9
Kailas
When I was living in America, whenever I asked the Mother if I could come to the Ashram, Her answer was: "Not yet." One day, I just asked: "Mother, what's the duration of this 'not yet'?" And She wrote to me: "Those who have lived in America and are accustomed to American comforts would find life in the Ashram very dry, hard and difficult. So, I am not calling you."
One day, I saw in an advertisement in a newspaper that a cargo ship was due to leave for India in a month and seats were available. I couldn't immediately buy the tickets because I had to write and ask the Mother. They agreed to keep the vacancy open for me till the departure date. I explained this and wrote to the Mother: "Can I come? If Your answer is yes, You need not write to me; if it is still no, then You can send me a telegram." Usually She received my letters within a week. As I didn't receive any answer I just booked my seat and sailed off. I didn't know that the letter had got delayed. And when the letter came to Her hands, She is reported to have laughingly said: "Oh, she has left! she didn't wait for my answer!" I arrived on 14th August. On 15th She couldn't see me; 16th also, as it was the day reserved for those leaving, and on 17th morning She saw me. I asked: "Mother, You did not want me to come?" She said: "No, No, you are very welcome, very welcome. But there is a work waiting for you in America."
I was accommodated in the Nursing Home. Everybody told me that I was given the charge of the Nursing Home—Dr. Sanyal's Nursing Home—in place of Janina who was a nurse. I could not believe it; because I was not a trained nurse. People told me: "Sometimes, the Mother gives the work one does not
Page 37
like in order to break the resistance." But I could not believe this was true in my case. However one does not generally question the Mother's decision. So, I kept quiet and decided to wait for the Divine's will to decide for me. And inwardly I surrendered to the Mother.
I was informed that a patient would arrive and I had to keep the room ready. It was a patient who was living in Golconde and suffering from dysentry but she did not feel the need to go to the Nursing Home. So, she did not come. And my first test was passed. The second time I was asked to prepare the room, I was going to Bombay to release my luggage from the Customs. So, the patient could not come. The third time it was for Bula-da, who was to be operated for hernia. Dr. Sanyal did the operation at his clinic and kept him there. So, he did not come. The fourth time I was asked to prepare the room for Satprem who was to be operated for appendicitis. He preferred to be treated at home. So, he too did not come. The fifth time I was asked to prepare a room for a patient, I thought I should write to the Mother all that had happened: "In my understanding, I believe that it cannot be the Divine's intention to make me a nurse. I have no training, no inclination, and may be this is the way the Divine has answered. However, I take you to be the Divine Mother, so please correct my understanding if I am wrong." And She replied: "You were placed in the Nursing Home because there was no other decent place to keep you. Nobody has ever intended you to be a nurse. And if this mistake has happened, I assure you it will never happen again."
And then Navajata asked, "Mother, can she work for the Auroville Project?" It was '64, the idea of Auroville was just brewing—it had not really started as a project. And the Mother said, "Yes, it would be very good; she writes very well. Only if she is willing." Navajata asked me and I wrote to the Mother: "I will be relieved if it is Your will." She called me and said: "Yes, we are starting an international project of a township and we would like you to work on this project." And I asked: "Mother, can we do it through Unesco because the Unesco is an educational, cultural and scientific organization and they can be of help." She said: "Yes, that would be good but we don't want any interference."
Page 38
Then in '66 I asked the Mother: "Can the Society be affiliated with Unesco?"
"Can the Society be affiliated?" She put the question back to me.
"Yes, as a 'Non Governmental Organization,'" I said. "You try," She replied.
Navajataji was going to Delhi. So, I asked him to approach the Indian National Commission for Unesco for it. They told him that usually religious organizations are not taken as affiliated members. He returned and said: "This is not possible."
"No, it is possible;" I said, "we are not a religious organization."
He asked: "Can you convince them?"
"Sri Aurobindo has already done it," I asserted.
When I told this to the Mother, She said: "You go to Delhi and do it."
I went to Delhi and met President Prem Kirpal of the National Commission. He said: "Okay, you prepare a paper, stating the difference between religion and spirituality and show how your organization differs." I did that and showed to the Mother. The Mother approved and I sent it and we got affiliated to Unesco in 'C' category — which is just the 'exchange of information between the organizations and Unesco.' We had to inform about the Unesco's projects to our Organisation and our activities to them. This helped us to announce the project on an international basis. Not only that, we got the first resolution passed by Unesco in 1966 commending it to all for participation in its realisation.
