Aurobindo Bala

It is hard for us to imagine anyone being given a name by Sri Aurobindo even before birth, being held by him when only 40 days old, and later allowed to play around him, to sit in his lap and tug at his beard! Yet this was the Grace granted to Aurobindo Bala.

Her father-to-be, Sadanandam, was superintendent of a jail in Pondicherry in 1910 when Sri Aurobindo came here. Even though he was a government officer he was a nationalist in his political beliefs. He came in contact with Sri Aurobindo very soon after his arrival and he used to stealthily visit him at night. Even with this precaution, the French Governor of Pondicherry came to know of the meetings and took him to task for visiting the dangerous revolutionary from British India. Sadanandam fearlessly replied, "I do my job and you give me a salary. But you can't put restrictions on whom I visit. If you do I will tender my resignation." After that the Governor did not interfere.

Slowly Sadanandam grew nearer to Sri Aurobindo. From time to time his mother used to cook some food for Sri Aurobindo. Later Sudanandam sold some of his ancestral properties for very small sums. There were few buyers in those days. The money was given to Sri Aurobindo and it helped a little during the great financial hardships of that period.

Sadanandam, called Sada for short, was a follower of Gandhi and so had not married. In 1914 Sri Aurobindo asked him to marry. Sada was 40 years old then. Some time later he presented three photographs of prospective brides to Sri Aurobindo who selected one. A marriage was arranged.

Sri Aurobindo and Paul Richard signed as witnesses at the town hall where the marriage was performed. Actually Sada had met the Mother and Paul Richard in 1914 when they went to see the French Governor.

From time to time Sada's wife, Arogyam Mari, would send food to Sri Aurobindo. He especially enjoyed a Tamil dish of raisins fried in ghee and sprinkled with a little salt. The couple had no child for the first two years of marriage. Then on 9 October 1916, Sada's birthday, Sri Aurobindo told him that next year he would have a daughter and should name her Aurobindo Bala.

On 6 July 1917, as predicted by Sri Aurobindo, a daughter was born to Sada and Arogyam. When she was 40 days old, Sada, a Christian, held a baptism ceremony. Sri Aurobindo went with Bijoy and Moni to Sada's house for the ceremony. Arogyam Marie held out the child to Sri Aurobindo who held and blessed her. He also took some refreshment.

Two years later a son was born to Sada and Arogyam. Sri Aurobindo again went to Sada's house for the baptism. Arogyam again held out the child to Sri Aurobindo. This time he did not hold the child in his arms as he had done with Aurobindo Bala, but blessed him from a distance. Later Sada asked Sri Aurobindo why he did not hold the boy. Sri Aurobindo answered that he did not do so because the boy would not live long. This child died when he was 21 months old.

Every Sunday Sada took all his family to Sri Aurobindo. There would be others present. They all sat around a table. Sometimes they put questions to Sri Aurobindo or there would be general discussions. Sometimes refreshments were served. Bala sat on the table during the meetings.

In 1920 the Mother came to the Ashram to stay permanently. Aurobindo Bala was then three years old. Her parents took her to the Mother. The Mother made tea for the parents and to Bala she gave milk and biscuits. From then onwards Bala went to the Ashram every day and she would run around Sri Aurobindo or climb up into his lap. The Mother discouraged this and would say to her, "Come, sit in my lap. His legs will get tired." Bala was accustomed to being caressed and petted by Sri Aurobindo. One day when the Mother asked five-year-old Bala not to climb into Sri Aurobindo's lap Bala shouted at the Mother in Tamil, "You Europeans! How can you forbid me to climb in Aurobindo's lap?" Her father pressed his hand upon her mouth. Actually at first Sada himself did not hold the Mother in high regard. He was a nationalist and in those days nationalists lumped all Europeans together with the British oppressors. Sri Aurobindo must have observed this and one day he called Sada aside and explained to him, "Though the Mother was born in Europe she has an Indian soul and being. She is the Divine Shakti." When Sada realised who the Mother was his attitude changed.

Gradually Bala fell under the sweet spell of the Mother. She would climb into the Mother's lap and once, when she was six years old, even fell asleep in her arms.

