Others too had to understand Her secret - her own disciples, Nations. Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? '... The body knows that the work will go on and on and on...'
The last turning point of Mother's yoga, and she comes out of it with this cry: "I have walked a long, long time. There was nothing but a constant cry, as if everything were torn away from me. It was the whole problem of the world." And this Agenda is more and more strewn with heartrending little cries. It was not enough to have found the secret for herself, the others too had to understand, her own disciples, Nations locked in their egoistic power: "They have no faith! 'She is old, she is old', an atmosphere of resistance to the change; 'it is impossible, impossible' from all sides.... Not a single minute should be wasted - I am in a hurry.... The reign of the Divine must, oh, must come!.... If the entire Russian block were to turn to the right side, that would be an enormous support! The victory is certain, but I don't know which path will be followed to reach it.... We must cling, cling so tightly to Truth.... They don't listen to me any more." She is 93, groping her way into the unknown: "I see more clearly with eyes closed than with eyes open, and it is a physical vision, purely physical, but a kind of physical that seems more complete. The consciousness of the cells is what has to change, all the rest will follow naturally! I have the feeling I am on my way to discovering the illusion that must be destroyed so that physical life may go on uninterrupted - death is the result of a distortion of consciousness." Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? "Only a violent death could halt the transformation; otherwise the body knows that the work will go on and on and on...." And this cry again: "There will be a miracle! But what, I don't know."
(After a long contemplative plunge.)
It's really a period of transition for the body.
The body is realizing, becoming conscious of what in it prevents it from being immortal, and at the same time of what can be immortal in it. It has had moments of agony as never before in its whole life—in connection with death, which has never happened
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before. And it has understood that its very constitution was causing this, and what it had to change. I am... as though on the threshold of an extraordinary discovery, but....
(silence)
I could put it this way: the why of death has become clear, and the how of immortality is... (silence).... You know, it's a curious thing, the feeling that there is something (Mother feels with her fingertips) TO TOUCH.
(Mother sits looking, her eyes luminously open, then goes within for a half hour)
It can last indefinitely.... The impression of touching something and... (gesture of something escaping).
What did you feel?
Once Sujata made me understand what I feel when I am near you; she said, "It feels as if the body were made to pray when one is near you." Well, that's what I feel, a power which seems to seize all the parts of the body and... I don't know, fill them with an intense aspiration.
Yes, but that's also what my body feels.
Yes, it makes the body pray. It fills it with a Power that.... I don't know, it's like a warm gold lifting everything up.
Yes, that's how my body feels all the time.
I feel That flowing like this (gesture through herself) constantly.
Maybe that's what Divine Love in matter is?
(Mother laughs merrily)
It's so intense and warm at the same time—warm. And so strong... it's so strong that you can't really use the word "love," because it doesn't correspond to anything you understand.
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Yes, that goes for me too!... I am like this (gesture at the forehead): nothing, nothing, empty, empty, empty.... Here (gesture high and wide) here it's... yes, it's a golden immensity.
Yes.
I have the most peculiar feeling that there's a kind of... like scales, or tree bark, or turtle shell, melting, while the body itself is not like that (Mother makes a gesture as if the body were swelling up and bursting in the sun). What seems like matter to man is... unreceptive. And in this body (Mother touches the skin of her hands), it is trying... it is trying to... (same gesture of swelling or blossoming). It's really curious! It's a curious sensation.
If one could last long enough for all that to melt away, then it would be the real beginning.1
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