Letters on Himself
and the Ashram

Name: নিজের কথা
Author: Sri Aurobindo

Sri Aurobindo

Sri Aurobindo's letters between 1927 and 1950 on his life, his path of yoga and the practice of yoga in his ashram. In these letters, Sri Aurobindo writes about his life as a student in England, a teacher in Baroda, a political leader in Bengal, and a writer and yogi in Pondicherry. He also comments on his formative spiritual experiences and the development of his yoga. In the latter part of the volume, he discusses the life and discipline followed in his ashram and offers advice to the disciples living and working in it. Sri Aurobindo wrote these letters between 1927 and 1950 - most of them in the 1930s.

The Complete Works of Sri Aurobindo (CWSA) Letters on Himself and the Ashram Vol. 35 858 pages 2011 Edition

English

PDF autobiographical Sri Aurobindo : corresp.

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2011
CWSA
- Letters on Himself and the Ashram
- Vol. 35
- 2011 Edition
1972
SABCL
- On Himself
- Vol. 26
- 1972 Edition

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SABCL > On Himself
- अपने विषयमें हिंदी
- নিজের কথা বাংলা

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THEME/S

Contact with The Mother & Sri Aurobindo Sri Aurobindo : Correspondence with disciples The Mother : Correspondence with disciples

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Admission, Staying, Departure

"Acceptance" and "Admission"

Reply that residence in the Asrama is only allowed to sadhakas who have been accepted into Sri Aurobindo's path of Yoga, and not to all of them. This path is a special way of Yoga, difficult and different from others; only those are accepted who have a special call to it.

Many thanks for [a transcript of the preceding letter]. Permit me to ask as to the qualifications of persons who can be accepted and admitted into the holy ashram as sadhaks.

There are no specific qualifications except the call to lead a divine life embodying a higher spiritual and supramental Truth (not Sannyasa), the spirit which is prepared to sacrifice all for that one end accepting even the hardest conditions, ordeals and tests, and the recognition of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother. It is the Mother herself who decides after seeing the aspirant and the nature of the call within him. You may point out to him that the seeking in him seems from his letter to be of a vague kind; he seems to seek any path and any Guru he can find. There is nothing definite that would indicate a call to this way of Yoga.

X may write explaining that the Asram is not a public institution with rules etc. which anyone satisfying the rules can enter. Only those are admitted who are already Sri Aurobindo's disciples and who are considered ready for the Asram life.

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Answer that admission to the Asram is very strictly limited and only those who have already been accepted as Sri Aurobindo's disciples are admitted there. This acceptance is not easy, as Sri Aurobindo's path of Yoga is different from others and only those who are specially called to it in preference to other paths and who show some sign of the call or are believed to be initially capable can become disciples.

The answer must be in Hindi.

No one can be received into the life of the Asram unless he has first been accepted as a disciple—there are no "students" of Yoga—and no one is accepted as a disciple until he has been first seen and it is known whether he has the call to this Yoga and the capacity for it. If he likes to come to Pondicherry, he may; the Mother will see whether he is fit. But permission to stay in the Asram cannot be given now. All the rest can be seen afterwards.

I am quite tired of this selfish and frail world and therefore I wish to stay in your Ashram for the good of my soul. I have heard much about you and I fully trust you will very kindly help me as your younger brother to be free from such a selfish and frail world.

Give him the usual answer that stay in the Asram is allowed to some only of those who are already accepted as Sri Aurobindo's disciples and that owing to the difficulty of the path, only some who have a call or a capacity are accepted as disciples.

It is not possible for him to join the Asram; Sri Aurobindo does not admit anyone who is not personally known and already his disciple; even among his disciples he admits only those whom he considers to be ready or called to the life of the Asram. Moreover the Asram is now full and there is hardly any room for new members.

All are not equally capable of practising Yoga and in Yoga itself some paths are more difficult than others. There are some

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who have a special call to a path; others have no call; though they may feel drawn to Yoga, it is to other disciplines that they must go. This path is especially difficult and even some of those admitted to it find great difficulty in following it. Therefore Sri Aurobindo is not willing to admit any new disciples unless he has reason to think that they have a special call for it or a special capacity.

Those who follow the Yoga here are accepted by the Mother—for "accepted" means "admitted into the Yoga, accepted as disciples". But the progress in the Yoga and the siddhi in the Yoga depend on the degree to which there is the opening.

One cannot enter the Asram like that. One must first be admitted to the Yoga and show that there are the experiences which indicate that one is really called to this path. Even afterwards it rests on the decision of Sri Aurobindo whether the sadhak is to be admitted to the Asram or practise his sadhana outside.

You will tell him that admission to the Asram is only allowed to those who are already accepted as Sri Aurobindo's disciples. There are no arrangements for visitors residing in the Asram; those who come for darshan make their own arrangements out side. Sri Aurobindo does not readily accept disciples as his is a special path of Yoga and very difficult for most. For what he wants, another Guru with an easier way of Yoga would probably be more helpful.

You can tell them that it is not possible. Admissions to the Asram have been stopped owing to want of accommodation. Moreover, it is only those who are already Sri Aurobindo's disciples and

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practising his special way of Yoga who are admitted as members of the Asram.

Write to him that only those who are already Sri Aurobindo's disciples and have practised his Yoga can be admitted. Moreover at present admissions are rarely made as there is no longer any sufficient accommodation in the Asram.

(This should now be the answer to all these candidates from nowhere and everywhere—i.e. if they persist, otherwise they can be left without answer.)

Admission to the Ashram

1927-1943

It is best for him to put away all family and worldly cares if he wishes to succeed in the sadhana.

As for staying here, things have changed since he was here. I no longer take direct charge of people's sadhana; all is in the hands of Sri Mira Devi and the force acting here is much more direct, powerful and insistent than it was then. It needs a certain strength and a strong receptivity to bear and answer to it, especially a great sincerity in all the being and a preparation is sometimes necessary before it can do its work.