Around that time, for two or three years, the Mother celebrated the coming of the New Year by playing the organ at midnight. Devotees and disciples gathered in the courtyard to listen. Then the Mother gave them Darshan. First she would receive Benjamin whose birthday was on New Year's Day. Next to go for Darshan would be Bala and her younger sister. The Mother would give them both a large bag of toys. When the girls kneeled in Pranam the Mother would bless Bala's sister - but she would pull Bala close to herself, embrace and then bless her.

At the very last of the midnight Darshans - from the next year they were held in the morning instead - the Mother gave Bala a large handwork box fitted with needles, scissors, embroidery thread, crochet material, wool and a beautiful instruction book. She also gave Bala one of the large silk scarves she used to wear. Bala's mother made two blouses out of that scarf for her daughters and then took the girls wearing the blouses to see the Mother. The Mother was delighted and made quite a fuss over the children.

Sadhaks in the Ashram loved Bala very much and called her "the princess".

Once Sada had asked Sri Aurobindo, "Sir, I know a little about how to meditate, but will you tell me something more?" Sri Aurobindo replied, "If you put milk into a tumbler it will hold milk, if you put coffee it will hold coffee. Empty your tumbler and fill it with what I give." Sada explained this to five-year-old Bala in simple language and taught her how to meditate.

Meditation came naturally to Bala. During her meditations she saw Sri Aurobindo and the Mother and had many beautiful Visions. Nolini narrated how the little girl went around in a trance with half-closed eyes. Once when she was in an indrawn condition he asked her, "Bala, where are you?" "At the feet of the Lord," the child replied. Nolini repeated the story and Bala's beautiful words many a time to those around him.

Thus passed four years of intimate inner and outer contact with the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. Bala blossomed.

One day she developed a boil on her head. Sada had the boil operated upon without taking the Mother's permission. Four days after the operation Bala went to the Mother with her bandaged head. The Mother asked her what had happened and was told about the operation. In shocked exasperation the Mother caught hold of her own head and said, "Her whole life is spoiled."

Sada must have wondered why the Mother had said that. After all it was a simple operation. But the next day he realised the enormity of his mistake. The following evening Bala sat down as usual for meditation. Suddenly she started shouting and gesturing wildly like a mentally deranged person. Arogyam said to Sada, "Why do you make our child meditate? She is so young. Look at what has happened." It was then that Sada realised that some nerves in the brain must have been damaged during the operation. With some difficulty Sada took Bala to the Ashram. He narrated the whole incident to Nolini. Nolini at once went to inform the Mother who was just about to come down to the reception room for soup distribution. Bala was sitting near the door. The Mother came to her, took hold of her shoulders, pulled her up and looked at her severely. Like one possessed by some asuric or demonic force Bala growled at the Mother and raised her arms as if to strike her. Sada and Nolini grabbed her arms to stop her. The Mother gav: her a resounding slap on one cheek. Bala still showed defiance. The Mother slapped her on the other cheek. Even then she growled. Then the Mother gave her a third blow on the forehead. As the evil force went out of her Bala became limp and was about to fell. Sada and Nolini held her before she fell. Then the Mother told them to give her some food. The evil spirit had left her and Bala became her normal self.

But from that time on her wonderful faculty of meditation was lost. The Mother asked her to stop meditation altogether for some time.

Bala's inner and outer contact with the Mother increased every day. Sometimes in the afternoon the Mother went to the Botanical Gardens accompanied by Pavitra. Sada lived in a house very near there. Bala would return from school around 4 p.m, and, if she saw the Mother's car at the garden, she would throw down her school bag and rush to the garden and gather flowers and make a garland and would put it around the Mother's neck.

In the evening, after his office hours, Sada did the shopping for vegetables and fruits for the Ashram. After delivering the fruits and vegetables he received soup from the Mother during the soup distribution. Then he took dinner at the Ashram. By the time he returned home it would be about 11 p.m. Bijoy Nag, who was very fond of Bala, gave Sada some bread and bananas to take to her. Little Bala kept awake till her father came. Only after eating the sacred food from the Ashram did she go to sleep nestled against her father.

