Talks by Nirodbaran

8 October 1969

Dear children, I hope my addressing you as children doesn't make you think that I am inspired by your great Prime Minister,²⁴³ that I am imitating her style, her manner, though I admit that the expression coming from the mouth of a lady Prime Minister is sweeter than in the metallic male tone of a teacher. The word 'metallic' reminds me again of something else. Once, in the presence of Sri Aurobindo, I sneezed very loudly. He was sitting on the bed, we were around Him. I don't know what provoked my olfactory nerves, but I had no control. The more I tried to control the sneeze, the more it seemed ready to burst and finally it did. And He remarked: "What

243 Mrs. Indira Gandhi, the third Prime Minister of the Republic of India for three consecutive terms from 1966 to 1977, and for a fourth term from 1980 until her assassination in 1984.

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a metallic sneeze!" (Laughter)

I was going to tell you: it seems a long time since we have met, though as a matter of fact, it is just a week. We have missed only one class, but the time sequence or the time relation depends on so many things. Particularly where the relationship is rather intimate, the period of separation seems long. That I suppose, you all know. Shakespeare has a beautiful expression which goes something like this: "And grew a twenty years removed thing/ While one would wink." There it is the separation between lovers. But here too, as I said, just one class has been missed and it seems such a long time. So they say time is relative. Once, if I remember right, Prof. Einstein was asked, by someone who was not very well acquainted with science, to give, in as simple a manner and as few words as possible, an explanation of his Theory of Relativity. Einstein paused, then said something to this effect: Two friends, a golden lad and a golden lass [Nirod-da comments: These last few words are my colourings], were sitting on the bank of a river, talking and laughing and chatting away. They were so engrossed and absorbed in each other that the golden sun set unnoticed during their talk. It became dark. One of them suddenly realised the lapse of time: "Good Lord! We have spent such a long time together, but it seems as if we have met only for half an hour." So Einstein said with a smile, "That is relativity."

Short or long, whichever way you take it, at least this lapse of one class relieved me of my headache. I had a good respite that restoted my vigour for this talk. I have told you more than once about how and when my headache starts. Right from Monday morning, my mind starts to simmer and my head starts aching with the worry: What is to be done this week? What subject to talk about in class? But now I have become wiser, more experienced. Though my mind still simmers, I don't really get upset as I say to myself, "You see how the Guru helps us in these critical circumstances." Last night, I had a very strange experience. Not a very big one, it is small fry, but very interesting. I have to get up usually at about 3:45 a.m. Perhaps some of you know that I do a bit of... some sort of work; I won't use the word

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chore' because it is a sacred, though very small, work at the Samadhi. Now, my friend Mohanlal-ji and others come to the Ashram for their respective work at about that time. Mohanlal-ji work is to sweep the staircase. So I have told him: "As soon as you come, please give some rude knocks on my door so that I may wake up from my sleep." So he does it very faithfully, without fail. Sometimes I get up at once, sometimes I say to myself: "These people have come, let them do the preliminary work and I'll get up after ten or fifteen minutes." You know what happens: I go back into sleep, and poor Mohanlal-ji has to come up again after fifteen or twenty minutes and knock again! Many a time it happens in this way. So, yesterday he knocked, my sleep was interrupted, and I said as usual, "I'll get up." Then, a nice, beautiful sweet nap -I was caught in its net. And, suddenly, I heard a very sweet voice, not the thundering one, calling: "Nirod-da!"Hello!" I said. Nirod-da?! Whose is this tempting voice ? I had forgotten all about time and space. I was wondering whose this sweet voice, so familiar, could be. I looked at the watch that I keep by my side, saw that it was 4 o'clock. Then I understood, got up, and went down. I started working. Then, as I was working, I was brooding over this experience. Why this sweet voice ? Then I thought, perhaps it was because, the day before, when there was a heavy shower in the morning, very heavy indeed, I'd skipped the work, I didn't go. Not because I didn't want to, but I was helpless. I wanted an umbrella; I came downstairs into my room to look for it, and found that the umbrella was absent. I didn't have the desire or inclination or courage to be soaked in that heavy rain, even for Divine service! But I saw the two regular ladies, very well protected by their raincoats, from head to foot, doing their work well. So I thought: they will manage all right, my presence is not absolutely necessary; I'll have a good, sound sleep! Then I thought, these ladies might have thought that I'll repeat a similar trick this morning too (Laughter), so I imagine that the soul of one of these ladies must have come up, inviting me to my duty. That is how I interpret it. Then I thought also of the Lord's strategy. How He changes things to suit His purpose, modifies His strategy from moment to moment, and this

