Recollections

The Mother's Grace

Strands of The Mother’s hair - a gift lost

Sri Ma would come down from Her room in the morning. The Ashramites would have their darshan and receive "flowers" as blessings from Her hands. Sri Ma then went to the Meditation room. I went to Her in the morning and then in the afternoon. After giving the Balcony Darshan, She would come inside. That was another opportunity for Her darshan. Sri Ma told us many stories. It was mostly Pavitra-da who was present during this time. Once She was brushing her hair whilst talking with us. She said, "I am losing all my hair". She then put the loose strands of her hair in my hand. When I threw it away, She said, "You threw it away?" I answered," What was I to do?" I was incapable of appreciating the worth of the hair then. I tried to find the strands of hair but they were probably blown away and nowhere to be found. I was feeling upset. Some said that ‘I was a fool’. Many other comments were made about me. But what was done could not be undone.

Doubt gives way to Faith

Mother would talk to me about many things. I listened carefully but some doubts lingered in my mind. Although I knew that our Mother was the Divine Mother, mental reservations remained on some matters. And then an event took place which made a believer out of me.The 2nd December program was organized in the playground. Once the practice sessions went on till very late. Everyone left for their homes after the session was over. What was I to do? I spent the night in the playground. In the morning, after freshening up I went to Sri Ma.

She immediately asked me, "Where were you last night?".

I said, "Why Mother?"

She said,"You were not in your room.You know that every night I visit each sadhak’s room to check on their state and solve their problems, if any. On visiting your room, I found you were not there."

I then explained everything to Her. I gained total faith in Sri Ma after this event. All my earlier doubts simply evaporated.

The Occult test

One day Sri Ma took me to Her room. She pointed out the places where the money and keys were kept. She asked me to let her know whenever I needed any money. I said, "Mother, what will I do with money?" Still She insisted on giving me money. Gradually She drew me very close to Her. She spoke to me about many things. I did not understand all of it. I found Her words on Yoga and sadhana especially difficult to grasp. But I could not summon the courage to ask for explanations then. Once Mother went into a trance whilst she was talking to me. Now I had the habit of standing on one leg when I was with Her. That day too I was standing on one leg when She went into a trance. I dared not make any noise for the fear of disturbing Her. I stood in the same position for almost an hour. The moment I moved, She came out of the trance and gave a beatific smile. She then laughed and said, "You were not here". I was confused. Was I not standing on one leg for almost an hour or so and yet Mother was saying "I was not here". I asked Her, "Where was I then, Mother?" She said, "I had wrapped you in a mist. I wanted to see if you could come out of it or not. I was waiting and once I saw you were gradually coming out of it, I was reassured.". I said," What does this mean, Mother?" She said, " I made an experiment. I gave a test and I am happy that you passed it". The Mother spoke to me a lot about Occult science - I understood some but not all of it.

A glass of milk from Her hands

I would go to Sri Ma at night. She would say," Go outside and take a look if anyone is around". I would take a good look around, then come back and report, "There is no one here, Mother". She would then talk to me about many things. I would be standing on one leg as was my wont. Sometimes Mother went into a trance. I would carefully maintain my position during such times so as not to disturb Her. She would come out of the trance with a soul-melting smile. I have seen this special smile only during such occasions. She would be as if re-energized from the meditation. Otherwise I would sometimes find Her somewhat tired. Mother would ask me to stand there. Then Sri Ma would bring me a glass of milk with almond & "pista" (pistachio). I would have to finish the glass in front of Her. After drinking the milk, I would want to take the glass to the washing area. But She would ask me for the empty glass. Like an automaton I would put the glass in Her hands. She would then give the glass to Ravindra.

The Mother plays the organ

In between I went to Mother in the afternoon as well. Sometimes She would give me sweets and sometimes flowers. Tara, Gauri, Parul, Rababala, Mrityunjoy da, Pavitra-da would also be there. Mother would take French classes for them where She Herself was the teacher. She would give dictation and then check the notebooks. I too would take part too although I had no knowledge of French. Sri Ma said, "Be attentive in the class. And gradually you will find that you have learnt French". Once my birthday coincided with Mother's French class. She asked me to make a wish. I said, "I would like to hear you play the Organ" Mother granted my wish. She played the organ. After this She would play the organ every Sunday. The audience started to grow in numbers. This continued for quite some time until one day it stopped.

‘Rasogolla’ from Her hands

Once I went to the Mother’s room at night. She asked me to have food. After the meal, She gave me two "rasogollas". After I had eaten them, She asked me if I wanted more. I said, "I could eat the entire bowl of rasogollas". Sri Ma was amazed at hearing this. I then ate quite a number of rasogollas. She asked me in a concerned tone, "Are you sure having so many rasogollas will not make you sick?" I said, "No Mother, I could eat even more". I used to work out daily for more than two hours during that time. Then I would also practice ‘kusti’ (wrestling) and boxing. I would work up a good appetite and I could eat a lot.

Falling asleep in Her room

Let me recount an amusing incident. I had gone to Mother’s room at night and was waiting for Her. But She was late that day. Whilst waiting in Her room, I must have dozed off. Meanwhile, Sri Ma came back. She called out to me but I was in a deep sleep. She first gently caressed my hair but I did not wake up. She then started calling my name repeatedly until my sleep broke. I opened my eyes to see that Sri Ma was sitting in front of me trying to wake me up. I was speechless in embarrassment. Sri Ma just said in a normal tone, "Get up". It took me quite a while to come out of my embarrassed state. Eventually I could see the amusing side.

Goddess Durga

I had been in the Ashram for many years. Once I told Mother,"Ma I have a strong urge to go back to my native land for Durga Puja. But I will go only if you give me the permission."

Mother immediately asked, "You cannot see her in me?".

I said, "If that be the case, I will announce to everyone that they should all come here to see the living Goddess".

The Mother said firmly, "Never do such a thing. If you wish to see, then you alone will see."

I could not ask Her for it then. But that night, I dreamt of a Durga in white; even her lion was white. I was puzzled at the appearance of Durga in white. I felt as if Ma Durga was looking at me and laughing. I woke up after a while. I went to Mother next day and told her about the dream. She said,"So you saw her finally".

It is impossible to express in words the bliss I experienced.

Her amusing remark

Once Mother asked me,"How many brothers and sisters do you have?" I said, "We are eleven all together - six brothers and five sisters." The Mother smiled sweetly and said,"You can even form a football team by yourselves." I found Her remark amusing - we all had a hearty laugh.

Flowers

I recall an incident. Sri Ma gave me a flower. She continued to give me the same flower every day. I noticed that others received different flowers from Her. I could not understand the reason. After a long time, I suddenly received another flower from Her. The matter remained a mystery to me. She Herself asked me one day, "Do you know why I gave you a different flower?" I said,"Mother, you gave me the same flower everyday but others received different flowers. I used to feel bad on this account." Sri Ma then explained, "The flower you receive depends on your inner state. Since I saw a change in you, I gave a corresponding flower. This is how I give flowers to others."