Champaklal Speaks : 'It is the Ramayana of my life'. 'My life is Sri Aurobindo & the Mother only. To write down their sweet memories is Champaklal's worship'
I don't feel Mother's Grace as before. Sometimes I get suggestions of going from here; I also get suggestions that I am not fit for Mother's service and for yoga.
What is all this nonsense? The grace of the Mother does not withdraw; open yourself and you will feel it.
1.5.1929
Sri Aurobindo
Since one month Kamala is telling me, “Mother is not putting her hand on my head. She is neither smiling nor looking at me. How can one stay here in this condition? I wonder if she wants me to go back to Gujarat.” The whole day she is crying in sorrow. When I asked her to write to Mother, she said, “When I write to Mother, she smiles for a few days and then it is the same. I do not want that she smiles only when I write to her; if she smiles of her own I feel more joy.” If for some reason Mother is displeased with Kamala, please, let us know.
There is absolutely no reason why Mother should be displeased with Kamala. She is not at all displeased with her and she has no wish at all that she should go to Gujarat; she wants her to be here; for here is her true home.
Mother is not at all refraining from smiling at Kamala or doing it by force; she is doing with her just as she has always done. It must be that Kamala has got into some state of sensitiveness in which she is misinterpreting Mother's looks and action—for Mother intends to be and has been very kind with her. This sometimes happens. So you must tell her to put these ideas out of her head and be calm and happy within and open herself to the Mother—then she will find that Mother is always close to her and she to the Mother and these ideas will cease to trouble her altogether.
N wanted to inform the police regarding some matter of the Ashram. Is it good to inform the police?
Such things ought not to happen here; but they do because of the vital ego of the sadhaks which makes them the instruments of wrong forces.
It is said that N is an advanced sadhak. Is his action appropriate? What is the reason behind all these happenings?
The Mother never speaks of advanced sadhaks—it is the sadhaks themselves who have invented the phrase. Whenever they used it in their letters to me, I have thrown ridicule on the phrase and said I have no knowledge of there being two classes in the Ashram, one of advanced sadhaks and the other of non-advanced sadhaks. So the question about N does not arise. If a sadhak whoever he may be, speaks or acts out of anger, rajasic violence or any other unyogic impulse, his speech or action is contrary to the spirit of the sadhana.
I felt some improvement in the leg but the pain has not gone completely. Generally Ramchandra's medicines are effective, but not in my case. Why it is so?
I have heard that he is a wonderful medium. You have worked through him the case of ordinary people, why not in me? Does that mean that they were more open to Your force than I was? Kindly explain.
R is a remarkable medium, but he is more successful with people outside than with the sadhaks—(not that he has not succeeded with many of them also). For this there are two reasons. People outside are impressed by his apparently miraculous cures and believe implicitly and follow his treatment—the sadhaks question and dispute it; this mental opposition has a reaction upon the result of the treatment (e.g. R told me there had been a great improvement in X's illness. X denied that there had been any visible or undoubted improvement, yet today Dr. Manilal told the Mother that he was amazed by the improvement, he had not thought such a thing possible, but now he knew because he had seen it.) The other reason is that sadhaks ought not to need an intermediary between themselves and the Mother—their bodies as well as their minds ought by this time to have become sufficiently receptive for that—outside people do need a medium, for they cannot be expected to have the same receptivity.
I cannot understand whether I am doing yoga or not. Can it be said that I am doing your integral yoga?
Everyone who is turned to the Mother is doing my Yoga. It is a great mistake to suppose that one can “do” the Purna Yoga, i.e. carry out and fulfil all the sides of the Yoga by one's own effort. No human being can do that. What one has to do is to put oneself in the Mother's hands and open oneself to her by service, by bhakti, by aspiration; then the Mother by her light and force works in him so that the sadhana is done. It is a mistake also to have the ambition to be a big Purna Yogi or a supramental being and ask oneself how far have I got towards that. The right attitude is to be devoted and given to the Mother and to wish to be whatever she wants you to be. The rest is for the Mother to decide and do in you.
At one time it was impossible to think of leaving the Mother or going out of this place. Nowadays thoughts of visiting my father keep recurring. What is the reason?
It is one of the suggestions of the external physical consciousness that are filling the atmosphere just now. I explain that to you in the answers below.
For quite some rime now, at nights, I get strange dreams. I forget my way, come across many obstacles, but ultimately I would find my way by the Mother's Grace and also feel Her Protection. Earlier, I did not get such dreams at all. I used to fly straight. Why am I getting such dreams nowadays?
You used to have dreams on the vital plane also long ago in which you passed through dangerous forests and wildernesses amid parts of land and water and wild beasts etc., but you reached safely under the Mother's protection where you were going. I remember you were writing some to me. Also there have been dreams of difficult passages ending in the arrival on the true open way. Only these reams you are having now indicate the difficulty of the passage through the physical (and no longer through the vital) consciousness—but the common element is that you are under the Mother's protection and reach the way at the end.
