A Talk : 'Our Mother'

Our Mother

Shyam Sunder

My association with Auroville has been from the very beginning. In fact there was a time when Auroville was to be started in 1965, and somehow or the other, I happened to be associated with it from the first day that the idea of Auroville was given by Mother to the world. But my association with Mother started still earlier although not so early as Aster's. My first darshan of Mother was in 1949. It was in February 1949, and next month— after a few days—it will be 52 years since I saw her first. I was a youth of 22 at that time and I do not remember having seen even Mother's photo before I came here but once I was here a relationship started growing between her and me.

In those days Mother used to come every morning about sunrise to the balcony. That was my first darshan of her and the figure resembled a face I happened to see sometimes at Calcutta. Not many times, just two or three times, nor have I any idea of what it was or what it indicated. But the moment I saw her at the balcony, the magnet started working.

I don't think I missed any balcony darshan of Mother whenever I was in Pondy. It was a good thing to start the day with: after the morning walk on the seashore to come and see a goddess arriving with the dawn, the first rays of the sun falling on her face. Sometimes it would be difficult to say who was more radiant, the sun or the Mother Goddess before me. I was a young boy, a visitor: the sadhaks and inmates would be there under the balcony and I used to stand quite at the back,—but it didn't matter, it is not simply my experience, I think it is the experience of everyone that Mother looked into his eyes wherever he stood; everyone felt satisfied that he was attended

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to by Mother. And then slowly, when the time was up, Mother would retrace her steps back to her chamber, but still the aura would be there on the street and it was not easy to leave the place. Of course each one would leave slowly, I also, and the next morning I would again be there.

Not only that, in those days Mother used to give darshan several times in the Ashram during the day. Once she was coming in the morning between ten and eleven,—it was called vegetable darshan. Some baskets of vegetable which would be used in the Ashram kitchen were brought before Mother and she would bless them with her gaze. And a few persons would be standing there in front of her to receive her gracious look and blessings.

Then one could see her again when she would go to the tennis ground. That was another fine opportunity for her darshan. It was not meant to be a darshan for people; she would just come down, have the band put on her wrist—Pranab would do that—and walk to her car, but sitting in the car she would again cast a glance around and I would have the feeling that she looked at and blessed me.

Then when she would return from the play ground that would be another opportunity to stand outside and have her darshan when she came out.

Finally, at night there would be a meditation. There was no fixed time, it would be anytime after nine, sometimes ten, sometimes eleven. People would get mats from Haradhan and they would be sitting or lying stretched on mats in the courtyard. Although I was an early sleeper from my young days, I used to attend that meditation. Of course once I overslept on the mat— I had missed Haradhan's voice "Mother comes"—and woke up only after the meditation was over.

Now, what is it that made me go for Mother's darshan on all those occasions?

Was it because I was just attracted by her? Or because of my sanskara that the darshan of a divine person is always helpful for one's growth or prosperity? Or because I had nothing else to do in the day? I was just a visitor coming for one or two weeks, a few times a year.

There is one other possibility: something deep within my being was being worked upon by Mother. For Mother's function

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in her embodiment on earth was to work on the inner being of each person who came into contact with her and to take that person through the psychic contact to the ultimate aim which is union with the Divine.

At the balcony darshan in the morning, I would say, Mother was 'a parable of dawn'. That freshness and that urge of dawn for a new churning, for a new chapter, that went on the whole day and the whole night, I could feel them after all those meditations.

It is a beautiful memory, a very precious one. For what reason do I remember it? For that also there can be several alternatives. But if I remember her for what she gave me, if I am grateful to her for what she has done for me, if I still look forward to what she continues to do for me, I think, I did not waste her time by making her look at me on all those different occasions.

When I would go back to Calcutta,—it was more than fifteen years after February 1949 that I settled down in the Ashram— her guidance was there always, her protection was there always with me.

Here I wish to make one thing clear. During the course of my visits these fifteen years the spoken words between Mother and me were hardly half a dozen sentences. I am speaking of the total number of the sentences during those years. On my first visit when I went to Mother for pranam the day I was to go back—in those times when one went back, one could go to her for pranam—she just asked me, "Are you going?" After that for some years no words were spoken.

Then how did her guidance and her protection work? That, I think, every child of Mother knows.

Is it a miracle? I don't believe in miracles like that. For her miracles were normal. It is only when we open to her that the miracle happens and once we call it a miracle, I would say, we underestimate her for miracles are her normal action.

After settling in the Ashram I was doing miscellaneous work coming to me through others from Mother, and my correspondence with Mother started inl968 or so. Before that I used to go to Mother on my birthday. Then a time came when I was received by her daily. All that was also in silence. The total number of spoken sentences during those visits would not be,

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I would say, more than a dozen.

Although I was associated with Auroville work from the beginning, as I have already said, it was all through intermediaries. It was only in 1970 end that a direct contact regarding Auroville grew between Mother and me on the physical level when I asked questions and she answered.

In February 1971 Mother sent me a word to see her the next morning. From then on I was charged with the Auroville work. From February 1971 until Mayl973 all the different problems of Auroville, the different matters Aurovilians wanted to communicate to Mother, also their personal questions, and things that I had to ask Mother regarding Auroville were put up by me before Mother daily. It was an interesting experience that reminds me of the Mahasaraswati aspect of Mother, of her patience, of her endurance, of her love for her children.

No imperfection of ours escaped her notice, and still she would point it out with so much love that we sometimes over estimated ourselves. At least for myself I can say that sometimes I felt that she loved me for something special in me. That may be the experience of most of us, her children. For Auroville she had the utmost love and great hopes for it. Auroville was getting most of her attention, so much so that sometimes some people would be jealous of me for while they were being pushed out -'Mother is in a hurry...please don't take time'—I was never brushed aside. Well, the thing went on, and as I have said, her Mahasaraswati aspect was a lesson that I should never forget.

Before parting today I would say that Mother laid great emphasis on the construction of Matrimandir. This was the very first thing I was expected to report to Mother daily; what was the work done at Matrimandir the previous day and what was the next step. Similarly there were other things, and in a way all things were important, nothing small, nothing big, but Matrimandir had her special attention and was first thing spoken of, Matrimandir being the soul, the centre of Auroville for which we all should collaborate. In those days everyone from the community was expected to work there at least once a week. Well, it was a labour of love, of joy; it had an atmosphere in which, I remember, we all from Auroville joined.

Similarly for other activities also at Auroville. And whenever

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Mother was told of an instance of collaboration, she was particularly happy.

And now when so many problems arise, as they are bound to arise, I still feel Mother is there, Mother is in Auroville, and we have great hope. When she entrusted me with the work of Auroville she said that it was a very difficult task with many problems, but I should put each matter before her, and in all her humility she said she would try to help me.

Well, when she was in her physical body, she guided, protected and carried us through. And now when she is no more physically with us, those who carry her emanation with them, and all who are open to her, do get her protection.

That is all for today.

On a height he stood that looked towards greater heights.

Book I, 4

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Source: Darshan