The 'psychological preparation' of Satprem for his role as The Mother's confidant, as She narrated her experiences of the 'yoga of the cells' from 1951-1973.
This first volume is mostly what could be called the "psychological preparation" of Satprem. Mother's confidant had to be prepared, not only to understand the evolutionary meaning of Mother's discoveries, to follow the tenuous thread of man's great future unravelled through so many apparently disconcerting experiences - which certainly required a steady personal determination for more than 19 years! - but also, in a way, he had to share the battle against the many established forces that account for the present human mode of being and bear the onslaught of the New Force. Satprem - "True Love" - as Mother called him, was a reluctant disciple. Formed in the French Cartesian mold, a freedom fighter against the Nazis and in love with his freedom, he was always ready to run away, and always coming back, drawn by a love greater than his love for freedom. Slowly she conquered him, slowly he came to understand the poignant drama of this lone and indomitable woman, struggling in the midst of an all-too-human humanity in her attempt to open man's golden future. Week after week, privately, she confided to him her intimate experiences, the progress of her endeavour, the obstacles, the setbacks, as well as anecdotes of her life, her hopes, her conquests and laughter: she was able to be herself with him. He loved her and she trusted him. It is that simple.
(In the presence of Pavitra and Abhay Singh, Mother recounts a vision she had during the night)
[Abhay Singh: The disciple who managed the Ashram 'Atelier': mechanical workshop, maintenance garage, automobile service, etc.]
It was just at four o'clock in the morning, and it woke me up. It was exactly like this ... I was apparently in my bathroom, and I had to open the door between the bathroom and Sri Aurobindo's room; the moment I put my hand on the doorknob, I knew with an absolute certainty that destruction was awaiting me behind the door. It had the form or image of those great invaders of India, those who had swooped down upon India and destroyed everything in their wake ... But it was only an impression.
So the door had to be opened and I ... felt and said, 'Lord, may your will be done.' I opened the door and behind it was Z1 in the same clothes he wears when he drives, and he was leaning against one of those big tractor tires—or perhaps he was holding it at the same time. I was so dumbfounded that I woke up. It took me a little while to be able to understand what it might mean, and afterwards ... Even now, I still don't know ... What was I? Was I India, or was I the world? ... I don't know. And what did Z represent? ... It was as imperative and clear, as positive and absolute as could be: the certitude that destruction was behind the door, that it was inevitable. And it had the form of those great Tartar or Mongol invaders, those people who came from the North and invaded India, who pillaged everything ... That's what it was like. But what Z was doing there I don't know. What does he represent? ... The first impulse was to tell Abhay Singh, 'Forbid him to drive the tractor.'
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(Pavitra:) What was he holding in his hands, Mother?
Huge tires... He was standing there, like that, with a very majestic air. He was wearing his white outfit, those long pyjamas...
(Abhay Singh:) Yesterday he drove the station wagon for the visitors.
Does it also have large tires?
(Pavitra:) A little bigger than jeep tires.
No, it came up to here (gesture to the top of the head). It seemed to be a tractor tire, but it did not have the heavy tread that tractor tires have.
(Abhay Singh:) There are tractor tires that have no tread.
Ah! So... He was standing, and it came up to here (same gesture). So it must have been a tractor tire.
What could it represent, he, and the tractor?... I don't know... It was not personal, you see—I mean this body. It had nothing to do with that.
(Pavitra:) The industrialization of India?
(silence)
I don't know.
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