Others too had to understand Her secret - her own disciples, Nations. Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? '... The body knows that the work will go on and on and on...'
The last turning point of Mother's yoga, and she comes out of it with this cry: "I have walked a long, long time. There was nothing but a constant cry, as if everything were torn away from me. It was the whole problem of the world." And this Agenda is more and more strewn with heartrending little cries. It was not enough to have found the secret for herself, the others too had to understand, her own disciples, Nations locked in their egoistic power: "They have no faith! 'She is old, she is old', an atmosphere of resistance to the change; 'it is impossible, impossible' from all sides.... Not a single minute should be wasted - I am in a hurry.... The reign of the Divine must, oh, must come!.... If the entire Russian block were to turn to the right side, that would be an enormous support! The victory is certain, but I don't know which path will be followed to reach it.... We must cling, cling so tightly to Truth.... They don't listen to me any more." She is 93, groping her way into the unknown: "I see more clearly with eyes closed than with eyes open, and it is a physical vision, purely physical, but a kind of physical that seems more complete. The consciousness of the cells is what has to change, all the rest will follow naturally! I have the feeling I am on my way to discovering the illusion that must be destroyed so that physical life may go on uninterrupted - death is the result of a distortion of consciousness." Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? "Only a violent death could halt the transformation; otherwise the body knows that the work will go on and on and on...." And this cry again: "There will be a miracle! But what, I don't know."
Well, do you have anything?
I have something, but what about you?
Me... for the moment.... (Mother seems tired) I don't know if something will come later.
The consciousness [of the body] is changing very fast.
I'll see later if something comes.
Tell me first what you have.
An Auroville story.
Auroville? What happened?
A few days ago I received a letter from a young man who is an architect there, Z (I don't know him). He wrote me saying that he would like to see me.
Ah, why?
Because he would like to explain to me Auroville's problems. So I replied: "Auroville's problems will be solved and cleared up only when Aurovillians turn directly to Mother, and hence I wish they would go directly to the Source instead of going to an intermediary." Then I added amicably that I could nevertheless... etc.
You did well.
He has an idea of how to make the Matrimandir, and others have another idea, but then R. [the architect] is going to arrive soon—I would like to wait for R. to be here, and he will decide.
Because he wrote me a second letter, saying, "I agree that one must turn to the Source, which is the 'stable and welcoming' reference, but unfortunately one doesn't have direct access to the Source, one has to go through intermediaries...."
(Mother nods her head)
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So there are some problems, and he has explained one of them in his letter to me.
Tell me what it is.
For example, he says he wrote you a month ago, in October, and you answered him in writing. He wrote you this: "I have made a detailed study of the work to be done, and I have reached the conclusion that we [Aurovillians] can take upon ourselves the responsibility for the excavation and construction work of the four pillars; then a commercial firm such as EEC [I don't know what it is, it's in Madras, I think] would agree to take over the construction of the Matrimandir itself ..., etc. It therefore appears that the work of the Aurovillians is not an obstacle to the rest of the work being handled by a specialized firm...." Then you answered, "That's very good, I am fully in agreement. The safety and solidity of the work should come BEFORE PERSONAL QUESTIONS. I am counting on you to see that everything goes harmoniously."
And then I realized.... Afterwards, the others told me that he had written that without consulting them.
And he tells me he did it "after consultation with about 50 Aurovillians."
No.... Listen, those things are enough to drive anyone crazy!
In a nutshell he wants the work to be handled by the Aurovillians, without barring the participation of experts.
But that's how it is. It will be that way. That's what I said; but when it comes to the actual execution.... I advise you not to get involved in this!
Oh, but I don't intend to at all!
Yes, they're.... It's pretty complicated!
I'll simply tell him to wait for R.'s return and that the decision will be made then.
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Yes. But the decision has been made—I don't know, I thought they were already working.
The "official" decision is that a firm in Madras will do the work.
Not all the work. We have asked the Aurovillians to be there—exactly as he puts it.
Well, because he says he is ready even to undertake the foundation work for the pillars.
Oh, no! That's.... Look, tell him that R. will soon arrive and everything will be decided when he's here.
But I really don't want to get involved in their problems!
Well, no!... Did you see the sentence in my letter—there are also personal questions behind. He is not saying it, but that's what it is. He's hoping to find someone (Satprem) who will give him the authority, you understand?
Yes, I think he is.
So just tell him what I said.
