The 'psychological preparation' of Satprem for his role as The Mother's confidant, as She narrated her experiences of the 'yoga of the cells' from 1951-1973.
This first volume is mostly what could be called the "psychological preparation" of Satprem. Mother's confidant had to be prepared, not only to understand the evolutionary meaning of Mother's discoveries, to follow the tenuous thread of man's great future unravelled through so many apparently disconcerting experiences - which certainly required a steady personal determination for more than 19 years! - but also, in a way, he had to share the battle against the many established forces that account for the present human mode of being and bear the onslaught of the New Force. Satprem - "True Love" - as Mother called him, was a reluctant disciple. Formed in the French Cartesian mold, a freedom fighter against the Nazis and in love with his freedom, he was always ready to run away, and always coming back, drawn by a love greater than his love for freedom. Slowly she conquered him, slowly he came to understand the poignant drama of this lone and indomitable woman, struggling in the midst of an all-too-human humanity in her attempt to open man's golden future. Week after week, privately, she confided to him her intimate experiences, the progress of her endeavour, the obstacles, the setbacks, as well as anecdotes of her life, her hopes, her conquests and laughter: she was able to be herself with him. He loved her and she trusted him. It is that simple.
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Pondicherry, April 7, 1959
Sweet Mother,
I come to renew before you the resolution that I took this morning at the Samadhi.1
Henceforth I refuse to be an accomplice to this force. It is my enemy. Whatever form it may take, or whatever supports it may find in my nature, I will refuse to yield to it and will cling to you. You are the only reality: that is my mantra. Anything that seeks to make me doubt you is my enemy. You are the only Reality.
And each time I feel the shadow approach, I will call to you, immediately.
May you never again suffer because of me. O Mother, purify me and open my heart.
Your child,
Signed: Satprem
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P.S. Perhaps it would be good to tell you of the two supports that this force found in me during the most recent attack:
1) The fact that I am plagued by a lack of time and, occasionally, a certain repugnance for mental work. Then the ensuing suggestion: to have a hut in Rameswaram and devote myself exclusively to inner development.
2) I am very pulled—not constantly, but periodically—by the need to write (not mental things) and exasperated by the fact that this Orpailleur is not published because I have not taken the time to carry out certain corrections. When I am in a good mood, I offer all this to you (is it perhaps a hidden ambition? But I am not so sure; it is rather a need, I believe) and when I am not in a good mood, I 'fume' about not having the time to write something else.
Please, enlighten me, Sweet Mother.
(Mother's reply)
Wednesday morning, 8.4.59
Satprem, my dear child,
Your resolution came straight to me. I sheltered it in the depths of my heart, and with my highest will, I said, 'So be it.'
Just now, I received your letter confirming my experience. It is good.
I read your P.S. and I understand. This too confirms my feeling. I am not happy that you are plagued with work, and especially urgent work that has to be done quickly—it is contrary to the inner calm and concentration so indispensable for getting rid of one's difficulties. I am going to do what is necessary to change this situation. Besides, this is why I have been telling you recently that my work is not urgent. But this work for the Bulletin should stop for the moment.
The other point also has its element of truth—we shall speak of it later.
With all my love, I envelope you, my child, and I tell you, 'Have courage, the victory is certain'—not a compromise or partial victory, but integral.
Signed: Mother
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