THEME/S
(Coming from a private record, the following two selections are naturally very personal matter and "I" and "me" are all over the place. But as these "I" and "me" are the sadhak and not the mere ego-individual it is hoped that they will be considered as representative of all who have ventured forth on the delightfully difficult path of the Integral Yoga. As both the delight and the difficulty are bound to be basically common in spite of surface variations, one sadhak's experiences cannot but prove helpful to other toilers towards the depths and heights. )
1
March 4-14,1953
Wednesday, 4th—Came back from Villupuram a little depressed, thinking that the Mother had received the impression that I and not Mina was going away. On reaching the Ashram the mind and heart cleared and when I went to the Samadhi a gathering together of the being took place, an intense interiorisation as if to collect the whole consciousness and lift it up to the Divine, letting it go nowhere else and to none other.
When I saw the Mother at the "staircase",1 she cried: "Bien revenu" ("Welcome back"). I gave her Mina's message: "A thousand million thanks. I am carrying you with me in my heart." The Mother was pleased and smiled and said something like "All right". Then I asked her: "Mother, why did you think I was going away?" She replied: "I never thought that. I knew you were not going. But I had the impression that Mina also was not going."
* Mother India, June 1975; March 1975.
1 People come up the stairs in a queue and receive blessings from the Mother, who stands almost at the head of the staircase.
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The day passed happily after this—aspiration and peace, and the Mother's presence pervaded the hours.
The same evening I caught the Mother on the Playground at seven, and said to her: "May I ask one question? Could I come and sit in your 'Prayers'-class?" She answered: "You can come." So after the distribution of groundnuts I went to this class. I had been told by a friend that it was one of the best things in the Ashram and that the Mother appeared in her real divinity there. Today she read out the three last Prayers from her book Prayers and Meditations and discoursed a little about them and about her introduction to the book. It was an exquisitely deep half-hour. I was ex-tremely glad I attended this class held in the Mother's own room at the Playground.
When I got up from the mat there, I struck my back against the sharp corner of an overhanging cupboard fixed to the wall. It was a fierce impact right on the upper part of my spine. Everybody was perturbed. But most miraculously I felt not the slightest pain either then or afterwards. While I walked out of the room the Mother gave me a concentrated look.
Thursday, 5th—All the time I kept fixing my consciousness on the Mother and Sri Aurobindo. There was a sense of some blocking somewhere. Fine spells during the day but not to my satisfaction because too short.
The first piece of news I got in the morning was from Soli Albless, who came smiling and striding from the Ashram. "Stalin has been given a blow in the brain. He is dying." People in the Ashram were feeling that the Divine had brought about that brainstroke, the cerebral haemorrhage. The Mother said that the going of one individual could not make all the difference and that other instruments could be found by the Asuric force. When S.A. asked her if our aspirations and the Supermind's Descent could make the difference, she smiled and nodded. She is also reported to have said that Stalin had been really finished two months earlier. He had merely continued as a powerless shell.
Since yesterday I have started not to come down at all
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from the Mother's floor till 12 or 12.30 after seeing her and sitting in Sri Aurobindo's room. It is so lovely to spend the time there: I could stay there the entire day without tiring.
More and more my being resolves to turn to the Mother, but the sense of difficulty does not diminish. Oh, if only one could be poised overhead and in the psychic all the time!
Friday, 6th—Yesterday was Kishor Gandhi's birthday. But the Mother did not give him an interview that evening. She was coming to his room the next day—that is, today.
I go early to the Samadhi each morning, sit there for half an hour or more and then go to the Balcony Darshan. I wait for the Balcony Darshan, sitting on the edge of the footpath near one of the big doors. I concentrate and try to blot out the whole world. But some particular thoughts keep hovering. They are too sweet to be easily or rudely dismissed.
At the staircase I took the Mother's hand and kissed it. She smiled most beautifully, tilted her head to one side and said in silence: "I accept your love and I understand your need."