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time how He sent the sweet voice, rather unkind though (Laughter), to wake me out of my delicious sleep, and particularly when I saw that my friend over there, on the side, Champaklal, was sound asleep. I couldn't but feel a little annoyed that I would have to go. However, as I was working, my mind too was working at a rapid pace. Sri Aurobindo said to me once, "Your mind is very active." Up to the present time, it remains so. Sometimes it stops, sometimes it doesn't. So the mind started acting and I was quarrelling with Him mentally, "What are all these devices that you adopt?" Then, suddenly, I thought: there's a fine experience which I can share with you, my intimate friends. I don't know whether you'll find it interesting, but it's very revealing. Then the work finished at about half past four, and I went up and tried to meditate. Impossible! Thoughts began to come in from all sides: from environmental consciousness, from above, from below, from cosmic consciousness even. They began to pour in and in and in, till meditation was lost, sleep too was lost! (Laughter)

But ideas came in and kept coming in. So ideas went on in this way: How did I come to take up that work? You know very well, I've told you, that I have not much taste for physical work - I'm allergic to it! And there I boast a little of being similar to my Guru! He too said that He didn't like physical work very much but, as was His nature and wont, He conquered that distaste by no other measure than cooking fish for the cat at the behest of the Mother (Laughter). So He gave me that example when I told Him that I do not have a liking for physical work. "Well," He said, "I've done this." Now these were always His ways, manner and method. Whenever I was asked to do something or I refused to do something, He would say, "I've done this, you know very well." He used to put before me His own great example and I would refuse to agree: "You are an Avatar, we are petty people; how can you, by your great example, persuade us, compel us to do what you've done." Then He said, if I remember right: "Till you accept this example, I'll go on beating and beating you." This has been inherent in my nature. I think it is, (if my Bengali friends don't mind) a Bengali trait - we don't like physical work. We like poetry, we like music, we

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like dancing, but physical work, no!

I remember, when I was a boy of eight or ten, my elder brother (my cousin brother really - we were a joint family in the village) asked me to go and buy some oil from the bazaar. I couldn't protest, but my dark face became darker! (Laughter) Sheepishly and meekly, I took the bottle, but my baudi²⁴⁴ was very kind to me and she protested and said, "No, no, he doesn't like that sort of thing, don't send him." Ladies are sometimes kind! But my hard-hearted brother wouldn't budge, so I had to go very reluctantly and do the job. That reluctance to do physical work has persisted, though Sri Aurobindo's example has done something to reduce that antagonism or antipathy to doing the work. When, again and again, He gives His own example, then what to do? So I reconcile myself. I have done a bit of physical work in the medical department, as you know, though not much to my credit; and I did some service to the Lord, less creditably, even, I should say, ignominiously.²⁴⁵

However, the recent physical work that I have taken up, as I said, is at the Samadhi. How did that happen? One morning, at about three o'clock, I think, I had to come down, and I saw Ila - I suppose you know her - and one or two other ladies working there. But after a short while, Ila fell ill and her husband came to take her place. I suppose you know Nolini Sen and Iladevi - parents of Amita and Chitra. Then Nolini Sen was working, poor old man, and I took pity on him. I asked, "Can I help you?" He said, "Yes, you can." I was expecting to hear a "No!" (Laughter) That's how I started working with him, from three in the morning, if you please. So it went on and on till Nolini Sen went to the other world. (Laughter) So now the work has got stuck on me - I have to get up at about that time. Formerly, it was three o'clock; now, little by little, it has come down to 4:00 a.m. So punctually I have to come down to the courtyard where the Samadhi is; something goads me to do so. My conscience has become a little more enlightened, illumined. But the physical inertia always comes in

244Brother's wife.

