Read Gautam Chawalla's correspondence with The Mother - from 1953 to 1968.
The Mother : correspondence
THEME/S
Born on 13 December 1934, Gautam Chawalla joined the Ashram in May 1952 at the age of seventeen. At the beginning he worked on an Ashram farm growing coconuts and assisted the Mother doing various tasks in the Ashram main building. Later, he founded AuroTravels, a travel agency in Pondicherry. He lived in the Ashram for sixty-two years, passing away on 15 June 2014 at the age of seventy-nine.
Gautam’s correspondence with the Mother covers the period from 1953 to 1968. At first he asked questions about himself and his work, but then began asking general questions about sadhana and the future. The correspondence is in French, with a few exceptions, and appears here in translation.
When you go to Mother, you should always smile.33
20 June 1953
Mother, take me in your arms so that I can sleep there quietly like a child, and nothing bad will be able to separate me from you.
To Gautam,
With love and blessings
4 April 1954
He who has need of outer changes is not progressing inwardly; but he who is progressing inwardly can always live in the same outer conditions, for they constantly reveal new truths to him.
30 January 1958
O Love! You have isolated me . . .34
Have patience.
I am in your heart — and the day of working in the physical presence is sure to come again; one must know how to wait.
13 May 1962
Gautam, my dear little one,
Bravo for the letter in French! Continue to learn it well; it will be useful some day.
And do not forget that I am always with you.
With my blessings
18 May 1962
Ma, Y is giving me French lessons twice a week, from six to seven in the evening on Mondays and Thursdays. I find it very helpful.
She is a good teacher. Be a good student and you are bound to succeed.
Ma, Your coconuts are happy. Yesterday we had 4350 cocos. This is the most till now.
Bravo! for the coconuts and my affection to Gautam.
20 June 1962
Ma, I have had a problem for some time. When I look at Your photographs, no matter which ones, a suggestion comes to me: “This is not Mother”, even though I know it is You. Ma, I don’t know if it is a hostile suggestion. In the photograph You have a form, yet it is not the form one usually sees. It is difficult to express.
Ma, You know everything. I have put the problem as clearly as possible and the rest you know.
It is not a hostile suggestion but a partial, incomplete experience. Photographs merely show an incomplete fragmentary image of a form that is itself transient and fleeting.
My consciousness, my true being not only has an eternal form but many immortal forms, and each person can see the form that is in accord with him. Some day you will surely see one of my true forms.
7 September 1962
Ma, the soaps have been outside for some time. You said that you wanted to arrange them. If you have a little time, I am ready with the list of powders and powder-puffs.
I have marked on the soap list those that I want you to bring. Arrange them according to place and kind — all the Indian soaps can be put at the bottom of the cupboard. But if all do not fit in one cupboard, I was thinking of discarding the Indian soaps. Try this arrangement first and come on Wednesday at 10.45.
16 September 1962
Gautam, my dear child,
The new room will be cleaned by Dyuman and Champaklal who are already taking care of the old room. So, for the time being, no one else is necessary.
Anyway, I know very well that you wanted to do this work, thinking it would give you the opportunity to see me more often — but that is not the case because the room has a particular entrance, and [end of reply missing]
14 December 1962
Sweet Mother, the two gardeners at the Industrial Garden do not wish to work there from this Saturday, because they are not satisfied with Rs. 1.00 a day. They say that the work is more and the pay is less. Secondly, many workers in the Paper Factory have got an increment — this the gardeners know and so they expect the same. They are good gardeners and they work well.
I pray to Mother for the decision.
P.S. It is difficult to get anyone to work for Rs. 1.00 per day nowadays.
You can give them 1.25 a day.
10 January 1963
One single thought of You, O Love!
The calm of Eternity and the felicity of Peace!
11 February 1963
Ma, the Doctor has given me permission to go to the Ashram tomorrow, Sunday. Do You think I can start work on Monday? I feel perfectly fine.
Ma, I will take the necessary precautions, but let me do the work.
You can come to see me for a minute tomorrow, Sunday, at 10.15, so that I can see if you are in a condition to work.
6 March 1963
Do you believe it helps you to progress in yoga by speaking crudely and having bad manners?
18 March 1963
About ten days ago, I saw around you a dark and aggressive cloud which was unpleasant. As a result I wrote you a note to alert you, but I did not send it, hoping that under the pressure of the Divine Consciousness you would become aware and tell me what it was about. But nothing came and I kept the note.
I am sending it to you today — it will be for the future.
I have thought about you a lot these days, but I have a lot of work as well and I cannot call you. I will see you on the first. With my blessings
26 March 1963
I wrote because of what I had seen.
I did not attach much importance to the M affair because
I know for certain that when people fight they are all equally wrong.
But in your nature there is something intolerant that gets angry very easily, and this is most contrary to spiritual development because it is a narrowness of mind that prevents you from putting yourself in the place of others and understanding their viewpoint. Also it is a lack of control over the vital, which is absolutely contrary to the self-mastery required for the sadhana.
Cling to me and fear nothing — soon it will pass. With my tenderness
30 March 1963
Certainly, my dear little one, I expect to see you tomorrow morning. I know that what you have is quite painful, but that is no reason for not coming, if you take precautions and walk slowly.
Tell the Doctor that you can come and that I have permitted it, and I am sure he will let you come. Come at 10.30.
Do not think of your pain, think of me instead, and you will see that you suffer less.
With all my tenderness
31 March 1963
My child, today you will be born to Divine Love — the True Love.
1 April 1963
Your observations are correct and I am happy that you see clearly into yourself. Every person always has a part in him that is slower to change and holds him back. One has to have patience and deal with it like a child who is going to school: that is, keep repeating the same thing to him and make him conscious of the need to open to the Divine Force and be transformed.
So you have to be patient, but at the same time very confident that you are on the right track.
I am always with you.
Tenderly
2 April 1963
Ma, I have come from the hospital. They have not taken an X-ray because they found too much gas in the stomach, especially in the kidney, so they have given some tablets to be taken for two days. On Tuesday the 16th at about 3.30 p.m. they will try again.