In the evening she came to our house to meet K.G. I sat with Pavitra in my room, while S.A. shut himself up in his. After a few minutes I felt a tremendous pressure on the head—as if an extraordinary descent had been taking place. In all these two and a half weeks in the Ashram I have never felt so strong a push from overhead. The Mother seemed to be emanating a gigantic power from where she sat. K.G. told me afterwards that he had never had such a wonderful interview before.
When the Mother came out, S.A. and I brought flowers to offer to her. After he had offered his, Keshav Poddar's wife came out from her room and requested the Mother to come in as she had something to say.
When the Mother reappeared, I brought her my flowers. I had hurriedly collected them from our own garden. They were Quiet Mind placed within the Divine's Presence.
At the moment of offering them, Quiet Mind tumbled off and fell to the ground. The Mother laughed: "Your quiet mind has fallen down. Well, I'll replace it with this"—and
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she gave me a tiny pink flower which means Detailed Surrender.
I forgot to write that in the morning at the staircase I spoke to the Mother about H.V. and gave her a note mentioning in brief what H.V. had asked me to tell the Mother: "She is very anxious to come." The Mother said: "When she was here, she made all sorts of conditions." I said: "But now she wants to make an unconditional surrender." The Mother replied: "Oh yes, they all make that before they come here!"
Every afternoon S.A. and I have long philosophical chats, discussing a thousand and three things concerning Yoga. Quite a stimulus to the minds of both of us.
Saturday, 7th—Last night I had a dream in which I was telling the Mother that I must get poised above the mind and in the psychic.
At the staircase I related my dream to her. She said: "I see." Then I told her: "I need this very badly. You must make me poised like that." She replied: "No. You must make yourself poised. You have read in Sri Aurobindo that he does not encourage laziness." I said: "Yes, but can't I keep asking that you should do it? Isn't that genuine aspiration?" She answered: "Yes, you can ask, but not in the ordinary way. If you just get up in the morning and ask once and then nothing more—that won't do. It must be an intense inner asking." I agreed with her. She smiled and kept looking into my eyes with those wonderful heart-opening head-cleaving eyes of hers.
I went into Sri Aurobindo's room with an exceedingly powerful feeling within my head as well as above it, as if what I had asked for had been attempted. I kept this feeling for some time—sitting very quietly in Sri Aurobindo's room and letting a wordless prayer go rising from the heart.
I want so much the total consecration, the integral self-opening! When will it come? Mother, make haste. The delay is unbearable.
Sunday, 8th—Felt myself to be at my wits' end. Never in all these days was the morning so filled with a sense of hopelessness. Will I ever be able to keep up the decision I have
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taken? Am I not made of putty? Have I any strength or stability to go through the Yoga? All these questions weighed on my mind and heart and made me sad and threw an atmosphere of futility over my efforts.
Then, when everything seemed lost, something happened. I went and sat in the Pranam Hall, waiting for the Mother to come down. She came and slowly my heart began to open. It started flowing with love and blessedness. I got up to do my Pranam and, after doing it, went to my precious place near the Mother's chair. She had placed The Divine's Solicitude in my left hand and a red rose in my right. More and more the heart widened and took the Mother in and I threw my being towards her. It seemed the beginning of what I had asked for all these days. The flow and the consecration continued right through the Pranam and persisted when I went up the staircase and met the Mother again. She appeared to recognise the change and stood gazing into my eyes. The change accompanied me to Sri Aurobindo's room. I nowadays sit there as long as I wish. Today I must have sat for nearly half an hour. And throughout that half hour the heart and the mind kept open and lived in the Mother's marvellous presence and Sri Aurobindo's exalted aura. The harbour seemed within sight of this wave-tossed wind-vexed mariner at last. But all is not done yet. The opening must continue and increase and become, as it were, world-wide.
The Mother played music at one o'clock this afternoon. I sat on the ground near the Samadhi and listened to the sweet and deep and far-away melody, interspersed with chords of intense nearness and intimacy as well as an enveloping embracing largeness.
Today wasn't bad at all. Thank you, my Mother and my Lord.
