Overhead Poetry

Sky-Rims

As each gigantic vision of sky-rim

Preludes yet stranger spaces of the sea,

For those who dare the rapturous wave-whim

Of soul's uncharted trance-profundity

There is no end to God-horizonry:

A wideness ever new awaits behind

Each ample sweep of plumbless harmony

Circling with vistaed gloriole the mind.

For the Divine is no fixed paradise,

But truth beyond great truth—a spirit-heave

From unimaginable sun-surprise

Of beauty to immense love-lunar eve,

Dreaming through lone sidereal silence on

To yet another alchemy of dawn!

The first version had for its last line:

To yet another revelatory dawn!

Sri Aurobindo was asked about that version: "Will you tell me the worth of these fourteen verses both as poetry and as sonnet? I want perfection—so be unrelentingly critical if there is any drop."

Page 123

Sri Aurobindo's Comment

"It is very good poetry and a very good sonnet—except for the last line where the vice is the word 'revelatory' which is flat and prosaic, at any rate here. I would use 'revealing' backed by another (and, if possible) revealing adjective."

(I am very glad and thankful you have drawn my attention to "revelatory". Will the line be up to the mark thus:

To yet another rich revealing dawn!

Would you prefer

To yet another splendorous mood-dawn!

or else

To yet another mood-miraculous dawn!)

"The first will do, I suppose, though 'rich' is not revealing—the others are too artificially splendorous. 'Miraculous' without 'mood' would be tempting if there were no gap to fill."

(I know "rich" is not quite adequate, though of all the epithets I can think of at present it seems the least objectionable. But how if I write the line like this:

To yet another ecstasy of dawn!)

"It is better than anything yet proposed. The difficulty's that the preceding lines of the sestet are so fine that anything ordinary in the last line sounds like a sinking or even an anticlimax. The real line that was intended to be there has not yet been found."

(I have got Harin to put his head together with mine. He has come up with: "lambency of dawn." A good phrase, no doubt—but I wonder if it suits the style and atmosphere and suggestion in my sonnet. After over a fortnight of groping I have myself struck upon:

To yet another alchemy of dawn!

Do you like my "alchemy" ?)

"That is quite satisfactory—you have got the right thing at last."

Page 124