The best would be perhaps for him to have an experimental stay for some time.

People are not accepted in the Asram or in the Yoga unless it is seen that they have the call and the capacity. A mere formal request is not sufficient for the purpose.

Sri Aurobindo is not at present seeing anyone, not even his own disciples.

If he likes, he can enter into a preliminary correspondence and explain his case, what he is seeking and why and the nature of his past efforts.

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Everybody is not admitted here, only those who are fit and who have a true call to Sri Aurobindo's Yoga. The desire for a "calm and peaceful" or Asramic life is not a sufficient passport for this admission.

There is no question about grihastha and Sannyasin here, because the distinction does not exist for us. There is no place for the Sannyasin of the ordinary type at least, because we do not turn our backs on life; neither are we grihasthas, because we do leave behind us the ordinary human life and its institutions and motives.

The difficulty in X's case is of two kinds. First, his mind seems to cling to traditional ideas and ways of action, while here they are thrown aside altogether. It is impossible without an entirely free intelligence (or, in its place, a strong psychic faith and ardour) to follow the movement here. I doubt whether X would be able to appreciate, much less to assent to it and follow it.

(2) X seems to lay entire stress on the reasoning intellect and to have fixed himself in that movement. Here the endeavour is of a supramental and therefore suprarational character. It has to be carried out through a silent mind, an active psychic being, a descent of the supramental Light and Power and Vastness and Ananda transforming all the instruments. An attachment to the way of the intellect, a bondage to the rational mind would be an insuperable obstacle. The supramental can be reached through the active mind only if the latter is large, free, subtle, plastic, ready at every moment to renounce its own way and to admit enlightenment and contradiction of all its cherished conclusions and habitual movements by a higher Light. Not one intellect in a thousand is of that kind. And even then it would not be enough without the heart's opening and the support of the psychic brought to the surface.

It would be useless for X to come here and find himself at a loss in an atmosphere foreign to his temperament. There is no sign that he is psychically ready for such a transplantation. A

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certain agreement of the philosophic idea is quite insufficient.

Only two kinds of people can stay here with any true profit;

(1) Those who are ready to absorb the spiritual atmosphere and change.

(2) Those who, if not yet ready, can still surrender to the influence and prepare slowly till they are ready.

It may be that X cannot advance precisely because of this interference of the intellect in the ways of the Spirit. The reasoning mind can never give itself confidently to the greater Influence, not even to God or Guru; it is capable of turning unprofitably around itself for ever.

He cannot come here to join the Asram. If he finds that he is under a pressure too much for his body, it is better to relax and take to healthy physical habits which will restore strength. Yoga is only for those who have brains and bodies strong enough to bear the pressure.

Is it possible under your guardianship (or elsewhere and in that case where?) to live a longer life than usual in India, and similarly to transplant self with body to other planets or other distant parts on the earth? I believe you have achieved all these powers. I do not mean transplanting the soul alone which could naturally be achieved after death.

Will you very kindly admit one who has some practice in yoga and is prepared to abide strictly by the injunctions to a student in yoga?

Only those who take up this way of Yoga are admitted, if other wise fit or ready, to this Asrama. The miraculous powers he mentions are not among the objects of this Yoga.

He will have to wait. Admission here does not go by each one's own desire or idea of his readiness; there is an inner source of

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decision which has nothing to do with any of the reasons given by the mind. But also from a more external point of view we have neither means nor accommodation to entertain all who would otherwise come and there are some who are not called and are yet more ready than X.

He must make his sadhana deeper, less mental, more psychic, by a stronger aspiration and more devout surrender, before he can hope to come. Let him learn too to face the difficulties of life and keep his inner consciousness amongst them. It is not always the best thing for everybody to have the external circumstances made easy and favourable for the sadhana.

The best thing will be for him to come here for a few days; the Mother will see him and decide what is best to be done after seeing his capacity etc., whether he is to remain here for a time or practise there.

Inform him that there is no fixed rule for everybody here. Fruits except bananas are not easily available in Pondicherry. For expenses (ordinary diet etc.) Rs. 20 a month can be reckoned as a fair amount; but he can meet his own expenses if he likes, taking his own diet etc.

Also inform him that I do not see anybody now or personally give initiation, but that will make no difference. He must have understood from Jotin's article¹ that all the work is in the hands of the Mother.

He should not come till a little time after February 21st.

X of Burdwan writes that he intends to come here and I will have to support him, because he has nowhere else to go and because

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he has the need of an intensive sadhana. Write to him not to come. Only those are allowed to live here who are accepted by myself and the Mother. People cannot merely come because they want or need or think that I ought to receive and maintain them or on the mere ground that they are sadhaks. As for himself, he has not as yet even the first conditions, a psychic opening or an attitude of self-surrender. He is only in the first mental stage of initial realisations. In any case no claim is allowed in these matters.

This path of Yoga is very special and a very difficult one. Yogic Sadhan does not give a sufficient idea of it. It requires not only capacity for sadhana, but a psychic call of a very definite kind—a mental adhesion is not sufficient. Before I can assent to his coming here, I must be sure of his having this call. Why should he not continue his practice at Rishikesh and see what develops in him and what is his real way?

It will be better for him to write again stating

(1) What Yoga he has practised during these 15 years, or, especially, during the last two years.

(2) With what results.

(3) His age, circumstances etc.

There are no external rules for admission to the Asrama. The conditions are internal, the call to the way and spiritual purpose of this Yoga, an entire and one-minded readiness for surrender and the giving up of all else for the one Truth, acceptance by myself and the Mother. Those who practise, are not always admitted at once to the Asrama.

The obstacles to his coming here are of two kinds.

