Read Dilip's correspondence with The Mother - from the period spanning 1931-1951
The Mother : correspondence
THEME/S
Born on 22 January 1897 the Bengali disciple Dilip Kumar Roy joined the Ashram on 22 November 1928 at the age of thirty-one. When he came, he was already a renowned singer; the Mother left him free to sing and write during his thirty-three-year stay in the Ashram. He left the Ashram in 1951 and started an Ashram of his own in Pune, where he lived until his passing on 6 January 1980 at the age of eighty-two.
The Mother's letters to Dilip cover the period from 1931 to 1951.
Dilip,
For God's sake come back to your common sense.
I never said that I would see you no more. Sri Aurobindo asked you only to be patient, and as for the "silent expressionless love" he is not conscious of having written to you anything of the kind.
Now, about my "grudging" smile—I will tell you what I said to Sri Aurobindo when I met him today at 1.30. Relating what happened in the morning at pranam, I told him, concerning you: "There is a letter of Dilip to you and I do not know what he writes, but I can assure you that when he (Dilip) came to me this morning, I gave him a good, long blessing and my best smile."
You can understand that I felt somewhat astonished when I heard that my best smile was a grudging one. Are you quite sure that you did not look in your head at what you imagined would be, instead of looking at my face? ...
Your going away is quite out of question. I want you to remain here because I know that it is here—and here only—that you can and will be happy.
Why do you ask for my love? Is it not long since you have it already?
17 November 1931
Why do you speak of "the ultimate human disappearance of the Mother"? I have—I assure you—not the least intention of disappearing or vanishing, humanly or otherwise, and those who care to see me with their physical eyes can feel quite at ease on this point.
If you permit, I would advise you never to listen to what sadhaks say—especially advanced sadhaks.
29 December 1931
I have felt and been moved by the sincerity of your letter. Do not be too sorry. In a way what has happened was for the best since it has led you to take a firm and decisive resolution which must help you greatly to get rid of this trouble. Be sure of all the help I can give you.
I will call you again as soon as this flood of departing people has diminished a little. Meanwhile, "bon courage!"
18 August 1932
Without waiting for Sri Aurobindo, I answer your letter at once, because truly I cannot make out what is the matter. ...Nobody is displeased with you, neither Sri Aurobindo nor myself; we did not dream of it a single moment. Before you wrote yesterday, I had repeated to Sri Aurobindo what I told you in the morning and when he read your letter he saw that you had not understood me, so, in his answer, he explained what I meant. Did you read his letter? If so, it must have been very hastily. Please read it again carefully, quietly, several times if necessary, and you will see that you have no ground to think that we are displeased and to despair, but on the contrary good reasons of being full of life and joy, as all I wanted to convey to you is that you know the Divine and have His Presence in His Ananda form, in spite of your thinking to the contrary.
So, I expect you to cheer up at once and to write informing me that the clouds have dispersed and the sun is shining bright once more.
21 September 1932
You can be reassured—it is quite certain that Sri Aurobindo cannot make such a mistake! As he says that you are sure to succeed it means that you will succeed and become quite a good yogi after all.
Don't let troubles and difficulties depress you. The greater the difficulties, the greater the victory hereafter. Why did you not come for the pranam? You are mistaken: I did miss you, I said to you again and again: "Dilip, come, come." If you had looked within you would have heard my voice.
1 November 1932
I am very sorry you did not come yourself with the money, as I would have had an opportunity to tell you that your impression of this morning was Mère imagination and a bad one too. I can assure you that I have been at pranam time exactly as I am every day, but I noticed sadness and dissatisfaction in your eyes, so it must be the very expression of your own eyes which you saw reflected in mine,—but it was not mine.
You ought to drop altogether and once for all this idea that I get displeased—it sounds to me so strange! If I would get thus displeased in the presence of the human weaknesses, I would certainly not be fit to do the work I am doing and my coming upon earth would have no meaning.
Do give up once for all this idea of defeat and this gloom which is so contrary to the inner truth of your being. I want you to pick yourself up and be perfectly cheerful and confident for your coming birthday.
