Among the Not So Great

Bihari-da’s Diary

(1) Day by day the working of the Divine Shakti in this bodytransformation is becoming clear. Actually it is a journey through an untrodden path, most dangerous and unaccountable, most uncertain and bewildering, but a journey towards a fulfilment of Mother Nature.

First I was bewildered (maybe in 1942) when I was going through physical agony (stomach and heart pain) but could not find the cause of the ailment. I was sure it was the action of the Divine Shakti in her working of transformation of the cells of the body. It was the first sign of the awakening of the cells.

(2) When one comes in contact with the Divine Power, one at once can start thinking that he is an Avatar or Messiah. The human vital rushes up to capture the Divine by his vital, mental and physical power instead of giving oneself completely to that Divine Power — he wants to possess the Divine with his Asuric ego. This is the case of many seekers who have fallen from the Divine path. They become the instrument of the dark power that dominates the world.

They might have good wishes for the world, for the suffering of humanity, but they do not take the way of the Divine and bring the world to Truth.

They preach the Divine but in their admixture of falsehood and truth, they make the Divine in their own image.

(3) A new society where every individual is given fullest freedom of action and expression is possible only when every unit of the society has transcended the present rules and ways and means of the society that have held together all the individuals. The laws of morality and compulsory rules will have no place in that society. The individual and collective life of that new society will be based on a totally transformed outlook. The spirit that is one and all will manifest itself outwardly and inwardly — even the feeling, seeing, dealing, etc. that every human being possesses will be changed completely. A society free from all imperfection mental, vital and physical in which all human beings will embody the Truth of the One, individual and universal and transcendental.

(4) Hostile Maya is difficult to surmount. Careful not to be dazzled by anything that imitates the Divine. Our surrender must be onepointed to the inner guide and the Divine Mother.

I must not be disturbed by the victory of the hostile but wait for the Divine Mother’s intervention. I must be empowered by Her Force, Knowledge and Love and surrender completely to Her. I must remember that the work bestowed upon me is not mine but Hers and nothing like attachment or personal desire for greatness can touch my being. I have offered myself to Her and I must remain true and nothing must come between me and Her.

(5) The Maya of the ego is difficult to surmount. It appears with new dazzles when you think you are killing or surpassing it. Many yogis fell and many seekers broke their journey midway.

It is the Divine alone who can lead us without committing mistakes. So we must surrender ourselves unreservedly to Him alone and reject all desire and ego. A little sincerity in you is enough in the beginning and He will take advantage of it and lead you correctly.

(6) In my life I have received the severest attack not from any expected sources, not from anyone from whom it is natural but from very unexpected sources on which I relied entirely, in whom I had perfect faith.

But at the same time the victory over these formidable sources was also the greatest and most complete. No doubt I suffered untold suffering but that suffering was nothing in comparison with the victory and conquest.

I know it was my test whether I would submit to the falsehood or fight for the truth. The attack became the cause of an ultimate victory that surpassed the suffering. The suffering was momentary and the victory was eternal.

(7) Those who have never seen the sun, they want to show the sun by the lamplight. They are followers of falsehood. Those who have not seen the Truth, they want to show the Truth by outward human speech; that is a caricature of Truth. Truth is self-evident and even a flash from it can change a human being because a momentary flash of the Sun of Truth can make a man conscious of a superior light.

To be a guru, to do yogic sadhana for power and position, to show to the world what one really is not, what one should be in spiritual Truth, is dangerous for the seeker, and these things can never be profitable to those with whom he has relations. By one’s vital one manifests only the vital world and not the true spirituality, — because it contaminates the pure fire of the soul that wants nothing but the Divine.

(8) In the noisy world those who can raise their voice over others’ are heard, and they are thought to be the greater. In this way the world is becoming more and more noisy.

But is there none whose voice is eternally superior to any voice of man and world?

It is the supreme Truth, the Divine, who speaks through silence and sinks all other noise in the infinite.

Man of ordinary mind thinks he can be great by making noise and makes noise in the name of the Truth, the Divine; but when he has found the Truth Divine he shrinks from the ordinary way of thinking and no more makes noise. He speaks through silence and the Truth becomes revealed once more to mankind, and humanity turns away from the noise of Falsehood.

(9) In India there was the conception of four distinct forms of individuality — Brahmin, Kshatriya, Vaisya and Sudra. Each man has got one or more of these inner rather than outer personalities. These forms consist of three Gunas, divided according to the Gunas...