(1) There is nothing as yet in his experiences, at least as he has recorded them, which would indicate a real call, necessity or readiness for his stay here.

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(2) If he comes here, unready, the pressure of the forces at the centre is likely to be injurious rather than beneficial to his sadhana. The illness from which he has suffered, may return or regain force; the peace he is gaining may be disturbed etc. He is mistaken in thinking that to stay here will necessarily make his sadhana easier; it may make it more difficult, especially if, as is likely, the demand and pressure of the Force that is acting here is too great for him and he is unable to receive it or to answer.

I do not wish to increase the number of people in the Asrama excessively under the present conditions and I allow only those to remain with regard to whom the indication from above is perfectly clear and unmistakable.

Write to X that I am not pleased with the tone of his letter. Demands of this kind, talk of suicide etc., claim to come here on the ground of poverty are all entirely out of place in one who aspires to practise this sadhana. Those who cannot face the difficulties of life in the right spirit, will not be able either to face in the right way the difficulties of sadhana. To stay here is a privilege accorded by the Mother to some who are fit or are called to do some work for her here. It is not conceded to anybody because he is poor and has no other resource or for any other irrelevant reason. And no one has a right to demand or clamour for it. If he wants to practise this Yoga, he must do it with a quiet spirit, demanding nothing but the calm, peace and light and strength of the divine consciousness and the presence of the Divine. And he must face all that comes to him in life, in a spirit of quiet faith and equality and endurance.

It is very evident from his letter that in his mind he is not at all ready. If he has this wandering and experimental spirit, let him satisfy it first in the other places he thinks of visiting or the other experiments he wants to make. Here only those should come who feel a definite call and are sure that here lies their spiritual destiny and nowhere else.

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He says he wants to come here for his sadhana, but for what sadhana? The Yoga here is of a special kind and everybody is not called to it or fit for it. He himself seems to have been living very much in the mind and in external things. He is leaving the Asram there because he has fundamental differences (it is to be presumed, differences of idea and mental outlook) with the workers. How is it sure that there will be agreement here? In any case, it is the capacity for a special kind of inner life or the inner call to it that can alone be a reason for admittance to the Asram here. This is what you must explain to him. I do not know what sadhana he has been doing or what experiences he may have, if any. But when he came here, he did not seem to be at all ready. A mental decision to give up one kind of life or activity and take up another, is not sufficient for the purpose.

What you should write to him is that it is not so easy to get permission to come here. Many desire it, but only a few are admitted. The desire is not enough, it has to be seen whether the applicant is fit.

As for the letter itself, he only says that he wants to serve a "good man" and that he is ready to do any work you (X) tell him to do. I do not see in that any sufficient call or reason for his coming here.

I do not consider it advisable that he should abruptly give up his service and come here for good. When he came, he had a difficulty in bearing the pressure of the atmosphere up to the end. It will be better if for the present he comes at intervals,—we can see how he progresses and, if after a time, the difficulty is finally and definitely eliminated, then a decision can be taken.

Write that permission is given for his coming but there are at present nearly 90 people here and, even when the temporary

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ones have gone, something like 80 are likely to be here, for already the permanent number is over 75. In these circumstances it is extremely difficult to find room for new people, even for one. But still this may be arranged; in a few days we shall be able to see what is possible.

But if he wants to bring the child, it is another matter. Our experience is that most children cannot bear the pressure of the atmosphere, and after two or three experiences of this kind it has been made a rule not to admit young children to reside in the Asram. If he comes with the child, he must make his own arrangements for a separate lodging.

After receiving this letter he should let us know what are his definite plans and when he proposes to come.

Answer that there are many paths of Yoga,—Sri Aurobindo's is one which is very difficult and exacting and he does not care to accept anyone into it unless he is satisfied that he has a special call and is capable of following the path. No one is admitted to the Asram as a member in the indefinite and conditional way he suggests. It is no use taking up Yoga without knowing what it is. If he wants to read books on the subject, he can read the Essays on the Gita and The Mother. They will not give him a complete idea of this path and its conditions and objects, but they should at least give him some notion of what Yoga is and of the spirit of this Yoga.

It is not advisable for her to come now; she is not yet spiritually strong enough or sufficiently undivided to be able to support the pressure of the Yoga here. Nor is there at present room in the Asram. Also, she is mistaken in thinking that she has something to get directly from me other than what she has got or can get from the Mother. The only thing she can do now is to prepare herself, going on with what she has received and trying to assimilate it and bring it to her surface consciousness;

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especially, she has to cultivate calm, balance, simple sincerity and a quiet and firm aspiration.

You can write to X answering his questions.

There are three kinds of arrangements

(1) Those who live outside, rent their own house and see to their own arrangements.

(2) A room is sometimes given in the Asram to those who come for sadhana, as well as food etc.; but they pay a monthly sum so long as they stay.

(3) Those who are accepted as permanent resident members of the Asram and give all they have as property or income; these have nothing to pay.

If he comes, it is probably the first that would suit him best, at least at the beginning.

You can write this on your account and need not give it as coming from me. I have not yet decided anything about him.

I request, if you feel that I may be permitted to do so, to be kindly allowed to pay my pranams to both of you on the November festival of Sri Aravinda's darshan.

Write to him that he has permission for November 24th; but there is no room in the Asram; he must make his own arrangements.

Enter in the applicant's book.²

I had the fortune of having Sri Aurobindo's Darshan and staying in the Asram for twelve days. I feel that I am greatly benefited. Yet I feel unless I can stay there for a long enough period I cannot know if I can aspire to get fixed in the path of

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Yoga. I request therefore that you will be so kind as to let me remain in the Asram for at least six months commencing from 1st January 1930 or thereabouts. If I can be found by the end of that time to be a fit one I hope to stay in the Asram for ever if you would kindly take me in.

