Visions, experiences of Gangadhar compiled in a booklet - includes an interview.
Edited by Sanjay Bhatt '71
This interview was taken on 15 October 1982 by Peter Wohler and Aloka Ghose '72 in Gangadhar's room, then in a house in the lane to the south of the present Ambabhikshu complex. What charmed Aloka and Peter but sadly cannot be reproduced is the musicality of his voice and laughter which, along with his gestures and expressions, carried them into the mukta spirit behind his words— he learned English only after he joined the Ashram. We have kept as close as possible to his language but, per force, edited/omitted the breaks, meanderings, repetitions, rephrasing inevitable in such cases. Battida has written on Gangadhar in his "Among the Not So Great" in Mother India, February 2002.
When did you join the Ashram?
1933, I joined in the Ashram, [on 24thjuly]
What brought you here? How did you come?
I am very small boy. My age is fifteen. Once (in 1928) Mother comes to my village. That time, Mother will go now and then to visit some different place of Pondicherry. My village is Veerampattinam, three miles far in Pondicherry, southern side of the sea coast. There is one Mother's temple there. There Mother comes. All the boys gathering in front of her, that time, Mother looked at me for four or five seconds only, deeply. Immediately I feel something in my heart. After, gradually, I felt joined to Ashram. That time I don't know anything about Ashram, about Mother, about Sri Aurobindo, anything. Only, Mother see me that something happen— what happen I don't know. After I trying to four-five years, coming and going, that time very difficulty to join in the Ashram, not so easy.
Did you read anything about the Mother or Sri Aurobindo?
No. I not interest yoga or... only if find some religious method of... usual. I not come for Ashram also. Only want to join the Ashram. Why I joined, I joined.
You mean you hadn't heard their names?
No. Only I see Mother after, interest to, thinking to join. First I write to Sri Aurobindo I want to join. Mother asked me, "Why, why you join? What is cause?" I said, "I don't know.
Cause I don't know. Only I want to joined
What did you expect to find here?
That time I nothing expect. Only want to joined, only. Why joined that I no any idea. But so much thirst, without joined I can't live. That burning house wants rain... that kind of thirst.
Your parents and others did not object? there was no problem?
No, no. My parents, mother father died very early. I am remaining to my brother. So many problems. But what will be there? I was so strong, I come to join the Ashram, I come. But that time, some way, my family all will gone out. Some political reason... some political two party fight... my family all gone there. I and my sister only remain. That was so fortunate to come and join. Sister good lady; know me this good boy, this good way is going, her allow.
And then did you stay continuously or did you go back?
No, never go. Once that joined, I never go any place. Even one night I didn't go to, out of Ashram... I never go.
When you joined, where did you live? Did Mother give you work?
First, opposite of Ganapati temple, one garage. There is no window, no ventilation; one small bamboo cot, one cane chair, one bamboo table; one kuja, even no tumbler to drink water—only kuja I take this is open. I working sanitary service that time. Still I working there.
People started noticing Gangadhar towards the end of his life. Taller than average Indian height, healthy and round-faced, clad in a white dhoti barely covering his chest, he would be seen visiting the Ashram in the eighties. White beard shining in the sun, long silvery hair, deep beautiful eyes, his face radiated spiritual contentment. An occasional "namaskaram Ayyah " (lengthening the "Ayyah" while raising joined palms to the forehead) showed his simplicity and humility. He addressed everybody in the same way, be it the Managing Trustee or the servant who accompanied him, Ashramite or visitor, young or old, as if he addressed the Parabrahman in each. Word had gone around that he was an old timer who had spent all his life supervising scavengers of the Sanitary Service of the Ashram. Above all, he was one of those rare sadhaks (Mother said so Herself) who never gave any problems to Her. His English, by the way, was as bad as he was spiritually great, that is, in the inverse proportion. But what he conveyed through half broken sentences seemed so much more important than well-articulated lectures on The Life Divine. What came across especially was his attitude — the extraordinary faith and self giving, the utter simplicity. I once visited his room when he was my neighbor in Subbu House. He, at last, had been given a large room, three-fourths of which he had left unused due to the sheer habit of living in cubby-holes for decades. Two kerosene stoves occupied a corner where an old, frail-looking, cook-cum-servant was busy doing something. The servant had become his only companion; he disappeared after his master died. There was a cot near a window and I don't remember seeing any table. I suppose there was no need of one because he could simply sit on the floor and write in the good old Indian style. He had contributed a few times to a Tamil magazine, he said, and pulled out a copy from a small heap of papers in a wall-almirah. Otherwise, the shelves were as bare as the room, except for a little junk thrown here and there. It was then that I noticed with glee a brand new radio! What was Gangadhar doing with a radio? The explanation was simple. As he was now too old to work, he was forced to stay at home all day, and so he felt like listening to some music. The wish was fulfilled as soon as the need was felt, without applying for any sanction to the Ashram authorities. A Westerner appeared out of the blue and presented him with a radio. "You see, Divine Mother see that Gangadhar need radio, so she tells vellakara (white man) to give me radio. Otherwise, you tell me how did this vellakara know that Gangadhar need radio?" he explained merrily. As he fumbled with the crackling radio, I knew he was still unfamiliar with its operations. He was more familiar with the operations of the spirit and mind and could switch off his thoughts more easily than the radio in his hand. How many of us can do that?. Raman Reddy '75
What was your work there?
