Volume 3 : Collected notes & papers, Books: Sri Ramana Maharshi, Sat-darshana Bhashya and Men of God
Volume 3 includes collected notes & papers, Books: Sri Ramana Maharshi, Sat-darshana Bhashya and Men of God.
1927
Forty-second year (i.e. ketudasa and vimsottari) is the year predicted for a great change in life: either life comes to an end or something tantamount to that or janmabhutyaga etc. i.e. sannyasa must occur. “மௌந தீக்ஷைப் பெறுவார்” was the prediction read in the Nadi by the Choolai man.6
25-1-1928
Blank in meditation; something else moving for a while, not continuously.
27-1-1928
Meditated on the beach7
28-1-1928
“Bande Mataram.”8
29-1-1928
“ Bande Mataram."
Night meditation – ‘watchful’-got glimpses.
1-2-1928
Meditated at Palm Grove.9
5-2-1928
Good dream: psychic. I was casting off the coverings; Mother was aside above to take me up.
Part of the night was a waking sleep.
6-2-1928
Meditation was short; the attitude was good. The vast, He above, myself at His feet.
7-2-1928
Went to Palm Grove. No meditation.
“Half to one hour of concentration is necessary,” that is the word of the Mother to S.D.
8-2-1928
Short meditation — good in a way.
11-2-1928
One hour meditation at Maharshi’s feet with A.
15-2-1928
Meditation obstructed.
16-2-1928
Strong feeling of the Mother’s influence.
18-2-1928
Morning at Pondy. Sent fruit basket through Am.
Mother was not going to see any of us till the 21st. Absolute calm and receptivity was enjoined on us.
19-2-1928
Darshan of the Mother at the Library.
20-2-1928
Good experience at the feet of the Mother at the Library. Later, tendency to tears.
21-2.1928
The Mother’s Day.
Between 10 and 11 a.m.:-Pranam to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. Tears before and after.
23-2-1928
Calm, waiting for Heart’s intuition. Glimpse of the Heart’s poise.
26-2-1928 Read Karmayogin.10
1-3-1928
Night and next morning: ‘Calm and Delight’ — glimpses.
5-3-1928
Evening at Palm Grove. Meditated with S.D.
6-3-1928
Short meditation (night) at Palm Grove. Inspiring.
24-3-1928
Morning: Pondy. The Mother did not go through the routine work; not coming out.
25-3-1928
The Mother did not come out. “Kapali is come?", the Mother is reported to have remarked, “how unlucky he is! . . .let him wait."
26-3-1928
Am. says the Mother is sure to come out tomorrow.
27-3-1928
“It is good he stays till the end of the week”, the Mother said to Am. referring to me.
Met the Mother in the Library. She resumed the routine.
28-3-1928 Met the Mother in the Library.
The Mother remembers me and said to Am. that She was sure to see me before I left.
29-3-1928
Mother would see me Saturday morning.
30-3-1928
The Mother saw me. I meditated for 10 to 15 minutes.
31-3-1928
10 p.m. The Mother gave me 10 minutes at soup-time, She gave soup. Spoke to her, expressed desire to have a word.
“Sincere faith and constant aspiration, gets the answer was the Mother’s utterance.
Received Her blessings.
1-4-1928
Night: mild sleep. Visionary horses.
11-5-1928
The Mother called for soup.
14-5-1928
Break in Dhyana routine.
19-5-1928
The Mother stopped night meditation (general).
20-5-1928
The Mother does not come out.
21-5-1928
22-5-1928
23-5-1928
26-5-1928
The Mother is expected tomorrow.
Night: good, sensitive sleep.
Anandabrahman.11
27-5-1928
The Mother came out. Began common meditation. Did not come to the Library.
28-5-1928
Tagore visited Sri Aurobindo.
The Mother said to people there that there would be soup tomorrow night.
Noon: wept for Divine Love.
29-5-1928
The Mother began this night night-soup; ten minutes meditation before soup.
3-6-1928
The Mother came late at 9 o’clock as the car stopped at a distance of 7 miles.
4-6-1928
Living in a dreamy land as it were; perceiving the Truth in a direct and closer way.
Offered Jasmine to the Mother.
5-6-1928
Recd. The Prayers.12
Night: kept awake till 2 o’clock.
6-6-1928
Soup time (night): Mother seemed alive to my prayer.
8-6-1928
Throughout, prayer.
10-6-1928
Mother would see me on Wednesday.
Glimpses of Love’s manifestation in the face, in the chest.
Night dream: The Mother appeared. Saw Sri Aurobindo serene.
11-6-1928
Kept awake (night) till after 2 o’clock.
Some natural wideness and silence on the beach.
13-6-1928
The Mother was very smiling; gave her feet; meditated. All took nearly 30 minutes. Quite delightful, inspiring.
15-6-1928
Received before soup from the Mother’s hands, Book and Photos with signature. Mother serious at soup time. Good experience.
16-6-1928
Morning: Tiruvannamalai.
All with Sri Nayana13
Evening to Maharshi.
17-6-1928
Mani’s central question to Maharshi:\
சாகா நிலையென்ன ?14
Maharashi’s answer in 3 sentences unforgettable.
20-6-1928
Scorpion sting miraculous escape at Maharshi’s ashram.
26-6-1928
Some dull painfulness in the vital.
Meditation: body became a shadow. Experience wonderful. Night unusual.
2-7-1928
Effort at equilibrium in the vital.
9-7-1928
Evening meditation stopped for the day.
Night: meditated with P. for a while.
12-7-1928
Met S.D. who returned in the morning. Night: stayed at Palm Grove.
(Once the sadhak is accepted, Sri Aurobindo is in him and he is in Sri Aurobindo.
The Divine is rushing on all sides to get into every one of us.)
13-7-1928
Dull in meditation due to indisposition.
16-7-1928
Sleep: half-awakening with the inner eye opened flying with body in the air.
17-7-1928
Again like the previous night.
22-7-1928
Action of Divine Shakti.15
Meditation fine. In sleep had seen The Mother with her sight partly withdrawn.
23-7-1928
Meditation: laboured.
24-7-1928
Meditation: fairly good.
25-7-1928
Meditation: pleasant, powerful, good and satisfactory.
29-7-1928
Meditation: short but good.
Scorpion in the room.
30-7-1928
11-8-1928
Reached Pondy. Went to soup.
14-8-1928
Self and P. saw Mother in the Stores room.
Nayana and A. came to Pondy with S.D.
Night: N. was cogitating.
15-8-1928
The Great day. Self, P. and A. had Darshan.
16-8-1928
Nayana’s meeting with the Mother.
19-8-1928
Letter from A. at Pondy about himself and Nayana with the Mother.
N’s meeting the Mother.
21-8-1928
Letter from A. about Nayana’s interview with the Mother on Sunday, 19th.
3-9-1928
Sri Nayana returned from Pondy.
9-9-1928
S.D. returned from Pondy.
Encouraging news from Mother about Nayana.
24-9-1928
Meditation: very good. Descent of the Power and Peace; bathed in it.
25-9-1928
Meditation: good.
26-9-1928
29-9-1928
Meditative attitude in sleep.
1-10-1928
Night till 1 o’clock, meditation good; something vast above and around.
2-10-1928
With S.D. Talk. “The highest Supramental next to the lowest physical.”
3-10-1928
Morning: joy. Meditation: good.
4-10-1928
Meditation: good. Joy continues.
5-10-1928
7-10-1928
8-10-1928
Very short meditation.
9-10-1928
Meditation: fair, but vital disturbance persists.
10-10-1928
11-10-1928
14-10-1928
16-10-1928
Morning at Pondy.
Night at soup: wonderful colours and forms and scenes.
No tendency to sit quiet.
17-10-1928
Night soup: The Mother was half-smiling and kept the floral garland on her lap; very much pleased.
18-10-1928
Morning Pranam.
Mother gave: SINCERITY, RADHA’s Love (with) PEACE IN THE PHYSICAL MIND.16
20-10-1928
RADHA’S CONSCIOUSNESS.
27 21-10-1928
PSYCHIC DEVOTION, DIVINE MIND.
Morning Pranam: Forehead and head received Power from the Toe of the Mother. Good pressure in the head.
Evening soup: felt much devoted to the Mother.
-10-1928
LINK IN THE PLANES.
23-10-1928
RADHA’S LOVE, PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION, PEACEFUL AND PURE MIND, TRANSFORMATION.
22-10-1928
TAPASYA, RADHA’S LOVE, RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, PSYCHIC DEVOTION, SUCCESSFUL FUTURITY.
26-10-1928
Morning: gathering flowers for the Mother.
Evening: The Mother came to A.’s house.
27-10-1928
INTUITIVE MIND, SUCCESSFUL FUTURITY.
Significant. Had interview — 1/2 hour.
Meditated for 20 minutes; 10 minutes talk.
Quite good and emotional at soup time.
28-10-1928
Movement of Call into the deep. Unusually peaceful and happy.
1-11-1928
Meditation making way for the Universal Shakti trying to take me up from below.
6-11-1928
Meditation satisfactorily getting on.
7-11-1928
No night meditation.
23-11-1928
Morning: Pondy. The Mother questioned A. about me, my stay and employment.
24-11-1928
The great event. Had Darshan.
25-11-1928
RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, ASPIRATION.
Saw the Mother near the car.
