The 'psychological preparation' of Satprem for his role as The Mother's confidant, as She narrated her experiences of the 'yoga of the cells' from 1951-1973.
This first volume is mostly what could be called the "psychological preparation" of Satprem. Mother's confidant had to be prepared, not only to understand the evolutionary meaning of Mother's discoveries, to follow the tenuous thread of man's great future unravelled through so many apparently disconcerting experiences - which certainly required a steady personal determination for more than 19 years! - but also, in a way, he had to share the battle against the many established forces that account for the present human mode of being and bear the onslaught of the New Force. Satprem - "True Love" - as Mother called him, was a reluctant disciple. Formed in the French Cartesian mold, a freedom fighter against the Nazis and in love with his freedom, he was always ready to run away, and always coming back, drawn by a love greater than his love for freedom. Slowly she conquered him, slowly he came to understand the poignant drama of this lone and indomitable woman, struggling in the midst of an all-too-human humanity in her attempt to open man's golden future. Week after week, privately, she confided to him her intimate experiences, the progress of her endeavour, the obstacles, the setbacks, as well as anecdotes of her life, her hopes, her conquests and laughter: she was able to be herself with him. He loved her and she trusted him. It is that simple.
(Letter to Mother from Satprem)
Rameswaram, January 31, 1959
Sweet Mother,
I have reflected for a long time on that passage in your letter where you say that your body needs a mantra to hasten its transformation. Certainly X can do something in this realm, but I have not yet spoken to him (and I shall not speak of this to Swami).
X knows very little about your true work and what Swami has been able to explain to him is rather inadequate, for I do not believe that he himself understands it very well. So I shall have to try to make myself understood quite clearly to X and tell him exactly and simply what it is you need. The word 'transformation' is too abstract. Each mantra has a very specific action—at least I believe so—and I must be able to tell X in a concrete way the exact powers or capacities you are now seeking, and the general goal or the particular results required. Then he will find the mantra or mantras that apply.
My explanations will have to be simple, for X speaks English with difficulty, thus subtleties are out of the question. (I am teaching him a little English while he is teaching me Sanskrit, and we manage to understand each other rather well all the same. He understands more than he can speak.)
I do not want to mention this to Swami, as X is not very happy about the way Swami seizes upon every occasion to appropriate things, and particularly mantras (I will explain this to you when we meet again). It is especially the way he says 'I'. Nothing very serious—it is Swami's bad side, though he has good ones too. You know that, however.
So I would like to speak to X knowledgeably, in a very precise way, and I am waiting only for you to tell me what I should say. The thing is too important to be approached lightly and vaguely.
As for my return to Pondicherry, I would like you yourself to decide. I am anxious to see you again, but I also think that it is not necessary to rush things, and the Darshan periods are heavy for you.
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In principle, X will have finished his 'purging' of me on February 6. So after that date I will do what you wish.
As for my mantra, I say it only partially now, but X will fix an 'auspicious' day to begin it really according to the rules when I am in Pondicherry, for theoretically, one should not move once the work has begun. The 12th of February is an auspicious day, if you decide that I should return by then (or a little before to get things ready); otherwise another date may be fixed later on.
Your letter, Sweet Mother, has filled me with strength and resolution. I want to be victorious and I want to serve you. I see very well that gradually I can be taught many useful things by X. The essential thing is first of all to lose this ego which falsifies everything. Finally, through your grace, I believe that I have passed a decisive turning point and that there is a beginning of real consecration—and I feel your Love, your Presence. Things are opening a little.
Sweet Mother, I love you and I want to serve you truly.
Your child,
Signed: Satprem
P.S. All the old Questions and Answers will also have to be revised with you, perhaps not in their entirety, but certain problems need clarification. What a grace to be able to work with you!
(Mother's reply)
Sri Aurobindo Ashram Pondicherry, 2.2.59
My dear child,
I have received your letter of the 31st. In a number of ways it confirms my experience of these past days. We shall speak of all this when you return.
I have reflected a great deal on a possible mantra, and I have also seen the difficulty of receiving something that does not have a narrowing effect ... One must at least have an idea of the possibility (at least) of the supermind to understand what I need ...
As for your arrival here, the day you mentioned is the Saraswati Puja—I will go downstairs to give blessings. If you arrive on the previous day, the 11th—I will arrange to see you at 10 o'clock, and then you can begin your mantra on the 12th.
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Simply send me word to let me know if this is all right. Tell me also if you need money for your return, and how much, in time for me to send it.
As for the rest, we shall speak of it here.
So, until we meet soon.
Tell X that my body is on the way to complete recovery.
With my love and my blessings.
Signed: Mother
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