It's neither life nor death.. BOTH are being changed.. into something still unknown.. dangerous and wonderful. On Nov 17, 1973, she left her body - why?
"Before dying falsehood rises in full swing. Still people understand only the lesson of catastrophe. Will it have to come before they open their eyes?" This is the year of Watergate, of Nixon's first trip to China, the assassination of the Israeli athletes in Munich, the first oil embargo. This is Mother's last lap. A lap strewn with heartrending little cries and stunning visions. The end of one world, the beginning of another.... whether we want it or not. "Sometimes, it is so new and unexpected, it's almost painful." And I would ask her, "But is it a state outside matter?" "I don't go outside of physical life, but.... it looks different. But it is strange. And it is PHYSICAL, that is the extraordinary thing! As if the physical had split in two.... A new state in matter. And it is ruled by something that is not the sun, I don't know what it is.... I am touching another world. Another way of being.... dangerous but wonderful." How I listened to her little breath as she gasped for air, a breath that seemed to come from another side of the world: "There is no difference between life and death. It's neither life nor death, it is.... something. It is not the disappearance of death you understand: BOTH are being changed.... into something still unknown, which seems at once extremely dangerous and absolutely wonderful." And what if "death" were merely the other, MATERIAL side of our human bowl, the sunlit shore for a species to come? A new condition on both sides of the world, in which life and death change into.... something else? "I am treading a very thin and narrow line...." And then this cry, this entreaty: "Let me do the work!" On November 17, 1973, she passed away - why?
I have some things for you.
(Mother gropes for something on the table beside her and hands Satprem a note in English)
Man is the creation of yesterday. Sri Aurobindo has come to announce the creation of tomorrow.
Is that all?
I wrote it in French and I put, "The creation of tomorrow, the advent of the supramental being." Because they are likely to call it "superman" if I don't put "supramental being." The advent of the supramental being.
We are just in between. No longer this, not yet that—the time that's the most....
(brief silence)
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(Thus, I sent to SABDA and All India Press the note signed by Mother. As was to be expected, the reaction was swift: I was accused of being "after money." Mother well knew the hornet's nest I was about to stir up, and the day before she had written me a letter—which I did not understand—to try and tell me to move to a higher plateau, to another consciousness, instead of struggling against crooks. The following conversation is the saddest memory of my seventeen years of meetings with Mother. It was so painful to see her weariness yet have to fight to unmask that falsehood—as if she didn't know it! But we are writing History here and we are trying to give as factual an account as possible and to describe the characters just as they were.)
What did I write you?
You wrote unjustified things.
Unjustified.
Yes.
That would surprise me.... It wasn't I who wrote. So that would surprise me. What were those unjustified things?
You said my action was distorted.
No—I certainly didn't say that.
Well, that's what I understood.... Later you wrote me [in a second letter], that you trusted me....
Yes, of course!
Well, if you trust me, you must defend me and help me.
Defend you?
And help me.
Defend you against whom?
As a matter of fact, I didn't want to come and see you this
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morning. I came because Sujata persuaded me to come. She said that if I leave, the worst elements will remain and they... they won't help you. I came here out of a sense of duty.
Are you that angry?
Yes, Mother. I came here this morning out of a sense of duty, because I think that....
Don't you love me at all?
But, Mother, that's not the point. The point is a practical one.
Practical?
Practical questions are in a total confusion.
Well, that's just the point, Mother. If you trust certain people, you must believe their word and not yield or listen to people who deceive you.
But I don't know what you mean, because... (Mother holds her head in her hands). I don't understand anymore.
Yes, Mother, I do know you no longer understand these material questions. Several times I have explained the situation to you. I told you that I asked SABDA for some information....
But didn't they give it to you?
Of course not.
But I told them, I wrote them they absolutely must give it to you.
Yes; whereupon M. [the director of All India Press] writes you a letter and you reply, "I am very satisfied with your work." Result: he says to himself, "Fine, I'll just continue as before".