26-11-1928
RADHA’s CONSCIOUSNESS, TRANSFORMATION.
27-11-1928
DIVINE SOLICITUDE, TRANSFORMATION, SURRENDER, RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, SINCERITY, CHEERFULNESS.
Pranam.
28-11-1928
Morning: prayer, calm, hopeful of the Mother.
Evening: S.D. at Palm Grove. (Every one must know that the Mother is near and close to everybody.)
29-11-1928
Maintaining equanimity.
3-12-1928
Night: good experience.
4-12-1928
S.D. spoke about the Mother’s referring to me." There is something in him ", She said.
6-12-1928
Talked to A.M. about retirement. Told T.V.M. about the same.
24-12-1928
Morning: Pondy.
ASPIRATION FOR RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS.
25-12-1928
PSYCHIC DEVOTION, INTEGRAL TRANSFORMATION, RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS IN RADHA’S VITAL, SUCCESSFUL FUTURITY.
27-12-1928
The great opening to the most external material nature between 4-30 and 6 a.m. and the srutidarsana (like that of the Vedic sages).
INTEGRAL OPENING (special to me for the first time); ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION.
28-12-1928
The Mother came to A.’s room, meditated with us four (S.D., K.S.V., A.R.P., T.V.K.).
Night at Soup: our eyes opened — joy — the Mother was looking at us. (Myself 8 centuries back an astrologer?)
29-12-1928
A.R.P. saw the Mother in the Library; stood mute for 7-8 minutes.
30-12-1928
ASPIRATION FOR INTEGRAL OPENING.
S.D. learnt from the Mother that A.R.P. was very emotive.
31-12-1928
RADHA’S INTEGRAL C. THROUGH RADHA’S VITAL.
Night: a little before 12, below the Meditation Hall.
Thus the last quarter of the last hour of the last day of the year, had me at the stair-case leading to the Mother’s feet.
1-1-1929
With the Mother, at Her feet:
In the first minutes of the first hour of the first day of the year I was the third to offer fruit and garland. Received chocolate from the Mother.
Morning flower offering. Got RED LOTUS (SRI AUROBINDO).
3-1-1929
ASPIRATION FOR INTEGRAL OPENING, ASPIRATION FOR RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS, DESCENT OF THE SUPRAMENTAL TO THE MATERIAL (special flower to me).
4-1-1929
Throughout night, with the Mother in dream. She comes to some newly built house of mine, spends the night. P. helpful; my bed is given to Her. She reposes. Throughout, joy mingled with reverential awe.
5-1-1929
INTEGRAL OPENING; ASPIRATION FOR INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA.
The Mother interviewed; meditated; then she said: “ Sri Aurobindo says you may prepare to come.” Then she said, “ Yes, you may come for February and March also. You have said you would come. You may do so. You are coming here in May. Isn’t it?"
Night: very nice repose; throughout attitude good. Mental activity unnecessary for life. From the bottom to the neck warmth and good feeling.
6-1-1929
ASPIRATION FOR THE INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA.
Offered parting Pranam in the verandah near the stair-case and a rose. The Mother was full of smiles and nodded blessing on my taking leave of her for the present.
12-1-1929
Morning: good meditation in bed.
13-1-1929
Gandhi and Sri Aurobindo in a vivid dream — I was alone in the house — a sort of interested observer each enquiries from me of the other.
14-1-1929
Evening meditation good.
25-1-1929
The Mother, S.D. said, was not coming down since last Sunday.
21-2-1929
Sri Aurobindo received the token from me. The Mother stretches her fingers to receive it.
22-2-1929
The Mother saw A.R.P. at soup time.
23-2-1929
TRANSFORMATION; DEVOTION; Rose.
15-3-1929
Sri Nayana leaves for Gokarn and self for Pondy.
Sri Nayana blessed me saying ’ siddhayah parirambhayantu’.
16-3-1929
ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION: PATIENCE.
17-3-1929
ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION; READINESS OF THE PHYSICAL TO RECEIVE THE DIVINE.
18-3-1929
ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION; PATIENCE IN THE Psychic; OFFERING; PURE MIND; HIGHER VITAL ENTHUSIASM.
Just a glance at Sevenfold Ignorance (Chapter in Arya Vol. III) took me back to the older days of inspiration.
Mother delayed to receive cup and flower from me at Soup time: I had a half-lit wideness over and about me; there was an attempt on my part to give myself up to her.
19-3-1929
BEGINNING OF REALISATION, ASPIRATION, TRANSFORMATION PATIENCE.
Mother kept the Tulsi in her hand till I received the soup. This day also there was something good about me.
I felt myself a vessel and in the whole movement with so many vessels was simply afloat in the wide and all encompassing Mother backed by the Supreme. Others also were vessels like me.
20-3-1929
Domestic sanskaras in the morning tried a bit very subtly.
The spirit of calm and yesterday’s attitude give me watch-fulness.
21-3-1929
PHYSICAL CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE DIVINE; RADHA IN THE PHYSCIAL PERFECTION; ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION.
22-3-1929
Saw the Mother at 9 a.m., meditated in her room for 15 minutes. 4-45 p.m. Mother sends word enquiring if I was conscious of what happened during the morning meditation. She found ideas around about luxury as hindrance to yoga and also a strong mental will wanting to solve the doubt.
(A certain apathy for luxury formed part of my general attitude but I was not quite conscious of these ideas during meditation. But now I give myself up to the Mother. May she do what she is pleased to with me.)
23-3-1929
Leaving Pondy. ASPIRATION FOR TRANSFORMATION; Psychic PURITY.
25-3-1929
P. became ill. Ten minutes of meditation together gave wonderful relief-movement to her. Later, self unwell in the night.
7-4-1929
First Conversations Day.17
8-4-1929
Meditation: good control and surge of pure movement of Calm.
14-4-1929
Second Conversations Day.
21-4-1929
Third Conversations Day.
28-4-1929
Fourth Conversations Day.
29-4-1929
Morning at Maharshi’s feet; stayed day and night.
30-4-1929
At Maharshi’s.
1-5-1929
Morning: Pondy. Pondy — life begins. All the luggage, (parcel) trunk etc. had arrived.
2-5-1929
SURRENDER; Psychic DEVOTION; SERVICE.
Morning coffee stopped.
3-5-1929
Mother said, ’Good, ’ when I offered to do the quiet ’ work of supervising the lime-mortar preparation which allows’ meditation.
4-5-1929
First day of work in the evenings. The Mother saw.
Mother gave me the work of preparing the daily wages of workmen, muster roll call etc. and gave the quiet work to Doctor Babu.
ASPIRE FOR DETACHMENT AND THROUGH TAPASYA FOR RADHA’s INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS.
5-5-1929
Fifth Conversations Day.
ASPIRE PATIENTLY FOR INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA THROUGH RADHA IN THE VITAL. HAVE PATIENCE.
6-5-1929
ASPIRE FOR TRANSFORMATION OF THE PHYSICAL CENTRE THROUGH SERVICE AND THROUGH PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION, WITH PATIENCE.
7-5-1929
SERVICE.
French commenced Self-Instructor two sentences nominal beginning.
9-5-1929
TAPASYA; PATIENCE; FIDELITY.
11-5-1929
FIDELITY; PATIENCE.
Mother gave me a black-lead pencil.
12-5-1929
Sixth Conversations Day.
PURE MIND.
13-5-1929
PATIENCE; PSYCHIC PURITY; REFINED SENSATION; PURE MIND.
14-5-1929
PSYCHIC PURITY.
15-5-1929
We had a lottery and gave 3 prizes to three of the workmen; the rest got plantain fruits from the Mother’s hands.
16-5-1929
FIDELITY.
18-5-1929
INTEGRAL PRAYER; PURE MIND THROUGH DETACHMENT.
19-5-1929
Seventh Conversations Day.
DESCENT OF THE INTEGRAL LIGHT TO THE PHYSICAL; PSYCHIC DEVOTION; PERFECTED MIND.
20-5-1929
REALISATION.
21-5-1929
PERFECT PURE MIND; INTUITIVE LIGHT IN THE PHYSICAL.
23-5-1929
SILENCE; REALISATION.
25-5-1929
CONVERSION OF THE VITAL.
The effect was seen in sleep at night especially the next morning.
26-5-1929
Eighth Conversations Day.
MENTAL PLASTICITY.
Morning: a strong sense of myself feeling different from the body.
27-5-1929
PERFECTED PURE MIND.
28-5-1929
SERVICE IN INTEGRAL TAPASYA.
29-5-1929
Night: after soup, snuff given up.
30-5-1929
REALISATION
Very good experiences at Pranam time.
31-5-1929
Wrote resignation letter and posted.
The Mother gave me two shirt-buttons.
Got Conversations (I-VII) typed.
Night: wakeful sleep; throughout extraordinary psycho-vital experience.
1-6-1929
DEVOTION; RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS.
Mother consented yesterday to take the Banana juice from me. Today was the first day. (Fig bark used). Night. Bamboo leaf and cinnamon bark, experiment successful.
Night: wakeful sleep.
2-6-1929
Ninth Conversations Day.
PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION; TRUTHFULNESS.
Today’s banana juice (Bamboo leaf and cinnamon) was sent up. “Too rich a food, I shall give it to Sri Aurobindo" seems to be the Mother’s remark to Am.