Ma, is it necessary to go through all this once more? I really feel there is nothing inside. The drugs, injections, etc. are not very encouraging. I wait for Mother’s guidance.
It is better to go through it once for all and finish with it. Love
14 April 1963
Ma, since you wrote to me I truly wanted to have that X-ray test. But they only found some gas in the kidney. You know, Ma, I have spent the last four days in an intolerable state of consciousness: the medicines, the injections, the purgatives, the fever and the hospital — all this has weakened me. Now I need to rest.
Ma, I pray to You with all my love to take pity on me and keep me far from this affair. I am not complaining, but something in the body is resisting. You know very well that this X-ray will be useless.
Ma, I don’t want to go. How to explain to others what is going on in me? You know, and that is why I am imploring You not to let me go.
O Love, You are my only refuge.
All right, my dear little one. I wanted to write to you this morning to put an end to all this. It is really quite useless. Rest, and on 19th morning come with Champaklal to arrange the curios.
And we will speak no more about illness!
Tenderness and blessings
17 April 1963
Ma, after writing to You, I went to see the director of agriculture in Pondicherry State and he gave me for free some Delidrine, a medicine against termites. I myself worked with the gardeners there till seven in the evening.
Ma, while I was spraying the trees with water and medicine (we treated 300 trees yesterday evening), I felt a contact with the trees which had been interrupted during my illness. And at a certain moment I knew that all will be well.
Ma, I am not tired; on the contrary, I feel the joy of being Your instrument.
My dear child,
I am very happy you took care of the trees. I knew that it was because of your “illness” that they fell sick, and now I am sure they will recover.
Tenderness
30 April 1963
Series Eight—Gautam Chawalla O Love! Your child
Dear child,
My love is always with you.
22 May 1963
Ma, this time You have 3765 coconuts.
9 July 1963
Ma, Your goodness is beyond compare. O Love, take me into Yourself.
I keep you always in my protecting arms.
25 September 1963
Ma, these shirts have been made for the USA. I have 24 in all, but I am sending you a few for your opinion.
Ma, my thoughts are full of You and my heart adores You. Just give me patience till I see You on the first.
Your shirts are very beautiful and well arranged.
The first is only two days away, so you don’t need a lot of patience. Don’t you know there is a great joy in waiting for something you love?
29 December 1963
Ma, M has arrived. She is very fine. She has given this pen to me, but it is too beautiful for me. Ma, I offer it to You. It is eternal — no refill is necessary.
How does it work? I will keep it for a few days; then I will return it to you so that you can use it . . . eternally!
Blessings
2 January 1964
Ma, we have water in the Industrial Garden. I pray for Your blessings.
Welcome to the water, and my blessings.
20 January 1964
Ma, tomorrow morning D and M are going to Madras. D has fixed an appointment with the dentist. I have toothache, so if You agree I can go with them. But Ma, I have work here. I cannot decide what to do.
It is not you who are deciding, it is your teeth that have decided to ache.
So you can go with D and M, and I give all three of you my blessings!
6 February 1964
Ma, we have received an order from the USA for 700 large marbled sheets of paper. The marbling must be finished before the end of the month. I started yesterday, but something is not okay. Ma, I pray for Your help.
Concentrate before starting the work and work calmly. Everything will be fine.
18 March 1964
Ma, this time You have 4086 coconuts.
Very good.
Love
27 May 1964
Your blunder is forgotten — but do not do it again.
23 July 1964
Ma, this time You have 4188 coconuts in Your garden. Bravo!
22 September 1964
Ma, that day blessed of all days — service in Your physical presence — is it still far away?
“A day will come” (as the perfume Arys says). But one must know how to wait and hold on.
11 November 1964
Ma, thanks to You, this time in full winter Your coconut trees have given 5698 coconuts.
Bravo!
10 December 1964
Gautam,
I would like you to arrange the exhibition of Ashram products for export which will take place in the town on February 6th.
A lovely occasion to display your good taste!
2 February 1965
Ma, this time Your coconut trees have yielded 3860 coconuts.
24 February 1965
Ma, this time You have got 2568 coconuts.
5 May 1965
Ma, You are my only refuge!
Remain tightly nestled in this refuge.
7 May 1965
Ma, enclosed are two photos of our new dog. The photos are not good, but she is really beautiful and very sensitive and intelligent. Ma, the dog has no name. I pray to You to give one — a French name.
“Fidèle.” She is gentle.
May 1965
Ma, I do my work, but I no longer have the privilege of service to You. And yet my dreams are of service alone.
You must take this morning’s flower as an assurance for the future. Blessings
15 June 1965
Ma, teach me disinterested work.
Yes.
7 July 1965
Money is like water, to remain pure it must run.
15 August 1965
Being conscious of all the movements of one’s being is not enough, is it? One must also know how to change them. How to do this?
This is precisely the object of the integral yoga. It is by making the higher consciousness come down into the fourfold material35 that one can change one’s character and all the movements of one’s being.
6 January 1966
My little one whom I love,
I am not at all angry. But it will be good if you listen to my direct communications!
3 June 1966
Ma, yesterday You once again had 4670 coconuts. Totally You have had 9162 coconuts in a single month. Your trees are happy, but . . .
Bravo for the coconuts! And bravo for the trees if they are happy! Being happy is the best way of showing one’s gratitude to the Divine.
With my tenderness and my blessings
16 June 1966
Love?
You doubt it?!! Mine is always with you.
15 July 1966
You told me that you are my friend. But circumstances separate us, don’t they? This has always happened to me.
I see that your vital is pessimistic. Pessimism is the enemy of spiritual life, which requires a peaceful and luminous trust.
When your vital gives way to its defeatist imaginations, tell it: “Keep quiet, you are blaspheming the Divine!”
7 September 1966
The world is a matter of the degree of Consciousness, isn’t it? Difference creates authority, and fear follows authority — so where is love?
Yes, it is like that in the vital world, which is the domain of the adverse forces — despotism and fear are the great tools of the Asuras. But that has nothing to do with the divine world. Indeed, it is the negation of the divine world, it is the falsehood that Truth must destroy and replace with compassion and love.