In the West, people are considered to possess all these Gunas living together and each individuality is entitled to develop all these personalities together; for that there is ample opportunity. But in actuality these working Gunas in the individual create chaos and people do not find any inner contact in their external life and workings. The result is that they remain always externalised, having nothing to do with any inner consciousness.

Interesting it is that even in the most externalised social organisation of the West there is a class system. The fourfold class system (the four forms of the Indian system) has also roots in the society of the West. There are Brahmins who are thinkers, scientists and technologists; there are Kshatriyas who are engaged in the military sphere; there are Vaisyas who are traders and industrialists, and there are Sudras who are engaged in all these spheres and help the growth of the four professions by their labour. But it is to be noted that, although people choose the professions of the four, they hardly represent the inner dharma, or..., or soul-desire. Many choose one or other profession because they have to make their livelihood out of the work they were forced to do by necessity.

(10) In the future there will be no suppression of the individual as I have been suppressed by circumstances. I was never a free man outwardly — because for me the obstacles were insurmountable. I had nothing in the world to be able to stand on my own feet, free from others’ domination. Family, country, politics, society, pecuniary conditions, the community, religion and all the modes of life were against me. There was moreover the second World War.

Because of the Mother I could grow in my quest for Truth. Her general protection and Her taking of me into Her family of many children was solely responsible for my spiritual progress. Otherwise it would have been impossible.

She has passed away but She has given us a world where we can stand freely, spiritually and psychically. Although India is not ready as yet, it is a certainty that spiritual India is emerging and true personalities are coming forward with Divine Truth. None will be able to hinder the work that is destined.

(11) Ultimately I found the truth that to argue with the mind, to discuss a matter with it and try to teach others by mental reasoning is not the right way, — because the mind cannot bring out the underlying spiritual idea.

I have noted many times while arguing with friends or others, that either they do not understand my point or I do not understand their stand. While I drive my point home even in favour of their idea, they do not understand and think I oppose them.

Unless two minds are on the same level, this sort of disharmony is bound to take place.

The only remedy is that we have to go beyond mental reasoning; through silence of the Spirit we can really help others.

(12) Two kinds of Beauty — Masculine and Feminine. Shiva represents the Masculine and Krishna represents the Feminine.

One Beauty manifesting in two forms.

Silent and grandiose, static and wide, a figure with the adornment of Nature’s ornament, having no artificiality and softness, Shiva represents the Eternal Purusha.

Attractive, changing, dynamic, mild, bewildering in behaviour and adorned with rare riches and artistic garments, Krishna represents the feminine side of the Eternal Beauty.

(13) Wings of a bird cover the whole world. They spread and spread till they will cover the whole Universe. They will unify, they will bring down the oneness of the One into the ignorance of the Inconscient.

First a few will know it, then they will come together — they are the elite of the Future.

Others will follow.

They will follow through the vicissitudes of Nature’s action, through war and peace, love and hatred, ups and downs....

With the above quotes from Bihari-da’s diary, and having read a few more, I tried to review my acquaintance with him. Was I any closer or wiser? To be honest I was neither. For, to tread where he did, one felt a bit “out-of-bounds” and, at the same time, maybe a feeling of “distance” from the Bihari-da we knew gnawed at me somewhere within. I rather retrace my steps for now, to cherish that Bihari-da we met in the Dining Room or the one sneaking away to eat icecream with Prashanto, leaving to the Future or some others to read the “Other” Bihari-da.

Is the sky high? “No,” say some; “Yes,” assert others. The “nays” look eye-level, straight ahead and around. The “ayes” look up above. Both, I suppose, are right on their own levels of perception.

We know that Bihari-da hardly ever spoke about himself yet some pressed him and managed to wheedle out some interesting telling comments and even strong views of his.

You are one of the early comers here. When you came here what did you expect from this place?

(Quite strongly voiced) Nothing, Nothing. Once I decided to come and give myself to this life — that was all — take whatever the Guru gave — no demand of any kind. If he gives a slap take it with joy. It is not ours to decide — just go on doing what you have to. If you fail, it does not matter. If you succeed, it is alright. Those who come expecting something are failures — one and all.

What difference do you find between now after the passing away of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo and before?

I think, when an Avatar takes birth on earth, He can never leave it. Do you think Sri Krishna is gone and finished with?

Sri Aurobindo is still here, as the Mother has said. Now it is for the individual to find and feel. If you try with sincerity Their help is always there. You are young, you have energy. You have to be heroes, doing heroic work. It is needed.