Night: wakeful sleep. Very pleasant; also good vision of self.
3-6-1929
SURRENDER.
Banana juice sent today also.
4-6-1929
PSYCHIC PURITY IN PHYSICAL CENTRE.
Banana juice sent up today.
Today Banana juice stopped. The Mother told Am., “We don’t want to take such a rich food. It is too rich a food, not that we don’t like it."
5-6-1929
HEALTH; WEALTH; PSYCHIC VISION.
8-6-1929
PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION.
9-6-1929
Tenth Conversations Day.
ILLUMINED MIND; PERFECTED PURE MIND.
With S.D. (Allow the central Being the point of contact with the Divine -to dominate other parts of the being, so that they can receive the light and be transformed.)
10-6-1929
SERVICE IN PHYSICAL CENTRE.
11-6-1929
Many hostile waves to drag me out.
13-6-1929
TAPASYA; SERVICE.
14-6-1929
There was some strong sense of a liberated being or rather myself a silent being with an over-being which was universal watching and guiding me to Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.
15-6-1929
ILLUMINED MIND WITH INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA.
16-6-1929
Eleventh Conversations Day.
SUPRAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE PHYSICAL; LINK WITH PLANES.
Offered jasmine garland; The Mother accepted.
17-6-1929
RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS IN INTUITIVE LIGHT IN THE PHYSICAL.
18-6-1929
RADHA’S INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS IN INTUITIVE LIGHT.
S.D. narrated the Mother’s interpretation of fidelity.
19-6-1929
The Mother accepted my jasmine garland.
20-6-1929
PROSPERITY.
22-6-1929
INTEGRAL CONSCIOUSNESS OF RADHA IN INTUITIVE MIND.
Got the X Conversation typed copy.
23-6-1929
Twelfth Conversations Day.
Got the IV Conversation typed copy.
Got the Mother’s permission to go to Madras.
The Mother accepted my jasmine garland at soup time.
24-6-1929
TAPASYA; CALM AND PURE MIND.
25-6-1929
26-6-1929
Night: leaving Pondy.
Evening 7: Mother saw me in the Library. Gave me French ARYA. Meditated, talked, blessed; asked me when I was to return. Myself spoke to Her about attachment to Nayana and all that.
Meditation at Mother’s feet with her fingers on the back of my head and her happy smiles and questionings and was assured success and protection.
15-8-1929
Sri Aurobindo’s Day.
At His and Her feet — calm and collected.
Had a copy of XIII Conversation.
3-9-1929
9 to 12 (a.m.) sleep in meditation and prayer. (Birthday)
19-10-1929
Had fine talks, interesting and useful, with Maharshi.
24-11-1929
The Great Day. Wonderful phalasruti — Gita IX.31.
ksipram bhavati dharmatma sasvat santim nigacchati kaunteya prati-janihi na me bhaktah pranasyati.
1-1-1930
With A.R.D.
Within man is the soul of the whole, The Wise Silence, the Universal Beauty to which every part and particle is equally related, the Eternal One18
1 2-2-1930
Resolve to be ’suspended in the air’, without support.
3-2-1930
Morning getting up with the thought in the central being (heart) without mental support.
21-2-1930
22-2-1930
Pranam in the room: I felt receptive in the middle of the eye-brow and at the back of the head.
INTEGRAL RADHA THROUGH RADHA IN THE VITAL.
May my every movement (from within) be guided by (...therefore one with) the Universal Divine Power”, was the prayer and attitude with an inkling into and craving for that experience. When the flower was given to me, I found that the movement (of Power shall be from Delight to Delight.
10-3-1930
Morning: at Maharshi’s feet.
21-3-1930
Na hi sarvah sarvam janati.
13-4-1930
Part of and one with the triple cosmic movement of nature; the part trying to identify with other parts, souls, instruments. .
Opening, remaining passive to the Influence of the Universal.
Self falling back on the Silence behind every movement.
The Mother’s feet press from above.
The being is exposed on all sides.
Trust to the action of the Divine Shakti in and from the Supreme Silence.
21-4-1930
For more than a week the attitude has been encouraging in spite of want of seclusion, necessary to intensify experience. The body becomes an empty tool around and into which light and life begin to pour.
24-4-1930
Night: heavy pressure and struggle continued till next midnight.
25-4-1930
Throughout the day: pressure and struggle; tension, head-pressure — throughout the body pressed and oppressed.
26-4-1930
Meditation attitude strong throughout, despite disturbances of the forces undercurrent.
1-5-1930
Meditation throughout good; inspired by the ‘Conversations with the Mother’.
4-5-1930
Morning: flashes regarding Time movement.
7-5-1930 Night throughout savasana; good.
8-5-1930
Night: savasana.
The one Shakti at work -within and without.
9-5-1930
Separation thins.
The whole being catches the flame for a while.
Form and sound sensed, bring into relief the background — overpowering infinitude of Space and Silence.
Ego is felt to be imposing on the working of the Divine Shakti.
10-5-1930
Sensation below the navel is offered for transformation into the aspiring flame.
11-5-1930
“Love with a sensation in the heart — to every being, form as a cloak over the Self-Divine” — this is the bent of the being after the morning’s meditation.
12-5-1930
A little dullness — perhaps time required for assimilation.
14-5-1930
16-5-1930
Evening meditation curious.
17-5-1930
Night meditation was good, though short.
20-5-1930
Pressure on the neck — right side downwards.
21-5-1930
Pain in the neck -right side, till 4 p.m. Then some great force of Prana felt from the neck (throat) below.
22-5-1930
Meditation good: evening.
Some strong good smell in the nostrils for some time.
23-5-1930
The ’smell’ continues quite often. It resembles Oodabatti.19
24-5-1930
The smell continues quite often.
25-5-1930
The smell continues.
26-5-1930
The smell continues wonderfully.
Entrance of power into the vital.
27-5-1930
The smell noted at 9-50 a.m. continued throughout. Evening meditation: strain and struggle, improvement on the previous day, by getting five clues for separation and detachment. Extending around, above, a little behind in the movement, in the living symbolic expression of the Subliminal; viewing the being that lives and moves from moment to moment as a result of Nature’s work (svabhavastu pravartate); offering the whole to the Divine; calling upon the Mother to get in and take charge; with a remembrance of Witness Silence backing the movement.
28-5-1930
A.R.D. came at night. He says he feels the smell. Tested many times. The flowing smell is not merely from within and subjective; it is sensible externally. Only today I was convinced that the smell was not sensed by breathing in and out and it came from within. In the very talk it came out and was felt.
At night it was much felt in the throat.
The whole thing — grand, wonderful.
29-5-1930
The usual Smell — noted at 7-50 a.m. — so pleasant, sweet, is an easy device for dull hours to be enjoyed. Continued till sleep.
Afternoon: so much of intoxication! It is sensed by others.20
30-5-1930
Smell noted on getting up.
Day-time till sunset, great hilarity, bodily pleasure; sound in the ear, smell gushing forth from the throat.
31-5-1930
The usual smell noted at 6-50 a.m.
Smell, at intervals only, not quite as frequent as on previous days; but just when the breath is retained in meditation and the sound rises to higher pitch, it is ready to come out.
1-6-1930
10 a.m. smell noted. Not as frequent as on previous days. It was very pronounced and frequent in the evening meditation.
2-6-1930
Day: smell less frequent than on previous days. Studies nil excepting ARYA.
Evening meditation: smell rather frequent but feeble.
3-6-1930
Some change in the kind of smell.
Night meditation: watched the smell. It was almost constant but not so strong and sweet.
4-6-1930
Different kind of smell. Not so strong or sweet; yet frequent.
5-6-1930
Smell almost constant; very feeble; different kind. There is some strain and struggle for meditation.
Kept quiet for hours. Still joy was wanting.
Night last quarter: a curious dream:
K’s house, I take in my right hand a vessel of butter with haridra with her knowledge and consent. She suggests and I take the white calf of the milch-cow that is off for grazing. On my way the calf sheds tears for separation from her mother. I realise the folly but say, ’You can see your mother’.
’How? Must I go or will she come?’ she speaks in despair. I am wakeful, the dream is vivid.
The calf does not think of going away from me despite her desire to be with her mother.
A dream symbolic of the current stage in the sadhana. Is the smell the butter?
The white calf is the inner soul.
The milch-cow black with streaks of brown light-yellow — is the Mother Infinite – Aditi -whose ’prasad’ – the butter — is the psychic essence yielded at the instance of the calf-child, the inner being.
The butter is not kept pure; the turmeric powder is the ego’s trick to conceal the pure nature of the butter. 6-6-1930
From morning — the smell quite frequent, yet not so sweet.
There is natural unstrained meditation since waking. Read Sri Aurobindo’s ’Isha’. It had an ennobling effect on the inner and outer being. (10.30-1.30)
7-6-1930
Morning: clear; the smell is there almost continuous through-out.
Evening: P. says it is sweet, something like the smell of the squeezed leaves of the turmeric plant — scent grass’.
8-6-1930
Morning good. The smell is almost constant. The inner being pressing forward in the face, head, forehead giving a strong sense of detachment.
Some Riks of Dirghatamas, Shakespeare, VIII Conversation — Psychic and the Divine Consciousness.
Fruit and flower smell ’says P.
9-6-1930
Morning good. The smell fine flow; throughout natural.
Gita II & III.