Monday, 9th—A day of quiet assimilation—or so at least it appeared to be, since there was no fretting. Not that there was no questioning or doubting of myself. But it all went on in the surface consciousness and a sense was pervasive that beyond the surface consciousness a wonderful work was proceeding. As a symbol of this was the fact that I felt a
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great peace to be not quite within me but all around me in the whole town of Pondicherry. And the entire vastness of the circumambiant peace was as if focusing itself on some spot somewhere in my being that was not accessible to the talking and walking Amal. Yes, not accessible, but not imperceptible. For it was the vague perception of it that eliminated fretting. In spite of my inquiring again and again whether the huge task I had undertaken could be carried through by poor me, I saw no reason to pull a long face. On the contrary, a happy irresponsibility played in my heart and mind. I went cheerfully to the Mother on the staircase. I was one of the early birds—at about 11. Only one chap was there, Pranab's brother. The Mother brought a sweet from her room and gave it to me with a rose. I knelt down as usual and got up with an easy familiarity with the Mother's presence. She was in a blue dress. I spoke to her about Sehra's mamma who, according to Sehra's letter, was still suffering from non-stop asthma. The Mother gave a packet of blessing-petals for her, and another for Sehra herself. Then I spoke of H.V. She said that the difficulty was to find accommodation for her but that she would try. I left the Mother then, but while about to enter Sri Aurobindo's room I remembered that I had to tell her about the day of my departure. Purani was leaving on the 14th, so I had decided to synchronise my going with his. Mina's doctor, Satya, was now talking with the Mother. I waited till he had finished and then called out to her as she was about to go away. She stopped and I went and told her about the 14th. She nodded and then with an arch half-smile asked me: "Am I expected to see you before you go?" I said: "Please, Mother, if you can. Just a few minutes' interview." She gave a full smile and said: "I'll try." Then she went inside and I to Sri Aurobindo's room where I sat for half an hour. I came out and sat in the middle room watching the Mother take the "staircase".
I was very quiet. No special aspiration, but a strange ease. Throughout the day this remained. At the Tennis Ground, when the Mother was leaving I found to my surprise that
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she looked at me long and deep, and with a sweet smile that covered my whole body with pleasure as she passed on.
The French-translation class began at 5:30. I was there, and found myself relaxed and pleased. Went home for a quarter of an hour and walked to the Samadhi. Quite an intimate and soft half-hour I had there with Sri Aurobindo. The background, the depth which all the day had been inaccessible though not imperceptible, came a little to the front and delighted me.
While communing with Sri Aurobindo I had a feeling that today was perhaps the most important in my whole stay. It was to all appearance a neutral day, but it was packed with a secret promise. At the evening distribution, the Mother again gave a knowing look and smile. I stood very close to her after getting the groundnuts. Sutapa was not there, so I stood in her place, right within the Mother's most immediate physical atmosphere.
Tomorrow, what have you in store for me? Can it be paradise at last?
My bed is situated in an ideal position. I lie and look through the two windows on the two sides. Each presents a different view. That to the left shows an unobstructed sky, a vast star-quivering darkness during night and a blue with depth beyond depth during day. The window to the right shows in daytime a swaying jungle of palms, a South-Sea-Island picture. At night the palms become mysterious presences, lit with little glints. I find myself extremely happy gazing through the two windows alternately.
I must put down on paper the sight I saw some evenings back when the Mother went to the place where the children's French class is held by her. Before she distributed the sweets, a small girl was brought to her. She had a little fever. The Mother caressed her hair with a soft but significant pressure. Then she passed her hand right to the back of the head and down the spine. This she did again and again, most affectionately but with an effectivity beyond mere affection. She was acting upon the fever-force. For a long time she
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went on and at last bent her own head and lightly kissed the girl on the forehead. Oh it was so wonderful to watch the whole thing. Who would mind being ill in order to have such a doctor? I remember the Mother telling me that when her son Andre was a boy she used to cure all his illnesses herself, without calling any doctor. It is sweet to be the Mother's child. How I yearn to belong to her and be part of her!
Tuesday, 10th—Has today fulfilled the promise of yesterday?