This is quite natural because what everybody is passing through low are the difficulties of the physical and subconscient nature; but he Mother's protection is the same here as in the past stages of the sadhana.
Long back, Mother told me, “Give me your promise that you will never express the desire to leave the Ashram. Sri Aurobindo was not pleased with your letter.” But what could I tell her except, “You know the reason very well.” Then Mother said, “Yes, but you must speak. If you do not say it how can I help you?” I felt that all these things were inside me only. But I cannot express it, because I know my sadhana in life is to serve only the Divine. I pray to Mother, to please explain to me from where all these things came into my mind.
What Mother said she knew about the reasons is simply what I have written, nothing else.
I am happy to write to you that I find a change has come over me after writing to you. Is it true or I am imagining it?
It is true. Whenever you are open to the Mother or turn to her with confidence in your difficulties, if there come any, you will feel the same. It is your true being that comes up—that part which admits these wrong suggestions is something quite external.
I heard that today morning R did not come for Pranam and also did not meet Mother after Pranam, as he usually does. In the afternoon, when I was coming upstairs at 3.00 o'clock I saw R in P's room. They were chatting and laughing as usual. After some time he came out and started joking with me. I asked him why he had not come for Pranam in the morning. His face fell; I could not understand why he became so serious on hearing Mother's name. Also, I have often seen that he was quite cheerful just before coming for Pranam, but when he came in front of Mother he looked sorrowful and displeased. What was the reason?
R is doing like many others—they are cheerful outside, but sorrowful or displeased or suffering when they come to the Mother or write to her. There is a sort of idea (which was long current in the Ashram) and there is still a feeling in the vital that the more you do that with the Mother the more you would get out of her. Of course it is absurdly untrue—the truth is the opposite; the more one is cheerfully open to her and lives in the light and gladness, the more one is likely to receive.
In our tradition Garuda [eagle] is the vehicle of Lord Krishna. Is it real or only symbolic?
It is symbolic.
What is the significance of Garuda?
The Light.
Day before yesterday a garuda came here and died in the night. Is there any occult meaning in it?
It probably came only to die in peace and enter into the Light to which it was attracted, being itself a symbol of Light.
Will this garuda benefit by dying in the Ashram?
Mother took special care of it and gave it the best death possible.
We hear that Mother saw it from Pavitra's terrace. Was it not fortunate? And will it therefore get the benefit in its next birth?
Yes.
In the calm sea, on the horizon, I saw a fire whose flames gradually reached the sky.
The calm sea is the quiet vital, the flames are the aspiration rising to the higher consciousness to bring it down; on the horizon means this is the development before you to which you have to move.
Night before last in a dream I quarrelled with Mother and left her; I lost my faith in her. This aggrieved me a lot and I remained depressed. In another dream I was carrying the big key—to the upstairs door of Mother's house—which was given to me by her. Suddenly, it disappeared from my hands. I searched a lot for it to go up there, but in vain. I got panicky and depressed. What does this mean?
It is probably one part of your being that revolted in dream; it was moved by wrong forces.
Both the dreams are warnings to be careful against hostile suggestions (first dream) or interferences (second dream).
What is the meaning of this blue lotus?
It can be taken as the (Avatar) incarnation on the mental plane.
I keep the book The Mother under my pillow at night, and I feel I benefit more than by reading the book. I am helped even during the night. I have not read this book completely, but by keeping it with me like this, I benefit a lot. Am I benefited because of my faith or because of the book?
It is something in your mind that gives the effectiveness of which you speak to the book. If it were a manuscript copy, then it might have a power purely of its own because something of the writer would be there; but a printed book can only be a support for the action of your mind which uses it as a means for receiving and fixing there your thought of the Mother and the nearness of her protecting influence.
Can we get knowledge without reading? I feel that there is no need of reading for my spiritual progress. Am I right?
There is no need of reading; knowledge can come without it. You may have read the Mother's answer to Motiben in which she speaks of work as sadhana.
Mother, I am really attached to my family a lot and especially to my father. Would you please write down for me whatever you said this morning because it has helped me a lot. Though I am not fit to be your child but by Thy Grace all is possible. Thy Grace is my Mantra. I want to be your faithful child and nothing else. May all the parts of my being be yours.
Take advantage of the circumstances to get rid of all attachment to the members of your family.
You must learn that you have no more brothers, sister, father, mother, except Sri Aurobindo and myself, and you must feel free and unconcerned whatever happens to them. We are your whole family, your protection, your all in all.
I am waiting for the day when I will say very proudly that I am your faithful child and I want nothing but you; all the parts of the being will ask only for you; nothing will remain mine; everything will become yours.
Yes, this will be one day.
The Mother
You have progressed much in many ways—but there are always in everybody some things in the more external being that resist obstinately until that is clear. They are small things and a small part of the nature. You need not be discouraged by their persistence. They will go in the end by observation and vigilance with regard to.....1
Yes, you are becoming more conscious; but don't make jokes like that about these things, for people don't understand them and get wrong notions about you and about the whole matter.
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