Courtesy : Overman Foundation.
The Mother with Dyuman and Champaklal
*
Mother,
I had no intention of violating Your orders. The wiping was already finished by the time I received Your last order at 5 p.m. or so. Mother, I am at Your feet for any punishment for violating Your orders even unconsciously.
Why punishment, my child?
I never thought of such a thing! I never thought even that you had violated any rules. The whole thing is a misunderstanding.
You must know that I trust you and have full confidence in your earnestness and your good will. It is on that ground that we are working together and also that I let you know whenever there is something that has to be corrected.
Never doubt my love.
12 June 1929
When X handed the monthly Prosperity things to me I thought: "What will Mother do if the stock of toothbrushes is exhausted? Mother must have this oneit goes to Mother."
I have taken already my precautions. Since more than four months I am using my finger as a toothbrush and find it quite convenient. So I am sending back your toothbrush. If you have no use for it, you can return it to the stores.
2 February 1932
This bowl has been put on the fire by somebody and is now spoiled. Who this somebody is, is not known.
It is a great pity, because the best punishment would be to serve his or her meal in the bowl!
7 June 1932
My child,
I have an impression that the visitors are arriving with a big appetite and that they may find our dishes somewhat small. Consequently I have increased the quantity on the "menu".
14 February 1933
Why were you so serious at pranam?
Don't let anything from outside approach and disturb you. What people think, do or say is of little importance. The only thing that counts is your relation with the Divineand from that point of view you have nothing to worry about, all is all right.
And never forget that we love and trust you.
30 April 1933
My dear Mother,
Y and I went to Aroumé today. We find the existing kitchen an impossibility. To change it we will have to spend time and money. We can put the kitchen somewhere else, as I am showing here in the plan.
The room which has an opening towards the Governor's house can be turned into a kitchen. It has tiles on the roof and glass ventilators for light. We can put the ovens there. As for the smoke from the ovens, we can put a chimney. The food we can carry to the serving room. The kitchen vessels we can wash in the kitchen itself.
Unfortunately the latrines are next to the kitchen and also a new gutter. We can close the gutter and cut off the view of the latrines by planting a creeper.
I do not think this idea is at all practicable.
First, the greatest objection is the neighbourhood of the latrines; to hide them or to shut a gutter does not prevent the flies from going freely from the latrines to the food in the kitchen.
Second, Xavier was very particular that we should not misuse these rooms. I do not think he would agree to turn them into a kitchen.
Third, to put a kitchen just under the windows of the Government House, sending them directly all the smoke of our cooking, is just the best way to get us into trouble.
Fourth, it is a long way to carry the food to the serving place.
Fifth, there are many other minor inconveniences.
Sixth, you cannot judge the existing kitchen so long as it is not thoroughly cleaned and repaired. If it is not sufficiently ventilated and if there is not enough light, we can put in a new window. I am ready to do it any my own expense if necessary.
4 December 1933
My Mother,
Bless me with Thy Love. I now go out of this compound for the Divine Work, protected and surrounded by Your Love and the Love of my beloved Sri Aurobindo.
My Mother, though I shall be working outside, I am ever Thine, ever at Thy Feet.
Why do you speak of working outside? Do you think that any house of the Ashram is outside our atmosphere, even the most material? Here or there it is just the same: I am always close to you, helping you, supporting you, working through you, and it is not a few yards more or less which can make any difference for that.
4 January 1934
Z wanted to spend 20 minutes with me. That is not possiblenot even 10 minutes regularly at a fixed hour. It is nothing but a vital demand on me; I cannot satisfy that. I can give her 2 or 3 minutes and not more.
It is not at all advisable to let her encroach like that upon you. The more she will get, the more she will want and finally, if she could, she would swallow you up.
Mother, I do not think that I should go to call her; if she comes to me I shall receive her. What do You say?
Keep quiet. You must not go to call her. She wants to annex you; this cannot be tolerated.
c. 25 January 1934
I do not understand this Yoga. I know only this: To be one with the Mother and to live and work for her; this is all.
Why are the Ashram inmates hankering after food? Why this big fuss over eating? Why are we breaking our heads due to vital desire, ego, pride, self-will, mental ideas and preferences? I do not follow all this and am unable to understand.
Mother, my heart was filled with such feelings; it was restless and unquiet again. But now I am quiet and happy. All these feelings have passed away.
This is very good. Indeed, if you want to do your work with a clear mind and discrimination, you must never get upsetwhatever happens. This is a very important point.
26 January 1934
Seeing the work of the Building Department at Aroumé, I found so many faulty repairs. [The disciple noted several defects in the carpentry, painting and masonry work.] Mother, we spend plenty of money, but get a very bad result. We do some work, we find faults in it, we break it, we redo it and it comes out as something else. Labour, time, money and energy are wasted, yet we do not get what we require.
For all that, the change can come only from within, when the consciousness of each and everyone will be changed.
28 January 1934
X, the new visitor, came for work today. She cut the vegetables, then did not even wait to clean the knife she used. At noon she is expected to stay up to the finishing of the cutting, that is, to put aside the peelings for the bullocks, to put away the knives etc. in the cupboard and do other such works.
I think we cannot ask that from her in the beginning, at least. If she truly wants to do work she will ask you what to do and how to do it and then things can be explained to her, leaving her the choice to do or not to do. She is only a visitor and cannot be treated as the permanent members are.
4 February 1934
Newcomers staying in the Ashram houses come to the Dining Room for food. But what about people staying outside the Ashram, in hotels and private houses?
Is it not easier to let them eat in the Dining Room as food cannot be sent to the hotel? That is why I said that they could come to the Dining Room. But it may be better to give them food in the late-comers' room to prevent their mixing too much with the inmates and \85 their bad habits!
7 February 1934
Often I get colds and fevers and am obliged to remain in bed for some time. During and after each illness my body becomes weak and faints.
How is that I often have illnesses and my body becomes so weak? I feel that it is not as strong as it ought to be for your work. I had high hopes and expected much from the body, but it has failed.
Your body is all right, but you are not giving it enough rest and food. I will have to ask you to be more careful on these two points because I want to make it strong and healthy, but regular rest and nourishing food are indispensable for that. I would like to give you one orange for orange juice every day. The best time would be when you rise. For that, if you give me a flask, I could fill it in the evening and send it to you before you go to bed and you would take it in the morning when you wake up.
9 February 1934
The cartman could not get a coolie to help him transport the kerosene. Not minding the load, he dragged the cart to Aroumé. While going up the slope at the gate, he was thrown back with the cart. I was there just in time to help. He gave me back the two annas I had given him for a coolie. Seeing the work he did, I gave one anna to him, as he deserved it. I would have paid two annas to a coolie.
You could have given him the two annas.
10 February 1934
I hope that You will not hesitate to tell me anything required to be done during our crucial Darshan days.
Be quiet and confident, it is all that is required.
Blessings.
19 February 1934
Dear Mother,
All kinds of bad suggestions about myself come and pass away; I have no time at present to pay attention to them, but every possible thing tries to enter: (1) I am bad; (2) I am fallen; (3) The body is a failure; I would like to give it up; (4) I have received nothing, progressed nowhere; and many more such things.
All this is mere nonsense and falsehood and nothing more. You do well to pay no attention to it.