8 September 1966
Behind my work there is ambition, behind my love there is personality, and behind my purity there is fear. O You!!!
Since you are conscious of this, it proves that you are on the way to their elimination. The vital mixes its egoistic impurity into all movements. But when one becomes conscious, one should offer all these impurities to the Divine and they vanish.
9 September 1966
We are judging things as good or bad depending on their advantage to us. What bargaining!
Yes, this is precisely the human way of judging, and this is why it is completely false. The Divine alone sees the true value of persons and can help them to become the best they can be.
10 September 1966
Observation: Nature — an élan of aspiration in complete repose. Man — a horrible mixture of gross needs in agitation. And yet man is evolved?
Yes, he has come out of pure animality, but he still has all his roots in it, and he will break out of animality only when he will have gone beyond the mind.
It is the mind that has placed man above the animal, but man is merely an incomplete intermediary being. It is only when the Supramental manifests that this being will become divine.
11 September 1966
Innumerable are my stupidities — but a path is there and the thirst for an Absolute Perfection. Guide me, O Love!
Yes, the path is open before you.
And I will lead you by the hand. You are sure to reach the
goal.
12 September1966
Who are You?
I have already told you.
What do I have?
The Divine at the centre of your being.
13 September 1966
At a certain point, everyone is very sensitive. Touch that point, even in the most developed beings, and it is over. Why?
The more developed and conscious one is, the more sensitive one becomes, and as a result one becomes more vulnerable to the shocks of outer disorder, unless one can face it with the imperturbable calm of the Supreme Harmony.
14 September 1966
To what extent is the supramental force effective upon earth?
Exactly in proportion to the goodwill and receptivity of each one.
15 September 1966
For some time now I am able to foresee events, but they are always commonplace or not at all pleasant. Why?
These are the first experiences of knowledge by identity, and in these experiences the phenomenon of identity is much more important than the circumstance of the identification.
Later, when the capacity has become conscious and voluntary, then one can choose the object of one’s identification.
16 September 1966
Sri Aurobindo has told us that the Supramental is All-Powerful — so why this condition: “in proportion to the goodwill and receptivity of each one”?
It is not a condition. It is a fact. Because He wants it that way.
17 September 1966
Tired. I am tired of everything. O friend, save me from a bitter, dried-up heart.
There is only one remedy to this malady which comes from a dissatisfied vital. It is to find your psychic being (the vesture of the Divine) and to unite with it. Then you will find joy in the Divine Force and the tiredness will disappear. If you decide to take up this liberating work, you can count on my full help.
18 September 1966
Love among humans is based on remembrance, isn’t it?
In the material world, love expresses itself through the need to be close, to unite, to become one. The persistence of remembrance is rather the effect of love and not its basis.
19 September 1966
I have suffered enough! If You truly love me, set me free at any cost. How can I find my soul?
Stop complaining. You are suffering because some part of your being has a perverse attraction to suffering.
In fact, the circumstances of your life would seem perfectly enviable to many people who aspire for a spiritual life.
Observe this mania for suffering sincerely and you will see that it is a pose of your vital which hopes in this way to attract the sympathy of others and maybe even the divine compassion.
20 September 1966
If one loves somebody, to what extent can one act and change the life of the person one loves?
It all depends on the quality of the love. If it is an egoistic, monopolising love, one can do nothing for the person one thinks one loves.
Only divine love has the power to change someone’s life by opening in him the doors of his soul.
21 September 1966
What You have written to me is quite true — but I just want to tell You that I have never complained to anyone except the Divine (You). Divine Grace I have not felt, but Your Love, yes!
What difference can you make between Grace and love? Love is the Grace’s means of action, so it is quite natural that one feels love first.
22 September 1966
A beautiful landscape has always helped me come out of my smallness. Once again life is beautiful and calm.
Bravo! That’s good!
23 September 1966
It is said that Time is the great healer. It is true, isn’t it, because with the passing of time one forgets the cause of the injury? A question of memory.
It is not because one forgets that the saying is true, for then it would be meant for men who are completely ordinary and live in their surface consciousness. But what is true is that the whole world is in perpetual transformation; everything changes at every moment, and for those who aspire and are supple, time is the great remedy because with time they can cure all their ills and imperfections and transform themselves totally.
Sri Aurobindo has said: “Learn how to wait and you will put Time on your side.”
24 September 1966
You speak of the perpetual transformation of the world — but what is it that changes? Nature? Matter? Consciousness? Then why are the problems the same since the beginning?
There is only one problem — that of “separation”. All the others follow from it. And there is only one solution. This problem will remain until the separation has been abolished and fusion with the Divine Consciousness has become a reality. But the whole creation is moving towards this in a perpetual state of change. It is only for a superficial, short-sighted, limited vision that the world does not seem to change.
Have you read Savitri? This theory that the world turns perpetually in a circle without changing or progressing is the great argument of Death in his effort to prove to Savitri that her hope of transformation is far-fetched.
26 September 1966
What are the conditions to be observed in order to earn money for You?
Sincerity, straightforwardness, scrupulous honesty, disinterest-edness, courage, endurance, perseverance — and never to forget what dignity and honour there is in working for the Divine.
With all that, one is sure of success.
Yes, I have read Savitri several times and I have understood and felt the truth of what Sri Aurobindo says. But tell me, what has changed? I don’t doubt the possibility of a total change, but nothing has completely changed, has it?
If you apply the word “change” to the supramental realisation, then certainly it has not taken place in a concrete way upon earth. But before that happens, a number of changes have to take place, many progressive changes, and these are the ones I am talking about.
Life is in perpetual transformation so that it may achieve the integral transformation in the Divine Life.
28 September 1966
What is the power of a prayer?
Prayer, if it is sincere and spontaneous, has the same power as aspiration. I am talking about prayer that arises spontaneously from the heart, not about prayer that is memorised and repeated more or less mechanically, because that has a very diminished power and almost no effectiveness.
30 September 1966
Many people here have lost their sense of security. Why?
Because instead of keeping their faith in the Divine Grace intact, they have started to think about what will happen to them if I leave this body.
There are others who are here only for their material comfort; they are frightened because they find the financial situation uncertain.