Let me begin at the beginning. Every night, during my stay here, I have had some sort of sensual dream, the impulse that had been pushed out of the conscious mind was making a revolt in the subconscious. And every night there was a certain response to the stimulus, some assent or participation of the being. Last night I had two sensual dreams. In one there was a habitual routine-response. But in the other, all of a sudden a refusal came from the being, a spontaneous smiling refusal and I knew that the psychic had acted in a flash. With the flash I woke up and felt a release in the consciousness. A gate long shut had burst open. A tiny lamp of God had been lit in the unchartered chaos of the lower vital.
The morning did not appreciably differ from other mornings. Some aspiration was going on, but nothing unusual. Then I went to the Samadhi. There a strong opening took place. The psychic started flowing and flaming. This was like old times. This was what I had been hankering for. I went to the Pranam and the flow and the flame increased. They went on and on. They continued at the staircase, kept going in Sri Aurobindo's room where I sat for 45 minutes. Right through the afternoon, right through the evening, an effortless joy and constant Godward intensity, a penetration into Sri Aurobindo's being and into the Mother's. I felt enveloped and embraced by their holy atmosphere. Within their consciousness I seemed to have made my home, though of course without sharing in their supreme light. I had nothing to do except attend to the automatic aspiration and natu-
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ral drive towards the Divine. The attending brought them at once to a consecrated keenness. Here was a state of paradise indeed. Even if I were not in the midst of paradise I was definitely at its door and could take into myself both the glory of its blissful fire and the enchantment of its beautiful floweriness.
At Pranam the Mother said: "I think I have fixed your interview for tomorrow." "That's very good,Mother," I said. "Thank you so much."
At the staircase when she met me she said: "I'll go and make sure about the date." She went inside and consulted her diary. "Oui, c'est juste. Demain a six heures." I fervently thanked her again. Today I didn't kneel at her feet. I went down on my knees and hugged her legs. This gave somehow a closer and warmer contact.
It's past eleven now at night. I am going to bed. A wonderful day! I have been broken open at last. May the breaking grow from more to more till I am one with the Mother's Infinite!
Wednesday, 11th—For the first time in these days there was no dream at all with any sensual tinge in it.
The day was one of restfulness up to evening. I went to Mother after the Balcony Darshan. It was rather early. She came but when I went, after Pranab's brother, she smiled and said: "I am here, but not officially." She meant that she had not come to start the "staircase". I stood a little puzzled, but quiet. She gave me a rose and a sweet. I did not go down to her feet—I showed that I was not doing what I would if she were there officially. I gave her my head to pat and she did the patting both playfully and vigorously. Then I told her what had been in my heart since the glorious yesterday. "Mother, I am extremely grateful to you." She took it as referring to the fact that although she was there not officially she had received me. So she laughed and said: "Is it not so?", meaning, "Is there not cause for gratitude?" I laughed, too, and remarked: "I don't mean just for this. I mean also in general, for everything." She again laughed. Then I went to Sri Aurobindo's room. The Mother started
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the official staircase very late, at 12 almost. So, after Sri Aurobindo's room, I had a long sit in the middle room— watching the Mother when she did come. She always calls Soli and Nirod last. When Soli went, she said: "I am seeing you tomorrow, am I not?" Soli replied: "No, you are seeing me on the 15th." She went to consult her notebook and said: "This evening I am seeing Amal."
After everything was finished I sat chatting with a friend. Suddenly after 20 minutes or so of chatting, I caught sight of the Mother and Pranab going out of the Mother's room on the other side. I felt awfully ashamed. I made a resolve never to chat lightly outside Sri Aurobindo's sacred room and within such easy earshot of the Mother. I went home feeling uncomfortable. I lay in bed that whole afternoon, relaxing and getting into a frame of mind in which such sacrilegious frivolity would be impossible. Throughout the afternoon I felt a strong pressure on the head and an increasing aspiration in the heart.
At 4:30 I went to the Samadhi—rather to watch the Mother go to tennis. I then followed her there, and sat with a happy flow from my heart to her all the time. At 5 o'clock I left and came to the Samadhi where I spent about half an hour of deep devotion to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. I went from there to the Playground where my interview was to be at six. The Mother came a little late and said: "I have by mistake given some time to other people too." I said: "That's all right. How much time will you give me?" She looked at her watch and I at mine. It was 12 minutes past six. She said: "I give you till 6:30." "Very well," I said, "I'll be short in my talk."