22 February 1934
The fever is over. I am quite all right. Tonight I will drink the decoction again and I am sure I will get up 100 percent cured. My Mother, You are with me and our relation is now more close, more compact and more loving.
Certainly our relation is bound to become more and more close and strong and intimate.
Only your insistence is on the workand my insistence is on your health first.
I have just heard somebody coughing. Is it you? It seems to me that, until you are quite free from this cough, it would be better not to rise before the sun rises; because these early morning hours are very cold and that helps in prolonging the illness.
My love and blessing are constantly with you, whatever are the circumstances.
3 March 1934
Why are you not taking honey and butter? They are both good for your health and will give you strength. It is light and wholesome food. For cough it is recommended to drink very hot milk sugared with honey (2 tea-spoons in a cup of milk). Or the drink that X prepares for you can also be sweetened with honey.
What you say about my trust in you is quite trueand that in itself should give you the strength and the courage to do what is needed to get completely cured.
With love.
5 March 1934
[Regarding the disciple's physical condition. He had a headache, sore throat and fever, and suffered from general nervous strain and weakness.]
To get over this attack soon, one thing is needed: remain quiet, calm, peaceful. Do not get upset, do not fear, do not get restless or impatient. A quiet, firm trust in the Divine's Grace is the one thing needed.
The anxiety of the mind, the restlessness of the vital delay the cure more than anything else.
Our love and protection are always with you.
21 March 1934
When I started turning myself towards God 22 years ago or so, I never imagined that this could happen to me, not even when Sri Aurobindo openly questioned me: "Who has given you this Yoga?"
Now it has happened: that unfailing confidence and courage got shaken, and I had a breakdown. Yet in all this nervousness, my love for You, my faith in You and our relation is just the same, or rather, we have become closer. You have treated me like a sick babyYour babyand it is Your love that is curing me.
Yes, you have only to keep your faith unshaken and to be patienteverything will be all right.
We are not speaking of work just now, because we want you to rest quietly without any worrybut we have no intention of changing your work. It is waiting for you and you will take it back as soon as you are quite all right.
26 March 1934
I feel that the persons who were connected with me in a personal relation are definitely wishing for my recovery. What will be my relation with them when I shall be out? Mother, You will settle it, and I shall obey You.
The most important thing will be not to allow them to eat you up as they used to do before.
Mother, I am quite at rest and the days are passing so quickly.
Yes, rest, rest, restbe quiet and gather strength and force, not only to do work but also, chiefly, to achieve the Transformation.
With love and blessings.
30 March 1934
I have no confidence in the body; it is too sensitive. I cannot be rash. I still fear to drink cold water from the kuja, I go to the filter each time for water. I cover myself before going to sleep.
A fear and a feeling of weakness have entered the body, but this fear and this feeling are not true. They are falsehoods that are to be shaken away and replaced by the contrary conviction and feelingthe conviction that the body will get stronger than before and the feeling that the physical strength, like the rest, belongs to the Divine and that there is no reason why the body should not receive it in plenty.
8 April 1934
Now I realise that if I could love You with all my being and keep Your Presence in every single cell and atom, it would not be an inferior work to any outer work or activity.
My dear Mother, do with me as You want. I remain completely quiet, obedient, surrendered and cheerful.
Yes, keep quiet and gather peace and strength. When the time has come I shall ask you to start work again and you will see that it will be done quite smoothly.
With love and blessings always.
Today the head is strainedby what I do not know. I feel a great heaviness on the head, as if the whole sky has come down. The body does not want to move, it asks only for rest. When I sit down my eyes close by themselves; at once I feel still, quiet, as if frozen, yet full of life within.
Be very, very quiet, do not think about what the work will be. This week take complete rest, and sleep as much as you feel inclined to sleep. It is perfectly strong and rested, with the head free, that you must take up the work again. It is very important that the head should be neither heavy nor strained.
14 April 1934
This auspicious Darshan day has given me a new life, a new consciousness and a new aspiration. I feel that a force of transformation has gathered and it will transform me. I bow down to Thee, dear Mother, and with Your Love and Blessings I begin the new life.
Yes, a special protection accompanies my blessings today and a certitude of Victory is included in my love.
24 April 1934
I am happy to be working again. All Your Love, Grace and Protection are with me, Your Presence is in me, and, Mother, surely the Divine Grace shall manifest.
Keep this quietness and this faith, let nothing disturb them. If there are things to be changed, do it slowly, not in a hurrytime is a great helper when we know how to make use of itand change only what is quite indispensable. Rules must not be too rigidthe Divine's working needs suppleness and plasticityand for the workers, a too rigid rule is a big strain for the nerves. It is only when the liberties taken are dangerous and harmful that they must be checked.
And be sure that all will be all right.
O my beloved Mother,
Surely You are giving me a bath in Your Love.
Whatever people may say of megood or badI have my dear Mother in my heart, holding me close to Her bosom. I know also that when dangers are outside, when there is bad will, my Mother keeps me under Her wings and then nothing can touch me, nothing can affect me.
Yes, my child.
You are always in my arms, bathed in my love which must be the strongest protection against all attacks of any kind. Keep your entire faith and confidence: we shall cross victoriously through all difficulties.
13 May 1934
X asked for less curds, but Y served her the ordinary cup. She began to return the cup, but he would not take it, so she left it on the table. Then he asked her to get Mother's sanction if only half a cup of curds was required. X complained to me about all this. I said: "I shall see tomorrow."
Truly we cannot interfere in such petty things. Those who constantly forget that they are not here to lead the most silly ordinary life cannot expect us to deal with their stupid quarrels.
27 May 1934
O Lord Buddha, the forces of Mara attacked You, but You were unshaken, concentrated, calm, quiet, peaceful; then the Light descended, the hostile forces disappeared and there was peace on earth.
O Mother, let us all remain consecrated to the Truth, always peaceful, calm, quiet and unshaken, unmoved by any circumstances, and the hostile forces shall vanish.
Yes, this is excellent. It is by a quiet, strong and persistent peace that the true victories can be won.
28 May 1934
Let my entire being remain turned only towards You.
Be very careful to remain always calm and peaceful and let an integral equanimity establish itself more and more completely in your being. Do not allow your mind to be too active and to live in turmoil, do not jump to conclusions from a superficial view of things; always take your time, concentrate and decide only in quietness.
My love and blessings are always with you.
30 May 1934
I am tired of my nature. I must rise above it if I want to fulfil the work. Again and again it knocks me down and tries to drag me into an unquiet state full of doubt, lack of confidence, and ego.
Mother, life me once more out of this turmoil in my nature and let me breathe in the free and vast air of Your infinite Love.
It is not in one day that one can overcome one's own nature. But with patience and enduring will the Victory is sure to come.
1 June 1934
I actually see the waves of hostility against me, yet I am quiet; my being remains firm, poised and concentrated in Your Love and Presence.
Yes, be quiet. We have only to work patiently without being disturbed by anything and keep unshaken the faith in the inevitable Victory.
With love and blessings
6 June 1934
Z and I have a nick-name now: Pagal, which means madcap.
Do not mind the stupidity of others.
8 June 1934
The Divine Consciousness descends, fills the earth and penetrates deeply. It is sure to bring about the complete recovery of the earth.