Now, we wanted the participation of all the countries in the foundation ceremony of Auroville. At that time, Gilbert was there and he said: "Well, we can send Kailas to Delhi; she can meet the embassies and get their participation; they can send a youth with a bowl of earth from their country to pour in the foundation of Auroville." At that time I was not willing to go out of Pondicherry. Actually when I came, I came to do the Yoga of Sri Aurobindo. I didn't know that I would be involved in such work where I had to go out. So I was not very willing and I had to write to the Mother: "Mother I can do the work from here; whatever you want me to do. Do I have to go out?" The Mother did not reply. I began to churn within. When the Mother
Page 39
doesn't answer a letter I used to think that I might have done something wrong; or the Mother doesn't approve. And I was wondering what I should do.
When I went to the Ashram Book Store, I saw a card printed with the Mother's message saying (now I can't remember the exact words but it was something like this): "You must know how to be alone with the Divine in the midst of all circumstances. You must know how to be a friend of the eternal in the midst of all occupations." So I asked: "Mother, You didn't reply to me. But is this your answer?" And She wrote: "Kailas, with all my love and blessings." And then I went to Delhi and went to a few major embassies of all the continents. Some embassies including America and the Soviet Union sent their youth for the foundation ceremony with the soil of their country.
Before the ceremony, in '68—because I had worked with the United Nations and I had seen the Charter, I thought there should be a Charter for an international township also—I asked: "Mother, would you not write a Charter for Auroville?" She said: "Yes, Yes." And She wrote the Charter. Then a resolution had to be passed by the Unesco: that they accept Auroville's program as in line with their program and were confident that Auroville will fulfil their aims too. Again I had to go to Delhi to see Mr. Salah-El-Tewfik, the Unesco's Representative in India; I had written a resolution for the General Conference emphasising the principles of Sri Aurobindo's Philosophy on Human Unity and inviting all members to participate in the project. When I went to Delhi, the Unesco Representative modified that with some additional text but he kept what I had written.
I had earlier shown the Mother the resolution I had made and She had said it was alright and could be sent. And when I had brought this resolution corrected by the Unesco Representative, the Mother said, "It's all hot air," and added, "but it's okay, if they wanted it, let it be like that."
The Unesco General Conference meets every two years and passes resolutions. Of course I didn't go to do any work there in Paris; Navajataji used to go and follow it up. But in 1970, Roger and Prem Malik wanted me to go. I said, "But I have no feeling for going." They said: "You are very comfortable here and so don't want to go. Why don't you ask the Mother?" I
Page 40
wrote a letter to the Mother: "Mother, they are asking me to go to Paris before Sa.....retires from Unesco in 1970 but my mind is blank. I don't know what I am supposed to do. However, if it is your will that I should go, I will go." She said, "Yes, go and do the necessary. This will be a new opening for you."
Before leaving I said, "Mother I would like to see You." She called me. When She saw me, She said, "You don't like this Blank Mind? People take years to arrive at it. It's very good." (Blank Mind: Integrally Pure Thought; the Mother first named the flower Blank Mind!)
I said: "Mother, I don't know what I am supposed to do!"
"But it is very good (the Blank Mind). If your mind is silent I can do better work through you." She pulled out a blessing packet for me; it had the photo of Sri Aurobindo. She said: "It is Sri Aurobindo who will work through you."
The brother of Svetlana was in Paris. He was working for television in Paris. He came to see me and said: "Would you like us to have an interview with the Deputy Director General of Unesco, whom you know?"
I asked if it was possible and he replied: "Yes, we can do that." Now this was not at all in my mind but the Mother organised everything! A meeting was arranged at a place and a pot-luck luncheon was served. The Deputy Secretary General answered many questions. He said that Auroville was an important project, which could achieve peace and unity in a way that none of the organizations had succeeded in achieving. He assured that freedom would be given to every individual and it won't be a coercive society. The whole interview with twelve questions was later translated from French to English and published in 'Mother India' magazine.
