Amal Kiran's Correspondence with The Mother

8 October 1950

Mother,

I want to ask you a question concerned with my reaction to the inconsideration and vulgarity in Y’s letter about Sri Aurobindo. I remember an occasion many years ago when a lady friend of mine spoke unbecomingly of you. I verbally choked her off at once, but the indignation within me went on burning. It was like a sword of fire leaping out of my chest, striking and striking through the hours. My mind could serve only to direct it accurately; it had itself little part in the actual violence. The next day the lady had a terrific attack of diarrhea.

A similar blaze began to go out of my chest yesterday on reading Y’s letter. I had no scruple in directing it at his journal as if to consume its future to ashes. But although I also struck out at Y himself as if to destroy him, I did not encourage the fiery onslaught. I started wondering if it was right to attack a person like that.

I shall be thankful if I can have some words of guidance from you. Please keep in mind that I am not talking about a mere outburst of anger: some force appears to me there which wants to destroy and feels it has the power to destroy. Of course I would never think of using it for my private ends.

It is evidently the working of the Kali force that is lit and is directing this fire in you. There is nothing wrong in its action; it is not an anger personal to you but the wrath of a divine power and it must be allowed to act; in fact, I think you could not stop it from burning in you even if you wanted to stop it. This man has drawn it upon himself and there is nothing wrong in what is happening; he alone is responsible. Of course, it must not be used for any personal aim or in any self-regarding way.

8 October 1950