You have worked out many things in me within these few days. You have given me Your patience, quietness and peace, an energy that works and works and a firm faith in the infinity of time.
Yes, the certitude of the Victory gives an infinite patience with the maximum of energy.
Always with you.
9 June 1934
I do not find it difficult to deal with X. I believe that I can exert a good influence upon her and bring her back to You. Arrange that we may come in contact with each other under the pretext of work or anything You like. I know that if I go, I am surrounded with Your love and protection. I dare to do so because You have kept me in the protection of Your love.
It is true that the Divine Protection is always around us, but it works completely only when we are faced by dangers which were unavoidable; that is to say, when doing some work for the Divine if dangers suddenly rise on the way then the protection works at its best. But to take up some work that is, after all, not at all indispensable and not even surely useful and which is extremely dangerous, counting on the divine protection to save us from all possible consequences, this is a movement which is like a challenge to the Divine, and the Divine will never agree to it.
I will explain myselfif it were indispensable that you should learn her work (which is, in fact, not only not indispensable but absolutely useless) and if X was the only person who could teach you (which is not the case, because Y knows almost as well as she does) then we could overlook the very real dangers that await you by meeting X regularly, and this meeting could perhaps, with the Divine's help and protection, have some good results for X.
But to pretend to learn the work only with the purpose of acting on X's character, is putting a worm of insincerity in the very seed of the action and we can only have disastrous results.
10 June 1934
The work at the Dining Room is being done and it will always be done; the cupboards, floor and cloths there are cleaner than at any other place. But something else must be done now: we must rise above falsehood and our false nature.
Yes, this is the important thing. Once falsehood is conquered, all these difficulties will go.
22 June 1934
Today I was threatened with clouds, dark clouds; but now all that has passed away quietly. Mother, forgetfulness of Your Loving Presence, even for a few minutes, brought such a death-like conditionit was quite unbearable. I felt so relieved when it passed away.
I do not understand how clouds can come to you now and am quite sure that they cannot remain at all. You must have caught it from somebody. Be careful to always keep the living Presence and Protection around you when you speak to people.
With all love always.
26 June 1934
I worked with Z or rather I replaced him for a few minutes. I felt so happy to see him. You have joined us as friends for Your work and taken us to such a state of conscious understanding, knowledge and love that misunderstanding, disharmony, intolerance and anger have no place.
What you say is quite true. There is a deep and true Consciousness in which all can meet in love and harmony.
28 June 1934
My dear and beloved Mother,
Today I was very badly disturbedthe disturbance of all those ladies was rushing upon me. I refused to listen to anything; I said to myself: "The Divine is the Truth; the same Divine element is in all. See that, live that. Harmony, love, peace and happiness is the life of the Ashram."
I am happy to see that you have kept the right attitude and remained unshaken by these superficial and silly storms.
Always with you in the love and the protection.
6 July 1934
The serving room has become a place to read the newspapers. Can it be allowed? Had there been the works of Sri Aurobindo or Your "Prayers", it would be all right. But novels, monthlies and dailieshow can they be read there?
I suppose it is difficult to interfere in this matter. If the readers don't feel we cannot impose it upon them.
7 July 1934
It has always seemed to me that I do not know the meaning of Bhakti. But like a river, my entire being flows and flows towards You. This is all that I know, Mother, and I wish that it may flow more and more, rise in floods, break all limits and disappear once and for all into Your Love.
This is bhakti and nothing else.
10 July1934
A pencil-sketch of Dyuman made by the Mother
I am not sure of getting plantains. If they are available, they will be the plantains You saw today, kept until tomorrow. If they are not available, shall I return without them? And I might put a notice written on the slate in Aroumé: "No plantains in the Market."
It is difficult to put up such a notice if there are actually some plantains in the bazaar. It is only if truly there are none that you can say so.
22 July1934
Yesterday A took B's mother to Aroumé.
In the godown she asked C: "Are you married? Where is your husband? Have you got a child? How big is it?"
How imbecile!
A told C: "Do you understand what she says! May I tell you?" C replied: "I understand, no need of your speaking."
Mother, it would be better not to have visitors when we are at work; and nobody should be taken to Aroumé at the time of serving and eating. They must arrange with me previously.
Quite right.
A notice can be put up to this effect, that Aroumé cannot be visited without a special authorisation of the Mother and previous arrangement with Dyuman as for the hour of the visit.
With all love and blessings.
4 August 1934
D of the Washing Section asks me to help him. He says: "The Mother has written to me to be very careful about the flies, they may not gather, etc."
Yesflies are very dangerous, just now more than ever.
When the Washing Section is working it puts the inmate's vessels in water immediately; but when the inmates go for their food at late hours, their dishes remain in the open and flies gather on them.
No dishes must be left in the open as an attraction for flies. If they cannot be washed at once, they must be dipped in a tub full of waterthis is very important.
It is better these days to wash every day with "chlorure de chaux" the floor of the kitchen, the serving room and the dining rooms. The serving tables too.
8 August 1934
Beloved Mother,
All Love to You. May things be more quiet, more calm, and may You have a full rest.
In the present condition of things at large, we must be satisfied, I suppose, with the inner rest which is always there, untouched by any exterior turmoil.
17 August 1934
The beauty of the seasonal vegetables: [the disciple lists the ingredients of two pumpkin dishes]. The things are fresh and good and cheap.
It is all right provided there will not be pumpkin at each meal.
23 August 1934.
F read the note of G for the white pepper. She told me: "Why buy a bottle! Bring the white pepper, I shall grind it as fine as a bottle of Morton pepper ground in London. It will be quite fresh for the Mother."
If it is truly not too much work, certainly I like better to have it prepared at home.
30 August 1934
Why so sudden a change in my condition, I wonder? I was quite in a normal state this morning, and in the twinkling of an eye it all got changed and I was before You in a changed condition. Whatever it may be, I have learned many lessons today, Mother. The movements that were loose and scattered have become controlled and concentrated.
Mother, in spite of falls and blunders, with a certitude to become as You wish.
There is no fall and no blunder and I do not know why your condition got so much changed. But if it is for the better I am very glad. Of course one has always something to learn and a progress to make, and in each circumstance we can find the occasion of learning the lesson and making the progress.
If you feel more concentrated than you were, it is a very good thing, especially if it is a concentration on the Divine, wanting more and more to avoid all influences except that of the Divine and to accept to be moved only by the Divine's will and no other. You said today that it is the end of making remarks to one another on people. Surely the day when the inmates of the Ashram will stop making among themselves remarks on the others, when all gossip will stop, it will be a blessed day and our work of realisation will be made much easier.
What you see, what you observe, you must keep for yourself and say to nobody except me.
Once again, be the giver of example to the othersshow them how a true Sadhak must be.
I trust that you will do it and all my love and force are with you for this accomplishment.
11 September 1934
Surely You will tell me if Your trust in me gets shaken, if Your love is not responded to.
You have called forth this being to live in the Ashram in the Light of the Divine, with the head filled with the Presence of the Divine, the heart filled with Your Love, the vital filled with the dynamic Force of the Divine for the execution of the Divine Will.
O Mother, O Lord, may You possess this being, may it come forth and live exclusively in the full splendour of Your Love and Light and Truth.
This is my prayer to the All-Gracious Divine.