Only supervising the scavenger, this, that. That time Kodandarama is in charge. That (garage) where is my room, there is no bathroom and no latrine, for two-three year I remain there. I come to this Kodandarama house take bath. I go to latrine in the Ashram. Only, take food and go sleep night that room.
What was your feeling when you saw Sri Aurobindo for the first time?
First I see Sri Aurobindo, some goddest man is sitting this is. I cannot see his face, and this is like golden body and everything see. I thought some goddest, man of goddest is.
Did you talk?
No. Not talk. Even Mother also I don't talk, only take blessings. Whenever birthday go: "Bonjour Mother." That only say.
You did not write anything to them?
I write Tamil. Very rare, only this is about fifty years, I write about only 12 or 15 letter only. Earlier time, before joined Ashram, I write every month. That time manager one Amrita. He is very good man, he is helping. Translate this and...
Then they replied also?
Reply, reply. Reply and that immediate Amrita translation also.
Did you join in Play Ground activities?
No joined. Only Mother's work only. My whole life Mother's work only. Mother's work is like our prayer and meditation. Whenever some trouble come, before Mother's photo I sit and pray for her. This is my sadhana. Even I don't sit for meditation also. Only Mother's work and sit before Mother's photo.
What kind of sadhana was there at that time when you came?
Only everything surrender to Mother. This is my service. Whatever you are giving, you don't think other things also, only you thinking to Mother, always. Remembering Mother, this is our sadhana. By sitting before Mother's photo, remember Mother, that only. After your advanced stage, gradually your mind becomes silent; you go deep in meditation. Mother may not give any mantram anything; but through work, our work sincerely, our do like Mother's own work, our can benefit.
Nowadays things are a little bit different?
Now different.
How do you feel about it? This is also sadhana or part of sadhana?
Nothing feel! nothing. Mother's work, now what our it is not our thinking about her work.
Whatever Mother give us, our do, that is our work. Is not our, this is go to see what is going on. This is not our right attitude. Mother has not asked, "Go Gangadhar, go to see what is going on." Mother give only Mother's work. Then do this Mother's work, that's all.1
It must have been a bit difficult when Sri Aurobindo left and even more when Mother left, for some time?
No difficulty. Mother is not. Mother always remain here. What is there difficult? Always her presence I feel. Two three times I see in Meditation Hall where there is Mother's chair [couch]. Whenever I feel so much difficulty I come here. This is Mother, her not left Ashram. Whatever your difficulty, without going to write. Mother will solve that thing. Now... before, I write to Mother and Mother will be through management you do. No, now nothing there. Anything trouble, only I remember prayer to Mother; next day that work is done. Mother is there... not only feel, I see her presence always there. Presence, help. Now her more help now (laughs). Before her presence less! (Laughter) Now even more help. I never feel any difficulty also. Her give more than my necessity. I require one rupee, her give ten rupee, what is there? Everything. My work also no trouble.
You had ever any desire to go out?
No. I never go, I never go.
You never thought?
Never thought. I satisfied. Once I see the Mother, that is my satisfaction. There is no idea to go out of Ashram, no any.... Even I don't read Mother and Sri Aurobindo also. Only some small book The Mother, Sri Aurobindo Meditation. Words of the Mother this only I read. I don't read philosophy book or Sri Aurobindo philosophy or this or that.
What is the most important quality a sadhak has to develop?
