Others too had to understand Her secret - her own disciples, Nations. Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? '... The body knows that the work will go on and on and on...'
The last turning point of Mother's yoga, and she comes out of it with this cry: "I have walked a long, long time. There was nothing but a constant cry, as if everything were torn away from me. It was the whole problem of the world." And this Agenda is more and more strewn with heartrending little cries. It was not enough to have found the secret for herself, the others too had to understand, her own disciples, Nations locked in their egoistic power: "They have no faith! 'She is old, she is old', an atmosphere of resistance to the change; 'it is impossible, impossible' from all sides.... Not a single minute should be wasted - I am in a hurry.... The reign of the Divine must, oh, must come!.... If the entire Russian block were to turn to the right side, that would be an enormous support! The victory is certain, but I don't know which path will be followed to reach it.... We must cling, cling so tightly to Truth.... They don't listen to me any more." She is 93, groping her way into the unknown: "I see more clearly with eyes closed than with eyes open, and it is a physical vision, purely physical, but a kind of physical that seems more complete. The consciousness of the cells is what has to change, all the rest will follow naturally! I have the feeling I am on my way to discovering the illusion that must be destroyed so that physical life may go on uninterrupted - death is the result of a distortion of consciousness." Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? "Only a violent death could halt the transformation; otherwise the body knows that the work will go on and on and on...." And this cry again: "There will be a miracle! But what, I don't know."
Good morning, Mother.
Well, what's new?...
How are you, Mother?
It's not coming very fast.... It's all right, the leg is almost better—almost, there's still a tiny little something in the foot, but it's nothing at all. But the eyesight is not too clear. It's better—everything is improving, but very, very slowly. And willpower seems to have nothing to do with it. It's something entirely beyond my control—what is it exactly? I don't know.
It must depend on the rest of the world, perhaps?
Page 46
Yes, probably.... Yes, it's not a personal question because.... The personal will is there, but it's kept like this (motionless gesture in the background). It's at peace. Well....
Suddenly I am able to straighten up (you know, I was afraid I would be bent over forever), suddenly I can straighten up. Then at another time I look at those cards to exercise my eyes;1 and suddenly, one morning, it's very clear, I can see very clearly—as if to prove that the possibility is there. But the time has not come yet. So I am waiting.
The only thing is the 21st.... I said (maybe too soon, I don't know) that I would go out on the balcony; therefore I MUST go out on the balcony. Right now it looks... problematical, but.... I can't take one step without being supported.
We'll see. There's still a week.
It's entirely beyond my will—it's not that the will isn't there, but... (immutable gesture). So I have to say, "Well, what will be will be."
May I hear another chapter now?
Yes, Mother.
(After the reading of chapter 13, "And After?")
I find what you wrote truly miraculous, you know.
(long contemplation)
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