Others too had to understand Her secret - her own disciples, Nations. Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? '... The body knows that the work will go on and on and on...'
The last turning point of Mother's yoga, and she comes out of it with this cry: "I have walked a long, long time. There was nothing but a constant cry, as if everything were torn away from me. It was the whole problem of the world." And this Agenda is more and more strewn with heartrending little cries. It was not enough to have found the secret for herself, the others too had to understand, her own disciples, Nations locked in their egoistic power: "They have no faith! 'She is old, she is old', an atmosphere of resistance to the change; 'it is impossible, impossible' from all sides.... Not a single minute should be wasted - I am in a hurry.... The reign of the Divine must, oh, must come!.... If the entire Russian block were to turn to the right side, that would be an enormous support! The victory is certain, but I don't know which path will be followed to reach it.... We must cling, cling so tightly to Truth.... They don't listen to me any more." She is 93, groping her way into the unknown: "I see more clearly with eyes closed than with eyes open, and it is a physical vision, purely physical, but a kind of physical that seems more complete. The consciousness of the cells is what has to change, all the rest will follow naturally! I have the feeling I am on my way to discovering the illusion that must be destroyed so that physical life may go on uninterrupted - death is the result of a distortion of consciousness." Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? "Only a violent death could halt the transformation; otherwise the body knows that the work will go on and on and on...." And this cry again: "There will be a miracle! But what, I don't know."
So then, what have you brought?
Well, and you, what do YOU say?
Me, I don't say anything.... I mean if the Lord wants success for us, it can be BREATHTAKING. There is the possibility of a breathtaking success—not in the sky: here. The only thing is to know whether the time for success has come.
(long silence)
It seems that things are much better in Auroville. S. is particularly interested and goes there, and she sent me word that there is a great progress in the atmosphere.
Well, good.
I tell you, everywhere there's a possibility for an... extraordinary success. Has the moment come? I don't know.... Personally, I make myself like this (tiny gesture), physically very small, and I let... (gesture open to the Lord).
I would like.... You see, the Will comes, but then all the formations come in and decay its execution—I would like... I would like my atmosphere to be... a limpid transmitter, utterly limpid. I don't even try to know what it is, because that too introduces an ordinary human element. A limpid, limpid transmitter: let it come like this (gesture of direct descent), pure, in all its purity—even if it is overwhelming.
At bottom we don't know why one thing is like this, another thing is like that, and our vision is... even if our vision is worldwide, it is so small, so small—so exclusive: we want this, we do not want that. First and FOREMOST to be an instrument: we must be LIMPID, limpid, things must pass through undistorted and unobstructed.
Actually, that's how I spend all my time, trying to be like that.
But is that possibility of victory which you feel something recent?
Page 142
Yes.
It's recent; because apparently circumstances are obviously not so good—apparently.
Oh, you know.... All circumstances seemed to be poised for a disaster.
Just a few days ago, the disaster seemed to be closing in. And so, at that moment, it was as if my whole being... what's the word? (Mother clenches her fists), were, yes, you can call it an aspiration for the true Victory—not the one sought by this side or that side or...—the true Victory. ALL the difficulties seemed to have been as though a light shone: the possibility of Victory. It's still... not miraculous, but the intervention... it's the intervention of the Supreme Wisdom—will it concretize? We'll see. It seems, it seems to be coming like this (gesture at a certain height, her two palms turned downward), as a possibility.
Yes, it's recent, quite recent. I can't say because it didn't come abruptly, but it's a matter of days.
Yes, because for some time, I was feeling a great pessimism.
That's a bad attitude.
Well, I didn't really have that attitude, but it's like an atmosphere of pessimism that came.
That's always there.... It's everything that does not want the Divine which creates the atmosphere deliberately to discourage those who want the Divine. You must... you mustn't pay any attention. It's the device of the devil. Pessimism is the devil's tool, for he feels his own situation is... (shaky gesture). You know, if the possibility I see materializes, it will really be a decisive Victory over the adverse forces—naturally they fight back as best as they can. But that's always the devil, as soon as you see even the tail of pessimism, it's the devil. That's his great tool.
Page 143
(Satprem gets ready to leave, Sujata comes near Mother)
Mon petit....
(Sujata:) Mother, do you remember the other day, when I saw those two eyes appearing on your forehead1 (you remember, I told you), was that the Wisdom appearing?
Perhaps?... Perhaps.... Perhaps is was the Victory.... If it was the Victory, that's good.
Do you still see them?
No, Mother.
We'll see.
(Mother caresses Sujata's cheeks)
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