I asked her first about Mina's offer to work with me on Mother India. I said: "She has been helping me often, reading the typescripts while I check the proofs. But now she wants to make the work a regular part of her sadhana as an offering to you. She will also buy a typewriter. May I accept her as a co-worker?" The Mother looked interested when I said the above. To my question she answered: "Yes, you certainly may. But, you know, I intend to bring Mother India
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here. It will be printed from here at some time in the future. At that time, when you come to work here, Mina too will have to come here and work."
After this I began to talk of my personal difficulties. I put before the Mother a map of my vital being so that she might work on it. I drew her attention again to the need in me for being poised not only in the psychic but also overhead. She agreed. "You must break through the lid and sit above. Have you had some experience of the Kundalini? It rises up and breaks through the lid. Not immediately, of course, but after passing through the other centres." I said: "But can't you break the lid from above?" "No," she said, "that would simply crush your brain!" I told her how tired I was, working still with the mind. I said:" I feel as if my mind has made all the use of itself that it was capable of. Something new is now wanted. All the time in me is the desire to go beyond the mind. This desire interferes even with my creativity, for I am no more content to create with the mind. Please take me beyond." She sat in thought a long while, looking high and far. I tried to receive inwardly the impact of her working. At the close of the interview I asked her: "Do you remember, Mother, that I once inquired whether the Supermind could transform us in spite of ourselves? You said: 'Yes.' That gave me a great deal of hope for myself." She laughed. I continued: "I feel now that the decision I have taken is due to the Supermind's descent in some way, its gripping the earth in a definite manner. Nothing else could have brought it about." She sat silent for awhile, and then said: "Have you read Sri Aurobindo's article, The Mind of Light?" I said I had. She went on: "This was the last thing he wrote, apart from some revisions of Savitri. Immediately after he gave up his body the Mind of Light got realised in me."
The Mind of Light is, of course, a state in the descent and establishment of the Supermind on earth. It is not the Gnosis proper, but the mental Gnosis. So much, therefore, is at least fixed here in the Mother. Many other and greater
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things must be working in her—something of the direct Supermind, too, I am sure.
I finally told her how much love I had for her, and said: "But sometimes all that amount refuses to break through and come out." She laughed. I added: "Oh please make it break through and come in all its fullness."
I kissed her hand and she blessed me... After the distribution I attended the Prayer-class, now the Conversation-class since the "Prayers" are finished. Here, too, she discoursed on the various centres of the being and on the rising of the Kundalini. One felt that she was not just stating things: every phrase of the description was as if lived through by her or attempted to be vivified by her in us. She spoke in French but I understood everything.
After the Playground activities the Garage Darshan and then home.
My new life in the Ashram seems to have begun.
Thursday, 12th—Again a clear night, but a somewhat neutral day. No exaltations or ecstasies, yet once more I feel that this has been a day of assimilation and preparation. The Mother's face seemed a mirror of things behind my surface consciousness. I saw the same kind of lingering look and steady smile as on Monday. So I'm full of expectation and look forward towards tomorrow. With the approach of evening and night, some little foretaste came already.
From the talk I had with the Mother at the staircase, I feel absolutely certain that I shall be called here again in April to do the special University Number of Mother India from the Ashram Press.
How I long to be in the Ashram for good! But everything is in the Mother's hands and also depends on Sehra's co-operation and glad acceptance to share in the Ashram life and Ashram work.
Only two days before me, and then not adieu but au revoir. I'm sure Soli will greatly miss the pleasant and varied talks that he and I have been having on matters philosophical and spiritual.
As he is one of the architects designing and building the
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Mother's new room, I have asked him to show it to me. He said he would be most happy to do so, if the Mother permitted. He'll ask her tomorrow.
Friday, 13th—I was right. Mind and heart again broke open. Nothing very spectacular—but a soft ceaseless receptivity, a quiet inner blessedness. It grew more intense before and during Pranam and while I was upstairs—especially when I was in Sri Aurobindo's room.
