Volume 2 : Lights on the Teachings (2), Lights on the Ancients (2), Lights on the Fundamentals, Flame of White Light, The way of the Light
Volume 2 includes multiple books : Lights on the Teachings (2), Lights on the Ancients (2), Lights on the Fundamentals, Flame of White Light, The way of the Light.
The line of my sadhana precludes me from adopting any one as my disciple or child.
8 November 1930
The five months' stay at Ananda Asrama7 is a remarkable period in my spiritual life, even as it is to you an eventful period chosen to make steady your sadhana and to transform those that are nearest and dearest to you and to get them initiated into a Higher life by employing a variety of means—by a mild push or a helpful blow, by a fascinating experience or an impressive feat or by some trivial trick of the Divine. The whole thing was a Drama. Everyone did his or her part. Everybody had both spiritual and material benefit of it in some form or other. I did my humble part and had a large share of the benefit. Our bonds have taken a definite spiritual shape. Let us proceed onward and distance does not separate us. Pleasure has a spiritual value for me, and thought of you has proved a pleasure to me. You can always rely on me for anything I am worth.
21 September 1931
Don't you know that I am deeply interested in your dreams at least for the simple reason that it was in a dream that I, like yourself, got the initiation long ago?
25 October 1931
My sadhana is all right. It is encouraging: certain new vistas are open. It is something like wrenching the heaven by force. I can't write all these things.
4 April 1932
My immediate aim is within grasp. This is the result of the daily gains for the last one month. In the steamer on our way to Calcutta a new movement started. It took a definite and powerful stand in or more correctly over me on the 18th July. And since then I perceive the direction I move along.
It is enough—without entering into the details—if I tell you what this immediate aim is in general terms. It is to make normal what I get, feel or perceive on occasions or in exalted moods, in meditation alone or with others. Now this requires a temporary seclusion. For this purpose I intend to stay alone for some twenty days, otherwise the light is diffused, the power spilt.
An absolute or permanent seclusion is unthinkable; for the aim is not self-absorption, but a Self-expression in life. I have been favoured with a mind, trained for years, to keep vigil and not to fall into stupor. I believe a three weeks' strenuous discipline will keep the mind in balance which is not easily disturbed by the rush, at times a violent rush of the higher powers. Till now I have avoided fuss in the house. But I can do so no longer. I shall remain unknown for a time.
9 August 1932
After his (Sri Aurobindo's) seclusion this is the first Darshan when there was a full satisfied understanding and mutual recognition. It had a great significance to me, which you will know from the following:
There was pause after a tremendous uprush and downpour of experience; such halts occurred many a time. Doubts of all sorts crossed me. But I got up. I laughed at the passing clouds; said to myself,’ Can you doubt or deny the sun in heaven because the clouds screen your view? ‘Can you doubt or deny the daylight because night intervenes between dawn and day? Can you deny the presence of air because a strong wind does not always blow?’
Then I happened to see part of a communication from Sri Aurobindo to some one, (not intended for publishing). This acted as an electric lift—it gave me literally the lift—and the decisive step came to be taken. I give below that Mantra, for it was a creative word, full of significance to me. Perhaps it may be instructive to you too. I write the substance of it and use the language of Sri Aurobindo from memory and omit what has not stuck to me:
“The Divine...is not a theory, it is a constant experience, concrete, more concrete than anything in the world of Matter...When the Peace of God descends upon you, when the Divine Presence is there in you, when the Ananda rushes on you like a sea, when Love flowers out from you on all creation, when the Divine Knowledge floods you with a light that illumines and transforms in a moment all that was dark, sorrowful and obscure, When all that is forms part of the one Divine Reality, when it is all around you, felt at once by the spiritual contact, by the inner vision, by the illumined and seeing thought, by the vital sensation, by the very physical sense; when everywhere you see, hear and touch the Divine, then you cannot doubt or deny..."