3 October 1966
It seems to me that here, instead of losing our egos, we nourish them — and You encourage us. Why?
It is the concentration of power that has this effect. Instead of using this power to transform themselves, as it ought to be used, most people use it to strengthen their ego.
I certainly do not encourage this, far from it. I am a distressed witness.
4 October 1966
Even those who have been here for a very long time become strange in their old age. Is it because consciousness depends on one’s health?
In no way. Consciousness is eternal and nothing can affect it. But the physical body is rarely infused with consciousness, and, even when it is, it is only partly infused.
The body, as it is at present, is like a musical instrument (piano or violin) and if some strings or notes are missing, then even the most perfect musician cannot perfectly express music through them.
The consciousness is intact, but its expression is incomplete.
5 October 1966
In the last four years since you have withdrawn, the Ashram has changed a lot. There is chaos everywhere. People are concerned only about their personal affairs, and each one exploits You. Why???
Probably their ego interests them more than the Divine or even more than the divine life. Or rather their ego is master of the house — it runs the house!
6 October 1966
We call You “Mother”, but this name is associated with a human quality, maternal and imperfect. How do you see “the Mother”?
It is Sri Aurobindo who called me Mother and it is his conception of the mother that he wanted for me. For him, the Mother is the Mahashakti, creatrix of the universe, as he has explained in his book The Mother.
7 October 1966
Our actions and insincerity are responsible for the present financial situation, aren’t they? But You say nothing and allow us to do things. Why?
Have you forgotten the Grace? Without the Grace, those who are guilty would be punished by the very consequences of their actions, and then...
Love and blessings
8 October 1966
What I would like to know is this: here on earth and in this body, what relation do You have with us when we call You “Mother”?
The relation with one without whom you would not exist and from whom you can expect not only a total and limitless understanding but also an integral and infallible goodwill.
Where then in all this can there be any place for fear?
9 October 1966
It happens that after every spiritual experience, I experience a drop in consciousness or rather a sort of negation of that experience. Why?
This is one more proof of the division in you. One part wants the light, another part clings to its obscurity, and as the first part progresses, the other hastens to demolish it.
The unification of your being is imposing itself in an urgent way, and for this the luminous part has to dominate the obscure one and educate it, instead of letting it do whatever it wants — in other words, letting it spoil your life and make you miserable.
You must regard this part of your being not as yourself but as a hostile formation that you must convert to the truth.
10 October 1966
We are afraid of You only as long as You allow it to exist. As soon as You consent to be intimate with us, the fear vanishes. This privilege, however, is not granted to all.
There are disciples who have never been intimate with me and who have never been afraid. It is when one’s consciousness is not at ease that one is afraid. Somewhere one feels that one is guilty and one is afraid of being caught. When one’s consciousness is clear, one is never afraid.
11 October 1966
What You wrote to me yesterday, I know very well mentally. What I want is to live it, a decisive experience. O Love, that is all I ask of You.
When you will be open only to the divine influence and to no other, then you will have the Experience.
12 October 1966
At the end of each day, I see that I have repeated the same comedy as the day before! O You . .
Yes, it is like that as long as one is not doing sadhana. It is only the sadhana of integral perfection that makes each day, each hour new and interesting.
13 October 1966
You speak precisely of sadhana. I wanted to ask You this: after what Sri Aurobindo has written in The Synthesis of Yoga on the sadhana of the Integral Yoga, who is doing it here? Not a single person. Yet life is quite satisfactory.
So do the sadhana yourself and you will be the first!
14 October 1966
Truly speaking, does the question of the relativity of things exist on earth?
Everything is relative except the Supreme. The Supreme alone is absolute; but since the Supreme is at the centre of each being, each being carries in himself his absolute.
When one does not see the way clearly, what should one do?
Consult me.
16 October 1966
I see how weak I am, but in the consciousness I find a small part that is the witness.
It is the part in your being that is in contact with the psychic. The contact goes on intensifying and becoming more and more precise, until your psychic being becomes the conscious centre of all your activities.
17 October 1966
How to be truly grateful to someone who has helped you? I have found people who have goodwill for everyone.
These are the true sages...
The divine compassion is spread over everyone, and each is able to receive its help according to his capacity.
It is to the Divine that our gratitude should go, always and for everything.
23 October 1966
What does tolerance mean? Is there a limit to tolerance?
Human tolerance is limited, because everything in human nature is limited.
From the Divine point of view, tolerance is to allow everything and accept everything. But for man, tolerance means not to react violently against what one dislikes or rather against what one disapproves of.
25 October 1966
Don’t You find that work often suffers because of tolerance? Because man takes tolerance as a permission or an opportunity to take his own advantage, isn’t that so?
It is not the fault of tolerance but of man’s insincerity, and suppression or punishment would only make it worse. It would give a sort of legitimacy to his insincerity.
26 October 1966
Life is full of preferences and the most perfect men simply have subtler preferences, isn’t that so?
Perhaps . . . but a perfect yogi cannot have preferences.
27 October 1966
If I am angry, a very strong vibration comes and I lose my equilibrium. There is also a sort of trembling in my body. Why?
These are vital vibrations of a lower order that come; the vital forces of this type are brutal, violent and destructive. One should never let them enter, and for that one must never get angry, which in itself is an ignorant lower movement.
28 October 1966
Why does man always need someone in order to express his feelings?
Not all men and not always. It is those who are weak and live on the surface, those who have not developed their inner life who are like that.
29 October 1966
Guide me, I cannot see anything . . .
You can count on me. I will open your eyes.
30 October 1966
For some time, every time I go to sleep I find myself in strange places, and what is odd is that even after waking up I cannot recognise my room. Why?
It is because you have become more conscious of the part in your being that dreams and that, on returning to your body, still dominates your waking consciousness.
31 October 1966
A great confusion in my being. What to do?
It is a big work to put it in order. It is the same thing as putting a room or a cupboard in order. One must begin in one corner and go till the end.
To put one’s being in order, one first has to find in it that which is conscious of the Divine or at least aspires for the Divine.