No, I told him he must... didn't André tell you?
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But that's precisely what André told me! André said, "Mother told M.: I am satisfied with your work." So everything is for the best!
But this breaks all bounds!
Indeed, Mother!... In the essential truth, I am with you forever, as you know, there is no doubt about it. So far so good But when I deal with Matter, I have to fight using Matter's laws along with whatever truth I may have. As far as Matter is concerned, I saw there was falsehood; I'm fighting against that falsehood, and I'm asking your help to fight it.... Or else one simply withdraws from all action altogether.
But I know that falsehood! I told M.! And that's what baffles me, there's something I don't understand. Because not only did I tell M. that his doings were not proper, but I also told him what he had to do. So I am completely baffled.... Who has...? There's something fishy somewhere.
Exactly, Mother, these people are very skilled at confusing everything. That's their main power: they confuse the issue.
But I don't believe M. in the least! I don't believe a word he says to me! I told him.... So they distort what I say?... No, I am really baffled. Not only did I send word to M. but also to... what's his name?
B. [Sabda]
Yes, B. And B. said I was quite right. So where is the confusion?1
Yes?
(silence)
What I wrote you is....
Will you read me what I told you?... To tell the truth (I don't like to say this), but to tell the truth, it was Sri Aurobindo who came and told me to write this to you. There must have been some reason, mon petit.
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Yes. Here's what you say:
"An individual being, whatever his merit, is but a point in the universe....
That's certain!
Yes, that was the point. Next?
"...He really begins to exist only when his consciousness becomes universal through union with the Divine....
That's perfectly exact.
"Truly we begin to exist only when we let the Divine act through us...
That's entirely true.
"...without any ignorance distorting His Action."
Yes, it's quite correct.
Yes. So when you sent me that, I understood that I distorted His Action.
No, mon petit!
Then what does it mean, Mother?
That's not what it means. It means.... Oh, it was so clear when he told me!... The question was by no means that of an individual: it was a question of the whole, a vision of the whole—that things aren't as they seem to be, behind there's... (Mother holds her head in her hands). I don't know anymore, mon petit.
I know that when it came, it was meant on the contrary to tell you not to pay attention to people's mistakes because... things had to be seen from the standpoint of the whole, within the Whole. That was it. I felt this was the last stage, which would propel you into the Vision, the vision of the whole I mentioned. When I wrote that, I felt you were ready to have that vision of the whole
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and had to be told just so that you would give your external consent to it. When I was told you were unhappy [with my letter], I was puzzled—I didn't understand. How come?... On the contrary the feeling was that the time had come for you to rise above all human conceptions and to look at the creation and all circumstances—ALL circumstances—within the Great Plane, the immense divine plane. Such was my impression.
Yes. But what is to be done, then? Should one withdraw in that Consciousness, seek to attain it and, well, just let the material world unfold as it can with the fakers and liars, or else....
That's what I am myself brought to do now.
But is it what I should do, too? Does it mean I should simply cede the ground to that falsehood?
What falsehood? I know what I said to M. and to B.: I told them (and especially M.) that this was no way to behave, that they should not behave that way. That's what I told him. I told him that nothing concerning your books should be decided without consulting you first.... So I don't understand at all.
There's something I don't grasp in all this. I told him quite plainly. What did André tell you? Didn't he tell you that?
No, Mother. But André is straight, André tells the truth. André isn't with those crooks, naturally! Neither André nor I are people who tell lies.
He may not have understood, then. Do you want to call André and we see it together?
Calling André is all right, Mother, but that remains in the realm of words. These people have been told on your behalf—André told them on your behalf—that they had to give certain statements, but they don't do a thing! They don't lift a finger. They don't obey your orders.
They didn't send you anything today?