R.V. Agastya and Lopa.
Evening Meditation: The Mother on the top of the forehead overlooking the triple movement. Prayer for Silence and strength.
10-6-1930
Smell is now natural — even in sleep. Presents different sorts — fruit, flower, scented stick.
Gita IV. V. VI.
11-6-1930
Smell good, flowing ,constant, natural.
17-6-1930
Throughout these days, the smell has continued.
பசுமஞ்சள் இலை மணம்21
18-6-1930
20-6-1930
The smell changes at times into another kind.
21-6-1930
Smell
22-6-1930
Smell -quiet, external.
23-6-1930
Smell decisively changes to its original odour.
Read G.B.S. JOAN.
24-6-1930
Smell good, constant; quiet, external.
27-6-1930
Smell — dhupa (incense).
28-6-1930
Smell resembles dhupa.
29-6-1930
Smell.
30-6-1930
A.R.P. came noon. Left here letters to Barin.22
5-7-1930
For the last 2 days, sensation in the stomach; usual sign of disturbance.
For the last three days, the motive power of meditation:
’I live for the Divine.’ There is a strong wish to realise the how and why of these movements.
Smell is constant and natural (almost). Yet, the meaning is not revealed. It is in its intensity dhupa scent; initially fresh turmeric leaf, as P. once said.
6-7-1930
Slightly ill. A.M. came.
I live for the Divine.’ This is the central truth of Yoga, I said.
8-7-1930
Evening 5-45: getting clear of the clouds.
9-7-1930
Post Card that D. is coming here next week.
10-7-1930
Evening meditation: only for an hour.
The smell is a normal feature.
11-7-1930
There is a distinct change in the kind of smell since this morning to me, *DOST of y LDCOOT L).
P. says it is supremely sweet and different from the usual smell.
12-7-1930
The smell is so normal and very sweet.
Notre-dame finis.
13-7-1930
Found THE PRAYER (24-3-1930).
It gave inspiration. As I was reading slowly absorbing its spirit, the Presence was felt descending for a while.
Inner repetition of the Prayer many times.
The day marks the beginning of a new phase in the sadhana.
14-7-1930
Morning meditation. Inner repetition of the prayer. The bodily consciousness and feeling was peculiarly different. I think it is a descent of the calm more psychic than mental that made the body felt queerly.
The prayer gives the attitude: all that is necessary. I discover in it a synthesis of all the thoughtful moods and ideal views useful in and for meditation.
15-7-1930
Meditation during intervals in day also.
The Prayer is the governing principle.
The smell.
16-7-1930
Some struggle for meditation; a little depression.
The Prayer governs.
17-7-1930
Yet struggle in and for meditation.
The smell is all right. When there is flow, சாம்பிராணி தூபம்; ஸீஸா பொடி வாசனை, பசு மஞ்சள் இலை, மஞ்சம் புல் மணம். This is observed for some days.
18-7-1930
Still struggle. The ego is taught or hrater learns to lay no claim to decide any course of action.
20-7-1930
Meditation and Prayer. Still the struggle (between my will and Thine):
Evening: distinctly felt higher vital wave, flow of energy; spilt owing to weakness in Calm, yet Peace was present and responded to by the Mother when prayed for.
21-7-1930
Letter; D. not coming. Proof positive of the psycho-mental influence, for I trusted to the silent Power. She brought about the desired result in this case. (Vide 9-7-1930).
22-7-1930
Night movement in meditation good.
23-7-1930
Meditation: detachment, aloofness of the body felt for a while.
25-7-1930
The smell was feeble today.
Les Miserables I.
26-7-1930
The smell was strong and very sweet (sambrani).
Les Miserables I finis.
27-7-1930
The smell was good and sweet (sambrani strong).
Les Miserables II.
28-7-1930
The smell was counteracted by something unpleasant (physical disorders). But the usual thing was still there.
29-7-1930
The smell is very strong and sweet (sambrani strong).
Les Miserables finis.
30-7-1930
The smell was constant, but thin, subdued. (Orange fruit-skin).\
31-7-1930
Sambruni, very strong, sweet.
1-8-1930
Fruit and oodbatti smell. This is observed for the last two alternate days (noted as feeble or mild).
2-8-1930
*i w OUT 44 smell till night.
Night: some agitation (vital), some sort of attachment disturbed.
3-8-1930
Smell dhupa or seesapodi. Midnight: beautiful smell.
4-8-1930
Smell (fruit) — afternoon; till then mixed; on the whole mild.
14-8-1930
Pondy.
FIDELITY at Pranam. A smile of recognition. A smile of recognition. The smell was quite manifest at the Pranam time.
Night soup: She closed her eyes when I was drawing full breath from her foot. (It was significant). I felt the entry of something into me.
Night: a sort of trance in sleep. Clearly perceived at the time of waking some intense and vast mass of darkness in the centre of which there was dusk-red light, radiating.
15-8-1930
The Great Day.
Sri Aurobindo looked serious unlike in last February. The Mother was smiling.
When I was at Sri Aurobindo’s feet, there was a rushing forth of searing sound in the right ear just after he took his hand off my head.
This time, I felt a little bit emotional; stood before them for a minute.
Day sleep for 1/2 hour: very mild, it was a yogic sleep.
Night: vision of the Mother: Love — some symbol of it appeared.
16-8-1930
17-8-1930
Night: a vision. A lady. . .appeared; also a flower (Lotus ?). It lasted a few seconds.
The smell has been continuous and very strong these four days.
1-9-1930
Dream: Saw Sri Aurobindo. Got special permission to see him every day after bath, when he would see proofs. I plead for other sadhaks, each one to see him at that time by turns thus foregoing my privilege. That also is granted.
24-9-1930
Nasik – Godavari.
A few minutes meditation on the bank after bath showed the sacred atmosphere. Peace was spread about the chest.
27-9-1930
अनशनव्रत
Discussion with Daivarath on anasanavrata which he held to be essentially tapas.
29-10-1930
ASPIRATION at Pranam.
Interview SURRENDER.
7-11-1930
Saw Sri Maharshi in dream. He advises to work for Siddhi and the other thing (Jnana ?)
24-11-1930
The great Day of Darshan.
Sri Aurobindo nodded at the time of Darshan after my Pranam to him. “Nod of acceptance’ was felt. A broad smile from the Mother awaited when I turned to her.
25-11-1930
29-12-1930
Tiruvannamalai.
Morning: with all (4) to Maharshi.
At 3 went to the hills. We four at the Amraguha. Evening to Sri Maharshi.
30-12-1930
Sat with L.S. at his Ulladu Narpadu Sanskrit translation; found it difficult for recasting.
31-12-1930
Morning went to temple மூலை மண்டபம்
Ashram at about 2 p.m.
Prayed for help to finish the Ulladu Narpadu (Sanskrit). It was finished in 3 hours; never dreamt success. After dusk at Maharshi’s feet; tense atmosphere:
" रूपिण्यरूपिण्युभयात्मिकेति मुक्तिस्रिरूपास्ति शरीरबुद्ध या॥"
This was inspired by Maharshi. Throughout the evening Maharshi’s attention was directed to me.
A memorable incident. “A miracle”, says Sunder.
1-1-1931
Sri Maharshi hurried the copying of the Sanskrit verses by L.S. (himself dictating) for my taking it with me. He gave a broad smile full of Grace giving his Blissful consent at the parting time.
21-1-1931
Evening meditation: very fine experiences.
22-1-1931
Meditation: through the day. Felt vital largeness. Highly perfumed atmosphere; especially evening and night. Sandal essence.
26-1-1931
Didn’t come out of the room.
27-1-1931
The heart — the central being — is overshadowed by something powerful. Side by side, excitement.
28-1-1931
The bottom is shaken.
Profound thought and feeling. Side by side stirring of the vital. “ Mounting up” feeling.
29-1-1931
The vital is disturbed. Yet fine view all round. Chest ‘possessed’ as it were. Again ’sandal’ scent.
30-1-1931
Deep disturbance internal; result of the high forces invoked to come down.
31-1-1931
The disturbance is still there.
2-2-1931
Evening meditation: Time-consciousness ( ever now’); can’t live without the Divine. Inner disturbance subsides.
7-2-1931
M.C. came noon. Had the first experience.
24-2-1931
Anandashram23
Atmosphere about Nayana powerful; filled with nada.
Night meditation specially good to me.
25-2-1931
Shadow-like descent of waves perceived in the atmosphere.
26-2-1931
Nayana feels and perceives surrounded by a halo.
P. saw the descent and play of the light facing her.
Self feeling well. Atmosphere is getting rid of wrong movements of forces. Common meditation’ began.
27-2-1931
P.’s day: circular light like sun facing her entered into her chest and got down.
Night 10 to 12 sleep — dream somewhat psychic.
“Change the programme.”
2-3-1931
Night 8 p.m. ’ Lightning’ passed (direct) by my forehead, felt as sound by S.B. & D.
3-3-1931
G. present night meditation. Sees light within; bodily hilarity.
S.B. gets parimala (fragrance) in sleep. Sees light about P. in my room and three lights.
4-3-1931
Night: saw in the room two lights of the same kind. Atmosphere surcharged. S.B. sees light always in my seat.
6-3-1931
Nayana has slight temperature at night. “Due to clash.”
Night: dream Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.
7-3-1931
P. something struck her on the head (in the day). At night something above and round the head and face getting into the heart.