Then one places this at the centre of the consciousness. Next all that comes afterwards, all the thoughts, [end of reply missing]
1 November 1966
Often one does things out of habit. How to replace them by conscious acts?
By a sustained will and daily practice.
2 November 1966
When will this problem of money be solved? Every year it is getting worse.
It is because expenses are increasing and revenues are decreasing. But it certainly needs to be set right!
3 November 1966
Goodwill is not always effective. Why?
Goodwill is indispensable, but it is not all-powerful. The factor of ignorance has great importance. Ignorant goodwill is almost
always ineffective.
4 November 1966
Nature had promised You her collaboration, but we have just had our second cyclone this year. Why?
It is probably her way of collaborating. She gives lessons, but these lessons are not on a human scale. They are on the scale of the universe.
We suffer because of our karma, don’t we?
Suffering is the result of separation and ignorance. Karma only determines the kind of suffering that each one goes through, according to one’s nature and actions, as the fastest way to make progress. Suffering is not a punishment, but a logical and inevitable consequence — inevitable unless the Grace intervenes, and the Grace always intervenes in response to faith.
5 November 1966
What lesson does Nature want to learn? And why?
Sincerity in aspiration towards the Divine.
6 November 1966
What is the power of thought?
The power of thought depends considerably on the power of the thinker. Every well-formed thought has its own force of realisation, which gives it a power of realisation in the mental domain. It can act in the physical world only through a mental human being.
7 November 1966
Do You like flattery? Even certain persons close to You don’t tell You things as they are, and when one asks them why, the answer is: “It would not please Sweet Mother.”
It is not necessarily a question of flattery. Since I am extremely busy and don’t have time to listen to what each person would like to tell me, it is quite natural that those around me prefer to tell me pleasant things first and keep the unpleasant ones for afterwards.
To tell the truth, it is important to tell me things only when I have to intervene, and those things are not so many.
8 November 1966
Does the will that a thinker puts into his thought have a power of realisation?
Certainly, it is one of the important elements of mental formation. But since each thinker has his own will, it leads to a great conflict of thoughts, which results in doubts.
Only will one with the Divine Will is all-powerful.
9 November 1966
What good is it to tell You pleasant things? — because it is always You. What is not pleasant is what we are — and if we hide ourselves from You, if we are not ready to tell the truth, how can we live the truth?
For me, pleasant or unpleasant has little meaning; these are very relative ways of seeing and feeling the play of the eternal consciousness — and the proof of this is that the same thing or circumstance can be pleasant for some people and unpleasant for others.
From the practical point of view, I always take note of things that are useful to say because they require my intervention (compassion for a mistake committed is certainly part of them). And words that are spoken only for the pleasure of speaking, that is to say, useless [end of reply missing]
10 November 1966
The economic and political situation of India is bad. The solution?
To turn to the Divine — and to serve the Truth.
11 November 1966
One loves someone — that person loves someone else. It is rare that people love each other with the same intensity. Why?
Because what men call “love” is rarely love. It is usually a physical desire or a vital attraction or a sentimental affinity.
Love is something very profound, very intense and very lasting; it does not need reciprocation in order to exist, and it manifests very rarely among human beings because it cannot exist along with egoism.
12 November 1966
Does the Lord decide everything when one takes up Yoga?
The solution You have given for India is not practical, and You know this better than I. So what is the practical and immediate solution?
THERE IS NONE.
All the so-called practical means are childish, and with them men blind themselves, so they do not see the real need and the only remedy.
13 November 1966
After what You write and what Sri Aurobindo has written in The Human Cycle, it is evident that the solution lies in Truth. Then why the delay?
Because Truth is supremely destructive of falsehood and ill will. If it were to act immediately on the world as it is, not much of it would remain! . . . It is patiently preparing its own coming.
15 November 1966
I have so many ideas! And along with them is a force that wants to manifest itself. If only I could realise them . . . You would always have material riches at Your feet.
Well, this is good!
Cultivate in yourself a growing, unshakeable faith in the Divine Grace, and you will succeed.
16 November 1966
There are times when nothing seems to move. Why?
It is when for some reason, usually the ego, one has strayed from the universal harmony.
17 November 1966
Your force is more effective universally in the world than it is with us here. Still, you look after us. Why?
The force and power are the same here and in the world. And even here in some respects, the power is greater. But those who live here are so accustomed to being bathed in this force that they don’t even notice it, and most of them have to leave here to realise that it exists.
18 November 1966
We see circumstances according to our Sanskaras — so we never see the reality, do we?
Certainly, as long as there is an ego, one does not see things as they truly are. But as one’s consciousness unites with the Divine Consciousness, one’s vision becomes more and more true.
19 November 1966
Where is there justice upon earth?
Nowhere. Even (and perhaps especially) human justice is not just. Here on earth, justice is replaced by Divine Grace. Because if Divine Justice were to be applied, the freedom necessary for evolution could no longer be exercised.
20 November 1966
Don’t you want to get rid of the parasites who are here?
I treat them as if they were not so, and then they are obliged either to change or to go.
21 November 1966
Ordinarily Grace means “we can get what we want”. There are very few persons who have realised all that happens as Grace. So in that case, is there anything like “justice” or “just”?
There is the Divine Justice, supreme and irrevocable. But it is so marvellous that men cannot understand it. When they manage to perceive it, they feel overwhelmed.
22 November 1966
When the Lord closes a door, he opens a window somewhere, isn’t that so?
If you mean to say, closing the door that leads downward and opening the window that looks up at the sky, it is indeed correct.
23 November 1966
Make me also drink Ananda, as You drink it.
That is hardly my concern. My concern is to be exactly what the Lord wants me to be. When He gives me Ananda, I try not to lose any of it, nor to add anything to it that might distort it.
24 November 1966
There are people who succeed in life and there are others who don’t manage it. What determines these things?
Their own nature. What one carries in one’s nature is reflected in one’s surroundings. Optimistic, harmonious natures attract and meet with success. Pessimistic, discontented natures attract failures and difficulties.
25 November 1966
Is suffering the means for coming out of tamas?
Certainly not if one inflicts suffering on oneself.
If one seeks suffering or makes oneself suffer deliberately, one only adds perversion to tamas and make it more incurable.