An "experiment" of this kind is not made in the Asram. Those who are as yet uncertain about their capacity or their call, are sometimes allowed to live here outside the Asram (at their own expense), but in connection with it for a time. It is only when they have accepted the spiritual life and are accepted that they can be admitted in the Asram as its members and workers or allowed to stay there for a long time on the same footing as the members.

I want to dedicate myself and my life to yoga under the guidance of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo.

I request you to kindly accept me as one of your disciples and members of the Asram.

He is not ready for life in the Asram. He must be able first, staying where he is, to open himself to the divine Power and make sufficient inner progress. It is not enough to want to dedicate himself; there must be some clear indication that he is capable of entering into the path and following it.

I entirely surrender myself and depend upon your divine Grace. If in your pleasure you direct that I should remain in the Asram, I feel the spiritual path will lose many of its difficulties for me. If on the other hand you should direct that I should go back to Nellore may I request at least that you will graciously accord me darshan tomorrow.

If he likes to spend some days more here, he can do so; but the time has not come for him to remain here permanently. He must wait for that for some time longer.

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As for coming here he will have to wait. Has he any clear idea of what this Yoga and sadhana mean? It is a one-pointed direction and concentration of all the being on an aim which most people would regard as remote from all current human aims and impossible. He would have to turn his back on all the old interests and pursuits and the sympathy and support of those now around him and undertake a most difficult effort and discipline which his vital being might find painful and distasteful to it. It is better if he considers long before asking for this Yoga and make sure that he has really an irresistible call.

He can come in June. But I think, if I remember right, I had written that he should first come for some time and we would see from the results whether he should stay here permanently or not. To do the sadhana permanently in the Asram is not always the best thing for everybody; it depends on the capacity and also on the stage which has been reached in the sadhana. For some the Force here would be too strong for a permanent stay; they get more advantage by staying for some time, receiving what they can and then going elsewhere to assimilate it; they are not ready for a continuous pressure.

I presume he will live separately, making his own arrangements? To live in the Asram and take the food etc. would, I imagine, be a rather abrupt and trying change at his age.

In each case there is a difference, for some are called upon to enter the Asram life at once, others have to practise the Yoga while they are still in the world. No general rule can be made covering all cases. Each should do what he is called upon to do without troubling himself with suggestions of this kind. If any one has to enter the Asram life either early or at a later stage, the call will come to him at the proper time. Meanwhile he should pursue the sadhana quietly keeping himself in close inner contact with the Force that comes from here.

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Write to him that it will be better for him to wait until he has from within himself the true and complete turn to a spiritual life. It is not in his mind only but in his vital nature that there are obstacles to a complete consecration. To come here might give him a stimulus, but it is not sure that it will be anything more than a partial stimulus which he could easily mistake for a total call. Often people receive such a stimulus, the psychic being opens, but the rest of the nature is only silenced for a time and does not sincerely concur, so that afterwards resistances arise and the sadhak falls away from the path,—which it is very injurious spiritually and otherwise to abandon once it has been begun.

Reply that it will be better for his Yoga if he goes on for some time as he is—to practise it at the Asram might easily interrupt the present movement which is the right one for him and precipitate another for which he is not ready.

At present his experience is that of the mental being and mental nature opening to the Light and to some touch of a higher Ananda, with a basis of calm—the indispensable basis. This movement should continue till the heart and the vital being and vital nature also open. It is not necessary for him to make a special effort for these things. If he keeps concentrated and open and maintains his faith and the remembrance of the Mother, they will come of themselves in the proper time.

Meanwhile, he can keep himself in some kind of physical touch by writing from time to time giving succinctly his experiences and the progress of his Yoga. When a sufficient basis has been acquired, the question of his coming to the Asram can be reconsidered.

What comes to my mind is to live in the Ashram where only it is possible for me to give myself up for the service of the Divine. May I have your permission for this?

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No. It is elsewhere that you must prepare yourself, not here. You have not been asked to give yourself up to the service of the Divine in any outward or physical sense, but to prepare yourself inwardly by taking all life and all work wherever you are as a sacrifice, an offering to the Divine. That, if you are sincere in your seeking, you can do anywhere.

It is possible to give X a room, the Mother says, in one of the houses. But he speaks of residing here permanently—in Pondicherry. To that there can be no objection; but as far as the life in the Asram is concerned, I think it should be regarded as a trial at first—to be rendered permanent if all is found right afterwards. He should be informed that there are two kinds of residents in the Asram, permanent members who give all they have or can dispose of and the Asram undertakes in return all their expenses etc. and those who come for a time to practise Yoga. The latter pay their expenses of boarding and lodging and certain contingents, but, as the Asram is in a town mostly in rented houses, these by themselves are sufficiently heavy.

It is certainly quite true that the psychic contact can exist at a distance and that the Divine is not limited by place, but is every where. It is not necessary for everybody to be at Pondicherry or physically near the Mother in order to lead the spiritual life or to practise this Yoga, especially in its earlier stages. But that is only one side of the truth; there is another. Otherwise the logical conclusion might be that there was no necessity for the Mother to be here at all or for the existence of the Asram or for anyone to come here.

The psychic being is there in all, but in very few is it well developed, well built up in the consciousness or prominent in the front; in most it is veiled, often ineffective or only an influence, not conscious enough or strong enough to support the spiritual life. It is for this reason that it is necessary for those drawn

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towards this Truth to come here in order that they may receive the touch which will bring about or prepare the wakening of the psychic being—that is for them the beginning of the effective psychic contact. It is also for this reason that a stay here is needed for many—if they are ready—in order that under the direct influence and nearness they may have this development or building up of the psychic being in the consciousness or its coming to the front. When the touch has been given or the development effected, so far as the sadhak is at the moment capable of it, he returns to the outside world and under the protection and guidance even at a distance is able to keep the contact and go on with his spiritual life. But the influences of the outside world are not favourable to the psychic contact and the psychic development and, if the sadhak is not sufficiently careful or concentrated, the psychic contact may easily be lost after a time or get covered over and the development may become retarded, stationary or even diminished by adverse influences or movements. It is therefore that the necessity exists and is often felt of a return to the place of the central influence in order to fortify or recover the contact or to restore or give a fresh forward impulse to the development. The aspiration for such nearness from time to time is not a vital desire; it becomes a vital desire only when it is egoistically insistent or mixed with a vital motive,—but not if it is an aspiration of the psychic being calm, deep and without clamour in it or perturbing insistence.