9-3-1931
Nayana finished Indrani saptasati.
P. heard the ’thunder’ and saw the sparkles in the corner of the room. V. testifies.
Night meditation: रमणीयविलास
P. saw Maharshi in dream.
“Letter must have reached Maharshi today."
10-3-1931
Nayana begins Indra Sahasra.
Nayana’s I letter to Maharshi.
S.B. visioned "Maharshi in Light ".
Nayana says for the first time that he wants to write to Sri Aurobindo.
11-3-1931
Nayana read sat-darsana (of L.S.?). Decides to write it himself.
13-3-1931
Night: a lady (like G.) came with four big fruits in a plate. I felt it was something divine and good. I thought so in the dream itself. The consciousness continues on waking. It was about 2 a.m.
14-3-1931
Morning attitude good and serious, probably consequent upon the night’s symbolic dream. Head heavy. I am partly free.
Nayana’s sat-darsana finished.
15-3-1931
P. dreams: a man like. . .brings a 100 Rupees for me and hands to P.
Night experience good.
17-3-1931
Quite happy. Feeling of great presence and power.
Nayana’s II letter to Maharshi.
Night: began four lines — sat-darsana tika.
18-3-1931
Night: P. sat till 1-15 a.m. No sleep throughout; going up and up.
21-3-1931
There is some lull.
Night: largely awake.
22-3-1931
Lull. Night: largely awake.
23-3-1931
Awake; early hours of the next morning. Felt the deep movement.
Morning: Silence imposes itself upon me. Pray the Mother to settle and confirm.
Nayana’s III letter to Maharshi. (posted next day).
25-3-1931
Evening from 5 p.m. P.’s meditation: vigorous screw in the crown of the head, neck and down to the heart.
28-3-1931
P. went up and up and for the first time enjoyed distinctly the descent.
29-3-1931
The forces. P. itching sensation, pinpricks, pressure in the face, and head all round. V. reproduces P.’s unpleasant sensations.
30-3-1931
Night sleep, mild breaks. Heard a clear loud sound outside in the room. Simultaneously felt something on the crown of the head.
1-4-1931
Nayana’s IV letter to Maharshi.
4-4-1931
Noon: commenced sat-darsana-bhasya introduction — wrote three sentences.
Evening: descent of the powers (vibrant current).
5-4-1931
Vibrant current continues.
6-4-1931
Vibrant current — throughout since morning, after Dhyana till night. Head pressure continues.
Bhashya progresses.
7-4-1931
Vibrant current, head-pressure secondary. Behind neck, subtle touch and hold. Throughout night — wakeful lying, simple attitude.
Nayana’s V. letter to Maharshi.
8-4-1931
Evening: D. in meditation sees Ganapati and Light. I sat longer in common meditation.
9.4-1931
Meditation good. Extraordinary spontaneity.
10-4-1931
A. had a fine start — heart movement very cool.
14.4-1931
Nayana’s VI letter to Maharshi.
S. & Daivarath arrived.
Spoke about yoga to Su. for the first time: prana, manas; simple surrender to the Divine so as to enable the Divine Mother to get into us and transform.
18-4.1931
Nayana went to Gokarn.
20-4-1931
P. and D. concur Vision: the Mother, Peace.
21-4-1931
Nayana’s VII letter to Maharshi.
Night: Self went out in pranic body. Sat for long, felt heavy, cried for help in the dark. There was accompanying light on the left side (without lamp) — guiding light; significant.
22-4-1931
Night good: surcharged.
24-4-1931
The atmosphere has been surcharged in special for three days.
25-4-1931
Dream (during day): Women (rare purity) surround and accompany me.
Nayana and V. returned from Gokarn.
26-4-1931
The first two verses fully commented.
27-4-1931
S.B. Sorrowful at the thought of separation.
Evening meditation. “Peace” got into her; she became small’etc. A rare experience.
Headache.
28-4-1931
Evening meditation: thrill of Peace on the head and around. Headache vanished. Peaceful sleep throughout at night.
29-4-1931
Nayana’s VIII letter to Maharshi.
Sv. states her previous night’s experience of fire rising from the adhar and moving up.
Early in the morning: my attitude of surrender formed into a thought-vision; gave it in the evening to Sunder.
30-4-1931
Evening meditation: becoming lighter, growing taller; very good poise. Throughout night all (Sunder, S.B. & P.) had similar experience and Peace.
Su. for the first time went up; Power in the hand.
2-5-1931
Night: there was peace, thrill in the head, till midnight.
S.B. had Peace, cool white light. Going in the boat, water pouring on her head.
4-5-1931
1-30 p.m. Wave of dhyana began while lying down. Everybody had it. Sunder had a big thing getting into him while asleep.
Nayana had some great Power. .
Nayana’s dream: Sri Aurobindo.
5-5-1931
Wrote the Bhashya.
6-5-1931
Nayana’s IX letter to Maharshi.
P. had rare Peace and thought she had siddhi. Everyone felt good.
7-5-1931
Wonders.
Hand, feet, heart, head; movement fast progress for Su.
12-5-1931
Dream: Had Darshan of Sri Maharshi......and Sri Aurobindo.
Self embraced by a charming girl of high purity.
14-5-1931
The whole atmosphere good. Meditation: Peace.
Throughout night, P. had a wonderful night: going up and coming down.
18-5-1931
Evening, for hours, Peace reigned. S., flow from the crown of head to heart.
19-5-1931
Throughout day and until midnight: sensing and feeling the power, praying for Peace in the atmosphere as usual since Thursday last.
20-5-1931
Morning: revolving in the head — lifted up; form disappearing. This lasted for a few minutes.
24-5-1931
Night: thrice break in sleep. Rare coolness; Peace; vibrant movement from the right chest to the right ear.
3-6-1931
Read the commentary of 44th verse (sat-darsana) to Nayana. He is pleased.
Night: self-peculiar sound movement from the heart, wakefulness.
S.’s sound movements.
4-6-1931
S.B.’s dhyana advances.
5-6-1931
Sound in the room.
Light in sound; Mother’s figure before going to sleep.
6-6-1931
A. had good cool sensation in the trunk. Full Peace. Sound (peculiar).
7-6-1931
Sounds around peculiar.
8-6-1931
Sound peculiar.
11-6-1931
Night: the sound in the room.
14-6-1931
Wrote reply to M.C.
Queer experience; memorable night. The movement of separation from the physical-psychic, heart-beat getting deeper and ceasing.
We four woke up simultaneously at about 12-30 night. S. says Big Sound.
The effect of the previous night’s experience: sense of vigorous development and the faith that a certain firmness is sure to give the liberated conciousness. Firmness is wanting now because of the bhasya not yet finished.
16-6-1931
P. had extraordinary going up and liberated current and white light embracing her in the face. She says it is solar light.
20-6-1931
Meditation fine. Something else intervenes and takes up. Nada in the atmosphere itself.
Night: sleep निष्ठा
21-6-1931
Meditation: (night) trying to take me up.
Sleep.
22-6-1931
Sat-darsana-bhasya bhumika. Noticed by Sri Nayana. Satisfied.
24-6-1931
Since morning: sandalwood attar smell, cool.
25-6-1931
Sat-darsana-bhasya, finished dictation.
26-6-1931
Bhumika, final reading with Nayana.
27-6-1931
Morning: Sat-darsana last verse commentary finished, given to Nayana.
Smell: sandalwood attar.
29-6-1931
Evening: P. sees the Mother who says, ’I am with you ’. P.’s chest becomes stone-heavy.
Sambrani smell was clear.
1-7-1931
Sat-darsana-bhasya sent by Rgd. post to T. Malai.
4-7-1931
From afternoon 3 p.m. atmosphere good; strong tendency for meditation everywhere.
Night meditation very good; upward pressure to go up. Got up at 2 a.m.; did not go back to sleep.
16-7-1931
Night: powerful; some other force moves; quite distinct. Quiet sleep till 1-15 at night.
17-7-1931
Evening: movement good.
19-7-1931
Night: powerful (chest-head); the world around shows signs of disappearing
21-7-1931
Movement powerful. Pressure in the head, right side.
22-7-1931
Evening 8 p.m. sitting with J. in the verandah. Withdrawal — change in blood circulation distinctly felt without any fever. This tendency was there throughout the night. 1 to 4 a.m. kept sitting.
25-7-1931
Dhyana (fine with Maharshi). General atmosphere was specially surcharged since before meal.
29-7-1931
Left Sirsi, morning.
30-7-1931
Night 7-30 at the feet of Sri Maharshi. He said:
இப்பொழுது தான் ஸத்தரிசன பாஷ்யம் பாஷ்யம் படித்து முடித்தேன். நீயும் வந்தாய்”24
31-7-1931
Maharshi answered my questions. “We have to say the truth”. Re. Jagan-mithya-vada and varnasrama-adhikara.
1-8-1931
Bhumika read in the evening. R. Sastry, BVN, TKS, etc. present.
2-8-1931
Bhumika finished.
Maharshi referred to Arunachala Linga pratistha by Sambandha where he sat on his way to T. Malai, when he had jyotidarsana etc. Obviously he approved of what was referred to in the Bhumika (16th year etc.)
3-8-1931
உள்ளம் கவர் கள்வன் (the Thief who steals our hearts), he repeated on more than one occasion.