The afternoon seemed somewhat wasted because all the time the call was for drawing in, yet I had work in hand which required the mind to be active and questful.
In the evening the intensity returned to some extent and the sense of blessedness came to a finer focus than during the afternoon.
I have a feeling that tonight will be the most beautiful of all the nights.
Last night some part of the lower vital seemed to get worked out, exhausted, and then rejected from the system, leaving the system freer and fresher.
P.S. There was one little disappointment this morning. The Mother did not like the idea of Soli taking me to her new room. The fact is that nobody is taken there—even Nolini and Amrita haven't seen it. Only those who are strictly concerned with the work are allowed. Although disappointed I wasn't at all depressed. I perfectly understood the situation and saw the Mother's viewpoint.
Saturday, 14th (2 p.m.)—A pleasant day. Told the Mother on the staircase: "Do you remember the awful thing that is going to happen this evening?" She opened her eyes wide and said: "What?" I replied: "I am going away!"
"Dramatist!" she exclaimed and smiled.
Had an enjoyable but not quite quiet time in Sri Aurobindo's room. Knelt before his chair and offered myself, heart and soul, to him.
My roots are here. May the flower and fruit be here also! Bombay has no pull for me. The only gladness I feel in going there is really because of just one heart and face.
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2
March 26,1956
Yesterday morning I wrote to the Mother, asking what had happened on February 29. I opined that it was something connected with the Supermind's gripping the physical vital.
In the evening after tennis the Mother passed by, smiling— and said: "You are behind by a century."
I gave her a note at the time of groundnut-distribution: "From what you said after tennis, I feel sure that the whole blooming thing has come down. Hurrah! And now there is hope for such as I."
She read the note and laughed and said: "Years ago I had told you that I would call you from wherever you would be when the Supermind came. So I did call you. But you didn't understand."
I replied: "Mother, I returned from Bombay as soon as I could. And on the very day of the descent—February 29—I saw you standing in the railway compartment of the Bombay Mail in which I had left Madras."
"Oh it was the same day? It is very good that you saw me.
I may record that in 1938, before I left for Bombay at the end of February, the Mother promised to call me back if the Supermind came down. She was expecting the descent some time in May. I, however, got no telegram—and Sri Aurobindo's letter to me said that the event expected had not happened.
I learnt many years later that the Supermind had come but could not be fixed here.
Now, on February 29 this year, late in the evening, it came for good! What Sri Aurobindo and the Mother had worked for during 30 years happened at last.
I wonder when the world will realise that in 1956 the greatest event in its history took place. Of course the detailed working out of the Supermind upon earth and even in the Mother's body will take long, but the full general pres-
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ence of it in her is there now and also its general working on ourselves and the world.
There is now hope for the weakest amongst us, for the Supermind is above the universe's laws and brings sheer omnipotence to our aid.
It seems that three immediate effects are possible. One is a sudden and radical clearing of difficulties. Another is a slow but quite perceptibly sure clearing. Still another is a final gathering up of difficulties prior to their clearance: difficulties may appear to increase, but really what will take place is like one's sweeping together the dust of a room before throwing it out. One must have no fear but face everything with faith and certitude.
I find examples of all these effects here. I myself feel the second effect.
I can hardly contain myself with joy at the Mother's victory. May all our hearts belong to her!
March 29,1956
This morning the Mother distributed at Pranam time the printed copy of a painting by Krishnalal, "The Golden Purusha", with a quotation in French and English from an old "Prayer and Meditation" of her own, dated September 25, 1914 and beginning "O divine adorable Mere"—"O divine adorable Mother". The English version ran:
The Lord has willed and Thou dost execute: A new Light shall break upon the earth. A new world shall be born, And the things that were promised shall be fulfilled.
The Lord has willed and Thou dost execute:
A new Light shall break upon the earth.
A new world shall be born,
And the things that were promised shall be fulfilled.