This is for those who are not called upon or are not yet called upon to live in the Asram under the direct pressure of the central Force and Presence. Those who must so live are those called from the beginning or who have become ready or who are for some reason or another given a chance to form part of the work or creation which is being prepared by the Yoga. For them the stay here in the atmosphere, the nearness are indispensable; to depart would be for them a renunciation of the opportunity given them, a turning of the back upon the spiritual destiny. Their difficulties are often in appearance greater than the struggle of those who remain outside because the demand and the pressure are greater; but so also is their opportunity

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greater and the power and influence for development poured upon them and that too which they can spiritually become and will become if they are faithful to the choice and the call.

Reply that it is impossible to have X or anybody else here now (for staying) even if they were ready—for owing to damage to rented houses we are compelled to vacate them and have no longer sufficient room even for the sadhaks who are here, much less for new members. Moreover there are already a hundred here and we cannot take more (except for exceptional cases) till the funds of the Asram increase.

Moreover, it is not good for anybody to come here prematurely—even for Darshan. If they are not ready, the pressure of the Power here may disturb them, a resistance or obstacles in the nature may rise as in the case of Y.

As for the February darshan we do not yet know how we are going to accommodate even those who have already permission to come. It is probable that X will have to wait for the Darshan for some time longer.

There is no possibility of admitting in such cases now. There are already nearly 100 people and it is impossible freely to increase the Asram by renting new houses or undergoing farther expenses at present. Therefore only in exceptional cases can new people, not already known as disciples, be accepted. If she wants to prepare herself for Yoga, she can try to practise where she is for the present.

In the Asram there is very little room nowadays and what is there must be kept for disciples—for those who have been accepted and come for the practice of the Yoga and to profit by quiet meditation in the Asram atmosphere.

All that we can offer him is, if he comes to Pondicherry, that

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he can see the Asram and meet people who will speak to him of the "philosophy" and the Yoga. At first more cannot be done.

This is not an Asram like others. It has a special life of its own and only those can live it who have entered into the spirit of the Yoga and are ready to assimilate its atmosphere.

As to your question about his sincerity, it is quite evident that his interest is mental only—it may be mentally sincere, but that does not carry one very far. If we were to admit everyone who is like that, we should soon have a thousand people here and there would be no Yoga and no spiritual life left. This, however, is for your information only; you need not hint anything of the kind to him in your letter!

Oh Father! I want a heart that can respond to all my moods, that can understand me, that can do me justice, that can love me intensely and exclusively. Love, and love alone, is the chief note of my heart. But the inner voice says it is not love I crave for. It is Maya.... If you think it is time for me, will you allow me to come there for sadhana?

Reply to him that what he describes (in the sentence on the first page of this letter [in italics above], which you can quote) is a vital demand of the ego for emotional self-satisfaction; it is Maya. It is not true love, for true love seeks for union and self giving and that is the love one must bring to the Divine. This vital (so-called) love brings only suffering and disappointment; it does not bring happiness; it never gets satisfied and, even if it is granted something that it asks for, it is never satisfied with it.

It is perfectly possible to get rid of this Maya of the vital demand, if one wishes to do it,—but the will to do it must be sincere. If he is sincere in his will, he will certainly get help and protection.

It is no use his coming to the Asram for sadhana; for so long as he has this vital demand, it will not be easier but rather more difficult to go on with his sadhana here. Here this vital basis for the Yoga is discouraged, there is a pressure against it and he would probably find the struggle in him made still more acute.

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He must first get his basis changed from the vital to the psychic centre.

Sri Aurobindo does not think that your coming here is advisable at the present stage of your sadhana. If you have this feeling that a Divine Guidance is there behind the circumstances of your life and especially if you feel this calmness, strength and light of which you speak, it means a great progress—for this is the real beginning of the spiritual and yogic consciousness and it shows that the foundation of the true being and the true consciousness is being laid in you. The psychic centre is that turned in all things towards the Divine, while the vital is that preoccupied with the desires and sufferings and enjoyments of the ego. If you continue with all sincerity under this sense of guidance and with this foundation growing in you, the psychic centre is likely to open of itself. It is when it opens and the present vital turmoil has sunk that it will be useful for you to come to Pondicherry for darshan.

You can write to him (whoever he may be) that Sri Aurobindo is living absolutely retired, seeing no one and not corresponding with anyone outside. It is not possible therefore to get from him an opinion about the books.

In the Asram there is no accommodation for guests—it is only the disciples who live there under the rules of the Asram.

You can write to him that it is not possible to admit him into the Asram at once nor perhaps at any early date. He is too young and has not developed the necessary experience either of himself or of life or of Yoga. He should try to develop himself outside—develop in his inner spiritual urge and in spiritual experience and in strength and capacity. If he comes here in an unripe state, he is likely to meet not less but more serious difficulties than he has there. He must develop in himself the strength that can meet

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them and a will strong enough to go through all possible opposition and ordeals without wavering or weakness. If these two conditions are satisfied, he may then be fit for a more intensive sadhana and for the Asram life. All depends on himself and his sincerity of aspiration and endeavour.