Your prayer is heard, your ardent aspiration is receiving the proper response. Our trust and love are always with you and our Light and Consciousness to enlighten, transform, perfect the whole being.
With all our blessings.
One thing surmounts all difficulties in me: it is that my faith, confidence and trust are never shaken. This condition of faith is solid and unbreakable; it is an eternal faith, a loving present from the Divine. I am sustained by a vast faith in You, my loving Mother, and in my beloved Sri Aurobindo.
Yes, it is your faith and love that carry you through all difficulties to an ultimate Victory.
With all my love and blessings.
14 September 1934
My dear child,
I do not understand how what you propose can help. The work you are given, the life you live must be the work and the life of a sadhak, not that of a coolie. If you were treated or lived like a coolie and not as a sadhak, this work could never be done by you.
Moreover I do not see how your renouncing the things I give you could in the least cure the discontent of H and those like him.
The true attitude is neither to be an ascetic nor to indulge in desire. The true attitude is to take in all simplicity what I give, to be perfectly satisfied with it and neither to ask for more nor to refuse what is given. This is the true example to give, the one that can help the others towards a better understanding of their duties as sadhaks.
Nothing can cure H except getting rid of this making desire and the satisfaction of desire the principle of his life.
Remain my child, simple, quiet and content, and all will be all right.
5 October1934
I heard that several ladies have all made accusations against me. But that does not matter. I am quite happyhappier and more firm and quiet than ever before. There is one thing that has given me quietness and kept me at rest: Your confidence, Your Love, and my faith in Your Love.
Dear Mother, the entire thing is ending and I have full hope that there will be better understanding and a little more peace.
So long as all these women are living in the vital consciousnessas they dothey are bound to quarrel, to be jealous, envious, spiteful, depressed, and the rest. The best is not to give much importance to itbecause in fact it has none. You set things right, the next day they go wrong again, because the seat of their consciousness is not changed. Even if they turn to the Divine, they will turn in the same spirit and with the same reactions: competition, strife, anger, jealousy, spite and the rest.
It is the consciousness that must change its seat and get out from the vital to a higher or deeper place.
When they come to you, you can tell them that all these stories have no importance whatever, that they are the ordinary reactions of the ordinary life and that surely it is no use coming here to live in that ordinary way. They must make an effort to rise to a higher and truer, to a more disinterested and unselfish consciousness and there they will see that all will be all right for them.
As for you, I am happy that all this turmoil left you untouched. Indeed it must be so more and more and you must yourself look at all these things from the light and equanimity of a spiritual consciousness filled with the Divine Presence and Love.
Our help and trust are always with you.
12 October 1934
This morning, when J and K were frying vegetable-balls, this thought passed in me:
We come here to stay. Suppose we are put to the test? We are put in a big pan filled with oil over a very strong fire and we have to sit in the pan, calm, quiet, unmoved and completely at rest. Those who pass the test are allowed to take up the yoga.
It would scarcely be a test. The moral courage and endurance are often much more difficult to get than the material courage and endurance.
15 October 1934
My task is more difficult now. When H comes to me, he hardly speaks about the work at the Granary. But he can freely talk on subjects unnatural to me: the world, its curiosities and many other things. I am really puzzled over the matter.
Let him talk, you need not answer. Simply keep living in you the thought of the true consciousness and the will that he should awake to it.
18 October 1934
My dear and Beloved Mother,
I am happy because I am always supported and carried by You. So often the workers come to me and play a drama and fall into gloom. But I am happy, my dear Mother, so the gloom passes away from them and happiness and peace pervade.
Yes. It is very goodhappiness is as contagious as gloom. And nothing can be more useful than to pass on to people the contagion of a true and deep happiness.
25 October 1934
Surely Your Love is unshakable and always You love me. Surely I shall advance with You, as fast as Your Love permits. I am once more firmly poised on a better plane than ever before. After a little shaking and crying my equanimity has become more strong and unshakablebecause of Your unshakable Love.
Your love fully answers to mine.
Yes, my dear child, it has, indeed, been a true and great progress and your feeling of having emerged in a new light is true; rather it is a new light which has descended in some parts of the being still obscure and brought there a Certitude.
Love is, in truth, the Victor.
29 October 1934
A few days ago L put a demand on me: "Come to Canal House daily."
I told her, "It is not possible."
Then she said, "Once a week."
I replied, "That too is difficult. All the same I shall try but it will not be regular."
"I want to come to you," she said.
"All right, at 11 A.M. when you come for your flowers."
I have not said, "Do not come to me," but when they try to bind me tight, I always find it very difficult.
She has passed through a difficult time and old movements have come up again trying to drag her back to ancient errors; that is why probably she was wanting to see you.
But surely she will be all right again after some time.
You are right in letting nobody catch hold of you, it would be very bad in all ways.
7 November 1934
M of the bakery came to me this evening and told me: "Why do you give us hard bread now? Why do you keep the stock? You can give us fresh bread daily." I explained to him the problem of the rise and fall in consumption each day and the need to keep some stock.
I suppose things can continue as they are now. But do you not think it would be fair to give to M and the bakery people a loaf of fresh bread every day! They have all the work and hard work too; they must at least eat their own bread when it is quite good.
9 November 1934
L is again badly disturbed. When I am frank, there is difficulty; when I remain silent, there is also difficulty. Give me a middle path, such as Buddha found.
Do not worrywhatever you do will always be criticised. So the best is not to pay any attention to what people say and to go on one's own path according to the highest light one can get.
With all love and blessings always.
10 November 1934
My dear Love,
Physically, I am much better; the throat also seems to be better. I hope to be quite all right.
Let the light, the force, the consciousness flood your whole being and give you the strength to throw away at once the attack on your body.
11 November 1934
The condition of the vegetable market is exceptionally poor. Nothing can be found in quantity for us. Prices have gone up more than double and for certain vegetables 5 or 6 times. Should we pay so much money for vegetables?
For the money we must accept the necessity of the expense, but we must be strict about the quality of the food. We cannot give bad or spoilt things.
13 November 1934
B told C: "Why not ask the Mother to get biscuits prepared for your son in our Bakery?"
C told me: "Will you ask the Mother and take her permission to get the biscuits prepared for the boy? I shall pay you the money." I did not answer him.
I told B: "Do not make such statements. We do not do such things, it is altogether new. We shall have to write to the Mother first before we take up such things."
It is quite impossible to tax the Bakery people with such extra work and to do business with their work.
14 November 1934
You have told us: "I have come to fight and conquer."
Accept me, my dear General, as Your humble soldier. I carry Your banner of Truth and Light. I accept no defeat.
A decisive Victory is crowned upon You, my dear Mother. Divine Love is the Victor.
Yes, my dear child, you are my good warrior and you will have your share in the Victory.
16 November 1934
The last two days, when I was on the footpath of Aroumé, I got a rising of temperature in my body and a bad head; this morning it was worse and I was pushing and pushing it out.
Today I cleaned D's bottle for keeping sweets and was bringing it to You from Aroumé. I held it tight with a consciousness that it must not fall. It did not slip, but jumped out of my hand; twice I grabbed for it and the third time it went out of my hand onto the stone steps of Aroumé and broke into pieces.
