Mother's Chronicles (Book 2)

14

To Know, Know, Know!

Mirra was not one to linger through eons. No, not in this time-bound world. Her calm exterior hid an impetuous force. The hurricane within was gathering itself to break all barriers, all limitations.

Mirra was finding her life limited.

True, her married life, away from Mathilde, had brought her a greater freedom and a wider sphere of activity. But it did not live up to the dreams she had cherished. "I always dreamt of a great shared love which would be free from all animal activity; something that could reproduce physically the great love which is at the origin of the worlds." Thus speaks the Artist in Mother's drama Towards the Future. "It is this dream that was responsible for my marriage. But it has not been a happy experience. I have loved much, very sincerely, very intensely, but my love did

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not meet with the response it had hoped for."

Mirra could not possibly turn to religion. "Religion has always tried to set up a dogma." Evidently no dogma ever led anywhere but simply compounded the confusion. However, this seems to be a widespread, general process. Otherwise, had there been only Masters and disciples, people with a superior learning and an exceptional experience, all would be well. "But as soon as the Master is gone, what happens is that the knowledge given by him is changed into a religion. Rigid dogmas are laid down, religious rules come into being, and you can only bow to the Tables of the Law. Whereas at the beginning it wasn't like that. You are told, 'This is true, that is false, the Master has said....' After some time, the Master becomes a god and you are told, 'God has said.' "

Mother was telling all this to us, the young and the old of the Ashram seated in front of her. And I remember with what hope she had ended this talk, addressing us directly. "Mind you," she said, "I am telling you this because I know that you all here are free from religions." And now, some thirty years later, with a pang in my heart I remember today her

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last sentence: "Fortunately for all of you, you don't have any religion. And I hope that you never will — because it's the door closed to all progress."

And today? Without Mother what has the Ashram become? No, Christ is not the only one to have been betrayed by his own disciple. The Judases of this world are many. Christ still hangs on the cross in Jerusalem. But he is not alone.

True, mingling closely with the artists had widened her horizon. And Mirra, who did not want to be stamped as belonging to a specific period or a specific school, had studied the art of every country, under all its forms — Eastern as well as Western. And although she learned far more easily by looking at pictures than reading the printed pages of a book, and although she never forgot what she had seen but once —landscape, human figure or painting —yet was she left dissatisfied. She longed to go beyond the forms of material nature, but lacked a knowledge, a vision that could take her beyond. She had also found the artists to be 'mostly a fallow ground.' Even the best among them were unable or unwilling to expand their horizons.

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"I remember an artist with whom I had talked of the possibility of immortality, who had asked me what the new world would be like. I told him that, for example, things would be self-luminous and there wouldn't be any more this kind of reflected light which comes here, on the earth, from the sun. And as I went on speaking, I saw his face getting longer, more and more serious; then he said to me: 'But then, how is one going to paint pictures without the shadow which brings out the light in things?' I told him," Mother said, "'You have given exactly the key to the problem.' "

Mirra found the artists' horizon to be equally limited. By now, she had outstripped them all in the domain of observation, of study and experience.

Her own experiences —bizarre they were, to say the least —had continued unabated. And there was no one who could give her any explanation. How can you explain, for instance, her growing two centimetres taller overnight, after an experience she had?

"I have had so many, so many experiences in my life to give me proof that ALL is possible," Mother stated to Satprem. "For example, one night, when I

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was twenty-two, after an experience I had in the night (I don't now remember all the details) —yes, in those days we wore gowns that just grazed the floor without trailing on it," Mother indicated the floor level — "well, in my night's experience I had grown taller, and in the morning, between the gown and the floor there was a difference of two centimetres! Which means," Mother averred, "that the body had grown by two centimetres. WITH THE NIGHT'S EXPERIENCE."

Such material proofs were needed to make Mirra sure. True enough, she was born and bred in the age of Positivism, but she could not very well dispute a material fact, could she?

This kind of material proof also helped convince Mirra's body. When she was between fifteen and seventeen she had discovered —mostly to her dismay —many 'ancestral gifts' in herself. But not all were dismaying. "My father and mother were chosen very practical, with a very concrete material honesty, and no mysticism."

So, on the one hand there were these undeniable experiences, and on the other hand there was simply nobody who could give her ANY rational explanation.

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And her thirst was growing sore. Her thirst to KNOW. Her NEED to know.

, "I remember, when I was eighteen years old," Mother's voice was taut, "I had in me such an intense need to KNOW. Because experiences I had —I have had all kinds of experiences —but due to the milieu in which I lived, I never had any chance to obtain an intellectual knowledge which would have given me the sense of all that —I could not speak about them. I have had experiences upon experiences. For years together, at night, I had experiences —but I was careful not to breathe a word about them!" Her mother would have shut her up and her father did not care one bit. "All sorts of memories of past lives, all sorts of things, but without any basis of intellectual knowledge." Mother hastened to point out that, "The advantage was of course that my experiences were not a mental fabrication, they came absolutely spontaneously. But I had such a NEED to know in me. To know, know, KNOW! You see, I knew nothing, but nothing, except the things of ordinary life: the external knowledge. Whatever was given to me to learn, I learned: I learned not only what I was taught, but

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also what my brother was taught —the higher mathematics and all the rest! And I learned and I learned and I learned —and it was NOTHING. Nothing explained anything to me —nothing. I could not understand anything!" Mother was quiet.

"To know!. . ." Mother's voice trailed off.

Mirra had come to an impasse.

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