All this had not come out to the public view. I brought it to the Mother. She said: "See, I told you I will do the work." I said, "Yes Mother, You did it." And that was the only work I did in Paris.
Then I asked: "Mother, I would like to work on two projects of Auroville." She asked, "What?" I said: "Cultural Pavilions and Auroville University." "Very good," She said. "But Mother, I would like Your help in this," I added. She gave me the guidelines on which I should proceed, but said: "You have read
Page 41
the books of Sri Aurobindo, you know them very well. You can take the guidance from Him. I am not necessary." I used to send my compilations from Sri Aurobindo's writings but whenever I asked, "Mother, can I not use something from your writings?" She said, "No, Sri Aurobindo is enough for Unesco; I am not needed." She would always put Herself behind.
One thing I would like to share with you, which is very personal, as it may show the Mother's way of working. I used to do things for Her: make cards for Her and write my prayers on it. Once I said: "Mother, be Kali with me but mould me in your image of me." Mother gave me Her blessings. Once I wrote on the card I had printed with the flower of Victory in front and Friendship with the Divine on the back. Inside I had pasted the Mother's photo called 'Realisation'. Underneath I quoted the lines from Sri Aurobindo's book 'The Mother': "When she is allowed to intervene in her strength, then in one moment are broken like things without consistence the obstacles that immobilise or the enemies that assail the seeker." She returned the card to me, writing: "Kailas, my love, my force and my blessings are with you."
United Nations had proposed project of a world University for Human Unity. They had asked Unesco to execute it. Unesco had sent us a circular with a questionnaire and asked us to make a project report. Though I was put in charge of relations with Unesco, all the Unesco material would come to Navajata. Whenever he had time, he would see it and then it would come to me. And this had a deadline. They had discussed in their committee what to give as a project report. But Prem Malik told me that they had no clue as to what to report as a project. Navajata came to me as the deadline was approaching within two weeks. And I told Navajataji: "Bhaiji, now there is very little time and I don't know what I can do." He said: "Don't worry, we have asked questions to the Mother and She has okayed them; so you can build a report on that."
Now once before, when the Film Division people had come to get a film made on the Ashram, they had approached Norman Dowsett. He asked me if I would do it. I said I would ask the Mother first. And the Mother had said: "Yes, she can do it provided she does not ask help from anybody." Now this was
Page 42
not in my mind at that time when Navajataji asked me to make a report. And I prepared a sort of paper. I don't even remember what was given in it. When I sent it to the Mother, She was so angry that She threw the paper. "Who has asked her to write this?" When I heard that I was shattered to pieces. The anger just penetrated me; I couldn't eat or sleep for two days. I regretted. I prayed at the Samadhi for help" You wouldn't believe, Sri Aurobindo just came to me. My hands just touched the book and it opened at the page needed. The vision was given to me and I prepared the report, taking excerpts from Sri Aurobindo's books: The Life Divine, Synthesis of Yoga, On Education and The Mother's writings. It was a compilation from Their writing, giving the raison d'etre of Auroville, the international efforts to achieve unity which failed and the reason of their failure, the obstacles in fulfilling the ideals and the third part, giving the principles of education and what Auroville University for Human Unity can do, with the project of cultural Pavilions in Auroville and the aim of Auroville being the realisation of Human Unity how the whole township could be conceived as University, where the lessons are not only taught but lived in practice. I wrote the gist of it and prepared the project report. I sent it all with Poornaprema, Mother's grand daughter, who was taking my letters to the Mother. And I said: "Mother won't have time to read the whole thing but you can give the gist." And that was at 3 o' clock when She saw Nolini-da, Amrita and Navajata. She told them to wait outside and Poornaprema read the gist. Then She said: "You read me the whole paper." She spent more than an hour reading line by line. Poornaprema said, "At the end, She remained silent, and She said, 'tres tres bien' and wrote, 'Kailas, this can be sent, blessings.'" I was relieved. This is one experience I had of the Mother's anger. She destroyed my entire mental ego so that I could be open to Sri Aurobindo's Force.
I have many more things to tell but I think this is enough.
Beauty and happiness are her native right,
And endless Bliss is her eternal home.
Book II, 3
Page 43
Source: Darshan
Home
Disciples
Kailas Jhaveri
Articles
Share your feedback. Help us improve. Or ask a question.