27 September 1932
I am happily a confirmed believer in Destiny. Only I am prompted to work it out, without allowing it to take me unawares. The course of events is well set by a Higher Intelligence. But each event seems to come as a result of our effort or of the absence of effort. Yet effort is indispensable; this is a subtle device to give us an opportunity to learn to commit less mistakes than in the past, to purify and strengthen and raise our being to a higher level. By higher level, I mean this. Our experience in daily life must teach us the simple truth that at the close of each day we find ourselves surviving all the bitter events of the day. We hope and are baffled, we are cheerful and are depressed, we grieve and rejoice, we love and hate, we strive and struggle, and succeed and fail—and all these vital moods and emotional passions arc left behind, we move, on to the morrow. While every event is a link in the chain of events which can never be altered, our own conditions do not form part of these events—this is the secret. We can keep ourselves attuned to the events, if we can learn to see that we can not only rise to the events and even rise above them, that is to say, to take part in the ordering of the events themselves—but this very few can do. For those that are able to order the course of events must be not merely in tune with the Cosmic Will, but must be in intimate contact with the Cosmic Divine Intelligence and Will. If we recognise the value and limitation of our efforts, —whether we act or will or feel and think,—and maintain a lifted view of the course of events, it gives us a useful and corrective attitude in practice, and it may,—at first on occasions and then frequently, afterwards continuously and permanently,—give us an intense faith in the result of the action, of the step we are prompted to take. Such an intense faith itself is an indication of the Divine Will. It may even be said that the Divine Will expresses itself as an intense faith in the heart of the worker: sraddhamayo'yam purusah, yo yacchraddhah sa eva sah (Gita).
Such an attitude gives a greater caution, a higher level of normal understanding and buoyancy and power for push towards the immediate step either in the outer life or towards a higher ideal. And it pleases the Divine so much, so says the great Master. For this too is surrender, an active one, not a ‘tamasic’ surrender which leads to depression and incurs perhaps the displeasure of the Mother of the Universe who is given to be so vigilant and active in governing Her creation and attending to the nurturing of Her children.
But personally, I have no objective in the outer life, not only for the present, but even for the future. Whatever outward life I have to lead is entirely in the hands of a Gracious Power to whom this life belongs. What outward wordly Ideal can I have even for a passing moment? For to get above the consciousness in the body `as frequently as possible is becoming a necessity, and such a condition makes its own demands. The springs of life have to be left for another use.
The current period has been a clear revolution. At one time, even disorders threatened...to me this life is not new; but the new line is thoroughly new. I was proceeding along the path of knowledge; but here I find it is a feeble light of a still higher and all-encompassing way of the Mother. Of course it is the path of ‘Love'. But it is not of the traditional kind. It is quite the reverse of the traditional conception of Bhakti Marga.
Formerly the element of devotion was there in my sadhana. But the ‘Love’ I speak of is different. I should write at least four or five pages to state what it is so far as I am related to it. It will be right to say that this Love is not even human emotion that strains and stretches towards the Divine. It is an independent universal power of the Divine Mather which seeks and seeks for embodiment on Earth. Some other time, if you are so minded to have, I hope to write at length on this matter.
This period has been marked by prayers filling the system. One such prayer has been moving me for some time past. I did not intend it as prayer at all. In meditation, certain sounds packed with ideas, above the thinking mind, arranged themselves some ten days ago. I could not catch all, and so I filled up the blanks afterward. I write it down here, not necessarily for your use, but in order to give you an idea of what my attitude and feeling in general are composed of, as a result of the immediate past. Perhaps it may touch that part in you which irresistibly drew me to you for the first time.
Mother, Divine Mother!
May we be awakened to Thy all-encompassing Love, The love that enlightens our knowings, The love that vivifies our livings to possess and be possessed by the glorious riches of Thy boundless energy cast in the cosmic mould of Mind, and Life and Matter. The Love that concretises in our fragile frames of feeling, thinking and living matter the pure perfect and subtle strength and substance of Thy ineffable Presence. The Love that founds in us the intense raptures of the Delight of existence, measured in Thy measureless extension, marked in Thy eternal duration, and consummated as a point in the long line of Thy Truth and a perfected portion of Thyself.
22 October 1932.
I am spending, one hour, three or four days in a week to hit upon certain definite rules to be applied in horoscopy and astrology in general.
12 April 1933
Some two months back a new light was thrown upon certain aspects of astrology. It was a world of vision—new to me—stimulating and effectively helping the little capacity in me to interpret the language of the stars. It was at this period that my right eye was affected—blinded by too much play of light. The eye has since recovered its normal functioning and there is the required readjustment. Never was there any apprehension about it. That astrology can be made useful ‘for business in life’ is a belief (verified by personal experience) that I have long held, though I would not encourage others to rely upon astrology, as it is not one of the ‘exact sciences’. It is only an intuitive knowledge that can look into the significance of the planetary symbols and the ancients who were the authors of horoscopy etc. were intuitive seekers all over the world—Egyptians, Chaldeans, Akkadians, Chinese. But in India the study was more detailed and elaborate and complicated.
