The 'psychological preparation' of Satprem for his role as The Mother's confidant, as She narrated her experiences of the 'yoga of the cells' from 1951-1973.
This first volume is mostly what could be called the "psychological preparation" of Satprem. Mother's confidant had to be prepared, not only to understand the evolutionary meaning of Mother's discoveries, to follow the tenuous thread of man's great future unravelled through so many apparently disconcerting experiences - which certainly required a steady personal determination for more than 19 years! - but also, in a way, he had to share the battle against the many established forces that account for the present human mode of being and bear the onslaught of the New Force. Satprem - "True Love" - as Mother called him, was a reluctant disciple. Formed in the French Cartesian mold, a freedom fighter against the Nazis and in love with his freedom, he was always ready to run away, and always coming back, drawn by a love greater than his love for freedom. Slowly she conquered him, slowly he came to understand the poignant drama of this lone and indomitable woman, struggling in the midst of an all-too-human humanity in her attempt to open man's golden future. Week after week, privately, she confided to him her intimate experiences, the progress of her endeavour, the obstacles, the setbacks, as well as anecdotes of her life, her hopes, her conquests and laughter: she was able to be herself with him. He loved her and she trusted him. It is that simple.
It is very difficult to manage both at the same time: the transformation of the body and taking care of people. But what can I do? I told Sri Aurobindo I would do the work, and I am doing it—I cannot just abandon everything.
When I think of the time the hatha yogis devote to the work on the body—they do nothing but that; they do nothing but that all the time, until they have attained a certain point. This is in fact the reason why Sri Aurobindo wanted none of it: he found that it took a lot of time for a rather meager result.
Day and night, I am investigating all that has to be transformed ... I can assure you that there is plenty of work!
Last night, I had many dreams (not really dreams, but ... ); I used to find them very interesting because they gave me certain indications, all kinds of things, but when I saw it all now, I said to myself, 'Good Lord! What a waste of time! Instead, I could be living in a supramental consciousness and seeing things.' So during the night, I made a resolution to change all this too. My nights have to change. I am already changing my days; now my nights have to
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change. But then all this subconscious in Matter, all this, it all has to change! There's no choice, it has to be seen to.
Once you set to this work, it is such a formidable task! But what can I do?
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