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No, nothing. And also for Sri Aurobindo's books—that's where they're directly deceiving you. They don't lift a finger, they simply do nothing. They won't give the least information about what they're doing—what are they HIDING, these people, I'd like to know?... As long as they're told words, it's completely ineffective. I wonder what action will make them move? ...
I know in any case that the letter I wrote you was really Sri Aurobindo insisting on the need to attain that Consciousness, and he told me you were ready for it. He told me that.
Then should I withdraw from action, Mother?
What do you mean by "withdraw from action"?
Well, let things follow their own course. Stop doing anything. Really stop doing anything until the consciousness reaches that state.
No....
Just closet myself, go to the Himalayas and stay put.
"Doing"... there are many planes of "doing."
Maybe if... (Mother props her head in her hands).
I am tiring you, Mother, I'm really sorry.
You see, one "does" in higher regions. Sri Aurobindo insisted, he said you were ready to get the superman's consciousness—not "superman": supramental, the supramental consciousness. And that's what he wanted to give you. He wanted... he insisted that you should be preoccupied with THAT, concentrated on that, because you have the capacity. In this domain the numbers are VERY small, so it's important that all those who can do it do it. That's how I saw things.
I understand.
...And how I understood them and wrote them to you....
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Yes, I understand what you mean.
...That all the preoccupations stemming from the other consciousness, the old human consciousness, however enlightened it is, are to be left aside for the moment to allow the full emergence into that Consciousness. That's all. That's all I said.
Yes, that I understand.
I told those people what I knew, I told them that they were wrong and had to change their ways. What else could I do?
What did you ask them?
Listen, Mother, if I should stop involving myself in these questions (which greatly disturb me), do you want Sujata to follow them and be present tomorrow when M. comes to see you? Sujata will be present and you can give your instructions to M. in front of her, and she will do the follow-up. And I won't be troubled anymore.
You see, the trouble is, I don't give [M.] my instructions in person, I give them through André. Perhaps he didn't understand?
But if M. comes before you tomorrow, and Sujata is here, and you give him your instructions, Sujata will follow up. Unless you prefer all three to come, André, Sujata and M.? ...
(Mother puts her head in her hands)
I'm sorry, Mother, I am forced to do a dirty job. But it must be settled once and for all—and not only for me, but for Sri Aurobindo's works as well.... Because André doesn't say anything, but he's like me, he's upset. He is upset with this situation. For he sees these people deceiving and distorting with impunity.
So André didn't say anything?
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But, Mother, "saying" isn't enough! If they come before you—André, M. and, say, Sujata, all three—and you spell out your instructions, then he will be forced to do as you say. And it will be all over.2
But what instructions, regarding what?
Regarding the accounts they should give you about what they're doing with Sri Aurobindo's books and Satprem's books.
They're not giving any accounts?
But I am not talking of financial accounts! I mean what they're DOING, how many copies they sell....
Ohhh!
I am not at all asking about money but how many copies they sell in India and abroad. Nothing else.
Ohh!
I am not asking for money,3 but for the means of knowing exactly, of controlling what they're doing. In other words, they should tell you: we have sold so many copies of Sri Aurobindo in Switzerland, so many in Germany.
That, I know, they haven't done.
So!... But that's just the way of controlling what they're doing.
Ahh!
And that's what I want for my books—not money!
Oh, then there's a confusion, because from what André told me, I understood it was money.
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But who cares about money, Mother! Nobody cares about that—except them.
Ohh!... Then André himself didn't understand. Or I didn't understand what he said.
(at this point, the attendant comes out of the bathroom to defend M., saying that he gives all his money to Mother; the Mafia extended to every level)
This is not at all a question of money, not at all—as if André or I were interested in money! We don't care a jackstraw. But what we do care about is to know what they're DOING.
But of course! At least to me, they should give an accurate report.
Exactly! But they'd rather be caught dead than do that.
I can see that—ahh, I understand! Now I get it.
And that's why they reacted so violently against me when I asked for the information, because they felt somebody was beginning to uncover their scheme.