The bottle itself has no importance, but why these attacks on me when I got to Aroumé? It did not stop there. Some hostile force wanted to send me away from the Ashram, it wanted me to tell You: "Mother, I want to retire; make me free from Aroumé and the Aroumé workers."
My dear Mother, the hostile forces are taking a little pleasure in troubling me, but I accept no defeat, I do not become weak; I am up and up and on and on, forward with full strength, zeal and confidence in myself and in You and in the final Victory of the Divine Light.
Yes, fear not.
The attack is not on you only but on the whole place, because of the approaching darshan.
We have only to sayin perfect peaceto these adverse forces: what you are trying to do is perfectly uselessyou can in no way interfere with the victory of the Divine.
All love and blessings to you, my dear child.
19 November 1934
This evening I wished and wished for a being to come, a being who has risen above all lower nature, and is completely merged in the Divine. My dear Mother, there are such beings somewhere above; may they come down and serve You and manifest Your Love and Consciousness.
If they took a body, they would at the same time take upon them the human nature and all its difficulties.
27 November 1934
Mother, my Mother, may the Divine Peace descend upon earth. May the Divine Peace descend into each heart. It is only in Peace that the Divine shall manifest and spread the glory of His Divinity.
My Mother, I ask for Peace, Peace and Peace.
Yes, Peace is the indispensable basis. Our peace, love and blessings are always with you.
30 November 1934
I read Sri Aurobindo's notice about You. I read it again and then read it once more.
My Lord, the Mother has no rest; may she have some. Lord, grant that wherever I go and move and work, there may be nothing but peace and happiness.
My dear Mother, this is my humble prayer to the Divine: may You have rest.
Just now, I am resting quite all right. Surely the best way to help is, indeed, to be peaceful and happy. And if peace and happiness were spread in the Ashram much of the work would be saved.
Our love and blessings are always with you.
1 December 1934
Ah, the moment we remain fully conscious and vigilant, all our difficulties vanishthey cannot stand! It is impossible for them to face the flaming fire of the Divine. Grant me full consciousness, complete vigilance and that flaming fire.
Surely you will have more and more the divine fire of progress and purification burning in your heart.
With our love and blessings.
3 December 1934
Happy am I that You are in my heart; Your Love and Light surround me.
Yes, I am always in your heart and the peace, protection and help are constantly surrounding you.
7 December 1934
This evening at 8 p.m. a very strong giddiness came in my head and began to make me unconscious. I sat down for a few minutes and it passed away.
Why do such things happen? I know why: in 1935 we enter the Eternal Consciousness, a consciousness of complete peace, joy, harmony and happiness. In order to obstruct this, such things come.
To be quiet and fearless is the condition in which these adverse forces can do no harm at all.
8 December 1934
F has taken so many photos and there is now an album. People ask me: "Where are you?" I answer: "In the heart of the Mother."
I have only one place, and it is Your heart.
Well, you have lost nothing from not being photographed because the photos are far from good!
And surely it is better to be in my heart (where you actually are) than in an album\85
18 December 1934
G has not taken her evening food, for reasons she knows. I do not know, but most probably I am the culprit.
I do not think you are the culprit. I must be the culprit because she wanted to embroider a crown for me in gold and I said that I had no gold thread that I could give, which is the plain truth.
All these moods are absurd, and the best thing is not to mind them at all. A perfect equanimity is the strongest power.
19 December 1934
May G have submission and love for the Divine, may she be filled with gratitude, may she progress in the sadhana.
I shall add: may she have a simple humility, because that is what she needs most.
The Divine Grace is infinite. O Mother, grant me a perfect receptivity. I give myself to the Divine.
Yes, my dear child, it is with the widening of the consciousness and the one-pointedness of the aspiration that the receptivity increases.
23 December 1934
I don't know how far it is true, but I feel that I am a being who has come down upon earth and taken up the human form only to manifest the Divine Will. I am eternal, unborn and immortal.
Let me tell You, after having this consciousness I feel myself untouched by anything and I find the strength of the lower life completely broken.
Your consciousness is quite true and I am happy you have come to realise this. Keep this consciousness in all humility towards the Divine because such is the condition of an integral realisation.
Our blessings are with you.
May You rest, and the best way of giving You rest is for me to rise above the lower nature and progress in the Divine Light so that I may live only as a spark and ray of the Light.
If each inmate determines to do this and progresses, surely, my dear Mother, You will have more rest and ease.
You are quite right, the only thing that can give me rest is that each one should take the right attitude and progress.
I am much better today.
25 December 1934
Seeing You this evening, this prayer arose in me so fervently: "O Lord, may my Mother get completely cured tonight." Surely had we been devoted to You, a collective prayer and aspiration would have arisen, instead of sneezing, yawning and coughing. How nicely we receive You! You appear on the steps, and we begin this noise.
My dear Mother, may a collective and concentrated will be created, a will consecrated to the Divine for the manifestation of the Divine Love.
My very dear child, yes it is quite sure; if many could think and feel like you, things would become so much easier and so much time would be saved!
All love to you.
27 December 1934
H takes extra bread and gives it to the gardener and his daughters. He gets slices from the tiffin-carriers of others and this too he gives to them. If he asks for more slices, it is secretly for this purpose. I do not think we can allow such things to develop.
Give him the number of slices he used to take and nothing more. If he asks why, you have only to answer, "Mother's orders."
c. 1934
People are complaining about milk spilling in the tiffin-carriers. When the carriers are opened, we fill them like this: bread comes first and we put it in the bottom pot. Then come the vegetables; we put them in the next pot. Last of all comes the milk and it goes in the top pot. Now when the carriers are sent off on the cart, the milk sometimes drops down by the jerks of the cart and spoils the vegetables and bread. So people have begun to ask for the milk to be served in the bottom pot. This means at least four times the labour and time for the workers.
In my heart I feel that if we give food, why not give it in a better condition? But my mind refuses to yield; it says that those who are so particular should come and take away their carriers themselves.
Mother, please decide for me.
It seems to me that it is only a question of organisation of the work. Why not have all the pots of each tiffin-carrier spread in a row, in the order in which they have to be placed afterwards, like this: 1 2 3 4 (1 is top, 4 is bottom)?
Logically, 1 must contain bread
2 " " vegetables
3 " " rice
4 " " milk or curds
Each thing is served in the corresponding pot as soon as it is ready (that is to say, bread first, vegetables afterwards, etc.) and the tiffin-carriers are remounted only when all is served, which allows the milk to be put at the bottom.
I hope I have been clear in my explanation about how to deal with the tiffin-carriers. Of course two minutes' practical demonstration of how to do it would make it clearer and easier to understand. If something is still obscure, I shall call you and explain how to do it. The only objection you can make to my proposal is the space needed to spread 50 to 60 tiffin-carriers. But perhaps it is quite possible to manage the required space.
The old plantain-vendor has vacated the market and a new man has opened a shop now. This morning the old vendor sent the plantains directly to us and he wants to continue this way. But when I went to the market I saw the new merchant. He will bring the rate down to 10 annas per 100 plantains; this includes home-delivery and the selection is ours. The old vendor was charging 12 annas for 100, plus coolie charges.
It is better to put them in competition with one another, not only for price (I do not see why we should pay more than 10 annas when we can have them at that price) but also for quality. And for that we must try the new man and see how he behaves with us and what is the quality of his goods.