Yes, you can leave everything and come to the Asram; but we suggest that, if it is at all possible for you to take a prolonged leave, say for six months, you should do that first. The reason is that there is sure to be a strong pressure on you (spoken or unspoken), especially from your father's side to return, so it is surest to test yourself first and see that there is no response in yourself, otherwise you might be subjected to a severer internal struggle if you come permanently at once. If all is well then the six months can become a permanent stay. But if leave is not possible, then you can give up all and come.

If what she wants is to come here permanently, it is quite out of the question at this time. In future it is only those who make progress in sadhana and show that they have the necessary fitness to come here, who will be allowed.

The question about the failures does not arise. I am not aware that anybody has come here who was a failure in life. Many have been very active and successful, each in his own line. What brings men to the Yoga has nothing to do with success or failure, it is the impulse of the psychic being to rise to something truer and higher than the ordinary life.

This is not the time when we can go on increasing the number of members of the Asram—as you can well understand. We have no accommodation, the numbers are already unwieldy—

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and there is the other reason.³ He must either wait perhaps for a very long time—he is exceedingly young—or find a place elsewhere.

It is not possible to receive X here. In the first place we are obliged to stop or very strictly limit new admissions for some time to come. In the second place, X's struggle would be no less severe but more so here than over there, as the pressure is greater and the inner demand also. His difficulty is the usual difficulty in the vital and it can always arise at his age when the vital has to choose between the satisfaction of its normal movement and the single-minded pursuit of sadhana not for its own sake but for the sake of the Divine alone.

Permanent admission is no longer given except in exceptional cases as the number is already large and accommodation is likely to be more and more difficult to provide.

All that can be permitted is to come for darshan in August—the rest is premature.

In some minds there is, I think, the idea that the Divine is "in need" of instruments for the work of manifestation. With this idea are associated some very curious ideas. I suppose the Divine may be in need of us in his own supramental way, but that cannot mean that we have not to make any effort.

What you say is right. This attitude that the Divine has need of the sadhak and not the sadhak of the Divine, is utterly wrong and absurd. When people are accepted here, they are given a chance of a great Divine Grace, of being instruments in a great work. To suppose that the Divine cannot do his work without the help of this or that person is surely most arrogant and illogical. They

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ought to remember the Gita's ऋतेऽपि त्वां, "even without thee" the work can be done, and its निमित्तमात्रं भव.

I have recently gone through a volume called Practice of Yoga by Sivananda Saraswati of Rishikesh and learnt therefrom that about sixty students are practising yoga in the Ashram of your holiness. While writing a few words on the Ashram, the Swamiji says that "Those who really want to join the Ashram may communicate to Shree Arabindoo directly."⁴ It is really a very great fortune for a man who practises yoga under the guidance of such a great realised soul as your holiness.

The number of sadhaks is over 150 and it is impossible to make farther admissions except in the most sparing way, as the means of the Asram are not unlimited. Moreover Sri Aurobindo's Yoga is of a special and difficult kind and he admits only those who seem to him to have a special call to the life here.

I send you back your friend's letters. As regards the question about his śiṣyā, I do not usually give directions in such matters—one has to follow the course that seems best relying on the Divine Will both for the choice and the consequence. It seems fairly clear that the course already suggested is the wiser one.

As for his coming here, he must first prepare himself. For the time being we are not making new admissions to the Asram except in certain cases, mostly where a promise had been previously given. He could come for darshan if he wishes in August and return back,—but the more important thing is that he should establish a conscious inner connection and attain to the calm and peace of mind which is always the best preparation and foundation of this Yoga.

There is no possibility of that just now. The Asram is crowded

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and we cannot admit new resident members for some time to come—except those who have already a claim or right to come.

Impossible. We do not accept people for a long fixed period like that. Either they come as permanent sadhaks or, if they are disciples, on a short visit as at the darshan times. But at present we have suspended permanent admissions.

He wants to stay—but for how long and where? The conditions are such now that we have been obliged to refuse all requests for permanent admission and even those for residence in the Asram. Otherwise we shall have no accommodation at all for those who are to come or for the habitual visitors at the darshan times.

The Mother accepts in principle your coming here as a permanent member of the Asram. She would like you indeed to consider yourself, from now on as a member,—as X is though living for most of the year in Madras,—not an outside disciple.

The question remains about the time of your coming here not to return. Here the Mother is inclined to think that it would be more satisfactory to settle the affairs of the estate definitely, and then permanently come. There would in that case be some delay, but it would have this advantage of leaving little chance of a call or pull from over there to create any vibrations in the sadhana. The second date proposed by you would then have to be adopted.

Next, the children. Most of them are too young to have an intelligent will of their own in such matters as yet and in a matter like sadhana there should be no pressure or influencing of any kind. The delay will give some of them time to grow into a possibility of a clear and willed choice. Under this arrangement the matter of their coming over here can be decided then, when

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things are ready. Meanwhile their photographs can be sent and perhaps the older of them can come at some darshan time so that the Mother can see them.

I think these are the main points in your letter. As for other details it is for you to arrange. You have given us a clear idea of the situation and the possibilities and we will help you with the Force we can give you to support your measures.

You must reply to him that at present the situation is such that we have not sufficient accommodation and no likelihood of extension in the near future—so we are unable to make new admissions. There is room only for some who have already received a promise of admission when they are free to come.

I have made no final decision about your request. But it does not seem to me advisable, as yet at least, for you to remain here longer than the two months you had settled on when you came. This Yoga is a long and difficult one and one has to travel far be fore there can be any question of a supramental illumination or transformation. It means besides a constant breaking up of past formations and realisations which would not be easy for you, as you have advanced fairly far on another line of sadhana with its own lights and inspiring sources. My advice to you would be to go on in the direction you had already been following and see where it leads you. If any light from my writings is of use to you, you can take it or if any help from me is necessary you will get it from within. But if in the end it is destined that you should enter this path of Yoga, you will get the necessary realisations which will make that possible. At present it seems to me premature for you to enter this way or to stay here for any great length of time.