Every day around 5 p.m. Nolini visited their home. Bala kept watch for him after school and when she saw him ran to him, Nolini would gather her up in his arms. Then Bala's mother would serve him tea. From time to time Nolini asked Bala, "Do you like the Ashram?" "Oh, yes, very much," she always replied.

Later Sada became an Ashramite. He was given a room in one of the Ashram buildings but the Mother asked him not to leave his job as superintendent of the jail. The Mother said that he could best serve the Ashram in that position for, at that time, the Ashram and its inmates were under constant secret surveillance by the British C.I.D. Sada retired from his post only in 1935.

In 1928 or 1929 Bala, too, was accepted as an inmate of the Ashram and was given a separate room in the same building where her father and several other sadhaks lived. At first she just roamed about in the Ashram. One day some masons were constructing a wall. She eagerly began to help them by carrying lime, bricks and cement to them. She worked with great enthusiasm. Suddenly she heard someone laughing. When she looked up she saw that it was the Mother who had been watching her and had laughed. The "Yes, Mother, I do." And in fact Bala had been a cheerful and hard worker in her home for many years because her mother suffered from frequent bouts of malaria. Bala was actually quite a capable housekeeper by the age of ten.

Then the Mother asked her to work in the Ashram kitchen. The very next day Bala started working with Tara in the kitchen which was located in the Ashram courtyard. The Mother sometimes threw flowers to Bala and Tara from her room upstairs.

Bala carried up in a dish a portion of everything they cooked and left it on a table for the Mother. Later in the afternoon she returned for the vessels and Prasad. At that time the Mother gave her a French peppermint and a flower. She showered Bala with affection - sometimes a kiss on the forehead, sometimes a caress on her hair. The Mother used to catch up Bala's knee-length, thick, glossy hair and say, "Beaux cheveur" (beautiful hair), and ask Bala teasingly, "Will you give me your hair? See, mine is so small.

When 14, Bala had a sudden attack of fever which continued for weeks. The Mother called in three doctors for her treatment but there was no improvement. Three months later her condition be- came critical and she was on the verge of death. One evening the doctor said, "If she regains consciousness before 1 a.m. and takes some refreshment she may recover. Otherwise there is no hope." The Mother was informed. Sada and Bijoy Nag sat on either side of Bala's bed holding her hands.

Just before 1 a.m. Sri Aurobindo sent Champaklal to inquire about Bala. Two or three minutes after Champaklal's arrival Bala opened her eyes. Her father asked if she would take some water. She nodded her assent. Then they fed her some milk and from that time the crisis was over and she began to recover. During her recovery the Mother ordered three different tonics from France for her to take after each meal. Eventually Bala became strong enough to resume her work.

One day Bala had an inspiration and embroidered a large hand- kerchief for covering the dish of food she carried every day to the Mother. When the Mother noticed the cloth she was very pleased and asked Bala, "Do you like to embroider?" "Yes, Ma." "Oh, then would you like to embroider a blouse for me?" "Oh, yes, Mother." And the Mother gave her one of her blouses to embroider.

Bala had a pet parrot. Someone complained to the Mother, "Mother, Bala keeps a parrot. Her room is always dirty. Why have you given her your blouse to embroider?" The Mother replied firmly, "It is my wish."

When the blouse was finished the Mother liked it very much and put it on the very next day. Then she gave Bala two of her saris to embroider. The Mother also sent her to a French couple to whom she had given the names Shuchi and Sarala. Bala learned French and tailoring from Sarala. Then the Mother gave Bala a sewing machine and she tailored clothes for sadhikas.

Bala always wore blouses and long skirts as do all Tamil girls. The day she became an Ashramite, though she was not yet in her teens, the Mother gave her a blouse, a petticoat and one of Sri Aurobindo's old dhotis to wear as a sari. From that day onwards she always wore a sari and kept her head covered.

Once the Mother saw her with her head only half-covered with her sari when she was out on the road. She scolded Bala and instructed her to keep her head fully covered and to hold the covering tightly under her chin and also to look straight ahead when going to visit Sarala.

