Champaklal Speaks

“For God’s Sake!”

1949-05-24

When Mother came to Sri Aurobindo's room tonight she brought yesterday's file. And when he began his dinner she started reading her play to him.

I was serving him as usual. The glass-top table now kept in Sri Aurobindo's room in front of a mirror along the southern wall served as his dining table. “While serving I had to move a bowl on the table and perhaps there was a little more noise than normal—a little more but not much, because I was fully aware that Mother was reading out. Immediately she said: “For God's sake! Please do not make noise!”

I was taken aback. It was not the words but the tone in which they were said that upset me completely. However the Grace acted, good sense prevailed and saved me from doing anything untoward. An idea came to this effect: Do not keep a very high notion about yourself; you wanted to serve without any demand, to render unconditional service. Is this not a test? Then I became very quiet, as if nothing had happened.

When Mother finished reading Sri Aurobindo nodded his head and said: “Ah...; ah....”

Mother asked: “How did you find it?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Very good.”

Mother: “Can it be staged?”

Sri Aurobindo: “Yes, I suppose it can be staged.” And again he nodded his head.

Mother: “Sahana¹ will sing from the back stage. B's voice is very beautiful, it has volume, it is sweet; she understands. X knows French well. Besides, he is passing through difficulties. To whom else can I give the part? All the same, I shall see. A, who recited “The Rose of God”,² does it with the appropriate expression; with eyes well rounded as required. V knows French well, but her pan is brief. The men will be dressed in trousers and the ladies will be saris because the modern dress is very ugly.”

Sri Aurobindo: “Ah...!”

My report ends here. Now you should know why I felt so much over Mother's remark asking me not to make any noise. Normally, I took care to make the least possible noise in the presence of Sri Aurobindo. I tried my best to keep the atmosphere as quiet as possible. And particularly this day I was fully aware that Mother was reading to Sri Aurobindo. Even otherwise, as I said, I was very particular about not making any noise. That is why Mother's remark upset me.

I was always at my best with Sri Aurobindo. With Mother it was different; my behaviour with her was exactly as it was with my physical mother whom I had served in my childhood in the same way. I remember my physical mother saying that only a girl could have served like that.

The Mother has trained me orally, Sri Aurobindo through look and smile. I have served Mother but I could not know her fully But as I progress she reveals more and more of herself and grants a greater and greater understanding. Only now, after so many years, I have started to know her by the touch of her Grace.