There's not more easy thing than, when, whatever work Mother give, do sincerely, like Mother's personal own work. Very sincere. When you feel this is Mother's own work you no any doubt or confusion, or any mistake, then you go correct path. This not only Mother's own work, this is Mother always present and looking our work That attitude enough to do every sadhana. Now
1 . In answer to a question by a visitor on the current atmosphere in the Ashram community. Gangadhar is reported to have said : "You enter in Godavari , very holy river , bath and that one get beautiful shells or gems and another get mud only , what is there?"
On 13 March 1981 at 2 a.m. when I started my usual meditation I was irresistibly caught by that mahamantra and I went on chanting "Om Namo Bhagavate Sri Aravindaya" continuously. My whole being got charged with the fire of a great aspiration and an intense devotion. I went into a deep meditation for more than an hour. My mind became absolutely still like a wave less sea...
Peace, peace, peace, oceanic peace enveloped all creation and in that peace was heard the non-stop reverberating subtle sound of "Om", slowly pervading all the world and there was a flood of golden light everywhere. In the deep silence of the Cove of the heart a fire was seen burning upwards to heaven.... All the inner centers opened up as lotus buds open in the sun, and they were flooded with light from above. The nectar of immortality started dropping down from the 1000-petalled lotus which had fully opened out its petals at the top of the head! There was a feeling that a great obstruction at the top of the head had got removed, and immediately thereafter the golden light from above flooded the whole being. Now, everywhere there was nothing but the golden light, inside and out.... The light, the delight and the sound, which were at first distinct and separate, now combined into a single deep divine consciousness.
The golden light descended further into the dark cavern of the dense Inconscient and lit up that entire field. The Inconscient was transformed....In a few minutes the whole scene changed. There appeared to the vision the divine golden compassionate form of Sri Aurobindo exuding Grace, Love and golden Light. Then appeared our Mother in her most wonderful golden form of divine beauty, radiating Light and Bliss.
A little later the Mother's form merged in the form of Sri Aurobindo and became One with it. Then Sri Aurobindo also disappeared from the vision leaving behind an all-pervading Supreme Silent Consciousness of Sat, Chit and Ananda. In the nerves as well as in all the pores of my body ran a strong current of divine Ananda....
you go to take something, some angry or that. That time, you see Mother see, that angry will vanish.
Do you think that that attitude is lacking now at present?
Another people like2 or no, how can I? I can't say this is like or not like. But this is best and easy way. This is no trouble, no worry, no botheration. Surety of our goal. This is simple child, like naked child to Mother's feet. That is great joy. You are thinking how much more you do by meditation. What, what is going in meditation? Through meditation you are going to realise your self. Whenever your desire, ambition, all lower nature silent, naturally the divine nature manifests! Mother
give work not only for economical condition. Through work our purifying our lower nature. Ego, desire, ambition this will go naturally, you can find your inner being, psychic. There is no doubt about your realisation of God, this is not impossible, not any guessing or imagination, but fact. You can see. Like you see this is stone, this is wall. This way you see God also. There is no doubt. Through only work sincere and humble, a humble child of Mother. Whenever you are trouble remember Mother's Holy Name: Aum Ma! Aum Ma! that is enough. That is great meditation. You can advance also, there is no confusion, no doubt. Mother Holy Name: Mother, Mother; sound-form IS Mother. Whenever remember constantly, devotionally, faithfully you remember, you really you see Mother. Not only the physical form of this Mother, which Consciousness takes this form, that Consciousness you can identify with this consciousness. It's not only an imagination, you can hear, you can see with these eyes. The same way you can sit and see that Consciousness, you can enter also. There is no doubt because it is not any imagination or only belief: "Mother say therefore that [experience) comes", no, that is there therefore Mother say! You see, Veda letter is about Brahman. Veda letter, not letter also is Brahman. Brahman is there therefore Veda is describe. Root of Veda is Brahman. Like this whenever you are sincere and humble, like naked child, offer yourself to Mother that great joy and nothing can stand before this sadhana. Very simple method. Only-work for Mother, whatever Mother give us that satisfied. Very sincere and humble. Very humble, like... like duster than dust. No desire. Whatever Mother give take Mother prasad. That is more than any great sadhana. Only, only that attitude you do you can advance. You thought how this man can possible without read. Read not, reading not for knowledge. Knowledge is real. Knowledge not through books come. That is knowledge already is there in the heart, there is some subtle vidya, that subtle vidya is already there.
2. Obviously Gangadhar has taken the word "lacking" in the question to be "liking".
Did you have any remarkable experience? Especially of a humorous nature?