Evening: took leave of Maharshi. He gave a broad smile to S & V. To me, he gave a calm and significant leave to go. His right eye showed checked tears.
He kept on the desk his Life and (note-book Bhasya) for me. (Night Echammal brought us meal).
6-8-1931
Morning: pressure throughout the body, specially right side — foot to head; behind the heart, left-side back, creeping, powerful.
13-8-1931
Evening: Pondy.
Attended Soup. Saw Mother at Library for Pranam. Heavy pressure.
15-8-1931
16-8-1931
Morning: T. Malai (with Dr. Srinivasa Rao). Maharshi was very gracious to him. *"WIDG5OLD GOT GOT ? ” (What is the doubt?) was his reply to the doctor’s question: " Then one can meditate upon a Jnani as God?”
24-8-1931
Nidra-nistha for 1/2 hour at noon. Felt like two hours. A second before waking, sound in the chest loudly heard as in The Ananda Ashram.
2-9-1931
Night: wrote bhumikaparisistam.
6-9-1931
Kodaikanal: saw the Nabha Raja.
26-9-1931
Finished English version of Sat-darsana.
1-10-1931
Fine meditation in open-air sleep.
13-10-1931
Nayana (and party) came in the evening (T. Malai).
Grand reception at the station.
31-10-1931
First copy of Sad-darsana bhasya silk-bound, posted to Sri Maharshi.
Second copy given to Nayana.
28-11-1931
Night Dream: wonderful time and close move with Sri Aurobindo. He waited and took milk from me.
(Diary for 1932 is missing)
15-1-1933
Before dawn: symbolic dream.
My carriage ran away and recovered to sight. Second carriage brought (to wait) by D.D. goes to see my carriage and rolls and rolls, but I was sure, or was told, he recovered.
19-1-1933
Two batches. Self, V., L., S. on the platform. Their luggage with us. We got in; the train moves; suppose they have got into the other carriage of the same train.
20-1-1933
Evening. Different reckoning or. ....of time in different universes. Vivid and intense sense of Space and Time: the Vast white Light, diffused; the forehead and above, free and open.
Night (closing) dream: in the presence of Sri Aurobindo, I tell S.: samata is the basis on which this Yoga is built. There is a twofold samata. Here it is an active samata that is stressed.
24-1-1933
Night: got up suddenly at 2 o’clock.
25-1-1933 Suddenly got up at midnight.25
Last part of the night, dream: I was leaning on the Mother . . . It was beautiful.
28-1-1933
Night 1 to 4 wakeful.
The overtopping Vast Shakti of the triple power (in Light, blue and indistinct).
31-1-1933
Evening at 4 during meditation. Right above the head of Su. light (Sun).
Free opening (higher mind) of the vision-world in the presence of S.S. Lotus: solar and lunar rays.
3-2-1933
Happy and powerful.
4-2-1933
Night: with the Mother in the physico-vital. Her (detached) consciousness.
5-2-1933
Amma26
Evening: prayer. Calm; Her intervention effective.
8-2-1933
After midnight, no form, sheer. ... .; nothing objective.
10-2-1933
Beautiful in the evening meditation.
11-2-1933
Afternoon 3: bodily taken up while standing.
Evening meditation: new intuitive vision and the Vast — whole being taken up and down.
13-2-1933
14-2-1933
DIVINE PROTECTION.
15-2-1933
TRUE ACTION IN THE MATERIAL VITAL.
16-2-1933
SINCERITY.
18-2-1933
DEVOTION
19-2-1933
QUIET MIND.
Pressure. Dream: Moving in train — Sunder and A. A. dragged.
20-2-1933
NEW BIRTH.
Pressure.
21-2. 1933
22-2-1933
23-2-1933
PROTECTION.
24-2-1933
QUIT MIND.
25-2-1933
ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL FOR DIVINE LOVE.
A new turn. . .to pierce the veil or to float on the surface.
26-2-1933
DIVINE SOLICITUDE.
27-2-1933
28-2-1933
ASPIRATION FOR PROGRESS.
1-3-1933
DEVOTION.
2-3-1933
Morning: Pranam time: prayed for intense divine consciousness. Mother answered.
3-3-1933
5-3-1933
RADHA IN THE VITAL.
7-3-1933
Significant smile and blessing.
8-3-1933
Mother blessed longest and pressed.
9-3-1933
10-3-1933
11-3-1933
DIVINE PROTECTION
12-3-1933 QUIET MIND.
13-3-1933
14-3. 1933
Morning 6-30: wrote to Mother. At 10 found great improvement. (Lot of visions).
15-3-1933
16-3-1933
17-3-1933
PSYCHOLOGICAL PERFECTION
18-3-1933
19-3-1933
Beautiful night sleep.
Opening of physical consciousness. Wide subtle physical consciousness.
Mantra for Mithran.27
20-3-1933
21-3-1933
Tat savitur varam rupam.28
22-3-1933
Mother pressed long.
24-3-1933
PEACE IN THE VITAL.
25-3-1933
VITAL PLENITUDE.
26-3-1933
RESOLUTION.
27-3-1933
CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE LIGHT.
Night: after writing about the Vision and the Mantra, the gloom disappears. Night: visions begin, lotuses. . . .
28-3-1933
INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.
Received from Sri Aurobindo “ The Mantra ".
14-4-1933
Good attitude. Liberated consciousness above the natural being here moved from the concentric Being.
15-4-1933
18-4-1933
OBEDIENCE.
Mother: five fingers and a wide blessing. Vast coming down in circular orb.
19-4-1933
Felt happy at Her feet; pressed very long.
25-4.1933
CORRECTED FALSEHOOD.
Love of Truth was the prayer in meditation at Pranam time.
26-4-1933
PATIENCE.
The day was a little disturbed.
27-4-1933
Strength began to be felt.
28-4-1933
FIDELITY Vedic joy — psycho-mental heights.
29-4-1933
Vedic Power — moving aloof within in the centre, light.
5-5-1933
DIVINE PURITY.
Evening: beautiful meditation.
10-5-1933
...OPENING OF THE VITAL TO THE DIVINE.
Change in the consciousness. Powerful atmosphere at Pranam time for the last few days.
11-5-1933
ASPIRATION FOR THE DIVINE LOVE.
12-5-1933
13-5-1933
FAITH; PSYCHIC FIRE.
Saw the Mother today. Mother decided to give me room in Z. house so that I might go to the terrace in the evenings (to stay there as long as She was on the terrace).
Spoke about skambha (Atharva Veda).29
I had meditation at the Feet, conversation and music; altogether not less than 30 minutes.
14-5-1933
The movement from the navel below upwards was persistent and distinct in some respects; above luminous, quiet mind with the Vast around.
15-5-1933
Removed to my room in Z. house.
19-5-1933
Dream at the close of the night before the next dawn:
The Mother was preparing in the air above, big size CHF large round பெருமாள் கோவில் தோசை. There was another beside me. She gave me one, I caught it on my lap.
20-5-1933
ASPIRATION FOR PURITY IN THE VITAL.
Morning: heavy pressure after returning from Pranam.
25-5-1933
DIVINE LOVE.
Dream: Sri Aurobindo sends a stamp (head, female figure) coin empowering me to wait on the Mother during nights after 11 (?) Something wonderful.
Day: the stream within.
12-6-1933
CONQUERING FERVOUR.
“ The truths of one plane are falsehoods in another. The struggle between light and darkness is not true in the Supermind.
To reach the summit, ascend the stairs each grade with firm steps etc." Meditation evening: wide opening and lofty heights.
15-7-1933
GRATITUDE.
Pranam: the lifting began today after a lapse of many weeks.
16-7-1933
Music day.
21-7-1933
Saw the Mother. She gave; AGNI; DIVINE SOLICITUDE; CONSCIOUSNESS. First, meditation and then long talk; 45 mts. on the whole.
20-7-1933
There was a new twinkle — significant — at Pranam from the Mother; so joyous.
7-8-1933
“The Mother Divine — the central Consciousness taking hold of the psychic being to put pressure upon the Nature.”
27-6-1933
Night: large opening, peace.
28-6-1933
Good meditation.
22-8-1933
The Mother to Dande:
The heart: far behind the emotional centre is the psychic being.
2-9-1933
VITAL PRAYER.
B. took a copy of Sri Aurobindo’s Gayatri and explanation etc.
3-9-1933
VITAL HARMONY.
Saw the Mother. Received: VITAL OFFERING; TRANSFORMATION; SURRENDER AND DIVINE SOLICITUDE.
Without vital opening, no yoga realisation is possible, all else will be in the air."
After meditation, she gave the flowers mentioned. Then music — ‘Mohana.’30
“This is the flower I searched for — TRANSFORMATION," She said while giving it.
8-9-1933
Day: pressure; evening meditation pressing; did not cope with it fully.
23-10-1933
Received a letter from Sunder. He says that something new has come upon him since I went there a month ago.
1-11-1933
RED Lotus (SRI AUROBINDO).
Took up cataloguing work in the Library.
13-11-1933
After a long time (in the morning) the flood was there.
21-11-1933
TRUST IN THE DIVINE.
Purchased The Riddle of this world.
21-12-1933
Night gate-watch from 9 to 10.
1-1-1934
Midnight: at Her feet. Received Her blessings.
Mother gave 1934 calendar in the evening.