Another time Sarala saw Bala go to another sadhak's room in Sarala's building to drink water. First Sarala scolded her and then told the Mother who also firmly took Bala to task.

"But why, Mother, what was the harm? I went to his room only to take water," asked Bala. The Mother replied, "You could have taken the water at Sarala's place. The Ashram atmosphere was very austere and strict in those days. The Mother also would often say to the sadhaks, "Don't talk unnecessarily."

Bala's days were very full with embroidery work, tailoring work, French lessons and her work in the kitchen. When Shuchi died, Sarala returned to France. Bala then started taking her French lessons with the Mother and Pavitra.

Every day she took two exercise books to the Mother. They had to be submitted by 7.30 p.m. In one were her French lessons and in the other she listed every single thing she had done during the day. The Mother personally read and corrected these notebooks.

On one of Bala's birthdays she went to see the Mother. When she bowed down the Mother put Bala's head in her lap. Bala remembers that the Mother's lap was so comfortable, so soft that she fell asleep there. Then the Mother gently shook her awake and said, "Lèves-toi, assieds-toi." (Wake up and sit.) She began to play on the organ for Bala. She played and sang the hymn O Mon Dieu with such force and sweetness that there was a divine descent. Bala's consciousness soared very high. She remembers that the Mother's voice was magnificent. She regrets that no recordings were ever made of the Mother singing.*

All together Bala was with the Mother from 10 to 11 a.m. When she left people asked her, "Why did you stay so long?" Bala replied, "What could I do? Mother put my head in her lap and I fell asleep and then for half an hour the Mother sang."

* When the Mother used to sing in her house in Paris people used to gather outside and stand in the street to listen,

On Darshan days when the Mother distributed saris to the sadhikas she invariably gave Bala one of Sri Aurobindo's used dhotis on which she had asked someone to stitch a small red border, while the other sadhikas received more attractive saris. Year after year, Darshan after Darshan passed and Bala received only Sri Aurobindo's dhoti with a red border. After a few years the Mother once invited all the other sadhikas (there were about 50 women Ashramites then) to each choose a sari for herself from a table where many types of beautifully bordered saris which had been offered to the Mother were spread. But to Bala the Mother once again gave a dhoti of Sri Aurobindo with a red border stitched to it. Bala protested, "Why do I always get the same sari while you give such pretty saris to everyone else?" Bala remembers that the Mother who seemed hurt by her question exclaimed, "But it is Sri Aurobindo's dhoti!" Bala pointed to the other saris, "I want one of those." The Mother said, "All right. Give Sri Aurobindo's dhoti back to me and take one of those." But Bala insisted, "No, I will keep this one and also take one of the others!" The Mother did not protest. But after that the Mother never again gave Bala one of Sri Aurobindo's dhotis. Today Bala realises what a grave blunder she then made.

Once Bala lived in a room which had a view of Sri Aurobindo's windows. One day she looked up and saw Sri Aurobindo standing at his window looking at her. What an unexpected Grace and Darshan! She did Pranam and Sri Aurobindo slowly raised his hand in benediction and then withdrew from the window.

From that same room Bala could also see the Mother taking her walk on the terrace every day. Those were years filled with Grace.

In 1937 Bala had a fit of hysteria. Her father consulted a doctor who advised that she would become normal if she married. Sada was impressed with the doctor's advice and decided to arrange her marriage. When the Mother heard of it she said it was not neces- sary for Bala to marry as she would slowly recover. Ultimately, however, the marriage took place. When told about this Sri Aurobindo said, "Let it be. She will come back."

Thus Bala was married in 1939, The marriage caused intense suffering to Bala. During this period she wrote detailed letters to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother about her feelings and trials. She had to destroy their answers for fear that they might fall into the hands of her husband and in-laws who were opposed to the Ashram.

After two years she left her husband and returned to her family determined never to go back to him. A son was born to her. But when her husband became critically ill Bala did return to him to save him. She had a curative power which she had inherited from her father. Sada was a Vaidya (Ayurvedic doctor), and Nolini and Suresh (Moni) used to go to him if they were injured while playing football. He would rub the injured part and the pain would vanish.