Once I get some mental trouble. 1970. I get very serious mental attack.' That time this big doctor say I am died, this is, people say big doctor say mental doctor. "Impossible [to survive], no doubt; otherwise years take to [cure] this disease." After, I not take food, anything very difficulty. Mother say, "No. This boy not die. We will send to Bangalore." Bangalore hospital. Mother send with me one relative, one boy. This is, I am unconsciousness. But though after 15 days, no consciousness, nothing. No take food, anything. After, this is, electric shock, everything. After, little normal come. Then I found, every day night, 12 o'clock, one head-nurse comes. I am sleeping. Head-nurse coming [with] very hot hot coffee. Coffee and biscuit. Coming and, "Wake up." Take me to bathroom, and give biscuit and coffee, after bathing and this is. This goes on about one month like this, daily. After, one day, that head-nurse say "From tomorrow you take coconut. Morning one coconut, evening one coconut, take." I say, "No money mother. If you give ten rupee...." After I two-three day take, this disease completely come to normal stage! This doctor all will be surprised. "How is possible? This boy cannot possible two years, before two months it is stopped!" But I can't remain that atmosphere. So much madness. After, that doctor itself saw the thing and sent me [back] with my helper. That time, I go in to see head-nurse: "Head-nurse, you're giving so much help, I going. You not only [attend] every day, night also
come and give coffee and this is. You give this coconut, coconut most help to this thing." After (chuckles) that lady say, "I never come! {Laughter) I never come. I never give you money. Why I come night 12 o'clock?" After here I come, without I ask, Mother sanction two coconuts, tender coconut. That is Mother. There coming and this is physically Mother is helping. Not only me, many people Mother physically helping. You only faith in your heart. Faith, belief, devotion to Mother, that's enough. Whether Her giving not giving our doubt, how can Mother will help?
Any incidents before that?
Earlier day, when I come my village. 1930, 1928-29, that period, when I night come and go. My house is very far, three miles. I villager, no time [clock], nothing. Only I get up, any time, two o'clock, one o'clock night also I get up, come alone in the seashore. Once I see one accident. Very heavy rain. 1933 I joined, may be 1931 or 30, like this. Very heavy, like cyclone. I enter... no boat, night who will come that way? I enter in the seashore... this is I can't bear in the water. Very cold. I take my clothes in one fist and coming. Suddenly I 1-e-f-t [swept off by a strong current] this is. I only remember Mother. Mother only, because most I thought this is our end, end of our life! (Laughter) This almost go to that, near this sea and river is joined. There someone hold hand and throw in the... ground. After, I come out [of swoon?] and little after [come to Ashram]. After (chuckles), I go Mother — that time morning all go pranam — without [saying] anything Her looking long time. (Laughter) Flower not give. (Laughs) Why this is? I go to pranam to Mother, generally one second Her give flower; that day more than two-three minutes, almost five minutes, this is seeing and this smiling. After, I thought that that hand is Mother's hand. Must be, yes, yes.
Not must be! This only! (Laughter) There is no any doubt. (Laughs) Fire may be hot... not [like] that. Fire IS heat. Like that Mother IS. Many people [experience] many things; this is only [Her response to] our faith in heart. You not do any sadhana, nothing do. Only your what work, that you do. Mother's work our sadhana, our puja, meditation, everything.2 Remember Her, Her do everything. There is no doubt.
From which year you are in this house?
After this mental trouble, when I am in [hospital], here all these people, my management, say this boy may not come. My room, everything will be just [taken].
How amazing, huh?
Before [that] I stay in Nanteuil house, opposite Playground. There one accident happen. Always Mother giving me small room; small room always separated. That Ganapati house also, that is big building but I remain separated, no connected with the big people. After, that Nanteuil house also the same. Nanteuil house you know? Very big house. There is one room like keeping broom or anything also. That room give. Once (chuckles) Mother comes — that time Mother will go to everyman house. That one day, there is one lady Guna, her birthday, her calls to Mother, Mother going there. My room very small but that door also this [tiny] is. My room opposite one small passage. The door open, passage will be thin. This door always closed. I remain, I not come out. Mother going that house how can I? That time Mother, Pavitra, and Chinmayee will be going that passage. I use light, I put dhoop, Mother coming. Mother may not come my room, my duty is remain. After, Mother ask outside, "What is this?" That why light is there. Somebody say this is Gangadhar remain there. "Is Gangadhar not there?" Mother asking, I am inside, so "Yes, Mother!" I s-l-o-w-l-y open. (Laughter) Very small room, like this [one we are in] is half, even this cot after this much space only. I pranam to Mother. Mother one feet take my room. "Very s-m-a-l-l room.
