It's neither life nor death.. BOTH are being changed.. into something still unknown.. dangerous and wonderful. On Nov 17, 1973, she left her body - why?
"Before dying falsehood rises in full swing. Still people understand only the lesson of catastrophe. Will it have to come before they open their eyes?" This is the year of Watergate, of Nixon's first trip to China, the assassination of the Israeli athletes in Munich, the first oil embargo. This is Mother's last lap. A lap strewn with heartrending little cries and stunning visions. The end of one world, the beginning of another.... whether we want it or not. "Sometimes, it is so new and unexpected, it's almost painful." And I would ask her, "But is it a state outside matter?" "I don't go outside of physical life, but.... it looks different. But it is strange. And it is PHYSICAL, that is the extraordinary thing! As if the physical had split in two.... A new state in matter. And it is ruled by something that is not the sun, I don't know what it is.... I am touching another world. Another way of being.... dangerous but wonderful." How I listened to her little breath as she gasped for air, a breath that seemed to come from another side of the world: "There is no difference between life and death. It's neither life nor death, it is.... something. It is not the disappearance of death you understand: BOTH are being changed.... into something still unknown, which seems at once extremely dangerous and absolutely wonderful." And what if "death" were merely the other, MATERIAL side of our human bowl, the sunlit shore for a species to come? A new condition on both sides of the world, in which life and death change into.... something else? "I am treading a very thin and narrow line...." And then this cry, this entreaty: "Let me do the work!" On November 17, 1973, she passed away - why?
How are you?
I think I'm well.
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Well, so am I! (laughter)
(silence)
I can clearly see that instead of thought governing life, it's consciousness. And when the consciousness remains quietly open to the Divine, all goes well. A lot of things constantly come into the consciousness, from the whole world, it would seem (gesture of being assailed from all sides): all the things that negate or oppose the divine Action. They keep coming all the time like this (same gesture). But if I can remain quiet (gesture of offering, hands open), in an attitude of... (smiling) nonexistence, a sort of... I don't know if it's transparency—I don't know if one should say "transparency" or "immobility"—but it's something in the consciousness that's like this (same gesture of offering, hands open). When it stays that way, all is well; but as soon as it starts stirring, that is, as soon as the individuality comes to the forefront in any way, everything becomes detestable. It's really too much.
You see, the physical body has a millennium of past experiences that says, "Why, that blissful state is impossible!"—this stupidity is what delays everything. It's as if the cells themselves, the cells of the body which are used to struggling and suffering, couldn't accept that things can be like this (same gesture of surrender, hands open). But when it is... then it's wonderful.
Only it doesn't last. It's not daylong. Constantly, constantly things keep coming (same gesture of being assailed from all sides).
But now I see quite well, quite clearly—it's very clear: consciousness replaces thought.
Yes, yes.
And... (how can I put it?) the difference between the two: thought is something that goes like this (whirling, restless gesture), ever in motion... whereas consciousness is like this (gesture hands open, offered upward). I can't explain it.
(Mother closes her eyes, her hands remain open)
Do you have something to say or ask?
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I was wondering what I could do to accelerate the process. Everyday life is beset by so many harassing things.... What can one do to accelerate the process?
If one could remain untroubled, it would make a big difference.
Yes.
A big difference.
You see, my body is beginning—just beginning—to know that the divine side means a life that's... (Mother stretches out both arms in the vastness) progressive and luminous; but there's an accumulation of past experiences which says, "Oh, that's impossible!"—just like that. Well, that stupid "impossible" is what delays and spoils everything.
The basis of the fact is that as soon as the body steps out of the right attitude things get painful: everything aches and is laborious—you feel death and dissolution everywhere. And that's what reinforces... Matter's stupidity.
So, really speaking, I'd rather not talk, unless it's to answer a specific question.
In my case, I wonder to what exact point I should apply myself?
(after a silence)
Do you feel you have gone beyond thought?