27 November 1966
Each time You have a little disorder in Your body You stop eating. Why?
Because for this body the only remedy is to enter into the immobility of the Lord.
28 November 1966
Your presence alone makes life agreeable. Read all that I have not written and save me.
It is from yourself that you must be saved. Because the circumstances of your life are such that many people — all those who believe in the possibility of divine transformation — would truly be happy and grateful to find themselves in your place.
One more proof that one is the instrument of one’s own torment.
29 November 1966
Deep down, I feel how disgusting this life is. There is nothing in it that is not full of ego and falsehood. But to come out of it . . . where and how and when?
Right now, by sincere self-offering to the Divine, by complete consecration of all one’s energies and work, and by renouncing one’s desires and preferences.
30 November 1966
I am grateful for all that You do for me and I want to be happy as before, and despite myself You want to save me — so I love You more than ever.
Well, this is good. But there is the Gautam who wrote this evening’s letter, and that Gautam refuses to be saved . . .
You have to find your psychic being — then you will be happy and contented, and progress will become easy. It is your psychic being that loves me. Can you not identify yourself with it? Then you will be saved and happy . . .
1 December 1966
“Consent to be nothing and none” — these words kept repeating themselves in me.
Then you have indeed heard the answer the Lord has given to your ego.
2 December 1966
I have never written that I will not be saved. The psychic being is hiding itself; help me to find it.
I never said that you will not be saved. Certainly you will. But if your whole being wants it, it will be a lot faster. It is not the psychic being that is hiding itself; it is your desires that are hiding it.
3 December 1966
How should one spend the fifth of December?
Like other days — in a sincere aspiration for perfect consecration. If one can, one should intensify one’s aspiration on this day.
5 December 1966
A new door is beginning to open. Is the yoga of the body always so interesting? I had the impression that even the body was smiling. Is that possible?
Completely possible. The yoga of the body is full of marvellous discoveries.
6 December 1966
Is there a difference between innocence and ignorance?
Very often the word innocence is used indiscriminately. Between real innocence and ignorance there is the same difference as between truth and falsehood.
7 December 1966
Sleep absorbs everything, especially an experience. Is everything lost?
What you want to say is not very clearly expressed.
Do you want to say that during sleep one has many experiences but they get lost because one is asleep? This is true only for those who are unconscious in their sleep and remember nothing when they wake up.
But through a well-organised education, one can remember all the activities of the night. And then, instead of getting lost, they become very useful and instructive.
8 December 1966
I have not understood Your answer. Innocence means that one does not know or is not aware, and ignorance means that one no longer knows or is unconscious. So how is one pure and the other is not?
The true meaning of innocence is “without defect, without sin” — in other words, one who has kept the divine simplicity of the Origin, one who has not taken part in the deformation of separation.
9 December 1966
What I wanted to say is that an experience during the day is absorbed by sleep. Isn’t that so?
No. It is only an appearance, and the experience is never lost. But for those who fall into unconsciousness during their sleep, the experience of the day sinks down into the subconscious and seems to be lost, though it continues to have its effect, but in a veiled way.
10 December 1966
“The lion, when stricken to the heart, gives out his mightiest roar. When smitten on the head, the cobra lifts his hood. And the majesty of the soul comes forth only when man is wounded to his depths.” — Vivekananda Is this true?
It is only a little bit true and a lot is literature — because the state of Nature which makes this necessary must be surpassed.
We aspire for the time when it will no longer be necessary for Sri Aurobindo to die.
11 December 1966
As long as Nature remains what it is, the law of ignorance reigns. But a day will come when the Truth will manifest and terrestrial immortality will be one of its results.
But he [Sri Aurobindo] knew everything—so why did he once again enact this game of birth and death?
Because he came to the earth not for his personal satisfaction but to give a new impetus to terrestrial life and hasten the transformation.
13 December 1966
Will the Grace protect us from the consequences of our insincerity?
Yes, provided you remain sincere to your faith in It! Or, more practically, if you allow It to do it and in the process do not undo the work It does.
14 December 1966
In an experience I felt (or rather I was) an intense unformed aspiration — there moral good and evil and even spiritual values had no importance. I could have been a beast or a divine being — it would have changed nothing. Oh, to be that intensity always . . .
This is truly very good. It is the forerunner of a state that can be constant.
15 December 1966
As a friend I am asking You to pray to the Lord to send me a sign or give me a call, for my heart is in anguish.
Both the sign and the call are already there. But you must open the eyes of your heart to see the sign, and you must keep your mind silent to hear the call.
16 December 1966
This year was hard, yes, very hard for me. Will You grant that ’67 will be a year full of You?
I am always there — in you, with you constantly, but you do not perceive it because you are thinking of other things, maybe a little too much of yourself . . .
17 December 1966
Despite myself, make me see the sign and hear the call. I love You.
And if I tell you that you see and you hear, but your ego refuses to recognise it!...
Happy birthday!
18 December 1966
Love for You. This is the cause and this is the solution. I found it through a simple experience.
This simple experience must now become a constant reality — and all will be well.
19 December 1966
“O living inscription of the beauty of love.” I am so close to You in my heart.
Now that is good and true, and it should give you continuous happiness.
20 December 1966
Indian tradition says that the name of God has more power than a god. Is it true?
Undoubtedly. This means that the sound OM, which evokes the Supreme, is more powerful than a god of the “Overmind”.
21 December 1966
When You speak of Truth, what do you mean?
Truth is one of the attributes or aspects of the Supreme Lord. It cannot be described mentally, but one can live it if one gives oneself to it totally.
22 December 1966
“Sometimes naked, sometimes mad, now as a scholar, again as a saint. Thus they appear on the earth, the Paramahansas.”— Shankaracharya
Isn’t this rather a sign of weakness than of a growth of consciousness?
Yes, certainly. Formerly in spiritual life, one did not care about the body; one even despised it, and at the first opportunity it was rejected and its imperfections became apparent.
23 December 1966
Is it possible for You to have and feel all the reactions of human life? If so, to what extent and under what conditions?
Like this, the question makes no sense.