Bihari-da then recounted a story — a true one — in a lighter vein (depending on how one looks at it). In the olden days, when the Ashram had just a few sadhaks, no departments, no playground, no children etc., etc., it was naturally a very silent place, with no movement or change. Some people came from outside for a visit (probably from Bengal). They went back and friends there asked them: “How was that place — the Pondicherry Ashram?” They replied — “Mrito, Mrito!” (Dead, Dead!)

But when bluntly asked about what experience(s) he had — especially when he saw Sri Aurobindo — he simply exclaimed in ecstasy: “Ah, apurbo; — ki sného — oh — bola jayena — express kora ashambhab!” (Ah — wonderful — what love, affection — beyond expression and speech!) ... Then?... there was nothing more coming. When gently needled for more, he as gently but with finality said “Aar ki, eyi, ar bola jayena. Bola uchit na. Bollé-o ki bujhbé — Bhul bujhté-o paro.” (What more, that’s all — can’t say any more and shouldn’t say any more. Even if I say, what will you understand? Maybe you will wrongly understand!)

Bihari-da was known not to go often for “Darshan”. Someone reported the matter to the Mother. She replied: “Bihari is always with me, I am always with him.”

When someone broached the subject of the time when many could not accept the Mother, when Sri Aurobindo retired in 1926, Bihari-da countered with a query: “Who has known the Mother? Knowing Her — not as a machine or some nice person who gives us things — She is beyond all knowing. ‘Knowing’ is to become the Mother!”

Bihari-da used to say that maybe he could quite easily live a hundred years, meaning that his body’s sadhana would enable it to live that long doing its work. But at a certain period of his life, when he was about 80 years old, he said to Vishwajit: “Na — ar eyi shorir niyé hobéna!” (No, it is not possible to continue with this body.) When asked why, he did not clarify or elaborate — he just said: “Not this time, next time.”

Vishwajit asked Bihari-da just before leaving for Calcutta: “O Bihari, I am leaving, I hope you won’t leave in my absence.” Biharida replied: “No no, not yet. You can go without that worry.” Vishwajit went and returned, Bihari-da was there, no problems. Hale and hearty as usual. He was about 84 now. A few days went by — all normal. One evening Vishwajit, as was his habit, was going out to the Ashram. Bihari-da called out: “Vishwajit, where are you going—how long will you be gone?” Vishwajit told him he wouldn’t be long, just a short visit and back. He went and returned, and there was Mohini-da (he was Tinkori-da’s student in Bengal, looked after him till his death and was now looking after Bihari-da) very troubled, calling Vishwajit — “Shigri ésho. Bihari-dar kichhu hoyéchhé” (Come quick — something is wrong with Bihari-da). Vishwajit entered Bihari-da’s room. Bihari-da was lying quietly on the floor — no moaning, shaking or tossing about — just lying there. Vishwajit and Mohini-da managed to lift him onto the cot and sent for the doctor (Dr. Dutta). Bihari-da in the meanwhile opened his eyes, gave Vishwajit a beatific smile and again closed his eyes. The doctor came, but Bihari-da was already beyond the doctor’s or anyone’s reach or help. It would seem as if he had just willed himself to go, to prepare himself for the next coming. For us it may be more true to say “he put us to sleep and quietly shut the door and slipped away!” This was on the 5th of April 1993.

Years before he left he had told Vishwajit that he would leave no bondages with this world when he left for the next. He said this when Vishwajit quipped with him saying: “Bihari, whatever you do, when you die, don’t haunt this place!” Bihari-da replied: “Na, ami shob mukti korieyi jabo.” (No, I will liberate [myself] from all this and then go.) Maybe it is as a sequel to this pronouncement that Vishwajit found nothing in Bihari-da’s room as regards correspondence with the Mother or Sri Aurobindo, or even with others. So it is a lucky stroke, and an unusual lapse in Bihari-da’s “bond-breaking” job, that I got a glimpse of his diary.

Bihari-da was a man who never strove for an identity. Except for some of our vague and unimportant memories — he is lost to us. But is he really lost? Whatever the case — ours is not to bemoan his departure. Rather “Triumph-March” him into the realms he so much dreamt of and prepared himself for — the Realms of his Divine Mother. He is lost — if ‘lost’ is the mingling of a drop with the ocean — a merging of one with THE ONE who is ALL.