Oh yes, completely. The only thing left is mechanical thought, but otherwise.... I can say I never use the thinking process: I always feel I draw things from above. The speculative mind, for example, is just impossible for me.
Well, it's good then, you're on the right track.
Well, maybe! But practically speaking, one is struggling with everything and feels a bit... submerged at times.
As for me, you know, all the things I used to rely on for action seem to be PURPOSELY collapsing (everything, even the smallest things) so I can say: what You will. It's become... it's become my sole refuge.
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I don't remember anything, you know! For instance, somebody says to me, "You'll say this to that person," I sincerely answer yes, but the next minute or so I no longer remember what it was!...1 I remember nothing—zero.
And then, sometimes I can stay for hours in a sort of peaceful and luminous contemplation, and think it's been only a few minutes.
To the ordinary and undiscerning eye, you must accept to look like a .... I am sure that ninety-nine people out of a hundred think I am... (smiling) cracked.
No—no, Mother! No, that's....
It's UTTERLY unimportant.
I can see it in their consciousness, but it makes me smile. You have to accept that.
But there are also a good number who see the Light too, you know.
Possibly. (Laughing) Good for them!
Often, very often I ask the Lord: how can I help now that I can't see so well, can't hear so well, can't speak clearly and need help to get around? This state is.... Yet the body doesn't sense any decline! It is convinced that if tomorrow the Lord wanted it to resume its regular activity, it could do so. The Force is there (Mother touches her arms, her muscles), a terrible force sometimes!... So why?...
This state is intentional so that... (smiling) so that people will leave me alone!
Yes, Mother, it's true, I really think it's true.
There you are. Otherwise people would never leave me alone.
You would be flooded in no time with truckloads of futile problems.
Yes, futile! Their problems are all futile! (Mother laughs) And how
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impudent: infidelity in marriage, lack of honesty at work! Things of that sort. Unbelievable—it's unbelievable. People ask me such questions... (laughing) such improbable questions!
All the rules, you know—oh, all the moral rules seem to have been thrown to the winds. So the appearances are.... I'll give you an example: somebody [from the Ashram] opens a "Travel Agency," and when people give him money to buy tickets, he pockets the money and doesn't buy the tickets—what do you think of that? (laughter) What next!
But, you know, I'm sure your condition is intentional, because as I can perceive it in my small measure, I feel you are a kind of colossal power transmitter in your immobility.
Yes, I know. I know, it's colossal! Yes, a Force that's.... And even in my hands: an incredible power.
(Smiling) Often, you know, I look... (how can I put it?).... You are in the consciousness—you see, you are IN the consciousness—and so I look to see what place you occupy in the consciousness. Well... (Mother keeps her eyes closed, smiling).
Mon petit, I don't want you to feel... (Mother makes a gesture of strutting), I don't mean to compliment you, that's not my intention. But you're always... you're like a luminous garden... with a distinct form (Mother draws a kind of rectangle in the air), it's luminous and ranges from vivid pink to golden light. Exactly. And that's you—that's how I see you. Always.
There is a vast atmosphere—a vast atmosphere.... A vast atmosphere enveloped in Sri Aurobindo's aura: the blue, the luminous light blue which is his color. I see you in that... you're like a distinct garden (same gesture) with colors... it goes from vivid pink to... a luminous, golden atmosphere. A lovely garden. That's what I see—I see it eyes open (Mother touches her open eyes). And that's very good.
There remain a few spots of rigidity, I mean ... (what can I say?) fixities of a personal nature, but... gradually, gradually, they are disappearing, they are being transformed. There. That's what I see.
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(Mother plunges in till the end, then Sujata comes to her)
(Sujata:) Mother, my uncle,2 who came to see you yesterday with me, told me afterwards, "I don't know if you could see it, but I saw a Light coming out of Mother's face..."
(Mother laughs)
So I asked him, "But what effect did it have on you?" He said, "You know, I don't have any personal desire, nothing, I simply wanted to... bow before that."
(Mother smiles)
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