(silence)
I don't know if I'm right or wrong, but for a very long time I've made it sort of my duty to see all those people, to receive them whenever they wanted. So I used to see lots of people....
Ooh!
Either from Auroville or the Ashram, or French or Germans.... I have seen lots of them—anyone who came to the tennis court could see me. I did that for several years. And then I don't know, all of a sudden I completely stopped. I said I wouldn't see anyone anymore.... I don't know if I was right. Because sometimes, I feel it would perhaps be good, it might help people, but on the other hand I have the feeling that... it's not the solution.
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From your personal point of view, you were quite right.
Yes, but then I wonder if it isn't egoistic?
No, mon petit! Sri Aurobindo used to tell me, "The Divine is the supreme egoist!" (Mother laughs and everyone laughs.)
(long silence)
There's something I wanted to read to you, but... (Mother looks among the papers beside her, without success).
The external circumstances have become intensified, as if there were a pressure, you know; so the equilibrium in which things were being kept is totally demolished. There's a kind of hatred against the Ashram....
But the Ashram needs to be purified, Mother!
Yes, oh, yes! (Mother nods vigorously) That's exactly it, I know!
As a matter of fact I wondered if there wouldn't be a new attack on the Ashram, just to purify it.
They had organized one [against the "Sri Aurobindo University"].
So, of course, we are being accused of all sorts of things which are absolutely untrue, but.... It's published in the newspapers.1 Although that is.... That's it, one feels the need for a growing sincerity.
Yes.
All those who are like this (vacillating gesture) must make a choice.
But all those people who are doing business here, do they really
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bring you something, or are they just after their own gain?
Yes. Some of them bring me a lot. Some bring me nothing, and some simply look after their own gain.
Well, yes, that's the point.
But that....
They simply use the name of the Ashram for their business.
Yes, but they aren't the largest ones.2
Really?...
Well, obviously each of them—each one—needs purification.... Some have a lot to do, some have only a little. But very few have completely... remained in the true spirit.
There was a sentence in one of my "Notes,"3 I was wondering if it should be left in.
What sentence?
I don't remember now.... It's the sentence where I speak of the Power.
... becoming overwhelming?
Yes. And then I gave two examples.
Yes, curing people and going over to the other side.
Yes, but then regarding going over to the other side, I wondered if people weren't going to think that I purposely killed people!—It would be better perhaps not to put it.
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!!!
Or is it clear?
Obviously, one can deduce anything, Mother.
Yes. But since people are so ill-disposed....
But then one would have to stop talking altogether.
There's also a sentence by Sri Aurobindo which I always remember, where he said, "When God... (these are not the exact words) when God bids you to kill, you must kill."4
That can be wrongly interpreted too.
Oh, I should think so!
But then everything can be twisted, everything!
Well, let's just leave it [Mother's sentence], never mind....
A word or two would be enough to say "those who want to leave"—that it's the choice of the one who leaves. That's all. That indication would be enough.
I can see at the Press if it isn't too late.
Just add a word like that. It's rather "to help them leave" than "against their will" (!).
As you say, one with a straight mind will understand, but.... Only the twisted ones—and you can't do anything about that, they'll always do it. But it's better not to give them too many opportunities.
There's something interesting, I don't know if you know this. The government of Orissa before was completely for Sri Aurobindo, and they were very faithful. Then there was a terrible cyclone that came straight at them, but it was deflected, went to Bengal [East-Pakistan] instead and killed an enormous number of people (that
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was last year, I think).5 Then, the government of Orissa changed. They've become aggressive, dark, just the opposite. They've turned against Sri Aurobindo. And this time, a few days ago, the cyclone struck and did terrible damage....
Some have understood.
On the other hand, naturally, some say, "How come? Last time you protected us and this time..."—they don't understand. But those who understand have very clearly seen the difference.
There are interesting things. But you have the feeling of being, you know (gesture of instability), on the edge of a cliff—you mustn't make a single false step.
As if the Consciousness were putting pressure on circumstances so they become more definite and clear. Only, then, it's the end of peace and tranquility.
But also, under that pressure, the consciousness [Mother's physical consciousness] is becoming clearer and clearer, and realizes how much work we have to do for everything in the being to be in tune with the Divine alone, oh!... One sees—sometimes I spend almost the whole night seeing all the things that have to change their attitude, things you thought were fine, which you didn't worry about. Now you can see. Compared with what should be, there remains so much to be done....
(Mother goes within)
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