So it was natural for me to have desired to have with me the horoscopes of those (like you) in whom I am so closely and heartily interested. I would not have cared to sound astrology at all now, had it not been forced upon me on the way in my rising in the scale of levels of being and grades of degrees of Consciousness and its uninterrupted manifestations of various colours and forms and symbols of Power.
In Yoga no knowledge is tabooed, only an egoistic use of it i.e., a misuse of it by the ego-consciousness is forbidden. However little it be, when such knowledge comes it is accepted and kept as a gain for its use by the Divine Mother.
30 April 1933
My heart is made the temple for the Mother of the Universe. Nobody knows my humility, I assure you vanity is alien to my type. Secretly I have wept and wept and prayed for light and Love. When some drop got into me a few years back, some of you perhaps were impressed, some thought I was a wonderful man. All along I knew, it was not you that came to me for medical help, it was not I that decided to answer your need. I knew, what was moving me and you, unknown to us in the external; I trust to it, and therefore placed absolute confidence in your psychic directness.
9 May 1933
It so happened (unusual) that, was with the Mother alone in Her room for half-an-hour, meditating, conversing, losing myself in Love and Delight, seeking not to enjoy but ‘seeking to be enjoyed’ by the Divine. This last phrase sums up the turn of my being.
20 May 1933
The real solution must come from the core of one's being. As the aspiration grows, when one is able to light up a flame of Love for the Divine or the Absolute Truth, these problems present a different aspect, other difficulties make their appearance and one finds then that the only cure for all these ills, doubts, etc. is to make constant and intensify the zeal which is not an occasional desire for godly life or a tepid wish for spiritual realisation. As one progresses in his aspiration, he gets a clearer and clearer view of the ideal towards which he is drawn and moving and to which he can and shall refer all his thoughts, feelings and actions in order to harmonise and make them fit expressions of the Truth sought—God or Mother, or the Absolute or Self or Something Impersonal. All these I state from personal experience, I have had my share in the worship of doubts and difficulties, I did not choose them, and no one chooses his own difficulties. As things are, one has to face them; I have faced them, I am facing them; old difficulties have disappeared, new ones crop up, they will go, others may take their place, some of these are bound to recur and persist. But there is one redeeming feature—and that is a boon to me—and that is carrying me through. It is a happy confidence in the guidance, that these are incident to the path which everyone moving or wishing to move godwards must tread; some faith in myself that I am born to achieve something through the Divine Grace that would be pleasing to the Divine for which and which alone I should live; a certain conviction that even if my life's chapter is closed suddenly and unforeseen, I have landed into the right port and that what I have seen and experienced in this life is much more than I have deserved, much more than I have ever conceived of and aspired for.
But enough of this. Let me tell you that my optimism increases and is increasingly justified. I speak about myself so that you may take it that there are struggles in Yoga also, not merely in wordly life. But there is a difference, while in the former the struggle gives you strength and makes you a hero, in the latter it shatters the nerves through endless suffering.
I am steady, more steady than before in the sadhana; moments of depression are rare, but still there. This does not mean that there is no ‘ebb and flow’, the way is long and tedious; but since one does not walk alone in this Yoga, since one learns, in his own time, to feel the presence, the accompanying light of the Mother's Grace on the path, no anxiety or fear of failure is possible... What is wanted is strength. She alone can give it, and that She certainly does, as we grow, or She Herself hastens up our growth.
5 June 1933
Believe me that my faith and devotion are not ideal and complete. Still, the very name ‘Mother' has done me a lot which it would be impossible for many births to achieve. Every week is opening fresh vistas. I have known of no Yoga which lifts in a trice the human creature from the mire to the higher altitudes of the Divine Mother.
I have only one thought—and that is the ‘Mother’.
27 July 1933
The ‘source of strength’ in me is a Presence, ouite distinct from the outer personality and that is the Mother who in Her individual being and in the very physical body harbours the Divine souls and cosmic godheads, incorporates the cosmic consciousness, carries with Her the Supreme Eternal Divine, and allows to flow from Her the Peace that passeth all understanding, the Power that builds the Cosmos, the light that is the source of all knowledge and the soul of all things, and the Ananda that is the rasa, the very essence of all existences. My uninterrupted stay here8 for nearly seven months (this is the longest stay I have made here or anywhere, next to this my Ananda Ashram's stay is the longest, it was five months) has given me a new confidence and fearlessness previously unknown to me, and a closeness of feeling towards the Mother and the wonderful ways of Her workings...