1 January 1935
J is suffering badly from cough and has a fever, so she has become weak. I think perhaps, it would be better if she does not move out much and takes rest.
The remaining at home brings depression and it is the worst thing for this illnessbut she must not do hard work, and remain in the sun and the open air as much as possible.
3 January 1935
Today K cried and cried for one hour in my room, for reasons I do not know.
If only she wrote about it and said the reasonif there is anyof such an upsetting, she would be cured at once.
5 January 1935
Serving food to the inmates after fixed hours: for the late-comers, breakfast goes up to 10.30 a.m., lunch up to 3.30 p.m. and dinner up to 9.30 p.m. There are nearly 40 late-comers. And they go on asking for slices of bread. People take more slices on one day and the next day they return them. What shall we do with the slices afterwards?
Dear Mother, money-lending is also going on in the Ashram! I thought that You alone deal in money.
Yes, people are irregular, fanciful, unscrupulous, undisciplined, disobedient\85 but there is only to keep a steady, quiet will and to be patientand that will come to an end, one day.
I am always with you in your advance towards realisation.
7 January 1935
The condition of milk: we are not sure of receiving the required amount of milk in the morning, yet people come forward to take 2 or 3, even 4 cups of milk in the morning. This makes the D. R. workers nervous and anxious about the noon-time distribution of milk. Suppose I get 3 cups of milk for the whole day, and I begin to take 2 cups at one timeit creates a disturbance in the distribution for the D. R.
I understand that it is very difficult for the people who serve and that the inmates are very exactingbut on their side is it not that the servers are anxious more for their own convenience than for that of the others?
My dear Mother, I ask for more patience, more quietness, more peace and for a more perfect equanimity.
Yes for the growth of equanimity one must learn to see things from many points of view and especially from the point of those who oppose usnot in order to agree with them but to understand better their point of view. Let the peace and a quiet strength always inhabit your heart and your head.
11 January 1935
Make me constantly a sadhak of the yoga. May I remain a sadhak all the time and not only when I come to You for Pranam.
Indeed this is a very important thing for everybody.
On this coming Wednesday, we are thinking of preparing Halwa. Now that it is a routine dish, shall I try it once without cashew-nuts and raisins?
Will it not be a little tasteless?
19 January 1935
My love for You is too little, too shallow. My self-offering and devotion are too flat and full of turmoil. My consciousness is too clouded, not clear and transparent.
My dear Mother, I know this, yet I know also: there is a certitude of Victory and Realisation.
It is all right to see the imperfections and deficiencies but only on condition that it brings a greater courage for a new progress, an increase of energy in the determination, and a stronger certitude of victory and future perfection.
21 January 1935
I have deceived myself and You all along; I am filled with imperfections and lower impulses. I boasted of my purity, but now I see that it was all boasting, full of pride and ego.
Dear Mother, make me vividly conscious of all my defects and imperfections. I lose neither courage nor heart or strength. My strength is You, and in You I rest.
Everything will be all right in time. There is only to keep up a patient aspiration and an unfailing confidence in the Divine Grace and its assured victory.
23 January 1935
B saw the cupboard to be repaired and told me: "This is quite the old pattern; even if I repair it, it will not be safe. Ask the Mother for a new one."
I told him: "I have no heart to reject the old one."
He said: "It is your economic nature that goes on using the old one. Everybody is giving away the old furniture and is asking for new."
My dear Mother, let us use what we have. This attitude of B is a very big drain on the Ashram energy.
Yes it is quite a wrong attitude.
24 January 1935
C told me: "Sometimes when the flow of Light comes down from above, I say: 'Not now, let me finish this work.'"
I said: "Never do that. Receive it, welcome it, allow it to come. It is the physical consciousness that wants to have its own old nature."
Surely what you said was right. Moreover with a little practice the light can be fully received and still the work go on. But this condition comes later.
28 January 1935
An Aroumé servant asked for half a day leave for tomorrow morning. I told D I need a replacement, but it seems he does not have sufficient hands and cannot spare a man. If a servant comes to do part of the work, it is all right. Otherwise, we can manage with what we have quite easily.
It is better to insist a little with D the difficulties come from inadequate organisation and by insisting it obliges them to make an effort and the difficulties get solved.
6 February 1935
Now You know F's absurdity, for she has written to You what she wanted to do today. I am happy that she is now free from that.
Sri Aurobindo has just read her letter to me you did well to console her. These ideas of incapacity are absurd, they are the negation of the truth of progress. What cannot be done today, will be done another day if the aspiration is there.
F has gone into a state of depression and despondency. To imagine, to invent, to justify and assent to falsehoods as the Reality and Truth this is a chronic disease with many of us. May this nature of purely vital ignorance and physical stupidity disappear from the Ashram.
Surely it will be a very good thing when all these ignorant depressions are chased away.
7 February 1935
What's the matter in the Dining Room? Why do we take pleasure in coming into conflict with each other? Is there even one day that has passed peacefully until now? Why do we seek for power instead of consecrating ourselves at the feet of the Divine?
Save us, save us, O dear Mother.
There is only to be patient all that will pass one day. Perhaps in the state of their present consciousness they would find life too dull without quarrels.
Since yesterday I have been thinking of taking up the serving and distribution of food.
I do not think it is possible. I do not like that you should be bound by a regular work like that one. The rest would suffer.
My dear Mother, grant me an absolute loving consecration to Thee. Make me Thy humble and docile servant. And wherever I am asked to serve, give me gentleness and peace. Teach me to be Thy docile servant.
Surely you will do more and more perfectly your service to the Divine.
9 February 1935
I am often called a "miser" because of my resistance to outer suggestions. I am a miser! If I become generous and lavish, as the inmates want me to be which is absolutely impossible we must put aside not 16 thousand rupees for food but 30 or 40 thousand rupees. How shall we do so?
You are quite right and I do not find you a miser.
If I listened to what the people say, we should have been ruined long ago.
My dear loving Mother, make me more and more true and faithful to Thee. O my dear Love, may the Divine Grace alone manifest.
You have chosen the right path. Do not mind what the others say.
In all love and trust.
10 February 1935
Today I experienced that wherever I turned my eyes, I found You claiming all; I left all, ran to You, Mother, called You, threw myself at Your Feet, and I had all, and You.
This is a very good experience.
My dear Mother, always Thy child, make me Thy child, a true child.
Yes, my true child whom I keep always in my arms.
12 February 1935
A display of tremendous energy: the lady workers of Aroumé worked from 5 in the morning to 3 in the afternoon. This is not the first time; once they worked from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. at a stretch.
O my dear Mother, let the energy be consecrated to the Divine consciously; let it be a pure self-giving to the Divine.
Yes, with consecration the work can be done much more easily and happily. But nobody must be asked a greater effort than what he can do.
27 February 1935
O my dear Mother,
I am becoming more quiet and peaceful. It is peace and equanimity that have made my work easier and simpler and brought goodwill where there was bad will.
Yes, let the peace and the quietness settle more and more in you and everything will become easy in your work.
9 March 1935
The Aroumé servants are obedient and willing workers, never absent without informing me previously. Even when they are ill, they come and take leave. I think it is the result of my kind and gentle behaviour with them.
Yes, I am sure that servants according to the way they are treated.