Very s-m-a-l-l room. How you are remain in this room? How you are remain in this room?" I say, "Mother, I am very happy Mother. I am very very glad to, Mother. I no any difficulty. I very like it. I remain like palace, no any difficulty, Mother." People thought, this man ask some other where, any, there is big big other room also, this big opportunity. Mother very much happy I am not asked anything. Blessing and go!3
When this I am in the Ganapati house also, sister [Aloka], earlier time, 1935 like this. That time I am take [supervising] some work. That time one man come my way: "Aie fool, Mother is going to your house, you're watching work! Run, run, you go. Mother is... You go." I went. Mother saw this [room]. There also (laughs) there is not at all window, only wall one hole. One small door. That open, Mother see. "Pig also not is staying there! How, this is no window, this is?" Mother angry to Chandulal, that engineer. "How you are giving to this boy this room?" After, next day, he ventilation everything arranged. I never ask Mother. Whatever give, I satisfied. Not only saying this is, I satisfied. Her giving is more than enough. Satisfied, without any grumbling or inner. Inner also not, nothing. Now so many year I am Ashram food take; sufficient, whatever give I take. Even so many day, I never throwing Ashram vegetable.
So after Nanteuil, you were here?
Huhn? After Nanteuil? After coming hospital, Mother give one separate house, sister [Aloka], that "Give this boy...." Then I see one experience there. Nobody there, old big house.4 After six o'clock, I feel so silent, like you are, ugh... sunk in the well. So silent, no any thought, no anything. I afraid. Something happen therefore this is. (Laughter) I write to Mother. Mother say, "Aie fool, this is the silence. You want that silence for sadhana. Is coming to you! (Laughs) You're any afraid you call me, I come, I am always help you. Why, what is afraid? This is good. Sign of progress. This silence descent is not afraid to, this is welcome. Receive." Such silence, whole night remain. (Laughter) Even no thought. Such is three, four [days?]...
But you didn't stay there?
After five year stay, lease over, I come here.
This is nice place. You have big garden...,5
Nice, nice. Mother always give nice. Nice room. Nice work. Nice atmosphere. All nice. I not feel any trouble for Ashram. [Amen.]
When now young people, new people, come what should they concentrate on most?
Only remember Mother, first this is. "Remember Mother" this is one secret is there. When you remember, constantly remember, mind become purified, mind become silent. Why our trouble? Mind always this is thinking and this and that, always jumping. {Laughter) That is cause of all trouble. When you're remember Mother means remembering God. Mother means any Name, any mantram, you remembering constantly, devotion-ally, faithfully BE. That will be, that force will be, a kind of keep [mind] clear. When mind silent,
what concentration? This is... Remember Mother, constantly remember. You're automatically, you're go deep in peace, silence.6 (Pause) Concentration very difficult, that's why I ask this. This is easy method of concentration. Remember means you're keep attention one point. Concentration [samadhi] not our goal. When [in] concentration, our purify, our enter in the high, the highest consciousness. This is Root of all. You're [in] touch with that Consciousness.Remembering Mother also is [only] sadhana stage. Not [only] remember, you're [to] become Mother. First you remember, remember Mother; after, you're in the Mother. Mother means that Supreme Consciousness, you are become one with that Supreme Consciousness.7 (Pause) But this not come one day, two day. Can't possible,is not a miracle or anything there. You have Her Grace you can make miracle. Her Grace anything can make. But it takes time. But live sincerely now: your own work finished, go [home] alone, you can sit and meditate, prayer to Mother; [if] you're go read and this dance and sing, what Mother do? (Laughter) This is not a Mother fault, Mother not asked you go [do those things]. You remain [in your room]! You want the highest benefit, you can give effort. You want some golden pot, you can give more price; one rupee you can purchase earthen pot, for golden pot you can sacrifice, you can more price also give. Without sacrifice how? This is easy method, remember Mother, Mother's work you do. Now you see, Ashram give [charge of] work [to] somebody, you not fight, you not angry. Whatever in-charger say, you believe in-charger is Mother. Why you're bother for him? In-charger order you carry on. How long the ego, desire is there, you cannot progress; not even one inch also progress. Why? Ego go, you are already progressed! Why? You take, not only [in] Mother's work, [in] everything right attitude you take. Work not giving freedom, by what attitude our do that only give freedom. Why? Not only Mother's work, whatever, why [do it] very bad, anyhow? Everything is work, do consciously, this is Mother's work, for our sadhana, that attitude give, that is enough. Earlier time, Mother give "Radha's Prayer" to sadhaks [describing a sadhak's attitude].