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I am afraid it is not possible for him to join the Asram. It is open only for those who have practised or wish to practise a particular path of Yoga of a very difficult type. As a rule only those who are Sri Aurobindo's disciples are accepted and new admissions are almost stopped because there is no longer sufficient accommodation. Moreover he could not get here what he asks—it is a Yoga full of difficulties and even dangers and joining the Asram does not ensure a smooth path—that only happens to one or two who have a spiritual strength and mental and vital temperament that is very rare.

There is no chance of her living in the Asram. She is too young and has seen nothing of life.

There should be no desire or anxiety in your mind to get these people or others to come here. These things ought to be decided on one side by their call and fitness and on the other by the will of the Mother.

"Dedication of life" is quite possible for some without their staying here. It is a question of inward attitude and of the total consecration of the being to the Divine.

Here is a man of fifty intending vānaprastha, who thinks our Asram will just be the place for him. He says he has prepared himself for Asram life; his only fault being taking a little opium for the sake of health. He can bring with him Rs. 150 in cash.

Declined with thanks. Opium not allowed here. Also this is not a Vanaprastha Asram.

What he asks for (to stay here immediately as a resident sadhak) is not possible. There are only two conditions under which such

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a permission can be given—1st if after seeing personally the Mother was satisfied that the applicant would be able to do the sadhana here or could be given a chance to prepare himself here by work or otherwise—or, if after practising Yoga outside it was seen that he had come to a point at which he could be admitted to the Asram.

Inform him that Sri Aurobindo is not at present admitting any more resident sadhaks in his Asram, as the number is already too large.

I have read and considered your letter and have decided to give you the opportunity you ask for—you can reside in the Asram for two or three months to begin with and find out whether this is really the place and the path you were seeking and we also can by a closer observation of your spiritual possibilities discern how best we can help you and whether this Yoga is the best for you.

This trial is necessary for many reasons, but especially because it is a difficult Yoga to follow and not many can really meet the demands it makes on the nature. You have written that you saw in me one who achieved through the perfection of the intellect, its spiritualisation and divinisation; but in fact I arrived through the complete silence of the mind and whatever spiritualisation and divinisation it attained was through the descent of a higher supra-intellectual knowledge into that silence. The book, Essays on the Gita, itself was written in that silence of the mind, without intellectual effort and by a free activity of this knowledge from above. This is important because the principle of this Yoga is not perfection of the human nature as it is but a psychic and spiritual transformation of all the parts of the being through the action of an inner consciousness and then of a higher consciousness which works on them, throws out the old movements or changes them into the image of its own and so transmutes lower into higher nature. It is

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not so much the perfection of the intellect as a transcendence of it, a transformation of the mind, the substitution of a larger greater principle of knowledge—and so with all the rest of the being.

This is a slow and difficult process; the road is long and it is hard to establish even the necessary basis. The old existing nature resists and obstructs and difficulties rise one after another and repeatedly till they are overcome. It is therefore necessary to be sure that this is the path to which one is called before one finally decides to tread it.

If you wish, we are ready to give you the trial you ask for. On receiving your answer the Mother will make the necessary arrangements for your residence in the Asram.

Usually we do not give consent to anybody staying in the Asram until we have seen him at one of the Darshans. If he wishes to come for the August darshan he may do so.

X has requested me to bring to your notice his sincere prayer for permission to come here before August and stay as a resident sadhak.

We do not think it would be advisable at this stage. By coming to the Asram difficulties do not cease—they have to be faced and overcome wherever you are. For certain natures residence in the Asram from the beginning is helpful—others have to prepare themselves outside.

As for X he can remain in Calcutta. I do not consider it likely that we shall permit him to be a permanent resident of the Asram unless he is or becomes very different from what his letter indicates. At some future date it may be possible for him to have darshan. Why should everybody want to be in the Asram? There are many practising sadhana outside. The number in the Asram must necessarily be limited. I have no objection to his preparing

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himself for this Yoga, if he feels the call to do so, there are many who are doing that.

Sri Aurobindo says you are mistaken in thinking that by merely being at Pondicherry one can keep the psychic being in front. Difficulties arise here as outside. Sri Aurobindo and the Mother would not advise you to throw up your practice and come here now, especially as this is a very difficult time for everybody even in the Asram itself.

I want to live in the Ashram and be a regular inmate of it; so you will kindly advise me in this matter. Eagerly awaiting your reply.

What the deuce! Is the Asram a caravanserai that everybody who "wants" to live in it can come there? Who is this Ahmedabad monsieur? As these people are sending stamps and envelopes, I suppose they have to be answered.

Here is a village girl, a young widow, who has heard your call in a dream and is eager to come here.

Too young—such dreams are not conclusive and there is too much of the vital tone in her remark; you need say nothing about that however.

X has come here. If I happen to see him, what should be my attitude? If I speak to him should I advise him to stay here or go away?

X has come here not only without permission but in spite of repeated prohibitions. He cannot be received in the Asram or encouraged to stay at Pondi. It is not good for him; his mental illness would increase and it would be the cause of endless trouble for himself and others. To live a normal life with work

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and study and without intensive sadhana or seclusion is his only chance of keeping normal.

You must tell him, if you see him, to go away and if he can be persuaded to return to the Gurukul and live a normal life, that would be the best for him.

X is there [outside Pondicherry] because he has not yet made up his mind about his future and Mother wants him to see fully both possibilities before him—the ordinary life and the Asram life—and choose his way. He cannot go on always oscillating between the one and the other. If he comes back to the Asram, it should be with the firm determination to stick to the Asram life. If he cannot be steady to that then he must choose the outer life and face its problems and find his way there. In that case he cannot be always dependent on you [his father], but must train himself to live his own life on his own basis. He has parts, special gifts, a fine intelligence, but no full training and no steadiness in one line. He must acquire that or he will not be able to stand in the outer life. It is during this time that he must make up his mind one way or the other.