The whole body must be made up of the ‘heart’ and become heart itself, then alone She can fill the body with Her presence constantly; every atom, every cell of the body is intended to become Her Abode. With her Divine solicitude which acts best when the being surrenders, with Her blessings for the transformation which becomes easy when one offers his prana, his vital part at the altar of the Mother, with Her gracious blessings (showered upon my aged mother at home) which I am asked to convey to her personally when I reach home; I am returning today, to return in a month or two; the human creature in me feels constantly, and frequently is aware of Her grip, of Her conscious guidance, of Her transmuting Love in silence.
4 September 1933
You speak of my ‘divine seclusion’, I speak of the difficulties that pursue one on the path until he is able to take his stand at least on the borderland of the higher regions of the Divine. Something shows itself clearly and unmistakably and then withdraws and waits allowing time for the preparation of the untouched or unwrought parts of the being. Despair is out of question.
27 November1933
When the faith becomes clear and one gets a vivid sense at least that he is not alone in the struggle and that he is at every step guided and helped by the Divine, then all restlessness drops into silence, then all struggle begins to cease.
This is the truth, so far as I have been able to conceive it in mind and realise it in life, though my success in the experiencing of this truth is at every stage limited by the receptive and responsive capacity of my being.
22 April 1934
You speak of ‘incarnations’ and ‘Superman’. These are very interesting subjects; but I am afraid I cannot write about them now, though they have been highly fascinating subjects throughout my life.
28 May1934
Sri Aurobindo's compassion is an ocean and my best Love is a drop…
16 October 1934
I saw the Mother yesterday and received Her blessings with special assurances of Her help and guidance as a living token of Her gracious influence and constant presence in those that are accepted by Her and have learnt to put trust in Her with a happy confidence.
The Mother has favoured me with some inner happiness and also something good corresponding to it in the environment and general atmosphere. This is much more than what the human creature under ordinary circumstances can hope for.
Let us grow ‘less undeserving’.
4 September 1935
The strength of the decision and the decision itself are not mine, you know. Only, I have a co-operating will.
12 January 1937
At the same time you must note that all along, an uncompromising idealism has characterised my outlook which may not be always called charitable in the accepted sense of the word and which may be considered rightly or wrongly ‘severe’ by some on occasions.
7 March 1937
The moment a slight depression sets in and vital enthusiasm is badly affected, some opening in the ‘nervous envelope’ invites forces of ill-health...
If we remember the truth about the causes of ill-health, we could at least prevent more than half the causes that contribute to ill-health. Besides, if we make up our mind to see to it that our life belongs to something greater and higher and larger than ourselves, to something of which it is a small part, a little surface of an oceanic Being, a living and conscious and responsible instrument, we can find it also easy to see to it that our life does not fall a prey to the forces in the form of domestic worries of various sorts.
...At a time, years ago when I could not think of help from any human source in the way that would have given me relief or solved my problems, I learnt to get over depressions by sheer mental will greatly helped by the idea: “Attachments belong to body and life but life is superior to material sheath and the attractions that enslave it; mind is still superior to life, as it is an instrument of knowledge and can guide life; again mind itself is less than myself, my soul which is superior to it; my soul, as I understand it, is powerless, knows little. If there is a God, a higher being who could give light and power to it, then this soul can control and conquer these lower instruments. Even if there is no God coming to give help, still the soul with the will in the mind can be made to dominate life and its movements."
18 June 1939
...The specific type of Higher life which...I have accepted...having finally embraced it after long and tortuous journeyings leading and landing me here through reflection, deliberation and conviction.
15 March 1940
I believe if there is any modernity in my writings it is still in the garb of the old.
22 May 1942
In the Mother's messages9 the first dated is the 7th. The date is remarkable. Because that evening an irresistible push broke my silence and called ‘Kumar' for ‘Interview’10 even though I had no mind to speak a word to him on this subject. That the Mother later when she saw me, recognised and appreciated this my condition is a matter of gratification and joy to M.; while it certainly keeps me contented, it has given me a larger scope to strengthen my gratitude and expand it in all spheres of my life.
December 1950
After a long time, turmoil, and trouble, I have learnt that one can easily wait any length of time only when he finds in him and with him somewhere the Quiet, Calm or the Peace which means absence of restlessness. - Surely this must be possible for anyone who is serious about Yoga, especially when one has received the Influence and the Touch. A mere reflection of the best moments will bring back the calm which is the cure for restlessness and not outside news as help. Of course a spoken or written word from a trust-worthy source could be of help; even then, the effectiveness depends on the inner condition. Everything from outside can serve a good turn when we learn by practice to live out from within and rely on That (He or She) within, in the central depths.
6 February 1951
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