A Talk : 'Presence of a Warrior..'

Presence of a Warrior

- Richard Pearson

I hadn't intended to say anything, but when Francois was talking about the Mother's departure I had a feeling that I'd like to share with you my experience of the moment. For that I'll have to take you back to 1950 when Sri Aurobindo passed away. It so happened that I was not in Pondicherry on that day. Somehow for some reason - I do not know - my father had arranged to see professor S. at Annamalai University who did experiments with the effect of music on plants. This had been approved by the Mother and we were to leave on 5th December. At four o'clock the photographer friend of ours, Venkatesh, knocked on the window and said, "I don't feel we should go today" . But my father said, "Well, Mother had given the blessings. I will go but do what you feel". And when we came to Chidambram near Annamalai University we had something to eat. There was someone in the restaurant who asked: "Is there something new? Anything happened in Pondicherry?" We said, "No, everything is normal. Sri Aurobindo is not well, but ... " So we went on and when we reached Annamalai University we were received by Dr. Singh. There was a student who was working with a radio - and he had made his own radio - who said, "I hear that Sri Aurobindo has passed away." So this was a big shock. As Francois said, we believed that Mother and SriAurobindo would continue their work, that they would be able to finish everything that they wanted to do. Shall we go back? What shall we do? Doctor Singh said, "Well, you have come this far, you might as well spend a few more hours with me and then go back in the evening." And that is what we did.

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When we got back, I just took the kuja (an earthen water pot) as usual. I go to the Ashram to take water - that was my part of the housekeeping with my father. When I went to the Ashram I couldn't recognize the place. It looked as though there was a stampede. The newly planted trees outside the Ashram - they were quite big, they were planted in 1 94 7 - were all as though bent over and the Ashram rockery looked like a mess. When somebody passes away, in India, everybody is welcome to pay their respects and since it was Sri Aurobindo who appeared so rarely in public there was a kind of a stampede. I am not going to go into details because many of you have read and many of you knew a little about the 4-5 days that passed when SriAurobindo lay in state in the room. I just want to tell you how surprised I was that I wasn't even in Pondicherry. Somewhere in me I knew that something perhaps could not bear that. And my friends told me, "Oh, you missed! What you have missed!" A whole town came crowding into the Ashram. I am rather by nature a sensitive person. I cannot bear mistreating or cruelty or harm, particularly with regards to plants and animals. But inside me I had this question: Why was I outside Pondicherry? And we didn't know. This was answered when the Mother passed away (on 1 7th November, 1 973).

We knew that Mother was very weak. We had heard painful cries in Her room and we knew that She was undergoing a lot of suffering, physical suffering. As with Sri Aurobindo, we didn't expect Her to leave. At 4 o'clock in the morning somebody comes to the window and knocks on the window and says, "Come quickly to the Ashram! The Mother has left Her body." In a flash the thought that came to me was: "The Mother remembered my wish, that I should be informed. Probably Mother is so gracious She even sent somebody to tell me." I went to the Ashram. I also called out at Kailas' place. She was living near the French institute. So I just passed on the message as soon as I had little time in the duty of controlling people who were coming. There was hardly anybody at that time - just a few boys at different points. And it was an extremely peaceful arrangement and well organized. But this

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thought was constantly in me: "But why did She leave?" You have all seen the Mother's couch in the Meditation Hall where Her body was laid to rest. Mother never lay completely flat. She believed that to lie flat was going to Inconscience. So she preferred to sleep or rather rest or whatever you call it in an inclined position - just resting back like that. In fact, She often said: "You see my posture? It is like that because I never lie down, so I got a hunchback. But I want to be straight!" Well, She was in the Meditation Hall and after our duty was over and things were more smooth I took my chance in waiting to go before Her, - too difficult to describe the emotion - before a Person with whom one has interacted, with whom one has been quite close. And to see just... as one would say, just a body .... Everything in the Mother is unexpected. Absolutely unexpected. When we went before the Mother what I saw was a living Presence of a Warrior, of a Fighter, a grim determined person whose work was not finished, who was constantly battling, physically battling with a grim determination to bring the final Victory! It was so powerful! So intent! We often say here: "A peaceful death, he looks so peaceful...." I was so surprised it was just the contrary. Something strong, something powerful, something that would never give up, which was that.... Each time I went back to witness this, it was always the same impression.

As Francois said we would sit in the Ashram and look into ourselves, trying to understand. But what I am trying to say is something I cannot even explain to myself. This question "Why did She leave?" went on sort of nagging me - prodding me - but insistently I wanted to know the answer. I started to become clear with the answer the more I began to realize that She was there, She was present. And the feeling when sitting in the Ashram was simply that She has now entered into everyone, everywhere. There is no corner, no place that could be hidden from Her, from Her Presence.... It was an inaccuracy to say that She has left, and yet She is there, you know? The more I was assured of the answer, the more I knew that She was, She is and She will be always present.

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It was also a very moving experience on the 20th of November when Her casket was taken - what we call in English the coffin although it is a terrible word, but here in French there is no better, - it was really Her Grace that I was called to be one of the bearers at that time. A notice had come out in the Ashram announcing who would be carrying the casket. I read it and just thought, "Well it will be nice to be there, but it doesn't really matter. "And I was busy with hundred and one things to be done. Go to Harpagon to see if everything is ready. Is the box going to come? Because it was done in those 4 days. And then little errands around that had to be done. Suddenly somebody came up to me and said: Go and get ready. You are also going to carry the Mother's casket. So I went home and fortunately I had a white short already ironed. I put it on and came back. I just like to share with you a rather amusing incident at this bearing of the casket. There was another boy also who was called Sumantra, another friend of mine, whose name was added. And we were outside when the Mother's body was placed in the coffin. We could only smell the perfume. And I have a feeling that when some great soul, the Avatar decides to leave the Earth it is as though the heavens opened up. You know that at the very last Darshan of the Mother - the August Darshan, I believe, - it poured Light. Heavens really opened up. There was such a torrential rain in which everybody was just spellbound as the Mother came to the Balcony. But this small incident or reflection went on in my head as we were taking the casket into the Samadhi: the coffin was not light at all. Yes Mother is completely unexpected. And everything happens in a way where we don't even know why it happened or how it happened but of course the result is that we become a different person. I may go on and on but I just thought it would be nice to talk of these things.

Thank you.

Before I read this I would just like to mention. Yesterday I was reading what Mother said to Mona about "Savitri" - the value of "Savitri", the importance of "Savitri". The part that struck me was when She said: No one in the world has ever suffered like

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Sri Aurobindo. He has borne sufferings that mankind cannot even imagine. And then of course She describes the future that He reveals in "Savitri" and that we are perhaps not yet even ready to understand all that he has put. She said that of course for those who do not know. It is His and Mother's full yoga.

To Thee

who hast been the material envelope of our Master,

To Thee our infinite gratitude.

Before Thee who has done so much for us,

Who has worked, struggled, suffered, hoped, endured so

much,

before Thee who hast willed all, attempted all, prepared, achieved all for us, before Thee we bow down and implore that we may never forget, even for a moment, all we owe to Thee.

(Mother had Her above words engraved on Sri Aurobindo's Samadhi - Ed) (04-11-2007)

(Richard Pearson joined the Ashram in 1946 where he is now working as teacher, in physical education. He brought out the book 'Flowers and Their Messages'- a compilation of all the significances given by the Mother to flowers. Auroville has published a book of his interviews with Mother on selecting on the 'Central flowers' of Matrimandir gardens: 'Matrimandir Gardens and flowers')