The 'psychological preparation' of Satprem for his role as The Mother's confidant, as She narrated her experiences of the 'yoga of the cells' from 1951-1973.
This first volume is mostly what could be called the "psychological preparation" of Satprem. Mother's confidant had to be prepared, not only to understand the evolutionary meaning of Mother's discoveries, to follow the tenuous thread of man's great future unravelled through so many apparently disconcerting experiences - which certainly required a steady personal determination for more than 19 years! - but also, in a way, he had to share the battle against the many established forces that account for the present human mode of being and bear the onslaught of the New Force. Satprem - "True Love" - as Mother called him, was a reluctant disciple. Formed in the French Cartesian mold, a freedom fighter against the Nazis and in love with his freedom, he was always ready to run away, and always coming back, drawn by a love greater than his love for freedom. Slowly she conquered him, slowly he came to understand the poignant drama of this lone and indomitable woman, struggling in the midst of an all-too-human humanity in her attempt to open man's golden future. Week after week, privately, she confided to him her intimate experiences, the progress of her endeavour, the obstacles, the setbacks, as well as anecdotes of her life, her hopes, her conquests and laughter: she was able to be herself with him. He loved her and she trusted him. It is that simple.
I cried towards the Light and Thou gavest me knowledge.
Z asked me, 'Why didn't you stop it?'1 I replied, 'Probably because I am not omnipotent!' Then he insisted: 'No, that's not it. I make no distinction between your will and the divine will ... and I know that you don't either. So why didn't you stop it?'
And suddenly, I understood.
It was because I hadn't thought of it. It hadn't even grazed my consciousness. The divine will is not at all like that, it is not a will: it is a VISION, a global vision, that sees and ... No, it does not guide (to guide suggests something outside, but nothing is outside), a creative vision, as it were; yet even then, the word 'create' does not here have the meaning we generally attribute to it.
And what is the Ashram? (I don't even mean in terms of the Universe—on Earth only.) A speck. And why should this speck receive exceptional treatment? ... Perhaps if people here had realized the supermind. But are they so exceptional as to expect exceptional treatment? ...
As Sri Aurobindo says, people see God as a magnified man: he is the Demiurge, Jehovah—what I call the 'Lord of Falsehood.'
Arbitrariness. But the Divine is not like that!
People say, 'I gave everything, I sacrificed everything. In exchange, I expect exceptional conditions—everything should be beautiful, harmonious, easy.'
But the divine vision is global. The people in the Ashram do not want this strike ... but what about the others? They are ignorant, mean, full of ill will, etc., but in their own way they are following a path, and why should they be deprived of the Grace? By the fact that their action is against the Ashram? It is certainly a Grace.
I said that I had not even thought of intervening. When things threatened to turn bad, I simply applied a force so that it wouldn't become too serious.
Complete surrender... It is not a matter of giving what is small to something greater nor of losing one's will in the divine will; it
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is a matter of ANNULLING one's will in something that is of another nature.
What comes to replace this human will?
A consciousness and a vision. And one is filled with joy and...
I used to be different (although I was said to be non-interfering); I acted, if at all, to defend myself... But I understood very quickly that even this was a reaction of ignorance and that things would be set right automatically if one remained in the true consciousness.
A consciousness that sees and makes you see.
Which is why things go amiss when people try to force me to act: I am outside of myself, so to speak. As soon as I come back here, with no one around, then I see.
I have called for a greater 'package' of Grace and asked that the truth of things prevail. We shall see what happens.
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