Others too had to understand Her secret - her own disciples, Nations. Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? '... The body knows that the work will go on and on and on...'
The last turning point of Mother's yoga, and she comes out of it with this cry: "I have walked a long, long time. There was nothing but a constant cry, as if everything were torn away from me. It was the whole problem of the world." And this Agenda is more and more strewn with heartrending little cries. It was not enough to have found the secret for herself, the others too had to understand, her own disciples, Nations locked in their egoistic power: "They have no faith! 'She is old, she is old', an atmosphere of resistance to the change; 'it is impossible, impossible' from all sides.... Not a single minute should be wasted - I am in a hurry.... The reign of the Divine must, oh, must come!.... If the entire Russian block were to turn to the right side, that would be an enormous support! The victory is certain, but I don't know which path will be followed to reach it.... We must cling, cling so tightly to Truth.... They don't listen to me any more." She is 93, groping her way into the unknown: "I see more clearly with eyes closed than with eyes open, and it is a physical vision, purely physical, but a kind of physical that seems more complete. The consciousness of the cells is what has to change, all the rest will follow naturally! I have the feeling I am on my way to discovering the illusion that must be destroyed so that physical life may go on uninterrupted - death is the result of a distortion of consciousness." Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? "Only a violent death could halt the transformation; otherwise the body knows that the work will go on and on and on...." And this cry again: "There will be a miracle! But what, I don't know."
I've received some news from my friend in Paris who looked after "The Gold-Washer" and "The Adventure of Consciousness." I mentioned "The Sannyasin" to him, or rather the difficulties of the "Sannyasin," and also "Supermanhood."
On the Way to Supermanhood is the important one.
My friend thinks the two should be presented as a unit.
But On the Way to Supermanhood is like this (gesture above) in relation to the Sannyasin.
They're two very different kinds of book.
Oh, definitely!... Supermanhood is the important one for me.
We shouldn't draw the attention to the other one and then....
Page 105
No, what will happen is that they'll probably take both or refuse both.
You think so?... They shouldn't take the Sannyasin and leave the other one.
I can see to that. But I don't think so, because "Supermanhood" is really much more accessible; so I don't think they'd make the reverse choice.
There are no limits to human stupidity, you know.
First they have to read them and see.
I don't very much like the destiny of the two books being mixed together. You see, I had made a special formation [for "Supermanhood"], I had put a special force, but it was on that one.
I can call him, it's quite easy.
It would be better to tell him.
I'll write him. But I doubt there's any kind of danger.
(Mother purses her lips skeptically) We'll see.
But you know (this is an aside), the "Sannyasin" isn't so low as that.
But I didn't say it was "low." It's an entirely different kind of book.
Because basically, "Supermanhood" contains the essence of the "Sannyasin"; the whole of the "Sannyasin" is in "Supermanhood." "Supermanhood" is simply concentrated and said with power, but everything is there in the "Sannyasin" as well.
(Mother nods her head)
The "Sannyasin" is the "story" of "Supermanhood."
But that's why, mon petit! That's just it! I think men like the easier things.
Page 106
But experience has shown that people don't understand my story at all, while they will understand "Supermanhood."
You think so?
Yes. They don't understand my story. Four publishers have read it and all four have said that it was incomprehensible.
(Mother is reassured)
So I don't think there's any danger! [with a touch of bitterness].
Then it's all right.
(A little later. Concerning a young Frenchman just arrived in Pondicherry.)
I saw the boy who went to see you twice... (Mother expresses thinness with her fingers). Very thin. I don't think he has much strength, but... I was supposed to decide if he should return to France or go to the Himalayas.... The Himalayas are a little beyond his strength, but if he goes back to France, he'll go down the drain.
Certainly.
So I think he should be given a chance, let him try. If he doesn't hold up, he'll be crushed.
Better be crushed while seeking something than be crushed while going downhill!
That's OUR opinion. But among ordinary people... there are not two in a hundred who would make that choice. You have no idea, oh!... Anyway, he has shown some goodwill, so let's give him a chance.
I wanted to speak to you, I said I would answer him this evening.
Of the two possibilities, let him go to the Himalayas.
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I'll tell him.
Tell him his highest possibility is being given to him.... He'll have done his utmost in his life if he goes there.
(long silence)
I am such a different person that I don't remember my past life anymore! I was asked a question this morning: I was blank! I was asked whether the first time I came to Pondicherry I came by train or by boat.1 The second time I still remember [by boat]. Logically it's by train; but it's like giving an answer concerning someone else.
An impression of something that belongs to someone else—it's quite curious. Usually it's the body that retains the continuity of the being, but that continuity belongs to such a material and superficial realm that... (Mother shakes her head) unbelievable. All that seems... it's as if I were speaking of someone else. It's curious. No sense—no sense at all of the personality. Someone whose history I know well, that's all. It's quite curious. I didn't know it had gone so far.
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