245Because it was done reluctantly, not as a joyful self-offering.

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the way. Very often I used to say to myself, "What's the use, I go there for half an hour, for the sake of going only, these ladies do the work much better, let me drop this work." Whenever I have that in my mind, I see the picture of the Samadhi in my dream. It's very strange: I see that some people have come, only one or two persons, and they are arranging flowers. So at once I understand the message that says, "Lazy fellow, get up!" More than once it has happened. So you see now how it happens! I've told you, He has helped and does help me in various other things, in studies, in compositions, in sadhana, but sometimes not in the way I like. But He doesn't care very much for my liking; He does His job. In this small physical work as well, how tenaciously He is after me. He won't leave me. As I've said, and I am not exaggerating, more than once I've seen this - some laziness, some inertia, some unwillingness comes in, and finding some excuse, some justification, I think of skipping the work, and then I get a vision of the Samadhi, or some sweet call - "Nirod-da!" - that's a new feature! (Laughter)

So then I was reconciled to do as much work as I could. Next, I thought that, at least on the Darshan day, I might not, indeed, I need not go, because on the eve of the Darshan days, so many ladies come there to take part in the decorations and to do some punya-karma'.²⁴⁶ (Laughter) So I thought, since so many ladies, five or six of them, sometimes even visitors along with them, come to work there, in the midst of all these Prakritis, my presence as the one Purusha would be very embarrassing. I couldn't move this way or that way without rubbing shoulders! (Laughter) So one Darshan day, I did not go. But, afterwards, I felt very uncomfortable, thinking: Why should I consider the ladies ? It is my job. I should slip in, make a place for myself, and do my work, though it is hard, though they butt in everywhere. Then, on the next Darshan day, I thought, No, I cannot take any decision, I leave it to You to do whatever You like. Either have one Purusha among many Prakritis, or let the Prakritis have their sway over You. Then, after two or three days and just before the Darshan, if

246 Pious deed.

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I am right, again I had a vision of the Samadhi in my dream. I saw just a few people there and they were doing the work. So the indication was quite clear that my presence was absolutely necessary. I could not remain in bed till late, whether the Prakritis were there or not, I had to make my way amongst them and do my job.

So there, you see, is the help; the unfailing guidance is always there behind you. It is there even in small things like this. Now it has come to such a state that I have understood that it is impossible to escape, to leave the work, till God wishes you to.

Now the talk of Purusha and Prakriti reminds me of a great story. Some of you might know it. I'm talking of the story of Mirabai.²⁴⁷ You know that she left her palace, her husband, her friends, the world, for the love of her Lord, and made a pilgrimage to Brindavan. I'm not quite sure which place this incident occurred at, but it is a true story. She went all alone - you have seen in the film,²⁴⁸ I suppose, haven't you? Her laborious journey took her through the desert and other strange places. Remember that she was a princess! All kinds of travails and hardships she had to bear, many adversities she had to face till at last she reached Brindavan. There, the priest would not allow her entry into the temple. When he'd heard that it was Prakriti or a woman who had come to have the Darshan of the Lord, he'd said, "No! No Prakriti is allowed here." Then Mirabai sent back the answer, "I thought that there is only one Purusha [God] and all the rest of us are Prakritis" When the priest heard that answer from the mouth of this girl, he was completely stunned. "Here is an exceptional woman," he realised, and he opened the gates of the Lord's temple.

So I revise my opinion in the light of this illuminating remark, and I say that I am also considered to be one of the Prakritis. Now all these thoughts began to come in, as I said, in my attempt at meditation and the result was - no sleep. Then I said, "O Lord, thou hast helped too

247The famous sixteenth-century Rajput Princess, married to a Rajasthani Prince, was a woman saint who worshipped only Lord Krishna. Her famous, inimitably passionate bhajans (devotional songs) are being sung all over India even today, after 400 years or more.