Ohh!... But, you know, I have such difficulty speaking....
Yes, Mother, I know, and I hate to draw you into this.
...Because if I can't speak when M. is here, it will look stupid.
Listen, will you do me a favor?
Certainly, Mother, I only want Truth to triumph!
Go find André and bring him here.
(Satprem goes out to fetch André. They return together.)
Ah! (to André:) What will you say now?... I don't understand anything anymore! (André laughs)
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(André:) Well, Satprem would like to know what's happening with his books....
Yes, and he's right.
Yes. And by the same token, it would be good if we could know—if someone in the Ashram could know—what exactly M. is doing with Sri Aurobindo's books.
Yes, quite.
The fact is, nobody knows anything. They're printing books, SABDA tries to sell them here and there—they have excellent promotional methods, but we have no idea what they are specifically. We don't know what's going on. It even goes... I'll go further, Mother: for the last two years, I haven't been able to put my hand on the corrections made to the film negatives, I mean the offset reproduction of the Centenary edition [of Sri Aurobindo's works].
There were corrections made?
Yes, there were. I know there were because M. told me so. I asked him for a list....
What corrections? Who made corrections?
There's a boy working with him who makes the corrections.
But, look here, this is incredible! On the pretext that I can't see to this myself, they don't even show me!! They make corrections without telling me!
I don't know how serious these are, I have no idea.
Oh, but "serious" or not, they CANNOT make corrections without asking me!
True, Mother.
Good heavens!... So what are we going to do?
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(Satprem:) Yes, Mother, you absolutely must have some sort of control over these people. I think the best way would be to call B. [SABDA], M. and André together, and have André spell out all the points in black and white.
Oh, but André isn't combative.
(André:) Yes, I am Mother! (laughter) I am convinced, but....
No! I didn't say "convinced," I said "combative."
Combative? Oh, I am not at all combative, Mother!
I know. That's just what I said.
I am not at all combative, because... I try to see through their eyes, and then I don't know who's right anymore!
Yes! (laughter) That's exactly the point.
(Satprem:) But the two basic things to ask them are their production and their distribution. That's all.
(André:) Yes, right.
Oh, yes! I ask them, you know. But they say I can't see anymore.... True, I can't see—I see, but... it's a mixed vision. It's interesting (I wouldn't wish it on anybody, because the people who would see with it...). I see what is true in things from the supramental point of view. And it's extremely interesting. I hear sounds that people don't usually hear, because these sounds have a supramental reality. I can see.... When people talk to me, I see at the same time not only what they think (that's old hat), but what's true from the supramental point of view. All the time it is like that. Both together. Because my body has no longer the same... (what's the word?)... I am strong, but the old type of energy is gone; and the one that replaces it is far more powerful—but I don't like to talk about it. When I do, I appear to be boasting. So I don't say anything. I tell you now so you'll understand.
I am no longer on this side but not yet on the other; I am in between—it's difficult. But I am still capable of controlling what these people are doing.... At any rate, they have no right to do
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whatever they want with Sri Aurobindo's books. And as for Satprem's books, I had said that he gave them to me personally...
(Satprem:) Yes.4
...and that they were under my personal control; but "under my control" doesn't mean they have a free hand!
(André:) Yes, Mother, that's right.... I'll tell you frankly what bothers me. What bothers me is that I know from experience that you're always right because you always see things from a higher plane than we. Also I know from experience that even if at the time I feel you say something that....
(Mother laughs)
... that doesn't match my own thinking, well, you're still right. And that's why I have a lot of trouble being "combative".
But don't you know! I don't "think," mon petit!
Well, yes, Mother, that's the point!
Exactly.
(Satprem to Mother:) Yes, but you do need human instruments to do things, don't you? ...
Yes, yes.
And there are instruments like André who are trustworthy and can do certain things for you.
But, you see, he himself says he isn't combative!
(Satprem:) Yes, that's right! [general laughter]
There you are.
