The Sun and The Rainbow

A Poet in the Making

A LYRIC WITH SRI AUROBINDO'S CORRECTIONS

 AND COMMENTS

In the early days of my stay in the Ashram, I wrote as follows to Sri Aurobindo about a poem by my sister Minnie, now Mrs. NF. Canteenwalla, who was eighteen years old at the time and had come with my mother and brother on a visit:

"My sister has off and on been writing poetry. Here is her most recent effort, the first poem she has written in Pondicherry. In a few places I have made some corrections. Substantially the poem stands as she wrote it. Perhaps my most important change was to substitute 'phantom' for 'seductive' in stanza 5. Will you kindly give your opinion on the lyric as well as advice, if possible, as to her potentialities and the method of developing them?"

AMAL KIRAN

(The corrective touches by Sri Aurobindo are shown in italics above the original lines.)

AT EVENTIDE

On many an eve at the gloaming hour,

I at my cabin window sit;

The shore is barren and lonesome am I:

My mate is the light-house with beacons lit.

Page 167

An amber twilight floods the beach;

It dances on the wayward sea,

It light?

(Lights) the cliff with a purple hue

And stops at my cabin to peep at me.

The ocean croons a lullaby

To the wild sea-birds wending home.

But always it is a sad, sad song

That comes from the heart of the gleaming foam.

I hear a call, a sigh, a strain,

It minglesthe

(Mingled) with (that) song each day,

so

Oh! unlike any earthly music —

A yearning chant from far-away.

it's

The fishers say ('tis) the dreaded call

a

Of (the) phantom vampire of the deep;

Or they say it's the winds that laugh and frolic

(Or maybe 'tis the winds at frolic)

As in and out of the caves they leap.

But to me it sounds a sweeter thing;

As I shut my eyes at that peaceful hour,

I can hear the voices of angels sing

Out of the clouds as from a bower.

And thus I sit with eyes locked fast,

Till the night comes creeping from afar.

Beside me stands my faithful light-house

a

Returning the blinks of (the) distant star.

10.11.1931

Page 168

SRI AUROBINDO'S GENERAL COMMENT

Your sister is surely a born poet. There are just a few slight mistakes in the rhythm and turns of language; but the only serious blunder is the "seductive vampire". There are of course echoes — a mixture of Christina Rossetti and Heine (I don't know if she has read translations of Heine, it may be an indirect influence); but that was inevitable. I have suggested a few changes (in addition to yours) for the sake of perfection; but, even as it is, the poem is remarkable for a beginner. Advice? I don't know; let her remain true to the spontaneity of her gift and allow it to develop from within.

24.11.1931

SRI AUROBINDO'S COMMENT IN THE MARGIN

AGAINST LINES 5-10

These six lines are the best; they could have been the work of a mature poet already master of his instrument. The same can be said of the marked two lines \2 & 4] in the last verse.

Page 169