Maude Smith's Correspondence with The Mother

15 March 1963

Mother,

How can I keep on? I can't live in the old world—it gets more difficult all the time—and there is no way for me to live in the new world yet.

Sometimes quietness comes and I can work happily, but then I feel guilty to keep on calling You, thinking I should just trust You instead. I have tried that for months at a time, tried to let You do everything. And then I always remember Your message about the importance of faithfulness, plasticity, surrender and self-giving. I recall the time we talked about the "baby kitten" way and I asked You, "Then I don't have to do any sadhana at all?" and You answered, "Do what your heart demands." Ah! Mother, that's just it—that's just what I can't do and what is so necessary.

All my attitudes are wrong. I seem to be closed to the Light and the Force that are pouring down, to the Love all around me, to the world of Delight—and I can't see any way to begin changing things.

Mother, what kind of game is this where there is never any solution, where everything I do is wrong, and doing nothing is also wrong, and there is no way to surrender!

Yes, if you could just he simple and spontaneous, and not look at yourself all the time criticising and judging what you do—leave the criticism and the judgment to the Divine—it is not your business.

You are much closer than you think—it is just one personal door to break open without personal effort.

With love and blessings

15 March 1963