Haradhan Bakshi

(In the following excerpts of his conversations with Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, the name 'Haradhan' has been provided by the compiler. The names "Shri Aurobindo" and "Devi" for Mother, were used by Haradhan himself in his diary notation.)

On the 15lh of August when I came out of your room after bowing down to Mirra Devi, I became aware that there was something psychic working in and through my mind. From that time forward the psychic element in the mind is gradually developing.

(Diary entry dated 24.09.1926)

Consciousness and power descended and penetrated the whole Adhara. For some time the mind is aware of some new thing coming down. The preparation was going on in a concentrated process from the day of the 15th of August 1926. These few days one has the feeling that it is on the point of having come. The mind has not sufficient light about what it is and what it means. So there was a tremendous resistance from the mind to the descent. I pray for more light and knowledge on the subject.

(Diary entry dated 07.11.1926)

Haradhan: Is it not yet time for me to get Mirra Devi’s direct help?

Shri Aurobindo: Before you get that direct help you will have to fulfil certain conditions. Her help is for transformation. It may be that there are people around her who are allowed for other purposes—they may feel something great and some great joy — but [it is] only when you are open and ready that she can help you. And again, you will have to establish a personal relation with her (smiles). All right, I will tell her about it. Not that she has not an eye on you....

Haradhan: On the contrary, I am aware that she is aware of my existence and I am also open to her. But I am not the proper judge about time and things.

Shri Aurobindo: Yes, when the time comes she will call you. All the same I will refer the matter to her, for in these things she knows more than me, having the immediate hold over the thing. But, before that, that vital personality you refer to must consent to go.

Haradhan: It has begun to open; it is no more my central existence; it is completely exteriorised. Only I was thinking whether I should go to her after it is cleared up or now.

Shri Aurobindo: I will tell her and she will decide.

Haradhan: Kindly tell her about this and let me know when my time is come.

(Diary entry dated 08.11.1926)

Shri Aurobindo: Mirra asked me to tell you that she will first see you on Thursday. After her meditation with the ladies, that day is fixed for Barin; he goes after them. And when Barin comes down, you will go. There you will have to meditate for 10 or 15 minutes—not a mental meditation—but remain calm and passive, so that she may see what is there and what help she has to give you. It is one thing seeing from a distance and another from near at hand. Afterwards she will tell you what you are to do etc.

(Diary entry dated 14.11.1926)

Shri Aurobindo: What did you feel when you were meditating near her?

Haradhan: I felt that she was looking into my mental and vital consciousness.

Shri Aurobindo: Nothing more?

Haradhan: No, nothing more.

Shri Aurobindo: But it was much more than looking into the mental and the vital. The first time as she looked at you there was a strong rush of forces. Then there was an opening into the past, where she saw that in one of your past lives you had been an occultist, somewhere in Europe probably,—not that such a thing may not happen here—but it is probably in Europe. You had vital powers—there you might have misused them and got that obstacle in the vital, that has given you so much trouble in past life and also in this life. Then she wanted to see what it was. It was behind the heart so she could not see it properly or catch hold of it. Then she went into the psychic being and followed the obstacle down to its roots—and its roots were stuck fast in the physical. She wanted to uproot it, but it was too strong for her. She called the power of Shiva, but it could not be uprooted. She called the power of Vishnu and then only she could uproot it and destroy it, in the essence, in the psychic being. A scar was seen at the place from [where] it was uprooted. Then she looked into your mind, she found that there was no obstacle and that it was an ordered mind and she felt the wideness that is necessary for receiving the knowledge. In the heart also there was no difficulty. In the lower vital where consciousness has only begun to infiltrate, it was hard, so she did not go in. Next you will have to open the lower vital and the physical and get rid of the impressions that might be left by the being in any part of your life.

(Diary entry dated 19.11.1926 referring to 18.11.1926}

Haradhan: You (addressing Sri Aurobindo] told me lately that I have to find out my personal relation with the Mother. As I have not any knowledge of the planes above where only the true relations manifest, I waited for some indication. As it comes to me now I think that as You are my Father and Truth, so She is my Mother, and for me She is the manifestation of Love, Knowledge, Power and Mastery. So far as I can see and understand, I think that Mahalakshmi and Krishna, the One Lord in all His Aiswaryam, are likely to manifest here. And Their seat, in me particularly, is in the centre of light on the head.

What did my Mother tell you about me?

When may I see Her again?

Can I come to bow down to Her every morning?

(Diary entry dated 19.11.1926}

2 to 2.30 p.m. I meditated at the feet of Shri Mirra Devi.

After the meditation, she said, "We are going to have meditation in the evening. If you like you can join."

Haradhan: I shall be very glad to join if you permit me.

Devi: Yes you may come at 7.30.

Haradhan: Can I come to bow down to you in the morning?

Devi: Yes but the time is short. If you come only to see and then go.

Haradhan: That’s all I want. Simply bow down and go away with your blessings. Can I join the afternoon meditation?

Devi: I shall let you know tomorrow morning. Come this evening and also tomorrow morning.

(Diary entry dated 25.11.1926}