Tell us something about those earlier times.
When I am joined, 1933, only 75 people, my number is 75. Mother own house about 25; rented house 25 about. That time only 250 come this is big [August?] Darshan. Big Darshan how long you know? Morning 7.30 started, going on 2 o'clock! Everyone more than 2-3 minute take. First pranam Mother, after Sri Aurobindo reach, there pranam. Some people giving something, take 15 minute also! When birthday, Mother give interview to sadhaks: 9 o'clock Mother room. People take how long can take; 2 hour also you can take. When I got [birthday], I only go; I will take 10-15 minutes sit. I bow. Mother sit, pranam, meditation and Mother goes. Her ask "Anything ask?" "No Mother." (Laughter) Hahn! I never asked Mother [for anything], whenever [birthday] is there I only bow. Mother blessing is enough. First Mother, what [else] is there?
What were your feelings about Sri Aurobindo then?
Mother and Sri Aurobindo, what is there? Whatever I say "Mother" that is "Sri Aurobindo". Mother isn't [only] Mother. Whatever I tell Mother I repeating to Sri Aurobindo. [What to] Sri Aurobindo say, that's [to] Mother. There is no difference. Only there is One. One Soul acting two ways, one Sun's acting two ways. One thing [about) Sri Aurobindo and Mother, whatever Mother say. Sri Aurobindo never [asked/argued] "Why don't you...''" (For us to speculate] "Sup-post- Mother..." is only supposing; supposing is different. Supposing means you are not being [factual, only imagining]; you're not your [own] self, then "suppose". Mother IS Sri Aurobindo — that way no any confusion or doubt." Whatever Mother say. do. doing, that is Sri Aurobindo [himself] doing.
Now. when this is Sri Aurobindo accident, that lime you see that what is surrender. Sri Aurobindo also surrendered to Mother! That time [Those days] Mother go trance; even eight hours or more Mother will be trance. Mother come generally 7, 7.30 [a.m.] in Meditation Hall [for] meditation. That day [when in trance] even 3 o'clock [p.m.] Mother will be sit, the body is there and that physical consciousness. That time Sri Aurobindo take food 9 o'clock, that Mother only give. After meditation Her going, take bath everything, then give. That day, Mother go 3 o'clock, after Her come and give food that time only [He will] take. [When] Mother going field or something, after [returning attend to] Her personal work, then come and give food that time only [He will] take. See how it [His meal-time] has spoiled? Hut He never asked "How is Mother that last time you...?" Nothing. When Mother give food that take.9 Satisfied. No grumbling also! (Laughs) Child. Sri Aurobindo child. Never grumbling. Whatever [happens]. Only two things He asked: water and urine pot. That union stage, very highest. You can enter into that stage when you have no desire, no ambition— like this, same [equal], whatever [happens] you don't [react], 'This is Mother blessings"— that feeling our when
comes, like rocket speed you can advance in sadhana. People [nowadays] think Mother never see, Mother [can do] nothing. This is how only work will be. Mother, through [our] work, Mother is doing so much, that is [when] this man sincere is doing. When one sincerely do Mother's work. I fifty years my experience I say, when one sincerely— that humble, Mother's own work, in Mother's presence, that attitude you do, the same Light you can get, you can realise,10 Even not do any sadhana, even not meditate. There is no confusion, no doubt. (Pause)
That attitude [of absolute surrender] also only comes after long back our journey— when our train journey will be end. (Laughter) That time-
only that attitude is come. You see, five year or five and half year old burning, taking to water or something. When the soul is ready, his end is coming to that last hold of this bladder— Is coming to bladder! — that stage only the psychic is get warned. Quite old, is quite old— because sadhak's psychic." When [in] humility, [it's] searching, not only Mother, any gum, searching guru, such case, whatever guru [will] say, you think best. Guru say jump into fire: jump. It is last stage. (Pause)
Another thing is [in] confusion or doubt.