All that the Lord wants me to feel, I feel.
All that the Lord wants me to know, I know.
All that the Lord wants me to do, I do.
25 December 1966
Make me an optimistic being. There is something that still clings...
It is the old habit — but it will pass.
27 December 1966
Even human love, when it takes hold of us, gives us joy — but inevitably it is followed by suffering. Why?
This world is impermanent and all is passing. Love in its essence and origin is eternal, but the forms in which it manifests on earth are impermanent. It is this in the human consciousness that veils the felicity inherent in love.
29 December 1966
What is the place of comfort and luxury here in the Ashram?
Comfort and luxury are tolerated but not encouraged because they are not necessary for yoga, though one who is truly sincere can learn detachment and equanimity even in the lap of comfort and luxury — but it is more difficult.
30 December 1966
The end of the year and with it the end of unhappiness. You wished me “a very happy new year” and with all my trust I am guarding your wish.
Yes, be quiet and trusting — then the wish will be fulfilled.
Happy New Year!
31 December 1966
The first step towards one’s soul is to awaken in one’s heart gratitude for the Divine Grace.
c. 1966–1967
Is there a reason for what one does? Everything seems like a badly acted comedy.
There is a reason or rather a purpose for all that one does: it is to become conscious of the Divine. But since nearly all are unaware of this purpose, the comedy is indeed very badly acted and seems absurd.
Happy New Year to You, O Love!
Happy New Year! In Peace, Love and Joy.
1 January 1967
After Sri Aurobindo’s prophecy for the year 1967 (the realisation of the Supramental upon earth), what will be its visible results?
Sri Aurobindo has never written or said that in 1967 the Supra- mental will be realised upon earth. He has simply written that we will begin to see the effect of the action of the Supramental Power on the governments of different countries.
It is only this that one should expect, [end of reply missing]
2 January 1967
There are quite a few things that go on in Your name — “Mother said”, “Mother wants”, etc. Your name only serves to support the desire of those who speak.
I know it very well. That is why I always warn those who don’t know, that they should never believe those who say “Mother wants”, “Mother said”, etc.
3 January 1967
So until people change, will You continue like this? The work is suffering and these people are not setting a good example—and Your difficulties...
If there is someone who can do the work better than me, I shall willingly give up my place!
4 January 1967
What a waste of all that you are giving us — a department with great capacity, but . . . especially money flows out of it like water. Will this always go on?
Which department are you speaking of? One of them or all?
It is not just a department or departments that are wasting here; it is nearly everyone or at least a large number of persons. That is why the situation is so difficult. It will end when each one will choose to serve the Truth.
But to be fair, it must be said that the opposite is there, and that a large number of individuals and even departments are trying to be as economical as possible and not only are they spending usefully but even helping to earn money and meet the general expenses.
7 January 1967
There are astrologers who speak about the possibility of the dissolution of Pakistan this year. Do You see this?
Up till now I have seen nothing precise.
8 January 1967
What I wrote to You was about a particular department. I don’t know what goes on in other departments, though one hears all sorts of things. But since I am working now in this department, I see and it is true: on the one hand You have sold all Your jewels, etc., and on the other You have paid for the satisfaction of someone’s personal desires. Can You explain this to me, O friend?
I did not sell my jewels or give whatever I had to maintain any department. It was to pay for food, for accommodation and for the domestic staff. And this last expense is truly false.
9 January 1967
Insult, self-respect and so on — do they have any place in sadhana?
Insult, self-respect and other such movements belong to the “ego” and they have no place in the yoga of transformation. As soon as one has found one’s psychic being and identified with it, all this seems ridiculously infantile — until the time comes when these things can no longer exist because they do not correspond to anything real.
10 January 1967
At times it seems so easy to change everything, even one’s nature. And at other times it is impossible. Why?
It depends on the state of consciousness one is in. When one is in the psychic and above, the work of transformation is relatively easy.
In the lower regions, vital and material, which are subject to desires and the iron law of habits, the task seems impossible. But in the end, nothing can resist the power of aspiration.
It is consciousness that brings perfection. On the degree of consciousness depends the degree of perfection.
11 January 1967
Perfection in work depends upon the time one spends on it, doesn’t it?
No, it depends on the power of concentration. The capacity to do something depends exclusively on the capacity to concentrate on what one does. And the greater the concentration, the more perfect the execution.
12 January 1967
Intensity of desire can be transformed into aspiration, can’t it?
The two movements are of a different nature.
The vibration of desire wants to take and possess.
The vibration of aspiration gives itself.
13 January 1967
Things are not going well. Surely there is a reason, but...
One is made up of many parts. They are not all at the same level of consciousness and development. Moreover, one is immersed in the general atmosphere and it is not possible to escape the contagion completely.
14 January 1967
You say that perfection depends on consciousness. Does this mean that the more one is at the height of one’s consciousness, the more perfect in work one is? But I know people who work as perfectly as possible but are ordinary.
They cannot be “ordinary” and do perfect work. Surely their physical consciousness of the material world is highly developed and they must have great concentration in their work.
15 January 1967
Tradition speaks of obedience to the Guru, but nowhere is this clearly explained. Can You explain it?
The Guru should be considered as a representative of the Supreme Lord. Therefore one owes him the same absolute obedience that one owes the Supreme Lord.
16 January 1967
When one thinks of someone, is one with him?
Yes, mentally and sometimes vitally if the sensation of his presence is very strong.
17 January 1967
If it [obedience to the Guru] is the same obedience that one gives to the Lord, it will be very easy — for we are neither conscious of the Lord nor of His will. Perhaps He demands nothing from us because He is all. But a Guru...
All this is a most superficial and ignorant way of seeing things and expressing them.
In this state of mind, one understands nothing about anything.
18 January 1967
More and more it seems that the Ashram is changing into a society with goodwill towards the Divine. Is this what You wanted to do when fifty years ago You started a spiritual community (the Ashram)?
I never started a spiritual community and I never wanted to make one, because this was never Sri Aurobindo’s will. What he wanted me to do I have done, and I continue to do what he wanted to do, in accordance with the divine will.
19 January 1967
Are You also angry with me? I put my doubts and questions before You for you to shed light on them.