24-1-1934
The Mother said after meditation:
So far as those that are here are concerned, there is no difference in the evolution of the psychic being. They are all in the same stage of evolution. The psychic is the house of the Divine, the temple of God. It is the product of evolution. The difference comes in the Involution. Some are more open to contact the involving being (coming from above). Some are less etc.
To be conscious of the Divine Presence is one thing. To become supramental is different.
Faith, intense Faith, a large opening enables one to become conscious of the Divine Presence.
Aspiration is the personal contribution to help the Involution (which is Supramental).
One cannot ask a personal question whether one has supramental capacity. The answer is to come spontaneously. A strong aspiration is necessary, every one that is here is given a chance.
I have given this Faith to you. This is FIRE that removes all obstruction. This is PROTECTION during your absence.
21-2-1934
Pleasant Sri Aurobindo’s look – slightly smiling.
24-6-1934
INTIMACY WITH THE DIVINE.
A.R.P. leaves for Madras.
Impressions gained from A.R.P’s talks (including H’s):
To get into us, She removes the coverings of thoughts that hover around us. These thoughts may not be ours, may come upon us from others.
Morning at Pranam time: interesting thoughts in the air move to Her, arranging themselves as if in a shelf; then one by one as the sadhak goes, his thoughts come out. . .She deals with them.
2-7-1934
ETERNAL SMILE.
Evening: vivid opening; standing and even while walking.
28-7-1934
Significant: Psychic PURITY; INTENSE ASPIRATION FOR AND THROUGH LOVE; OPENNESS AND REMOVAL OF THE COVERINGS.
1-9-1934 SWEETNESS OF THOUGHTS.
Mother gave Onward31
M. wrote a letter that Amma wants me to come. Sent it up and a letter about the same. Sri Aurobindo says: “It is not quite certain that your mother will last up to January as she is very old and the end may come now quite as well as later. Of your stay, it must be with the resolution that you will not mind if she goes in your absence.”
Night: I cannot express where I am. Put the resolution into me,’ was the prayerful request.
2-9-1934
Morning at Pranam: Mother significantly pressed my hand (palm) with Her fingers and looked into me sufficiently a little longer than usual.
3-9-1934
No Pranam day. Flowers from the roof stopped.
Saw the Mother. She gave SURRENDER; PEACE IN THE CELLS.
With the Mother: 11-10 to 11-55 a.m.
She was looking into me; I too was quiet with open eyes at Her for a few minutes and then I closed my eyes. She went within (eyes closed). Then, She asked me, ’How did you decide?’ I said “I prayed to the Mother, ‘Put the Resolution into me’ and She has granted it.” Then I explained.
She said many interesting things about Death and referred to Amma. “I love her much, she has been here; she is bound to come to me; of course since you are in the Force, you can be of help by calm, remaining peaceful and collected. That will go to help the soul. . . You can know it. If you close in and concentrate, the soul will come in a very concrete way in the invisible body this is no imagination — she will come close to you; you will know that, yes, you can know that. . . I have seen friends, brothers, relatives of those who are with me, coming to me for protection after leaving the material body. I cannot fail to know that. .
Generally it takes 8 days after the soul first departs, for the vital layers and other coverings to be removed. That is the most important period when quiet in the atmosphere is necessary.
It cannot be said that you are not to see her again.
Referring to S. Bai She said, “She is very receptive, there is opening, she can do sadhana. She looks like having had vision-experience..."
18-9-1934
ETERNAL SMILE
Morning blessings — a new turn, encouraging.
19-9-1934
SUPRAMENTAL INFLUENCE IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS. Blessings of the Mother; the turn continues — spreading — a letter press at the close.
20-9-1934
The turn progresses fairly.
21-9-1934
CONQUERING FERVOUR
The turn continues.
22-9-1934
MENTAL SINCERITY
Slightly different turn — in the morning.
29-9-1934
ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL
Night: much pain the right shoulder, arm, from the right chest.
30-9-1934
GRATITUDE
Sent up a note to the Mother at 8-40 a.m.
At Pranam time, there was good meditation.
1-10-1934
SINCERITY
Mother gave Blotting Card and R...
28-10-1934/29th
VITAL PURITY
Longer meditation in the evening begins regularly.
1-11-1934
CONCENTRATION
Evening meditation (general) was very good and longer. (Transformation in Golden Rays.)
1-1-1935
At the feet of the Mother when the New Year was coming.
24-1-1935
Sirsi: R’s ’Baby’ collapsed between 7 & 8 p.m. and recovered by the intervention of Her Grace.
9-2-1935
CHEERFULNESS
Mother’s broad smile; later looking at me in half-trance.
11-2-1935
SWEET THOUGHTS
“Be ordinarily silent."
21-2-1935
The Mother’s Day
Calm and peaceful. Felt a closeness when Sri Aurobindo’s eyes met mine. Mother, as usual, gracious.
10-6-1935
The Change Vivid.
11-6-1935
The Mother looked pleased (significant); free opening.
9-7-1935
SERVICE
Resolved at 4 p.m. to throw the coverings from the environmental consciousness.
15-8-1935
Saranagata was the word uttered. He looked large. Mother gracious.
29-8-1935
FIDELITY
Mother was very very pleased.
Received Sri Aurobindo’s note in which he says amidst other things:
“As for how to deal with it, you will follow your inner feeling which will surely lead you right as in the answers you gave. (it refers to that part of H’s nature which is crude and unregenerated.)
3-9-1935
The Mother had me at Her feet for 50 minutes. Gave PROTECTION for Amma and SURRENDER for self, saying You will receive my help.’ The whole time was spent in conversation.
13-12-1935
INTEGRAL OPENING Mother was very pleased.
14-12-1935
VITAL HARMONY
The Mother was very very pleased.
17-12-1935
INTEGRAL OPENING
The Mother was very pleased.
24-12-1935
The Mother’s significant smile.
31-12-1935
At the Mother’s feet for the New Year 1936.
1-1-1936
At the first hour, at the feet of the Mother.
The Mother wore a crown in which there was ’SUN’— the symbol of the Supramental Truth.
Sunder was with me.
4-1-1936
Saw the Mother for 20 minutes. Mother said in the course of the talk, “ You have changed much since last year, especially after August.”
There was no meditation.
11-2-1936
The Mother looked very gracious.
19-2-1936
PROTECTION
3 to 4-44 p.m. long talk with Paul Brunton.
20-2-1936
Night with P. Brunton at K.S.V.
21-2-1936
Sri Aurobindo gave recognition smile. The Mother was gracious, putting a seal in His blessings.
22-2-1936
SURRENDER
Just for 15 minutes with P.B. re. the newness of the yoga here.
25-2-1936
RESOLUTION
Night gate-duty begins.
7-3-1936
Beautiful experience and poise in the evening & meditation.
21-3-1936
Twenty minutes at the feet of the Mother. Two minutes’ meditation. The Mother said in the course:
The cross is the symbol of transformation. The circle represents the New World.
The Light of the Mother: it is not all that see it. Those in whom the inner sense is developed see it; of course many here see it, not all. When one is physically near, the physical sense is very active, the inner sense does not perceive the Light. But some, when close, even here, see only the light, not the physical form at all.
The sense of wideness means that you get out of the ego into wider world. It is not a mental concept.
The symbolic forms have value, are significant; even if they are fixed mental formations, they have meaning.
You want to concentrate on a point? Not necessary. It comes when there is a necessity. Concentration must be free, not strained. That is the true way.
FAITH, PEACE IN THE CELLS, FIDELITY (bunch for the single flower I had lost in the morning.)
To Amma, SURRENDER. “I live with her, tell her”.
17-6-1936
Amma’s last hour on earth 1 p.m.
Immediately sent wire to the Mother.32
7-7-1936
Saw the Mother for 1/2 to 3/4 of an hour.
She gave: PsychIC CENTRE WITH INFLUENCE OF THE SUPRAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT; SURRENDER.
Amidst other things, She said, Amma came consciously. Two days before the telegram was sent she came ’definitively’. She may have to take at least one birth. That depends on…..
Re. Mm. “Ask him to open his heart.’
To me : ‘Even if you want to go, I won’t let you go.’
25-7-1936
Evening: telegrams about Nayana’s illness.
Expired at 3 p.m. at Kharagpur (learnt the next day).
3-9-1936
50th birthday.
1 to 1-45 p.m. at the Mother’s feet. She gave me meditation and called me by putting a finger on the crown of the head.
Amidst other things, She said:
You invoked Mahalakshmi and she came there (above and a little behind) first in her true (over-mental) form, then in the traditional, last in a three-faced figure with a crown on.
It was only after the Mother mentioned it, I remembered that I had repeated from the heart ‘medhasi devi. : . ’33
Mother said: That she appeared is a blessing. She came to bless you. It is very good, very happy.
Re. Nayana: I looked for him, waited, searched — no. He was in the conceptual world (of ideas) about death. . .He did not go to Maharshi either. Well, he can take care of himself.
Re. Amma: O, it is the happiest of deaths, unusual death. She is all right, quite happy.
Yes, I will give you the (conciousness). When you get to the psychic world, you can see her; but it is not advisable; her condition should not be disturbed. You can know when she takes a body.
10-9-1936
KRISHNA’S ANANDA
A good evening.
“The mother saw a Force of intense white light coming down which She had never known to come down before.”
24-11-1936
He was supremely calm and stared into me as it were.