I hope to see you entirely yourself again this evening from the roof and tomorrow at pranam and to have a happy and intimate talk with you on Monday.
14 January 1933
Dilip, (I almost feel inclined to add: big child!)
You are quite mistaken. I enjoyed your music very much; indeed it was quite beautiful. But as I am to see you tomorrow, I was keeping the subject for then—as I have some rather interesting details to give which I think will please you, but would be somewhat too long to write. I can also explain better these things orally, give them with the voice a life that the pen can't give. But I never expected that you would take such a short silence for a sign of indifference—as this was extremely far from my consciousness.
Till tomorrow then, joyfully.
P.S. I leave it to Sri Aurobindo to answer for himself—but meanwhile I can tell you that he praised your music very much.
20 March 1933
Why didn't you come yourself with the money? I would have seen you for a few minutes and told you something interesting and helpful as an answer to your letter of this morning. For in speaking it would have been better than anything I could write. At pranam time I felt that you were still depressed and thought that I would try to pour on you some of the Divine forces. I was looking at you for such a long time and it was Divine love that I was pouring in you with a strong will that you should become conscious of the Divine Presence in you and see all your sorrows turn into Ananda. I saw to my great joy that you were very receptive to all these Divine forces and absorbing them without resistance as they were pouring down! ...
When I read your letter and saw that you thought you had received only some human kindness it struck me that it was only a misunderstanding of the mind, almost a question of vocabulary that was standing in the way, and if you could see this all or most of your doubts would disappear for ever and with them your painful difficulties. For what I was pouring in you was not Mèrely human kindness—though surely it contained all that human kindness can be at its best—but Mahalakshmi's love, Mahasaraswati's care, Maheshwari's embracing and enveloping light. Do not think of Divine Love as something cold or impersonal or distantly high—it is something as warm and close and tender as any feeling can possibly be. It does not abolish whatever is pure and sweet in human love, but intensifies and sublimates it to its highest. It is this love that the Divine has to give and that you must open yourself to receive. I think if you realise this, it will be easier for you to pierce through the mental veil and receive what you are longing to receive.
7 September 1933
I am sorry you spoke to V instead of speaking to C as I had suggested. C said and repeated that there is no true objection at all to your going back to the Trésor from this very day if you like. It seems that there had been already a discussion on the subject between C and V, before you came to me, C saying that you could very well move in and V making all sorts of objections.
This quarrel is most regrettable; I have never given authority to V to decide when you can or cannot go back to your rooms, and when I have said that you can go I do not see how anybody can say a word to the contrary.
I agree with you that too much money has been spent on that house, and it is C's opinion also. He was telling me that very thing not later than yesterday; but you will allow me not to follow your reasoning about princes. A house is made nice not for the sake of its occupants but for its own sake, and those who are to live in it have no reason to feel shy or uncomfortable about it.
So, I hope you will brush aside this unpleasant happening and take all measures to move tomorrow to the Trésor as you told me you would do.
19 December 1933
What a beautiful bedcover you have sent me this morning! It is magnificent and has given me twice the pleasure, especially because it is the first time you are giving me a personal present.
You may be sure that I am very appreciative of it; I see it as an excellent omen for our relations in the coming year, starting on the 22nd of this month.
18 January 1935
After reading your letter now, just a word to tell you that you are mistaken. I actually missed your presence at pranam and am sorry you did not come.
If you had listened inwardly you would have heard me calling you.
17 April 1935
I am sending you the translation of "Mahakali"; it was a very interesting thing to do.
Regarding the song of the boy Krishna, I was not really worried—but now you have reassured me altogether.
With our blessings
19 November 1935
(Regarding Dilip's singing at the Government House, Pondicherry)
Bravo! Bravo! Bravo!
It was magnificent and our guests were enchanted. Your Mahakali has been a triumph.
30 November 1935
Just a word to tell you that I am very touched by your decision and I will take this opportunity to rest as you are asking me to do.
You may be sure that my force is affectionately with you and will always be there in your effort towards the spiritual heights.
P.S. I would ask you not show this small note to anyone since I would rather not reveal my feelings.
