doctor and the rest would be a question between his soul and the Mother; about that relationship, between the two of them, he would not say anything.

Two weeks later, on 9th May, Nagin-bhai passed away in the evening. Dr. Datta was present by his bedside. He touched his feet and his eyes were wet with tears. That morning Nagin-bhai was admitted to the Nursing Home. In the afternoon, at 4 or so, he himself telephoned Dr.Datta as he wanted to talk to him personally.

At about 6.45 in the evening S. and M. went to see him at the Nursing Home. But as they were just to enter the room, the nurse drew the curtain and kept Nagin-bhai on oxygen. No one was allowed to see him.

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Later Dr. Datta examined him and when he came out after 20 minutes or so he said that Nagin-bhai had breathed his last. He then telephoned Vishwabandhu and informed him to take his body to the room where he was staying. It seems that Nagin-bhai was quite conscious till the last moment of his life.

The following was on 25th April: At that time he told S to inform Esha-di about this,—that his soul wants to leave the body. When Esha-di met him, he told her repeatedly the same thing. He also requested her to pray to the Guru and find out from him if it was true. But she told Nagin-bhai that she would not ask such a question to the Guru. She also spoke to him that it could be some kind of fear about death in him.

During these days Nagin-bhai once noticed that his room had become suddenly very bright. Later he saw that Sri Aurobindo was present there in his wonderful golden form. He saw him standing there, near his bed. He stood so for a long time. Then slowly the vision disappeared. He told about this vision to Esha-di and asked her to find what exactly it meant. He wanted to know if it had any significance in the context of his soul's choice.

She went home and opened kathāmrita and read the description given by the Paramhamsa regarding brahma-chetanā, the Consciousness-Flame of the Eternal. She at once recognised that Nagin-bhai had attained brahma-chetanā. It was Sri Aurobindo himself who had come to take care of Nagin-bhai's soul.

While on one hand Nagin-bhai was repeatedly saying that his soul wanted to leave the body, on the other he also told Esha-di that he wanted five more years of life to complete his present sadhana. He asked her to pray to the Guru for that. She replied: "Nagin-bhai, why five years? If it is in my power, I will ask for you a life of a hundred years." Nagin-bhai wanted to live for five more years. It didn't happen.

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Perhaps his external nature had an urge to live longer to do sadhana, though the soul had already taken the decision to leave the body. The fear of death was certainly a part of this external nature of his. Normally a Yogi does not keep on repeating that his soul wants to leave the body. If at all, he will speak to this effect just once or twice to somebody very intimate to him and who is advanced in yogic sadhana. Nagin-bhai had told it many times and to a number of persons. No doubt he was a Yogi, but he was not that kind of a Yogi who would not say a single word about his soul's decision. This conflict of the soul wanting to leave the body and he wishing to live for another five years is typical of the inner and the outer not yet grown one in the spirit.

Once Esha-di gave Nagin-bhai a picture of Lord Jagannath. He went to Sri Aurobindo's room and sat there for meditation, but he could not sit too long; he left the room much before the meditation bell rang*. There was a flood of light coming from Lord Jagannath and his being was filled with it. He could not bear it any more and left the room. He told her so.

Nagin-bhaj did not want Esha-di to visit him in his room. She felt so and discreetly made the visits brief as well as less frequent. She thought that he did not want any woman to visit him and be in his room. Even in the night he would not allow any attendant to sleep in the room, though it was necessary for somebody to take care of him. Only once or twice R. gave night-duty to him. He said that his sadhana was going on in sleep also and hence he did not want any other influence to be present there.

As far as the presence of a woman was concerned, he did not have any feeling of that sort. Definitely the Mother had worked it so in him and he was free of it. Once the Mother told Sri

_{* N.B. To signal the end of meditation in Sri Aurobindo's Room, a small jingling bell is rung.}

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Aurobindo that her experiment with Nagin was successful but with X it was a failure. Esha-di tells that Nirod-da himself had heard this when, in those days after the accident, he used to attend on Sri Aurobindo in his room.

Once Nagin-bhai saw in a vision two persons holding his hands and feet and swinging him on a bright fire. They were swinging him gently, as one rocks a cradle. He did not look at those two men and had no further recollection of them. The fire was cool and pleasant. Was the fire on which he was being swung Agni of Purification, agni pāvaka, or was that the Pyre? For us there is no way of knowing it.

S. and M. got acquainted with Nagin-bhai when they were coming to the Ashram as visitors; they used to work in the Washing Section of the Dining Room where Nagin-bhai also worked before the accident to his leg. They became pretty intimate and Nagin-bhai had expressed his desire to visit them in Goa. But arrangements to take him to the place were not easy, as no one was available to accompany or escort him. In those days S. and M. were in service and they could not make any special trip to take Nagin-bhai along with them. Once Nagin-bhai had gone to Bangalore. At that time it was suggested that he should board a certain train and they would receive him at the other end. It didn't happen,—Nagin-bhai returned to the Ashram from Bangalore. But, on the next occasion, he followed the instructions carefully and visited them. He was very happy, but did not evince any great interest in going around and visiting the sightseeing places.

Before leaving for Goa one of his Ashram friends had told him not to come back without tasting kāju-pheni, a drink prepared from green cashewnuts. When he made this request to S. and M., more or less immediately after getting down from the train, they were shocked! An Ashramite asking for kāju-pheni! But when they explained to him what kāju-pheni is, he did not ask for it. So simple was he in his attitude and in his look on life.

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Esha-di says he was like a child, very simple, without the usual cleverness of the human mind.

Nagin-bhai used to give flowers to S. and M. In case for some reason or other they had failed to see him, he would make enquiries about them. He always enjoyed their preparations and had said so to them. But he never mentioned a word about his sadhana to them. As he was reluctant they also did not press him for that in any way.

During the last two or three years of his life Nagin-bhai had told me a few things about his spiritual sadhana. We used to meet pretty regularly, though for a brief while only, in the Ashram when he would tell me about the experiences he was having then. The record of these experiences, as narrated by him, forms part one of the present book. More than his sadhana, what we see in it is the work the Master and the Mother do in each prepared soul of theirs.

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