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(André:) For instance, you see, when M. (and I believe he's being very honest in that case), when M. tells You how miserable he is, how everybody is after him, how everybody gives him a bad time....
Oh, M. is in a state.... He's like this (gesture like a wet towel).
Yes, precisely! So you really hesitate being combative with him.
But that's no reason why he should.... It would be much better to be frank with him, tell him exactly what we expect from him.
(Satprem:) Yes, that's right.
And put it in writing. And I'll tell him that I WANT to know.
(Satprem:) Yes, we have to put it down in a few lines on paper.
(André to Satprem:) Yes, what you did for your books was very good.
And if he doesn't comply, he'll be putting himself in the wrong—but I think he will.
(To André:) You don't understand?
(André, reluctantly:) All right, I'll draft a note and discuss it with you.
(Satprem:) Ask the same for Sri Aurobindo's books: what are their production and their distribution? And they must keep you informed of reprints, etc.
Yes. That's right.
(André:) And inform you in writing, otherwise....
Yes, not verbally.
(André:) They must supply a written statement, because he always does everything verbally.
Yes, I demand a written statement. I'm not asking him to change
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what he does,I'm asking him for a detailed and accurate report. A complete and genuine statement of what they are.
(Satprem:) M. and SABDA, both of them, isn't it.
(André:) Actually SABDA is the most....
Yes, SABDA is....
(Satprem:) That's where the falsehood lies.
SABDA is far more difficult.
(Satprem:) Yes, exactly.
He's become.... B.'s mind is... (twisted gesture).
(André:) Yes, there's is the knot, because... (how to put this?) that's where they conceal the most.
Both of you must put this very clearly in writing, and I'll sign it. I'll have to write something myself, so that it doesn't look like a mere signature.
(Satprem:) It can all be said in a few lines.
Yes, it need not be long. I want Satprem to be present when I sign it.
(Satprem) Oh, that isn't necessary at all, Mother!
I prefer it that way.
(Satprem:) All right! As you like (laughter).
So settle it among yourselves, prepare a text and come to have me sign it when it's ready.
(Satprem:) This very evening.
Tomorrow is what day?
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(Satprem:) This evening itself, Mother, it's only a few lines.
Today is André's day, so you will come too.
(Satprem:) Yes, well come together.
(To André:) Do you say yes?
(André, resignedly:) I say yes! (laughter)
(Satprem:) It will be settled once and for all.
But you shouldn't at all think that.... (Turning towards André) You're doing your best—you said you were afraid of going against my thinking....
(André:) Yes.
But, mon petit, you've got to understand!!
I can't explain it in words, you wouldn't understand. I don't even know how to express it.... I just know that even mistakes (what we call "mistakes") and difficulties are the result of the manifestation of the divine Consciousness helping us to progress towards the future perfection through... (what's the word?) through continuous molding. That's what I see. And that's why....
(Satprem, aside to André:)... We mustn't be afraid of making mistakes.
(André:) Yes, we mustn't be afraid of mistakes.
Each one has a role and plays his part.
(Satprem, aside to André:) We mustn't be afraid of our own truth, André.
The only important thing is to mix as little personal ego as possible with the divine vision. That's all.
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It's difficult, I can't speak. But it's so wonderful when you see it! But I can't speak.
When I can say exactly how it is, then I'll say it.... Not quite yet.
You see, the sensation of my body is... as if I were as big as the world and holding everything in my arms, truly the way a Mother holds her children—except it's a hundred times better than that! But that's it, that's how I live.
I can't explain.... Later.
Later.
All right, so prepare that text. I'll see you both this evening.
(To André:) Mon petit, I KNOW the truth of things, but I am powerless to express it. I can't say it just because I don't have the power of expression. But do as I said.
(Satprem:) Yes, Mother, certainly!
(André goes out)
Mon petit...5
(Mother gives Satprem a kiss on the forehead)
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