Even though Bala brought her husband back from certain death, in 1944 he stealthily planned a second marriage. Bala's maternal uncle got an inkling of it. He called a family conference and proposed to have him arrested. But Bala pleaded, "No, let him remarry. It will be a great liberation for me." By this time another son had been born to her.

In 1946 Bala could finally no longer put up with the ill behaviour of her husband and in-laws. One day she came to the Ashram with both of her sons leaving everything back at her in-laws' place and pleaded with Nolini, "I must come back to the Ashram. My life is unbearable. If the Mother won't accept me now I will go and drown myself and my children in the sea." Nolini put her plea to the Mother. The ever-kind Mother accepted Bala as well as her two sons. She lived in a house, for which the Ashram paid the rent, with her whole family - her sons, her mother, sisters, nieces and nephews. She was given work in the Ashram Press.

Bala eagerly awaited the first Darshan after she rejoined the Ashram. But she was in for a shock. When she at last came before Sri Aurobindo she discovered a huge tray of flowers on the floor in front of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, and the devotees could not touch their feet. Now she stood there for a moment, disconsolate, not wanting to move on. She had been accustomed to intimate physical contact with the Avatars. Then Sri Aurobindo lifted both hands in benediction to her and she moved away.

Around 1948 Bala had an upset stomach. The Ashram doctor, Nripendra, advised her to join the Ashram's physical culture activities. For that the ladies had to put on shorts and a shirt. Bala was so shy at the very idea that she refused. Nripendra took her to the Mother. The Mother asked her to join and she herself gave her the shorts and shirt to wear. Then Bala agreed. Bala remembers how one day the ladies of her Group were playing blind man's buff. Bala was blindfolded and the captain blew a whistle. By following the sound of the whistle she had to catch the captain. But Bala, instead of the captain, ended up capturing the Mother with both arms. The Mother laughed and laughed. In surprise Bala removed her blindfold and discovered her sweet mistake. The Mother and everyone there enjoyed the incident.

In 1949 the Mother had all the Group members dress up and do March Past in front of Sri Aurobindo during one of the Darshans. When Sri Aurobindo saw Bala he laughed. Bala felt very shy.

In 1950, during the November Darshan, the devotees were asked to hurry as Sri Aurobindo was not well. The Mother indicated for Bala to leave. Still she stood and she moved on only when Sri Aurobindo indicated with his eyes that she should go.

On the night of 5 December 1950, at 1 a.m., the photograph of Sri Aurobindo in Sada's room fell down and shattered. "Something has happened to Sri Aurobindo," said Sada. And as we know, some minutes after 1 a.m. Sri Aurobindo left his body.

The news was a terrible blow to Sada. He wept day and night and cried out, "O Lord, take me with you." In 1951 he became so ill that Bala had to leave her physical culture activities to help care for him. But she continued her work at the Ashram Press in the binding section.

Hostile forces often attacked Bala during meditations and, in response to her letters about this, the Mother said, "Do not be afraid. Keep courage." Later the Mother advised her to meditate for short times only. "It is better for you to work and to offer your work to the Divine", she said.

One day in 1955 Bala was about to leave the house on her way to work at the press. Just then she saw an old friend of Sri Aurobindo enter the house. She welcomed him heartily and he asked for a glass of water. "No, no," said Bala, "let me make you a cup of tea." "I need only a glass of water," he insisted. She went to fetch it for him. When she returned she saw, instead of the friend, Sri Aurobindo sitting there. She fainted on the spot. When she regained consciousness the room was empty.

Later in the day the whole thing was reported to the Mother, "Don't be afraid," the Mother said. "It was some power."

Bala continued her work in the Press up to 1973. Her children studied at the Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education. They later took up work in the Ashram until they married and lived independently.

In 1971 Bala went to the Mother on her birthday. The Mother caught hold of both her hands firmly and kept them in her lap for a very long time almost as if she would not let them go. And this was Bala's last physical contact with the Mother.

Source: Shyamkumari > How they came to Sri Aurobindo and The Mother > Aurobindo Bala