27 December 1935
I just opened your letter and read: "Today Mother at pranam was very cold" and stopped there rather amused.
No, I was not very cold—I had a cold which is not quite the same, and I was struggling with it. I thought you were aware of it. Anyhow, now that you know ...
20 January 1937
I was with you in thought at the time of the music. I hope you are all right now as a beginning not of a few months but of many years of non-depression—depression of the consciousness is worse than dispersion of consciousness, so do be energetic to throw it away when it comes.
Blessings
25 November 1937
It was a very good prayer and I received it at the time, a good part of it in the very words you had used. I'm also glad to know that you felt something of my answer; it shows that the inner connection is growing and that is a very encouraging sign.
26 November 1937
All right—you can have the old friend Baron (I am glad he is here for a time) and also "le Directeur de l'Instruction Publique" and his wife.
Blessings on you and the music!
4 December 1937
That is all right. I approve your answer about going in March. I hope that you will succeed in all the objects which you have enumerated. You will receive our full help for that.
Indeed you have much progressed both as to the grumbling and in other directions. Yes, one does change and the complete change is sure.
What you said to S about N's death was quite the right thing.
Our love and blessings
8 December 1937
(On 24 November 1938 Sri Aurobindo fell in his room and fractured his right leg. For the next three years, he stopped almost all his correspondence with disciples. During this period the Mother answered Dilip's letters on Sri Aurobindo's behalf as well as her own.)
I have communicated your letter to Sri Aurobindo. He asks me to say that he is afraid it is not possible; until the doctors declare the knee cured only those who are necessary for attendance and service are admitted. If this rule were not kept there would be many demands on Him and likelihood of pressure and fatigue. So for the present at least it is not possible to say yes.
He sends you his blessings and along with them are mine.
1 December 1938
Dilip
I am very sorry but in the present circumstances it is impossible for me to see anybody as I must be always free to go to Sri Aurobindo if at any time my presence is required.
As for M I have no objection to her staying alone with you. But it is quite impossible to give a room to S in the Ashram. In view of what happened to him last time it should be clear that for himself also it would be most risky and undesirable.
3 December 1938
I don't know what has been reported to you. I simply meant that if M sees that you are supporting E in her resolutions to remain here she is likely to yield more easily. I certainly do not want you to quarrel with M, only to use your influence to persuade her.
I read your letter privately to Sri Aurobindo.
Dear Dilip,
When you came to the staircase after meditation, I could not tell you anything because there were too many people around. But I wanted to express to you our deep and warm sympathy and also our appreciation of your attitude in this painful affair.
Our blessings are always with you as well as all our affection.
5 December 1938
You say that I don't love you, this is not at all true—but it is inevitable in the present circumstances that my time and attention should be concentrated on Sri Aurobindo and this is a thing which all those who reverence him must surely find quite natural. Neither you nor others should allow yourselves to think or even feel unconsciously that this preoccupation is due to want of love.
Sri Aurobindo asks me to add that it is not at all a fact that we feel your presence a burden or that you are unable to do this sadhana. You should not allow any temporary difficulty to affect you with this feeling or lead you to a hasty decision of this kind. You have already made much inner progress and you have only to stand firm for a greater progress in the future.
Sri Aurobindo sends you his love and blessings to which I join mine.
P.S. I read your letters to Sri Aurobindo alone and never show them to anybody.
15 December 1938
You may be sure that we shall not dismiss you rudely or otherwise. I am sorry you still feel the push to go, but I think you will not find it in you either to leave us permanently or to leave the yoga.
16 December 1938
Of course it was only an untrue dream. I never thought for a moment of asking you for more money after all you have given with a generosity and loyalty I fully appreciate.
As for the departure, it is difficult for me to say anything. It goes without saying that we will be very sorry if you go. But how to stop you if you are so unhappy here?
About the suicide, you are aware that we do not approve of it because we know that it is no solution for the difficulties, on the contrary it is bound to increase them and to throw the departed being into a very miserable condition.
I would so much like that instead of thinking of death you would pray for the removal of the last obstacles and the descent of an all-illuminating peace and joy.
