Others too had to understand Her secret - her own disciples, Nations. Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? '... The body knows that the work will go on and on and on...'
The last turning point of Mother's yoga, and she comes out of it with this cry: "I have walked a long, long time. There was nothing but a constant cry, as if everything were torn away from me. It was the whole problem of the world." And this Agenda is more and more strewn with heartrending little cries. It was not enough to have found the secret for herself, the others too had to understand, her own disciples, Nations locked in their egoistic power: "They have no faith! 'She is old, she is old', an atmosphere of resistance to the change; 'it is impossible, impossible' from all sides.... Not a single minute should be wasted - I am in a hurry.... The reign of the Divine must, oh, must come!.... If the entire Russian block were to turn to the right side, that would be an enormous support! The victory is certain, but I don't know which path will be followed to reach it.... We must cling, cling so tightly to Truth.... They don't listen to me any more." She is 93, groping her way into the unknown: "I see more clearly with eyes closed than with eyes open, and it is a physical vision, purely physical, but a kind of physical that seems more complete. The consciousness of the cells is what has to change, all the rest will follow naturally! I have the feeling I am on my way to discovering the illusion that must be destroyed so that physical life may go on uninterrupted - death is the result of a distortion of consciousness." Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? "Only a violent death could halt the transformation; otherwise the body knows that the work will go on and on and on...." And this cry again: "There will be a miracle! But what, I don't know."
What do you have?... You don't have anything?... Some people came to see you?
No, aside from one or two exceptions, I refuse to see anybody. I don't know, but I've found that now it is better for me to remain quiet.
Because I was told about someone who came to see you.
The only person I've seen is E.
Oh, he's a nice man!1
Page 233
But otherwise I refuse to see people.
It's better that way.
At one time, I used to see many people every day, but now, I find that... I don't know, I need to be quiet.
Yes.
(silence)
I have noticed something—already quite some time ago, but lately it has become very, very concrete. When I speak, there is a Consciousness which is expressed, and that Consciousness is what's important—but people catch the words and leave the Consciousness! So of course that makes a frightful muddle. Therefore it's better not to speak.
Well, maybe it makes a muddle for some people, but not for all—not for all!
But take this other example: I am trying to make Auroville a link between the old way of being and the new, but they are all sunk in.... I mean they use their freedom to live in the most ordinary way. So... it's discouraging. There are some—a few—who are good, but the majority is a subhumanity, an altogether animal humanity. So....
Having to take care of one's own change is enough of a work as it is, no?
God, yes!
To be at every moment as expressive of the Divine Consciousness as one can be. That's the only important thing.
Yes, when one is here, near you, one is taken up into a kind of absolute ray. It's.... In the past, I remember my meditations "up above," they were vast and quite pleasant, but here it's a kind of ABSOLUTE. You say: this is IT. This is IT, you know, absolutely IT, it's the absolute which is here and seizes you.
Page 234
But when one is no longer near you.... Through concentration, you can still capture IT again, to a certain degree....
But as soon as you let go of the concentration, well, you again have to.... That's the difficulty. There would have to be some kind of possession. But how is that done?
I don't know.
It's the Grace, in short!
(after a silence)
This body is trying its best to exist only in the Divine. If it could no longer feel separate from the whole (Mother touches the separative skin of her hands), it would be perfectly happy.
But like this (gesture of interiorization), when I don't say anything, then it's all right.
(Mother goes within)
You have nothing to ask?
Is something going to come to me? Something else [another book]?
People aren't ready, mon petit! Every day I discover.... Those who are left to their freedom are worthless. They have the most vulgar consciousness, it's dreadful—no aspiration, no need for perfection, nothing at all.
As for me I... this body does what it can. It can't do much. It tries... it tries not to create any resistance. From time to time—from time to time—there's something, a marvel, which lasts for a few seconds. But it's... (Mother nods her head). Either we have to manage to make this body more plastic so it can be transformed, or else it will be for another life.
Although I must say that... Sri Aurobindo said to me, "Oh, to have to begin all that over again, the whole childhood and all that unconsciousness—no." Before he left, he said no. "No, I shall return when it can be done in a supramental body."2
Page 235
But there have to be bodies capable of lasting at will. He said, "The intermediate stage will be duration of life at will." And I have the feeling that that is possible. Provided... the body itself thinks only of one thing—transformation. When it is like this [quiet, concentrated], then.... I can spend hours—hours without moving—in a kind of receptive contemplation, and it seems like a second. The sense of time is really curious. You see, there is a certain receptive contemplation, and there (gesture of being suspended in a smile)... time simply ceases to exist.
I sense.... I sense I am on the threshold of a great Secret... but (Mother nods her head)... not mental—not in thoughts. It's... "something."
Give me your hands.
(a fleeting smile ripples over her lips)
Home
The Mother
Books
Agenda
Share your feedback. Help us improve. Or ask a question.