No, I am not angry. But precisely because you ask me questions, I think you are sincere and want the true answer — so I give it even if it is not pleasant.
20 January 1967
Here is an experience: Since the beginning of this year I see and feel that in spite of myself I am on the path. If You can work this miracle in me, the day is not far when this little world called “the Ashram” will change. You are the true Friend.
This is good, my child; may the Supreme Lord bless you.
21 January 1967
Often I feel very strongly that one (all of us) can do many things — we can, in a certain sense, create a very beautiful little world here. But on the other hand, we more and more cling to our egos.
Yes, the ego resists as much as it can before disappearing.
22 January 1967
I would like to do something for You — an activity that could bring material benefits — but nothing seems to be working out. What to do?
Persevere.
23 January 1967
When You are in a perfect union with the Lord, does Your body continue with its functions?
The communion is constant and it is through this that the work of transformation is being done. But it is a long and slow work whose visible results will be last.
24 January 1967
You can identify with anyone, and that is how You know what is going on, isn’t it?
Yes, something like that.
25 January 1967
If the visible results will be last, they will be miracles and not gradual changes — isn’t that so?
I will tell you when it happens.
26 January 1967
Then in that case, by its very nature You must know the Truth of each event...
and Your will is, in a certain sense, the most powerful will on earth, isn’t it?
It does not exist.
The Lord’s will is all-powerful and this body is conscious of it in proportion to the purity and transparency of its consciousness.
27 January 1967
Why don’t You say all that is happening in You? Surely it is a lot more interesting than what we are.
In “Notes on the Way” (Bulletin), I am giving something of what can be understood.
28 January 1967
More and more You are taking care of the smallest details of my life. Why do You do so much for me? You are the only person I love without fear.
All that I do, I do out of love.
29 January 1967
I depend on You. Everything is blocked.
It will get unblocked!
30 January 1967
Yes, You speak about Your experiences in the Bulletin, but You leave many things out as well. Why?
Because nobody would understand.
31 January 1967
Here too we have started a sort of religion. Is this inclination in men to reduce everything to religion inevitable?
It is not at all inevitable. It is the mind that likes dogmas (the inevitable basis of religions), because this avoids the bother of seeking to know always more and better.
I am progressively demolishing all dogma.
1 February 1967
Is man the centre of the occult world as he is of the mental one?
There is not one occult world but many occult worlds that are governed by the beings of each of these worlds.
2 February 1967
If You continue to give money so freely to certain departments, how do You think they will change their methods and habits?
I do not work in the usual way by trying to correct the outside. I act from within outward to change the causes, which automatically changes the effects.
3 February 1967
In the Bulletin of August 1958, You end the conversation titled “The True Superman” by saying, “If things continue to move at this speed, it is more than possible, it is almost evident, that what Sri Aurobindo wrote in a letter is becoming a prophetic announcement: ‘The supramental consciousness will enter into a phase of realising power in 1967.’”
Neither You nor Sri Aurobindo have spoken of governments or politics. If You have some time, read this conversation. It is marvellous.
When it is a question of active power, it is always a question of government, because without control over the government, power is incomplete on the material plane.
4 February 1967
It happens that I catch the thoughts of others before they have them. How?
If it is before they have them, it is because they are thoughts that come to them from outside, from the atmosphere, and you catch them before they enter their heads. If it is before they express them in words, it means that you read their minds directly, so you catch what they want to say even before they have spoken.
5 February 1967
In this lonely life You are the only refuge. Never leave me.
I have no intention of leaving you.
6 February 1967
I don’t know what to do. Help me, O friend!
Instead of trying to do something which is necessarily artificial, wait in peace for the Lord to make you do something which will necessarily be a divine action and give you the plenitude you desire.
7 February 1967
Time is passing. I have been here for fifteen years and what have I found? Nothing! My soul is as veiled as ever.
Despite all the help given and all the opportunities offered, those who have a dissatisfied nature will always be dissatisfied. But they are making progress in spite of themselves.
8 February 1967
Do You think that the Lord will tell me what to do some day? I think He is too busy . . .
Do not speak like the stupid, ignorant people who imagine that the Supreme Lord is a magnified man!
The Supreme Lord is in you, and if you sincerely want it, He will guide you. Or rather, he is always guiding you, but you are not listening to him. You are listening only to your “ego”, which cries very loudly.
9 February 1967
I was always happy and I want always to be happy — and it is You who must make me happy.
I am quite willing to make you happy, always happy, but your happiness must coincide with the Will of the Lord, for I am only the Will of the Lord. So I advise you to will what He wills; then all will be well.
10 February 1967
One can be free only after having shaken off the slavery of desires.
Given with the power to do it
19 December 1968
(The French disciple Pavitra, Phillipe Barbier Saint Hilaire, passed away on 16 May 1969. What follows in Gautam’s report of what the Mother said to him on the same day.)
Mother to Gautam (at about 10 o’clock in the morning)
He [Pavitra] came to me at night. He did something I wasn’t expecting. I didn’t know he was capable of doing it because he never told me. He entered into me; he lost all his individuality. Now there is no difference between bodies.
From the beginning, that is, from the time he came here, he was always sincere with a perfect self-offering, not a minute of wavering.
If it was like this, Mother, why did he have to suffer so much?
Do you think that the Divine is like a school teacher — if you do good I give you a toffee and if you do bad I must punish you? That is not how these things work. It depends on the general condition of the world and the present state of people’s consciousness.
Must he come back and start over the next time?
I am telling you that he has entered into me and there is no next time for him. He has entered into his origin in full consciousness and he is very happy.
He worked for the whole world . . .
He is a beautiful example for everyone . . .
Do you want to be like him?
16 May 1969
Series Eight—Gautam. Gautam Chawalla joined the Ashram in 1952. His correspondence covers the period from 1953 to 1967. Gautam worked at first on an Ashram farm, as well as in the Ashram main building, assisting the Mother in various tasks; these activities are reflected in his correspondence. All but a few of the entries are in French and appear here in translation. Prepared from Gautam’s manuscripts, the correspondence is being published here for the first time.
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