Sri Aurobindo asks me to express his great regret at your decision and the necessity you feel to go. He asks you not to make it as a final decision but to keep the door open in yourself for return and happy emergence from your difficulty.
In all circumstances his love and affection will remain with you. You know that it is the same with me.
20 January 1939
Nobody sees Sri Aurobindo except the doctors and those who come for personal work and attendance. If you have heard to the contrary it is quite false, so you must put away from your mind the idea you built on it that Sri Aurobindo has no longer any love for you, nor allow these things or any sense of isolation from us created by them to make you go.
Your dream is also part of the same unreal building.
If you decide to go to A's place to get some relief, we have no objection.
We shall certainly welcome you back whenever you wish to come—the sooner the better.
Love and blessings
To Dilip
With my best wishes for your birthday and my affectionate blessings
Love and blessings from Sri Aurobindo
22 January 1939
I have just read your three letters to Sri Aurobindo. He is glad to see that you are beginning to recover from this attack. He is very glad that you have seen how unfounded is the doubt of our love for you and that the ideas of death and suicide are not at all called for. We hope you will never allow this doubt and these ideas to take hold of your mind again.
As to the advice you ask for regarding the best course for you to take, the perception expressed in your third letter seems to us the best. To keep yourself occupied with music and writing is always good; for your nature finds there its inborn occupation and that helps to maintain the vital energy and keep the balance.
About sadhana I should like to ask you why not do sadhana through your music? Surely meditation is not the only way of doing sadhana. Through your music bhakti and aspiration can grow and prepare the nature for realisation.
If moments of meditation and concentration come of themselves then it is all right; but there is no need to force it.
I hope you will soon recover your full energy and poise and the clouds pass from you.
Be always sure of our love and help and blessings present with you.
23 January 1939
We quite agree to your going to A for a short time and you can go with our free consent and blessings.
24 January 1939
I read your letter to Sri Aurobindo and he has seen your poems. The translation of "The Soul" especially is fine.
We give our blessings to the poet and to A's wife and to S.
For M blessings are only possible when she has undergone a sincere repentance.
9 February 1939
I was glad to read B's letter; it is beautiful as all his letters are. I have also received one letter from him today.
Certainly you can sing tomorrow and my love and blessings will be with you.
22 February 1939
Sri Aurobindo thinks that it is not possible for us to intervene by a wire in a political matter of this kind. At most you might write to him (S) your private opinion about the best course for him to take in these painful and difficult circumstances.
With love and blessings
24 February 1939
It is only tomorrow (Monday) that I can read your letter to Sri Aurobindo and then we shall answer.
This is only to tell you that we will surely not ask you to go.
12 March 1939
We were very glad indeed to read your letter. We shall certainly give you all the help possible to carry out your resolution and the aspiration behind it. I feel sure that with an earnest and sustained effort you will conquer and effect the opening for which you have been striving and preparing so long.
Our blessings are with you in your aspiration and endeavour.
With our love
13 March 1939
Here is A's letter. Once more we assure you that we shall have no objection to your going to Hyderabad for a short time if you decide to do so.
18 March 1939
The Rs. 10 are quite welcomed ...
Glad that your work is going on nicely.
Our love and blessings are with you.
2 April 1939
The translation of Mirabai's song is good. The "with" is possible but perhaps "for" would be better.
Blessings are given for the two objects for which you ask them.
"It is strange" will do very well for the title.
You can, of course, come tomorrow after the meditation, for blessings.
With our love and blessings
27 April 1939
I have only this to say about the matter. From the point of view of the sadhana it is much more dangerous to go to Tiruvannamalai than to go to Sylhet for giving evidence ...
P.S. You can show this letter to B.
10 November 1939
Our help and force are with you for the new year of your life.
I am sure that with persevering and sincere aspiration the barrier you feel and the internal difficulties will melt away.
P.S. Here are a few candies from France.
22 January 1940
What is this strange rumour about our stopping darshan? There is no truth at all in it. We have no intention of vanishing as we do not believe that it can bring in "peace and light" ...