1-1-1937
The year opens at the Mother’s feet.
Sunder with me.
9-1-1937
Night: enveloping stillness with a vast extension above and play of Light overhead.
10-1-1937
Meditation: good. Stillness contacting the head, fairly surrounds.
There is a repeated glimpse of true’ Vairagya’.
11-1-1937
Meditation: the sound of Silence begins. There is in the end (trance-like) withdrawn Dhyana. Plenty of light-play.
12-1-1937
Meditation: 25 minutes passed like a minute. The force was filling in; play of light from above; larger control from behind the head, which was almost hollow as it were.
16-1-1937
Meditation: the same time (?) habit and effort comes again — to drop concentration, to fall upon the One exposing to the Light en masse the being vertical — Heart and Above — straightly.
There seems as in the past, a simultaneous ascent and descent, resulting from or as if leading to a still Equilibrium.
23-1-1937
Meditation only for 10 minutes: intense; a solidity in the outer being.
A page or two in the VI Chap. in the night gave an inspiration (DIVINE WORKS).
25-1-1937
Meditation: about 15 mts. Something overhanging first came down into the outer being; there was a satisfaction in the middle surface chest and down in the navel region.
’Is it the involution?’ I thought. "Why not from below the Matter?’ was the query. Some secrets of motions in the ’consciousness of the Vast’ are grasped by the wakeful frontal intelligence it seems just a tact.
30-1-1937
Morning meditations — beginning.
21-2-1937
The Mother looked long into me with a very benign smile and blessed me longer while my right side (cheek) rested on Her lap. Sri Aurobindo, majestic as usual, but not serious.
23-3-1937
வேண்டல் வெறுத்தல் இல்லாமை ஈசாவாஸ்யமிதம் ஸர்வம்
This is the morning inspiration. It continues in every meditation.
24-3-1937
Saw the Mother:
About the interview: I used to see you every day and Sri Aurobindo also would be there, when you came in the evenings to the Ashram. You would say, ’Won’t you call me?’ I would answer:. . .first’. .. It is not that I do not think of you; I do not forget you.
Yes, she (Amma) is all right; resting. I do not want her to come now, until the conditions are ready here. Those that are taking rest here, in the atmosphere, shall not have to struggle when they come back here, taking a material body.
Work there is in the B.S. You need not do too much. Speak to N. If the afternoon gate-work is taken by some one, you can work at B.S. Speak to K.
She gave FAITH; ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.
27-4-1937
Mother saw me for 40 minutes, all conversation. Topic: about the Nada, its utility and cure. Etc. Etc.
CONQUERING FERVOUR; SURRENDER; INFLUENCE OF THE SUPRAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS.
8-6-1937
Saw the Mother with rose and tulsi and SOLICITUDE. The same was given to me. 45 mts. About 20 mts. meditation.
6-7-1937
I Anniversary of Amma.
Saw the Mother (12-20 to 12-35).
First meditation, afterwards the Mother broke the silence:
Your mother is in a very nice state. I wanted to show you and take you to her; and so took a part of you (not the whole) and showed you -her beautiful condition luminous, gold pink; and even told you to remember.
But the connection is not sufficient; so when you returned, the body-idea came in and you turned (?) and you do not retain the full impression. But the wideness luminous you remember is the psychic world in which you saw her...
The Psychic world belongs to the universe, it has space and time, it is organised by the Divine; it is not like the mental and the vital in the Ignorance.
Once you get free passage into it, by habit, you can study and explore that world as you would do any country. But for that you must become free, independent.
Gold-pink is the colour of the psychic; the beings have forms.
Mm. saw her because she is in my atmosphere; but his seeing is a mental translation of her psychic form.
7-8-1937
Saw the Mother about ten minutes. Silence. ’I have nothing to ask, I said.
When a powerful force is descending, it (to remain silent) will be more effective said the Mother.
CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE DIVINE; SILENCE; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT :
15-8-1937
Almost a self-forgetful approach — offering of myself (Love) to Sri Aurobindo. He patted on my head in his lap.
Gracious, smiling.
3-9-1937
Birthday. Interview; 35 to 40 minutes.
The Mother gave AGNI. After meditation, She spoke of conversion of consciousness”, (pointing to me, She said, ’It is there’) inner realisation of the Divine, transformation of the nature.
Pandit’s child’s horoscope discussed. At Her bidding data given to Pavitra, She said She would give the name on seeing the influence causing the birth of the child.
26-10-1937
Saw the Mother 35 mts. Meditation for half an hour. No talk after meditation.
ASPIRATION IN THE PHYSICAL; AGNI; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT; SWEET THOUGHTS.
26-12-1937
Saw the Mother — 15 to 20 minutes. She said:
Since August a movement is started and what you say is much more than faith; after November 24, it is going on still more nicely. Those who are open will grow conscious ...
How is your brother? . . .I see, that is good. When he had that vision, he got an opening, I spoke to Sri Aurobindo; since then, he is keeping it.
LOVE THE VICTOR & SOLICITUDE; AGNI.
28-1-1938
Interview with the Mother.
Mother gave UNSELFISHNESS and UNION WITH THE DIVINE CONSCIOUSNESS after a short meditation and She herself told me the significance of the flowers.
She opened the door late (1-45). (The Rani of Gondal and the Mysore Maharani had interviewed the Mother).
Mother said: “It is late today and this was unexpected ’. Then she said that she would give me meditation when I told her to give me flowers as it was rather late and inconvenient for Her.
’No’, she replied and detained me and gave directions as regards the Sanskrit tuition for N. Then Meditation for 7 or 8 minutes.
30-1-1938.
Sent an article (Sanskrit) to V. for special Issue of Nandini on the 8th Feb.
18-3-1938
Mother gave a forty minute interview. Ten minutes of meditation, the rest talk: about sadhak’s responsibility.
20-4-1938
Saw the Mother for 10 mts. No talk; silent meditation.
FAITH; CONSCIOUSNESS TURNED TO THE LIGHT; SWEET THOUGHTS; INFLUENCE OF THE SUPERAMENTAL LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIOUS; CONQUERING FERVOUR.
25-6-1938.
Saw the Mother for 35 mts.
Something enveloping, surrounding 66 is exact result of the descending light which is of a colourless colour — ‘ mauve ’ — in a way”, said the Mother. I said it was yellowish white which was corroborated by the Mother.
The meditation was given to remove the vital deficiencies and give a deeper opening ’.
Amma is in a ’blissful rest’. (today her anniversary).
Mother will give the name to the child (Pandit’s) on the completion of 1 year on 25th August.
Faith; AGNI; CONQUERING FERVOUR; PROGRESS.
26-7-1938
Saw the Mother for 45 mts. Long talk.
PHYSICAL CONSCIOUS TURNED TO THE DIVINE; PEACE IN THE CELLS; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBSCONSCIENT; SURRENDER.
3-9-1938
52nd birthday. At the feet of the Mother for half an hour. Silence.
UNION WITH THE DIVINE CONSCIOUSNESS; FIRE; HUMILITY; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT; FIDELITY.
3-9-1939.
53rd birthday.
Evening: offered Pranams to the Mother.
She had put on crown. Blessed: then placed flowers on my palm and kept her palm over mine for a while with significant look and smile.
SACCIDANANDA; TRANSFORMATION; FAITH; DETAILED SURRENDER; INFLUENCE OF THE LIGHT IN THE SUBCONSCIENT.
2-9-1940
Wrote my birthday prayer to the Mother.
“May Thy light enter into all the corners of my being that is determined to be lit and fit for Thy work"
3-9-1940
Mother wrote sending ’Our Love and special Blessings ’, on the occasion of my birthday.
11-5-1941
Wrote to Mother about translating in Telugu) of The Words of the Mother and about Sanskrit verses (rendered from) THE MOTHER
12-5-1941
Mother blesses my undertaking of the translation of the Words of the Mother and says that Sri Aurobindo finds my translation (Sanskrit) good.
Started translation. (Telugu)
9-4-1942
Saw the Mother before meditation at 7 p.m.
She was gracious, gave me SILENCE. Before parting I asked "This is silence; I have to talk there.’ ’Oh, you can do. This is inner silence’.
So, this will back me?’ I asked.
’Yes’ She said, with a gracious broad smile.
Started for Tiruvannamalai by night-train.
10-4-1942 Morning: T. Malai. Train late.
Maharshi welcomes. Pranam.
11-4-1942
Noon 1-50 train leaving for Villupuram.
Saw the Mother after meditation.
5-1-1944
प्रार्थना १९४४ – अनुष्ष्टुप्त्रयेणानुवादः संस्कृते कृतः ।
’Very well done’, was the remark of Sri Aurobindo.
20-3-1949
Night extraordinary
Extraordinary event in the Dream-state. There was a mixture in the grasping of the form, the Personality. But the idea was definite.
When I was muttering to his hearing, kayena vaca etc, he seemed to break the usual silence, beaconed to me, closely embraced; through the long kiss put the substance and later — there is a void.
The subsequent happening is shrouded in Mystery. But the central fact dwells in the Memory: wait and watch and look ahead —fixed and brother K, also behave.
21-4-1949
Definite, guided to the appointed hour of Consummation by the over-enveloping, higher and permanent Individual K. The physico-vital disturbances are tackled alternately. Re. samskaras are weakened. The ailment shows disappearing symptoms.
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