248Film on the life of Mirabai, shown in the Playground.

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much," and I smiled. Why did I smile? Because that reminded me of a story - I'm becoming a grand old storyteller in the footsteps of our Charu Dutt! That story was told by none other than Sri Aurobindo Himself. You know, we used to have all sorts of talks with Him, freely, without any restraint. One day, He was explaining to us, or telling us something - I don't remember what it was about, but He added this phrase, "O Lord, thou hast helped me too much." We had no clue about what he'd meant. Four or five of us were there; we looked at Him, a little puzzled. "Oh, you don't know the story?" He asked. Then He told us. During the Boer War in South Africa (where Mahatma Gandhi was at that time), the Boers were on one side and the British on the other. Two Boers were escaping on horseback after some fighting. One of them was short and stumpy. They were running for their lives and the British were in hot pursuit. Then, this unfortunate, stumpy fellow slipped from his horse and fell down. He didn't know what to do; the British were coming, he would be caught any moment. He tried once or twice to get up on the saddle but couldn't, either because he was short or he was nervous. Then the best thing he could do was to pray to the Lord, "O Lord, help me to my saddle." Praying thus he leaped up, and instead of landing on the saddle, he fell on the other side (Laughter) and his pursuers came and caught him. Then he said, "Lord, thou hast helped me too much!" (Laughter) So that is the story behind "you have helped me too much".

Now you see then how that single cry of "Nirod-da!"- sweet yet unkind - has brought out a whole story from the subconscience, for your pleasure and for your profit. That is why I say that the Lord's blessings are with us. I don't need to worry much about what I'm going to say. He will inspire me; He will give me the subject. If there is a little bit of headache, I make a 'call' to Him and keep quiet; the response comes. It comes in this way, unexpectedly, I don't even know when it'll come, but it does come, as you see here. He never fails. You know the verse in the Gita: mamekam sharanam vraja. "Take refuge in me; take shelter in me alone, I will deliver you from all sin." Though this is not a sin - I mean from all difficulties and all troubles of your

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life. "If you take refuge in me alone." More than once, He has shown us this.

But then I'll tell you another incident. I'm going to tell you this just to prove to you how the Lord helps. As I said, I was thinking yesterday, about what to speak in this class. Lying in my easy chair, I was waiting for my lunch. A visitor came in at noon, an elderly lady! She said, "Oh, I've been thinking so much of coming to see you." Thinking and thinking, I said to myself, how strange. But I couldn't check myself and asked, "What kept you back?" "Well, I was not sure whether you would like to see me." I said in reply, "You don't need to stand on all these formalities. We are all members of one family, though perhaps I have some bad reputation." "Reputation?" she was taken aback. "No, no, I mean, some people say that I don't take too kindly to strangers." Then she replied, "Oh! But when I think of you, I feel so inspired." I said, "Good Lord!" (Laughter) I suppose some others would have said "Thank God!" (Laughter) "I would like to know so many things from you because you have been in close contact with Sri Aurobindo." That's good. Then I calmed down. I had already heard about this lady and the strange and extraordinary circumstances, which I am not obliged to tell you, under which she had come here. But then I never thought that she would take a fancy to see me. I don't know how it happened. But as she said, she had been thinking for long of coming to visit me. Why did she come yesterday? That was my question. Why did she come just yesterday, when today is our class. So I thought, Let me see... this lady must have been sent by some Force in order to give me some subject upon which I can talk.

Then our conversation followed - very illuminating indeed, very interesting as well - about her life, her turn towards yoga, etc. I led her on gently and asked, "How did you turn to yoga?" She said, "All in a flash." "How is that ?" She said, "You see, I was living a worldly life for a number of years. All on a sudden, the world seemed to me hollow, empty, without any sense, and as soon as that sense prevailed upon me, I started for Pondicherry." Then to encourage her I said, "The same feeling occurred to me also, in my medical profession, all on a sudden.