As for your sadhana you had developed a true bhakti and an opening of psychic perception. Keep that and it will bring you what is necessary. Meditation is difficult for you still because there is not yet a sufficient quietude in the mind substance. But that too can come in time.
Don't let these opposite things come in; keep your mental state bright and clear, which is the best condition for experience.
P.S. Sending back the papers with our force.
6 February 1940
I am quite ready to shower my grace on this A, but I do not consider it advisable for him that he should come here. I don't believe half-a-minute "darshan" can change these habits. We have had bitter experience about them already, that they resist even a psychic opening ...He must first have the sincere will to change.
I intend to give an interview to C if he remains sufficiently long after the "Darshan".
16 February 1940
Our love and special blessings will be with you for the singing tonight and the "darshan" on the 24th.
22 April 1940
I am not aware of being "better pleased" if you did not go to Madras for the records. I quite approve of your going.
For this S the difficulty is always the same, accommodation; if she can stay in the same room as R she can come.
For K there is no difficulty as he is going to stay in a hotel.
The poem is very good.
Don't worry about Hitler. No asuric force can stand eternally against the divine force and the hour of his defeat is bound to come.
27 May 1940
Yes, you can come this afternoon on the staircase at 5.45 for pranam and to sign the cheque.
I shall give you then some flowers for H and U.
I have felt all this time your loyalty and faithfulness and have deeply appreciated your feelings and your attitude.
Our love and blessings are always with you.
18 June 1940
You are sure to get back the poise, for the progress you have made remains and will come uppermost again.
In these days when lots of people come from outside, there is always some restlessness and disturbance brought into the atmosphere and some disturbance of the poise may easily take place—but it will come back.
Our force will be with you and our help and protection.
20 August 1940
Of course you can come up after meditation tonight for pranam and signing the cheque.
It is certainly not at all true that I don't care for the sadhaks and their sadhana. Why should the world conditions being bad make me cease to care! It would be rather a reason for insisting more on a quick spiritual realisation as the only way out of the impasse. You should not believe in what you hear from people; such constantly nasty and disturbing things are being said which are quite untrue. You are not so empty of the inner surrender as you now think. Cast away your doubts; you had a very long period without them which gives a certainty that you can get rid of them altogether.
All our help and force will be with you
And our love and blessings.
8 October 1940
I will speak to B about the repair of the cane chairs. There will be no difficulty.
Don't let yourself be worried by people and their ways. You may be sure that our love, blessings and help are always with you.
10 November 1940
We were very glad to read your letter of this morning and to hear of this fine experience—for there can be no finer experience than this state of true bhakti. It is a real and great progress that you have made.
As for Colonel P and his wife I gather that they have not as yet asked to come. It might be better to let the wish to come rise in them of itself.
3 January 1941
Your programme is all right. We will remember your prayer on your birthday. When you are informed of the time of your broadcast do not forget to let us know; we wish to listen to it here.
c. January 1941
With my best wishes for your birthday and my blessings
22 January 1941
Yes you can go after the "darshan" and we approve your programme and our blessings will go with you.
You can send our blessings to H.
c. February 1941
We read your letter only today as yesterday there was too much hurry of the first.
I am sending the three flowers with blessings.
Glad to hear of your good experience in the dream as also of the experience of descent you had the other day. The inner being is evidently awake.
2 April 1941
Certainly you can come tonight after meditation.
I am sending a flower for U with the enclosed written blessings. As for the dream she must not rely upon that, as it is likely to be a mental formation. My force and help are with her but these wordings cannot be from me.
Who is this L? If it is B's wife I cannot send her a flower as it is sure to be misinterpreted. If it is the niece then also it is not prudent to send a flower as I don't want her to come here.
Until this evening!
Sri Aurobindo is keeping U's letter to read it.
8 April 1941
Evidently this world is a bad one but change is its law and as it can hardly be worse than it is now, we may hope that it will soon become better. Old movements obstinately recur and make the sadhana difficult but you have made more progress than you allow yourself to believe and the attainment may be nearer than you think.
Our help is with you and our love and blessings.
I am sending four flowers with blessings.