After the Pranam the Mother went up. Those who daily met her on the first floor gathered there as usual. She sat in her chair to hear, as she did every day, the reports from various departments. But before starting the work she asked from each one present the copy of the message. In her own hand she scratched out certain words in the French original
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and substituted others. When she came to the English version she consulted her disciples about the right turns of expression for the change needed. I was sitting at the door of Sri Aurobindo's room, from where the Mother at work with the department-representatives could be seen. She called me and I contributed my bit to the suggestions given. The English message now read in its altered form:
Lord, Thou hast willed, and I execute, A new light breaks upon the earth, A new world is born. The things that were promised are fulfilled.
Lord, Thou hast willed, and I execute,
A new light breaks upon the earth,
A new world is born.
The things that were promised are fulfilled.
The transformation of the future tense into the present marked the Mother's first open disclosure of what had taken place on February 29. But we were asked not to broadcast the disclosure. She particularly told me that the changes done in the texts were not for general circulation yet. As the editor of Mother India I must have been suspected of the journalist's itch for a "scoop". I promised to keep the "secret". It was understood that on April 24 she would make an announcement and permit the changes to be made widely known. However, the same evening I was cross-questioned by a friend about them. News had leaked out that something very interesting and significant had been done upstairs after the Pranam, and people were curious to learn what it had been. I had a hard time of it to evade giving a straight answer and yet not tell a lie.
So far Mother India has carried the old version as its second motto, the first being Sri Aurobindo's famous two-paragraphed "The Supramental is a truth..." From the issue of April 24, it has been resolved, the new version alone will appear as our motto.
April 5,1956
I asked the Mother to tell me more precisely about the Great Event of February 29. I
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India. "Has the whole Supermind descended?" The Mother answered:
"The Supramental Light, Consciousness and Force have come. But the Supramental Ananda has not yet come. You speak of a descent. But I speak of a manifestation. Descent is something that occurs in relation to an individual with the kind of psychological structure he has. You can refer to planes below and planes above in reference to this structure. Where the universe is concerned, there is no meaning in the term 'descent'. There is only manifestation."
I understood that we individuals have various levels connected with our bodies. The vital plane is connected with our abdominal region. The heart region has to do with the emotional being, the head with the mind plane. And above the head there are the spiritual ranges and on top of them the Supermind. Our consciousness can ascend and the Supermind can descend. Such a system of levels does not hold for the universe. However, I could not help asking: "Mother, is not the Supermind superior to our universe? From where has it manifested?"
"There is no 'where'. It just manifested. You are using your mind too much in regard to these more-than-mental realities."
As the Mother seemed impatient with my attitude I did not press my investigation further. I only inquired: "Does the manifestation imply that the Supermind involved within matter has emerged?"
"I know that you have this impression, but that is not the fact. The involved Supermind has not emerged. But now its emergence is not a problem at all. It is inevitable as the result of the manifestation of the free Supermind in what I call the earth's subtle atmosphere. It is merely a matter of time."
May 24,1956
I wrote to the Mother: "Ever since I came back from Bombay I have been constantly feeling supported by the New
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Power that has come into the earth's subtle atmosphere. I have been feeling that all difficulties belong to an old world that is really dead. But, although the sense of being a part of your life and of your work is often strong, I seem to be lingering just within the borders of the new world instead of penetrating right to its centre. I want so much to be wholly yours. Won't you do something to absorb me into yourself? What should I do on my side?"
I kept my note on a table near the place where the Mother took her lunch with Pranab. As usual I sat in the space outside her bathroom. When she finished her lunch she took my note and went into the bathroom by its inner door. Having read the note she came out through the outer door. I was on my knees to receive her. She said: "Ca viendra" ("It will come"). I asked her: "When?" She replied: "Surely you don't want me to mention the date?" Then I said: "No—but please make it come soon." She smiled.
May 30,1956
I wrote to the Mother: "Is it true that you have said the following or something like it?—'Only four people realised the fact of the Supramental Manifestation—one in the Ashram and three outside.' I can very well believe that there was only one person in the Ashram—namely, yourself! But the three outsiders puzzle me. How did they manage to do what hundreds here didn't?"