There is Reality. The real, real thing. You can see [It]. You [ask] how [this experience will] come without reading? This is not reading knowledge! This man, this man, another says, this man this say, this [scholarship is] not [Knowledge]. Sri Aurobindo say learning. Learn [here some recording got erased] Now with Savitri, the news that our only understand Mother [by studying it]. Not necessary!12 You see, Consciousness of Sri Aurobindo is such, it's remain; that [is why] his writing became such [effective]. Mother and Sri Aurobindo [did] very great sadhana, come [to] very great stage. What is special [about] that stage [is that] it remains [is established], means you [also] will attain that stage. You think they only have that stage? Sri Aurobindo did, we will all attain that stage. That is our goal, our duty, our birthright to attain. That is in the way [they] show, that way our goal. Ultimately, there is no doubt. You thinking why we not attained? You, you not surrendered to Mother! Surrender like naked child— like baby surrenders how to Mother?13 Like this you remain, how quick you advance. But this stage also, this is not falls of flower.13a ...first Mother is to be held..14
Nichchaya. [Certainly]
...silence made permanent14...
Nichchaya, nichchaya. Not making! When you see it is mixture come up then check that [for] Mother's own presence, own sign.15 Firstly [Before] this sign also, so many signs that take, so many miracles, this take trouble. Ughnn, great misery of life! There is no misery!16 (Pause) There is one no-piece-of-light that [is] suppose Death. You know (laughs) there is no, no death! There is no death. You no suppose of death. There is no death. (Pause) This only can be [said] of this [that] there is something going on there. First also, this spirit is not died, but IS. Mother also not died. Mother also high eternity, eternal. Sri Aurobindo also eternal. Only this foreign [unreal] stain. This is painting and painter. This [body] is only painting, painting stain. The painter and this painting two is not same. You see, if you attain [Realisation] then you get that knowledge. Reshuffle, this is reshuffle. You can realise that there is no programme, no God, nothing. There is no war [of conflicting realities] now, where is war? Now you know that suffering and trouble and pain [are unreal] and this [is Reality], Once
Sri Aurobindo. A big cyclone. Particularly in the form, you see, this tree is flying in the sky, [that] night. So heavy. Mother, in the night, inspiration, inquiete. "This is cyclone. What is this Sri Aurobindo condition?" Mother come to see. Here window open. No cyclone inside this! He is like statue, like same, remaining in the silence. After, Mother not disturb. Only window close and go. This is another stage you can see. This is the real supreme God. (Bursts out in a powerful verse in Tamil.)
Our belong to Mother, our Mother's child, our searching Her, Her presence only, that is our sadhana. Mother what our give, our give to this Mother's own work, Mother's presence that is enough to....
Did you have any problems in sadhana?
No, nothing there is. I not do sadhana also! (Laughter) First [Only if] you do sadhana [on your own], there is [any problem]! I am Mother's child, there is Mother's presence: if the child is within [Her], it's not child's presence, it's Mother's presence. Her child. What is there? Mother give everything to everyone.17 You see, this world is remaining still [untransformed?]. Many guru come, many sage come, many avatar, jyoti, very big big people come. What is Mother done, no one done in the world. Even Sri Aurobindo also: "Without Mother I am also do not succeed." Any guru not done so much for disciple. Even physically..." Mother has tedi, tedi [sought out Her children]. Mother gives any person what is Her giving can give, even one small rice also not save. Everything give. First [Before] Mother any guru not done in the world. This is Mother's uniqueness. Anyone asks anything, Mother will give. Mother so much done. (Pause)
I will tell one [incident], you are family. Now you see, when first I come, I come with two dhoti, two chadder only. I put one chadder for the Darshan— this [end] over far this. That time, whenever I put on dhoti, I put whatever, some one way. I don't feel this form of going [is not done]. After, [like] everybody take food and work and this going on. No cloth, no soap, no wash [clothes]. I know nothing. I only take bath & go to Pranam. Then (chuckles) Mother is marking this daily. I no tell, I don't know others what they say. (Laughter) I don't know Ashram, Ashram form what all. I don't know English, I
1. He asked Manoj-da, his neighbour, on returning from Bangalore, "Brother, when I was mad, did I speak anything bad about Mother or Sri Aurobindo?"
2. "Yoga through work is the easiest and most effective way to enter into the stream of this Sadhana." 8.3.1930 (SABCL 25:207)
3. This event recurred with luminous changes when She visited him on 17.10.1979: "After this vision I find and feel the Mother's concrete physical presence inside the Ashram building. One day in the Ashram meditation hall... with open eyes and not in an inner vision, I saw the Mother sitting on the bed with a glowing divine golden body which looked most concretely physical beyond a shadow of doubt" (Gangadhar in Mother India Jun 1980:358ff) Earlier (GC: Nov'02) he spoke of seeing Her in the Meditation Hall.