8 May 1941
Yes, it was altogether right. This experience and the result it brought are a great step towards spiritual freedom. Every rejection of desire and attraction brings one nearer to the Divine.
18 May 1941
I am sending herewith the four flowers with blessings for S and his daughter, for H and for R.
Music follows the rule of all things on earth—unless they are turned to the Divine they cannot be divine.
25 May 1941
We do not think it is necessary for you to go to Calcutta for these records; it is much trouble and effort for what is now a very small return. If at any time you feel like going then you can certainly go with our full blessings.
Don't worry about the difficulty in the meditation. In the end you will come out of it with the consciousness of a spiritual progress made.
2 December 1941
You should make it a rule never to listen to this voice or accept the suggestions that come with it. It is clear from where it comes; it is a voice of untruth, the voice of the adversary which comes to almost everybody who follows the way of yoga, suggesting doubt and denial and incapacity and defeat. You must meet it always as you did this time. You should also reject such suggestions as those about your being a hindrance and going away for that reason; it comes from the same source and has no truth and indeed no substantial meaning that we can discover. Also you should not attach much value to what you hear—as "we want people to stand on their legs" and therefore cannot help. Certainly we want people to have strength and courage to go through, but we know that they need our support.
The special help you asked for in your other letter will be with you.
17 December 1941
Don't allow your mind to worry you too much about the difficulty of surrender, and don't conclude from it that your nature is unfit; surrender is always difficult for everybody, especially surrender of the mind. Keep a quiet will for it and it will come in time.
On the eve of your birthday let the blue light of hope always burn in your heart.
18 January 1942
To Dilip.
With love and special blessings on the occasion of his birthday.
"A few consecrate all of themselves and all they have—soul, life, work, wealth; these are the true children of God."3
To one of them.
22 January 1942
My dear child,
You can always be confident of our love and sympathy through everything and in all circumstances. Be sure that we understand fully your difficulties and your will to overcome. Your sincere effort is bound to prevail and, I hope, soon. Believe that when trouble does come our reaction will be sympathy and support and nothing else.
30 May 1942
I must say that I did not expect such a letter from you. I cannot make out what is the ground of your complaint. Is it because for the last week or so having a bad cold I was obliged to keep a little aloof in order not to pass it on to others? Is it because, very hard pressed by increasing work and equally increasing people, I have not been able to give as much time to each one as I used to before? But surely that does not mean that my love and care for each one has diminished or changed. Why do you make a personal case out of a state of things that applies equally to all? I have no intention of making you suffer at all and in fact I do not see why you suffer at all—for indeed there is no true basis for such a suffering.
Sincerely hope you will realise the childishness of your reaction and soon get once more in contact with my love and blessings that never fail you.
P.S. As for the work you can do as you feel, best remembering that when work is concerned no special likings or disliking for people must interfere in the accomplishment of one's duties.
1 June 1946
I see no good reason why you should leave this place which, after all, has been your home for such a long time ... You speak of a "house-problem" but as I have no intention of giving your house to anybody else, I do not see how your departure can ease the problem.... As for helping you in all circumstances, of that you can be sure and it is only your receptivity that can put a limit to this help.
With my love and blessings
9 April 1947
Read carefully your letter and understand quite well your point. But I do not see how I can replace you so far as Indira is concerned. She needs you and you alone can give her the help she needs. Of course I am always with you and will still more be with you—of that you can be quite certain.
With my love and blessings for you and for her
P.S. I can add that I am quite sure you will always do the right thing in connection with her.
27 December 1950
My dear child
You must not be depressed or sad. You know that Sri Aurobindo has not left us and that he will be here tomorrow4 as usual.
20 February 1951
To Dilip with blessings
Let the divine Grace do the work through you and the work will be thoroughly done.
My love
16 March 1951
Sri Aurobindo has made our realisation independent from all world circumstances, and he always considered you as part of the realisation; so there is no true ground for depression.
I expect you to shake it off, with the help of my love and blessings.
28 April 1951
Here is what I have just heard from our Lord for you:
"No fears, no anxiety, no doubts, I am here."
With my blessings
27 June 1951
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