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But did you have any connection with Pondicherry?" She said, "No, not at all. I only knew that there was a Mother in Pondicherry, that's all. I had not read a page of Mother's or Sri Aurobindo's works. No, on the other hand, when the people from Srinvantu ..." - I suppose you know that Srinvantu is a magazine on the Mother and Sri Aurobindo and on their teachings and other relevant matters - " ... used to come with their packets to be posted, I was a government servant in the Post Office then, and I used to, purposely, deliberately, put them aside." I asked, "Why? Out of fear?" "Not quite, but I thought this was very high and dry stuff, not good for any consumption. Then, one day, I went to see a relative of mine who had some connection with the Ashram. There was a picture of the Mother. She said, "This is the Mother.' Before that, I had not seen any picture of the Mother or Sri Aurobindo. Then I stood before Her picture. As soon as I stood before Her, everything in me became quiet. That's all; and I forgot that moment's experience afterwards. I was busy doing my usual work concerning my family, my children, office work, so on and so forth." Then I asked her, "Did you have any religious feeling when you were a child?" "Yes, to a certain extent. But when I was coming to Calcutta after I had finished my school course, my mother gave me a very strange piece of advice; she said, 'You are going to Calcutta, don't run after sannyasis! It was very strange, I'd had nothing of the sort in my mind at all. I was going to Calcutta for my studies and that too in a college where there is a system of co-education, but instead of warning me not to mix with boys, she asked me not to mix with sannyasis! Perhaps she had a perception that I would turn out one day to be a sannyasini or something of that sort. But I was not aware of that at all, it was far removed from my mind." So she came to Calcutta, joined college and lived there. But somehow she began to frequent the temple at Dakshineshwar, now well-known because of Sri Ramakrishna, and she used to spend quite a lot of time over there. That's how things went on - studies, on one hand, and visits to Ramakrishna's temple, on the other. She was a graduate and was preparing for M.A., but she had to give up her college studies. Then, she said, with her studies

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over, "I then got married!" And she smiled. Then I said, "Yes, women, whether they become doctors, lawyers, or teachers, all end up getting married! All these roads lead to marriage!" Then she said, "After a time, my married life became unhappy." I smiled! (Laughter) "Then, about two years before my coming here," she said, "I had a dream. I saw a temple, and seated there was a sannyasi with a disciple. When the disciple saw me, he said to the Guru, 'This lady has come here for initiation.' But the Guru refused - 'No!'" Then what passed between the Guru and the shishya, she doesn't know, but after a while he consented and gave her diksha. But she could not at all identify, in real life, the Guru she had seen in her dream. When an astrologer met her sometime later on, he told her that this was a genuine diksha, and that she did not need to worry about it, she would find her Guru. Then, as I said, two years later, all in a flash, it all happened. She felt that life had no meaning at all, and she started for Pondicherry, without any particular inclination. When she came and saw the picture of Sri Aurobindo in the Reception Room, she at once recognised who this was. It was exactly the same person she had seen in her dream!

So there again, friends, ladies and gentlemen, here is a glimpse of how the Divine or Sri Aurobindo is working everywhere. I know many other similar cases of this nature. By and by, I will tell you, how, one after the other, people hear, all of a sudden, for instance, 'Go to Pondicherry' So those people who have had some aspiration in their life, the Divine is helping them in one way or another, to send them over here, or helping them in other ways. A classical example, of which perhaps you may have heard and about which one day I may tell you more, is the story of a Rumanian described in the book The Lost Footsteps. I don't know whether you people know about it; a remarkable example and that was during Sri Aurobindo's lifetime. Perhaps He Himself didn't know about it in his instrumental outer nature! His emanation was doing everything.

Then the lady departed, as we shall also depart just now, saying, "I came to hear something from you, but I've told you about my experience instead." So here then, ladies and gentlemen, you see how

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the work is going on even in this small field of ours. Since you take interest in Him, He takes interest in you and there is a mutual friendly help. It is to our mutual benefit.