The Mother told me after her post-lunch visit to her bath-room: "What I said was not that four people knew it was the Supramental Manifestation, but that when the manifestation took place they had some unusual experience because of it even if they did not understand why. I at first thought there was only one person in the Ashram to whom an unusual experience had happened, but afterwards I found there had been two. Among those outside, I counted you."
I was surprised to hear this. The Mother continued: "You wrote to me—didn't you?—that on the night of the 29th February I was with you. I had promised you, long ago when
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you had gone from here, that I would inform you at once if the Supermind manifested. I never forgot this. And when the Supermind did manifest, I went out to tell you."
"You did do that, Mother?" I said, hardly believing my ears. She answered: "Yes."
I feel unspeakably grateful to find that she thinks me so connected with her work.
November 25,1956
In the morning the Mother said: "On this birthday I am not giving you any books because you have all of them." I replied: "Not all. I don't have On the Veda and Poems from Bengali." She asked Champaklal to pick them out for me.
When she went for lunch I kept a note ready for her: "The books you will be giving me are certainly welcome, but what I would most like to read today is something else. You once told me that you would show it to me one day—but I think you said you would do so when I would be more worthy. If greater worthiness is the standard, I feel sure I shall not be shown what I want. But one can always hope for Grace. I am referring to what you wrote on February 29, just after the Supramental Manifestation."
On finishing her lunch the Mother stopped at the table where I had placed my note. Usually she takes these notes to the bathroom and reads them there. But this one she read, standing by the table. Then she came to me. I had kept ready the flower whose significance is Prayer. On taking it from me she said: "I have read your prayer. If I can find the paper on which I have written, I shall bring it for you in the evening during the interview. If I have to search for it for an hour I shan't be able to show it to you."
In the evening, when I went into her room at the Playground, I saw that she had brought the paper with her. She said: "You won't understand what I have written, but try to keep your mind absolutely quiet and receive it." I said: "Perhaps it is not meant to be understood." She
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laughed and said: "Probably." Then she explained the background of the writing: "The whole thing is not so much a vision or an experience as something done by me. I went up into the Supermind and did what was to be done. There was no need for any verbal formulation as far as I was concerned, but in order to put it into words for others I wrote the thing down. Always, in writing, a realisation, a state of consciousness, gets somewhat limited: the very act of expression narrows the reality to some extent. Well, here is what I wrote."
Then the Mother read out the French. It began with the words: "La Presence Divine est la parmi nous." She was as if addressing all of us. The next sentence, as far as I remember, was: "J'avais une forme d'or plus immense que tout l'univers." Then she went on to say that she found herself in front of a massive door, on whose other side was the world. And she heard the words: "The time has come." She heard them in English and not in French. Then she lifted up with her hands a huge hammer of gold and struck one blow upon the door. The door crumbled down. A tremendous flood of light poured out and swept all over the universe.
When the Mother had finished reading, I asked to take the paper into my hands and to read it myself so that I might catch better the French. She hesitated just a bit and said, a little shyly and doubtfully: "You'll give it back to me?" "Of course," I replied, laughing. After I returned the paper she remarked: "When I came back from the Supermind, I thought that with so stupendous an outpouring of light everybody would be lying flat. But when I opened my eyes I found everybody sitting quietly and perfectly unconscious of what had happened."
Ithanked the Mother very much for the act of Grace in her showing me the precious document.1
1 Idid not know at the time what a rare privilege it was to have seen what the Mother made public only after four years had passed. The account of her experience was given to the sadhaks on February 29,1960. As I had understood that she had shown me her account in private, I
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November 26, 1956
No hope for me unless you break
Even from within my Cave
The gate of God the Gloom
Just as you broke from the infinite room
The door of God the Gold
And set free wave on dazzling wave,
Omnipotence-sea that rolled
Over all earth and gulfed all things
In the love that turns clay Supermind.
But, O sweet splendour, find
Yourself not only high above
But deep below in the blindnesses
And crumble down my stone
Of a heart! Unless
You are one with my night I shall never be
One with your solar infinity.
never breathed a word about it to anybody. I have reason to believe that one or two others had also been told by her of what she had done. But none of them seems to have read her account.
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