4. Which/where was this house?
5. In this "nice" place, the toilet was on the ground floor, a sick Gangadhar on the first, the staircase steep & narrow. One day... see Mother India Feb'02:l62. (The garden was the neighbour's.)
6. "In the depth of a silence beyond mind and heart, I found the pure flame of Truth blazing in its intensity." Gangadhar in Mother India, Mar 1977:176
7. "As the bud blossoms unfolding its petals all around, so the inner consciousness blossomed and expanded in that profound silence. In lonely silence again, I realised the Divine Mother, the Consciousness of all consciousness." Gangadhar in Mother India, Mar 1977:176
8. "When in your heart and thought you will make no difference between Sri Aurobindo and me, when to think of Sri Aurobindo will be to think of me and to think of me will mean to think of Sri Aurobindo inevitably, when to see one will mean inevitably to see the other, like one and the same Person. — then you will know that you begin to be open to the supramental force and consciousness." CWM13:33
9. Pranabda : "I used to have lunch with Mother... After our meal Mother used to serve Sri Aurobindo." Once he took some children for a boat ride & could not return until after 4 p.m. I Remember, 1993:48-49.
10. "By doing the work with sincerity and devotion as the Mother's own work... my soul or psychic being opened after five years of Ashram-life. Since then, the psychic has been my guide and I feel always the Mother's Presence in my heart." Gangadhar in Mother India Mar 1977:176
11. In 1928-33 Gangadhar rushed repeatedly to the Ganga of Gangas "so much thirst... burning house wants rain, that kind of thirst". In such hours of God the bladder/soul "gets warned": Reject all toxins or burst. 1928-33 ended a journey of many lives; 5 intense years of cleansing later the psychic took over, see fn lO.
12. Earlier (GC: Nov 02) he had said, "Even I don't read Mother & Sri Aurobindo also. Only some small book The Mother, Words of Sri Aurobindo [quotes from his correspondence were copied, circulated &/or put on the Notice Board], Words of the Mother... I don't read philosophy book, Sri Aurobindo philosophy or this or that." He & others experienced Reality without studying the Arya & realised the Mother without Savitri. No longer possible!?
13. "Self-surrender to the divine and infinite Mother, however, difficult, remains our only effective means and our sole abiding refuge. — self-surrender to her means that our nature must be an instrument in her hands, the soul a child in the arms of the Mother." SABCL17:72. "When the child has need of anything he is certain that it is coming." CWM12:125.
13a. Cf. CWM4:92-95 — 35 years for orthodox initiate to change character (to flower), less if surrender as baby cat.
14. Rest of sentence not clearly audible.
15. "When as a result of a life of tapasya, there is a blooming of the inner life and when desire and ego are destroyed, this supreme Reality can be realised, in a deep silence..."Gangadhar in Mother India Mar 1953:54.
16. "To comprehend in a deep-seated silence the real existent, as it is, is the best way to enjoy the happiness and to become free from the misery."Gangadhar in Mother India Mar'53:54
17. "The Mother is the goal, everything is in her; if she is attained, all is attained. If you dwell in her consciousness, everything else unfolds of itself." Letters of Sri Aitrobindo,2002:1l4
18. Falters. Maybe recalling his own case?
19. Gangadhar grew up on "a drop of practice" based only on "small" books & correspondence. In 1920, when Arya was coming to a close, Sri Aurobindo refused to join the work of the saints & yogis in Bengal: "If the unripe goes amid the unripe, what can he accomplish?" In 1926, "Now if I have to write out all the truths I have experienced it will be necessary to write 100 Aryas for 70 years. But... I only write what will be of immediate use."That is to say,"small" b.s & corresp. Compare our ever burgeoning classes, theses, conferences on the Major Works, Lives, Actions &c.
20. Padmasini (1902-82), daughter of a police inspector, a Pondicherrian devotee, joined in Dec 1933. A formidable personality.
21. Sweet Mother, why don't we profit as much as we should by our presence here...? "...it is too easy! When you have to go all round the world... give up everything to obtain only the first words of a teaching, then this teaching, this spiritual help becomes something very precious... you make a great effort to deserve it.... Perhaps, after all, something is being prepared and one day..." -Talk of 138.1958.
22. "On my 64th birthday the Grace... entered into the depth of my mid-forehead. She came in the form of a Luminous Young Child, Bala... opened the Sahasrara, giving rise to wonderful visions and experiences [which] have continued and developed since then. .."Gangadhar in Mother India Mar 1977:176. GC
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