10 March 1935
The negligence of G and H today reminded me of past cases where I and my fellow workers were treated like butlers and couriers. Happily, it passed away very quickly. We may not be close friends, but surely we have to co-operate fully in the work.
Yes, it is good to turn a difficulty into an occasion for a new progress.
12 March 1935
What should my attitude be towards F in her disturbances?
My dear Mother, let there be no attachment in me for others; let there be purely a goodwill and a heart filled with loving consecration to the Divine. If help of consolation comes from me, or rather through me, let it be purely a divine work.
Yes, it is like that that the help becomes true and effective.
To do at each moment the best we can and leave the result to the Divine's decision, is the surest way to peace, happiness, strength, progress and final perfection.
15 March 1935
A complete reliance upon the Divine Grace alone gives peace, happiness and joy. That is because the Divine Himself takes up the devotee and carries him or her in His arms.
Yes, the Grace is infinite for one who sincerely trusts the Grace.
Always with you, my dear child.
What about J? What work will he do? He has not spoken to me about anything.
He has not been accepted as a permanent member and that is why no work has been given to him. He is married and has children and he wanted to bring the whole lot here. He has always lived on K's charity. We do not need this kind of people here.
21 March 1935
A full trust and confidence in the Divine Love saves a sadhak from all dangers and difficulties and gives him happiness, peace and joy.
My dear Mother, grant me a force that brings an integral and complete self-giving to the Divine.
Yes, it is a sincere self-giving that saves one from all difficulties and dangers.
28 March 1935
L was getting suggestions that she would become mad. It seems that many people said to her: "Why do you laugh so much?" even when she was not laughing. I told her: "These are suggestions thrown upon you; you are not like that. On the contrary, it is such a nice thing, this laughter, a sort of great release and liberation."
Yes, she must not fear it is all stupid suggestions and you spoke quite well.
31 March 1935
I want You to interfere in all my movements, whatever they are; and Your interference will be promptly responded to with love and submission, with an earnest will to change as You would like. I want You, I seek for You day and night, night and day for Your Light, for Your Consciousness, for Your Force.
O Mother, come into my entire being, my smallest cell, the tiniest drop of my blood. Come, my dear Mother, and make the whole being Your seat.
My dear child, with all my love I take you in my arms as my own child and assure you that you will become more and more mine.
3 April 1935
We have to find somebody for the washing and wiping of vessels. I do not know who it could be.
It seems to me that the only solution is that M should work himself, instead of throwing all the work upon others.
6 April 1935
A big disturbance is hovering over the kitchen. Twice it appeared a few days back, but it was controlled. N has accused me directly of being unfair. I tried to explain to her each time, but the roots have not disappeared.
The best is to ignore all these petty things. To want only what the Divine wants in us and for us, is the only important thing.
I thought I had a very pure relation with the inmates, but today I see that it was all humbug. There is a still greater purity to manifest and to live.
When I go deep down and analyse myself, I find the lower vital impulses, the animal impulses of ordinary human life and its instincts. These things have no strength to make me act physically but I understand now that they creep in and govern the lower vital nature in a very subtle polished form.
Yes, these things were to be seen. It is good that you have seen them; but now there is only to be quiet, happy and peaceful in a steady will that all the nature should be enlightened.
Blessed be the day when there will be peace, gentleness, kindness and the manifestation of Love.
My dear Mother, may the Divine manifest.
I would say: may the world become aware that the Divine is manifesting!
8 April 1935
The kitchen has not yet finished its troubles, and now the serving section has begun.
We are not trained to resist all evil, nor disciplined enough to persist after the Truth, nor cultured enough to live a quiet and happy life.
Yes, the suggestion of disturbance and dissatisfaction has become very strong and many respond to it; but we have only to keep quiet, very quiet, more and more quiet as an answer to the growing restlessness and stand calmly until the storms are over.
It is only a perfect Peace that can overcome all these excited fits…
9 April 1935
Water supply: Aroumé consumes a good deal of water for drinking, cooking and washing. If it happens again like today that there is no water from the taps for many hours, what shall we do? We shall have to use the well. The water will be fetched from it, boiled, passed through a cloth and used for cooking, drinking and washing vessels.
It is ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to use the well water (even boiled) for drinking the well water of the town is contaminated by infiltrations this means typhoid and cholera and for cooking also it is impossible because the well water has a filthy taste and smell.
12 April 1935
P bought some things last month and did not pay for them. Today R gave me the money to pay on her behalf. After that I began to think: so many people are buying things in their own capacity. Do they all pay cash or they remain as debtors? Can they not be stopped!
I have tried several times but never succeeded and the result was only that they began hiding things from me, which made their case much worse.
13 April 1935
Feeding animals in Aroumé: crows, squirrels, etc. come in a very big number. They not only eat up what is thrown to them by S, but also what is put for drying in the sun. Even they eat up raisins and cashew-nuts and spoil the sugar and such things, it is too much. I feel we should stop this feeding and lessen the number of animals in Aroumé.
Now that they have taken the habit of coming it may be difficult to stop them, but you may try.
21 April 1935
More peace brings more Light, and that sets everything right. O Lord, more peace.
Yes, it is in peace that the knowledge and the power can manifest.
24 April 1935
How is it that I read nothing, learn nothing! Some people learn languages, some learn painting, some learn singing; many read books on yoga and some are typing out Sri Aurobindo's articles in "Arya".
All that is for people who have a restless mind and need some mental occupation.
How is it I do nothing? This becomes a riddle to me at times, and I have no solution except this: it does not matter, let me have my Mother; it is quite sufficient if I have her.
This is surely the best.
28 April 1935
In advancing towards the realisation there might come difficulties. I pass over them as the Mother's child; I begin the sadhana as a child of the Mother, I advance like that and even in fulfilment I remain Thy child, my dear Mother, a child of eternity.
Yes, you will always be my dear child and thus you will reach the realisation.
29 April 1935
Tomorrow I am finishing the medicine for boils. May this be the last medicine for me. O body consciousness, open yourself to the dear Mother and get yourself filled with her Love.
Yes, there comes a time when medicines are no more needed, but that means that the body consciousness is quite opened to the force from above and that a strong unwavering will is established in the material.
With all love and blessings to you, my dear child.
30 April 1935
I have seen this: the Ashram has no hostile forces; it is filled with the Mother. It is only when we open to these hostile forces, calling them in, that they come and disturb us. If we remained calm, quiet and open to the Divine alone, the life of the Ashram would undergo a very rapid transformation and there would be peace, joy and happiness.
This is quite true. The peace and the happiness are always there.
With you always.
Peace and an unshakeable equanimity are the firm basis for happiness, joy and progress towards the Goal. May it increase in me, in all of us in the Ashram.
Our love and blessings are always with you, establishing equanimity as an indispensable basis for the Realisation.
2 May 1935
My heart is filled with gratitude that You brought me here. You fished me out of the lower nature and kept me in the bosom of Your eternal love.
O my dear Mother, teach me to love Thee, to surrender to Thee; teach me to be Thine, more truly Thine.
Yes, I am keeping you in my arms and surrounding you with my love which united to your aspiration will take you to the goal.
6 May 1935
In Aroumé there are a good number of people having moods; none can say when these moods will come they come without any reason.
