Mother’s Agenda 1967

April 12, 1967

(Satprem complains as usual about his totally unconscious nights)

There has been for some time a deliberate will not to leave the body. In the mornings, when I emerged from my nocturnal activities, I would often notice that there was a whole work of readjustment to be done in the body, as though the concentration of forces had been disturbed and even undone in the night and everything had to be started up again. It was a sheer waste of time, a waste. Previously, in the evening when I would lay down on my bed, I would go limp, a complete relaxation (one should always do that), that is, surrender, and the consciousness would rise above. There was a concentration of forces, but it wouldn't last: after two or three hours, everything was taken up by the night's activities. But now, instead of that, there is a will to keep the whole consciousness in the body, to concentrate and to keep all the energies so that the work in the cells may go on undisturbed. And I see the effect lasts much longer; even when I wake up (or rather when I get into external activity), I can see it goes on, it doesn't cease, and it resumes as soon as I am outwardly awake. A sort of concentration of energy, of consciousness, force, light, which starts working in the cells at night. And then there's nothing, no activity, there's a contemplative silence.

I had only one instance of activity these last four days, one morning between two and four, that I spent absolutely conscious and active with Sri Aurobindo, who had made "changes" in his activities and his organization of the subtle physical; he had made changes and wanted to show them to me, to let me know about them. And he showed it

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all to me for two hours. But that was the only thing, and as for the rest—everything, going to see people, going here or there, doing this or that—I have stopped it all. And things are better.

So I wonder if this decision hasn't had an effect on your sleep? That's quite possible.

Soon afterwards

I've had an amusing experience these last three days.... Y. sent me a whole treatise on L.S.D.¹ (Mother takes a file on her table).

It seems the man who discovered it did so by accident (that's always how it happens): he took a dose without knowing it and without knowing what it was, and the effects on him were extraordinary. (It was in Switzerland, a doctor, I believe, or a chemist, I don't know.²) And now, for the first time after years (the discovery took place years ago), for the first time he has consented to give a description of his experiences. Naturally, Y. enthused over it, she prepared a report and sent it to me.

As you know, I am very busy. I didn't have time to read these papers, but I know too that Y. is rather impatient(!), and these last three or four days I had been saying to myself, "I must ABSOLUTELY see that, otherwise it won't do. I MUST see that ..." And it kept coming back. Then one morning (in the morning, at the time when I have all my experiences), while I was sitting, I suddenly felt something so heavy in my head, heavy in my chest, and ... odd. I had never felt that before. And all the sensations had become almost violent. So I closed my eyes, and... you know, an avalanche, a cavalcade of forms, sounds, colours, even odours, which imposed themselves with a reality and intensity—I had never known that before, never.

I watched, then I said to myself, "But that's a good way to go mad!" And I started doing what had to be done for it to stop. But it wouldn't stop! It wanted to go on. So I thought, "It's obviously here for a reason. Since it's imposing itself in this way, it means there's a reason for me to have this experience." I watched, studied, observed. And I saw it was a magnified faculty of sensation—inordinately magnified, you understand—BECAUSE the equilibrium between all the faculties of the being had been disrupted.

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The natural equilibrium which makes things balance each other, harmonize and organize spontaneously into a coherent whole with a conscious existence, was shattered—shattered to the benefit of the faculty of sensation. And naturally, that faculty of sensation was terribly multiplied (or aggravated, one could say) and even imposed itself brutally. And I saw that something had upset the equilibrium. Something that had the power to upset the equilibrium of the being—to insist on one point to the detriment of all others.

Once I had seen that, a sort of tranquillity came into me and it was over.

I didn't give it any more thought. For three days I didn't think about it again. It seemed to me to be some extravagance or other. Yesterday evening, I decided I would read those papers. I asked Pavitra to read them to me. The man describes his experiences—the first description is just what happened to me!

So I had the experience he had when he took the medicine!

He describes it (I couldn't read it all), he describes it exactly as I had felt it. So (laughing) I had the experience without swallowing the medicine! Simply because the consciousness was turned to that.³

But then, I understood! And those people imagine it's a way to "develop human consciousness" and open up "unknown horizons".... The effect (now I am absolutely sure of it) is the dislocation of the being's equilibrium.

To me, it's very sensitive, because the equilibrium is very conscious, very willed, very organized, and naturally that makes a considerable difference; for them (laughing) it's just like that, a fantasy. And then, they are convinced (Y. included) that humanity can make great progress with that! It makes them "conscious of a whole realm they didn't know." But... it creates one more falsehood in the consciousness, because the perception of ONE aspect of reality to the detriment of all others is a dreadful falsehood. As I said, the impression it made on me was: It's a good way to go mad.

To them it's accidental, because they take the medicine and think, "When I will stop taking the medicine, naturally it won't happen again"—but that's not true! It can give the being the habit of disorder, the habit of imbalance.

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There.

It was yesterday evening that Pavitra read me the complete description of the experience I had had ... without knowing what it was. I found that very amusing!

I haven't read the whole thing, only half of it, I am going to read the other half. But according to what they say there, now it's, oh, tremendously widespread!

Now, we may ask if it's necessary for mankind to fall into general imbalance in order to reach a higher equilibrium?

But it's perfectly clear that one doesn't need drugs in order to have experiences—I didn't take drugs!

That's what they think, they think it gives them a certainty that it (the other worlds) isn't imagination, or, for the more reasonable ones, that there are many more things than they can know or can imagine. But you can discover all that without swallowing drugs!