Moods are all over the Ashram they come from the obscurity and bad will of the physical mind. When the physical mind will consent to open to the light all these moods will disappear.
11 May 1935
Too frequently I meet people in their difficulties and bad conditions. In this state I go deep down within myself, and my being rises in a great and fervent prayer to You:
O my dear Mother, make me more and more selfless, completely selfless, filled only with Your Purity, Peace, Consciousness, Love and Light.
I am always with you and you will never call me in vain our peace, love, help and protection will always answer to your call.
13 May 1935
There is misuse of filtered water in Aroumé; people are taking too much water in their tumblers and then throwing it away. No external rule can alter the situation; there has to be a change of consciousness and a complete consecration to the Divine.
Surely you are quite rightbut we have to provide until the change of consciousness takes place!
Herewith a notice that can be put in Aroumé and also here near the filter.
14 May 1935
When anything happens to the body, it loses courage at once and becomes weak, helpless and full of fear. In one word, there is no peace and equanimity in the body consciousness. Not only the body but the entire consciousness gets clouded and veiled; there is no remembrance of the Divine in the physical consciousness and it is this that catches the illness and prolongs it.
Yes, this is quite rightly observedbut to have become conscious of it is a big step towards a successful transformation of the body consciousness and the victory over illness.
15 May 1935
Unless the body consciousness opens and receives the Divine Light, Peace and Consciousness, nothing of permanence is achieved. The body is the base, and upon that base the Divine has to work and construct a building. However much the vital and the mental are open and receptive, nothing can be said to be permanent if the body is not stable.
I am glad that you had the experience of the necessity for the body to open and to receive the divine Light and Will, as the mind and the heart does. This will do much for the increase of the resistance to illness and the capacity of keeping good health.
I am always with you.
I am always given to Thee and to Thy Work. Make me more quiet, make me rest in full peace amidst these hundredfold activities. I have to learn this more and more, and You have to teach me. Teach me, my dear Mother, to be more and more Thine.
Yes, I am always with you, teaching you the true action and the true consecration.
19 May 1935
The most important thing for me to do is to remain quietly happy, consecrated and concentrated on You, and to do what has to be done very sincerely and devotionally, not worrying about the future, but quietly aspiring very humbly before You.
Yes, this is the right attitude and the most sure way.
Always with you in an affectionate trust.
27 May 1935
What did I see this evening when You were looking at me from Your window? I saw that my chest was as transparent as glass and that You were seeing Your own image there.
My dear Mother is always in my heart for eternity. My Mother, my Mother, my Mother.
This is a very beautiful and true experience. I am happy you had it. Yes, I am always in your heart for ever with you.
28 May 1935
I fail to understand why there is so much antipathy against me in the Aroumé workers?
I do not think it is so bad as all that.
Three days back, as soon as I entered the Aroumé gate from the market, a force ran through my neck, saying: "It would have been better if you had died."
Do not listen to all this rubbish. It does not come from the Aroumé workers, but from some hostile force that wants to upset you.
Yesterday when I was taking my lunch, a force wanted to send me away from Aroumé: "Go away, go away, you are not wanted here."
Same explanation as above.
And now B tells me: "I shall not be able to cooperate with you in this way, nor shall I be able to work with you." I do not even know what "way" he means.
My dear Mother, all is left to you. I rest happily and go to bed.
Yes, be quiet and do not worry about all that.
It is the same forces which want to make you believe that your co-workers hate you and make the others believe that you hate them. The mistake is to believe these forcesone ought always to answer them: No, it is not true, it cannot be.
30 May 1935
I thought that as I have grown bulky, I might not be able to work physically. But I find that I can work with a sustained energy, quietly and with a balanced mind. And I think You are quite happy to see me working.
Yes, I am very glad to see you working physically and am sure it will do you much good. I am glad also that your body is getting a little less thin. It was truly necessary to fill the holes!
Today I heard C and D quarrelling. Afterwards, F told someone: "Prison life is easier than to work with C."
Would it not be better if you spoke to D? If he is not satisfied, it is better for him to tell it frankly rather than to complain hidingly.
1 June 1935
I have spoken to D very clearly: "Give dumb service; utter not a word even if there are whips on back."
If you mean that there must be no quarrels it is quite all right. But he must feel free to tell me what he has in his heart.
"Work can never be done if there is no discipline! The Mother knows very well the person in charge of the work, and those who work with him have to follow his instructions." And he has agreed to that kind of work.
Let us see, my dear Mother. I wish that dumb service should be given to You by all of us.
I wanted to tell him also that if he has any complaint to make or if he is not satisfied with his work, it is to me that he must freely say so.
My love, blessings and trust are always with you, my dear child.
2 June 1935
I, who was so social and friendly to all, am becoming more reserved day by day and relate to others only for the work or for business. Often the suggestion has passed in me that even with those I am somewhat free with, I should relate just for the work.
This is not necessary nor even advisable. You must feel free to speak to them and help them when they need it. Go on with them as you do it is all right.
Grant me the strength, my dear Mother, to remain quite faithful to the Divine Will.
Yes, the strength is always with you to be always faithful to the Divine Will.
There is not a single worker in Aroumé who has not shown his or her bright side love, devotion and service to the Divine. That is the light which shines in each of us; that I adore and through it I always feel in harmony with the inmates. That is what I put in front in my dealings with them.
Good.
Difficulties each of us has, some more, some less, but it is foolish to have contempt for someone having troubles. On the contrary, a sympathetic heart must go out to them in all goodwill and kindness, to help them out of their difficulties.
What you say is quite right and with this attitude there is no doubt that, sooner or later, the difficulties will vanish.
All love and blessings to you my dear child.
4 June 1935
The work in our courtyard garden: as you saw, I can do good work as a coolie also, and though completely soiled with earth all over, I can remain Your child.
I was very pleased to see you enjoying your work. I hope you will rest very well this night and your body will get stronger and stronger.
I feel that it would be good for us inmates to do some sort of manual work but the wish must come from within our hearts.
Yes, it is when it comes spontaneously from the good will of the heart that it is helpful in all ways.
I am quietly happy, with a greater confidence that the Divine Will is always victorious. The increased confidence gives me more strength, quietness, peace, patience and a force that serves the Divine Will.
Yes, with the growing confidence comes the growing force and the growing capacity to receive it.
6 June 1935
My dear, dear Mother,
I am happy with an increasing daily experience: My Mother is in my heart. She who supports me, guides me, loves me, She is the soul of this body and much more than that.
My dear Mother, I love You with all my heart.
Yes, you are truly in my arms, arms of love that always keep you close, very close to me.
At work two parties have formed the quarrels go on daily and the smallest thing becomes a mountain. Both parties are quite dissatisfied with me because I do not take sides, I hear nobody and I put forth my case of peace and quietness.
What you are doing is quite all right. The most important thing is to keep an unshakeable quietude and peace. One day or another it will act upon them.
Desires, desires, have they no end? Yes, they have, the moment we turn towards the Divine and quietly aspire for Him, giving ourselves completely and sincerely to Him.
Yes, you are right. Keep a constant faith in the Divine's final Victory.
7 June 1935
Where You are, I am. And I have no place to go except into Your loving and affectionate consciousness.
Yes, my dear child, your home is here and I am always with you.
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