I have already told you that X⁵ has not the capacity for disciplined study sustained for a long time. What is the use of forcing him any farther and trying to make him do what he will not because he cannot do? It will be a sheer waste of time and energy.

I cannot sanction his coming here to stay, for under present conditions his vital being will not remain steady here and it will take him away again. The one thing to do is what he himself wants to do, to take a job requiring intelligence and energy rather than book-learning and maintain himself; there must be plenty of jobs of that kind and it ought not to be difficult for him to get one when men are so much needed. Once he has shown to himself and others that he is not helpless in the world, then the

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vital conditions will be much better for his taking up the Asram life if he wants to do it. This is the one thing to be done and at present there is no other way that is worth taking.

Why does he want to come to Pondicherry for solitude and peace? The Asram itself is not a place of solitude and peace, much less the town. In any case, one has to get peace in oneself much more than from one's surroundings.

The Purpose of the Ashram

The liberated person finds everything going on according to the will of the Supreme. What then is the purpose of the Ashram and the necessity of our individual sadhana for a divine creation on earth? Is it only an experiment for the individual's own development?

I don't catch the point. The Divine does not act in the void, but through instruments, embodiments or channels. If a creation is intended, those will have to be prepared who can be part of the creation and at the same time the means of developing it, I suppose.

I don't know where to draw the line between the egoistic will and the divine Will. Can there really be anything like the will of the instrument in the practical field? As the physical mind would put it: Since only the Divine's Will is done, what is the need of your creating instruments for the divine creation?

As long as there is egoism, the egoistic will is there. And so long as there is Ignorance, there will be a will of the instrument in the practical field. If the ignorant egoistic will is to be considered as a manifestation of the Divine Will, then there is no utility in Yoga—in that case the Yogi and the ordinary man stand on the same footing, they are both the Divine and their will is the Divine Will.

The Divine can create his own instruments in an institution

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as well as outside it. Whether He does it in an institution or not, depends on what He intends to do. If His purpose is to manifest something through a collectivity and not only through scattered and separate individuals, there is nothing to prevent Him from creating an institution for the purpose.

This is not an Asram like others—the members are not Sannyasis; it is not mokṣa that is the sole aim of the Yoga here. What is being done here is a preparation for a work—a work which will be founded on Yogic consciousness and Yoga-Shakti, and can have no other foundation. Meanwhile every member here is expected to do some work in the Asram as part of his spiritual preparation.

Your effort of so many years does not seem to have produced any effect on people in the world outside. They have not changed in the least in their aims. On the contrary they seem to be becoming more and more critical instead of appreciative of your aim and purpose.

We cannot make that a test at present. The Force is not working directly on the outside world at present—first something has to be prepared here—when the Asram is really a manifestation of the "aim and purpose", then there will be less difficulty with the outer world.

Even in the Ashram there are extremely few who have reached or tried to reach even up to the Nirvana level.⁶ Even to reach Nirvana one has to give up desire, duality and ego and establish a certain amount of equanimity and peace. Could it be said that a sufficient number of Sadhaks in the Ashram have succeeded in doing so? At least everybody must be making some effort to do this. Why then are they not successful? Is it that after some time they forget the aim and live here as in ordinary life?

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I suppose if the Nirvana aim had been put before them, more would have been fit for it, for the Nirvana aim is easier than the one we have put before us—and they would not have found it so difficult to reach the standard. The sadhaks here are of all kinds and in all stages. But the real difficulty even for those who have progressed is with the external man. Even among those who follow the old ideal, the external man of the sadhak remains almost the same even after they have attained to something. The inner being gets free, the outer follows still its fixed nature. Our Yoga can succeed only if the external man too changes, but that is the most difficult of all things. It is only by a change of the physical nature that it can be done, by a descent of the highest light into this lowest part of Nature. It is here that the struggle is going on. The internal being of most of the sadhaks here, however imperfect still, is still different from that of the ordinary man, but the external still clings to its old ways, manners, habits. Many do not seem even to have awakened to the necessity of a change. It is when this is realised and done, that the Yoga will produce its full results in the Asram itself, and not before.

It will not be possible for me to return to Gujarat. I was ill treated in my father-in-law's house. I stayed with my parents for a few months but I can't go back there permanently. I had permission for Darshan so I came here. Now let the Mother do what she thinks is right for me.

The Asram is not a place where people can come merely because they are unhappy in their homes. At that rate we should have to keep thousands of people. The Asram is for those who want to practise Sri Aurobindo's Yoga.

You can answer to your brother that Yoga life and the ordinary life cannot be the same thing—otherwise there would be no use in doing Yoga, if one lives just as others in the same way and with the same motives. The object of the Asram life is to prepare

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a new way of living based on a spiritual consciousness—it is the preparation of a new foundation of life in which all works have to be done not for the self but for the Divine.

Humanitarian work of this kind is outside the scope of the Asram; it is not as in Ramakrishna mission. We avoid public work and activities and confine ourselves to the sole spiritual work of the Asram itself. To do otherwise would be to disperse energy on the ordinary levels instead of concentrating it on the building up of a personal and collective spiritual consciousness and life.

It is not absolutely necessary to abandon the ordinary life in order to seek after the Light or to practise Yoga. This is usually done by those who want to make a clean cut, to live a purely religious or exclusively inner and spiritual life, to renounce the world entirely and to depart from the cosmic existence by cessation of the human birth and a passing away into some higher state or into the transcendental Reality. Otherwise it is only necessary when the pressure of the inner urge becomes so great that the pursuit of the ordinary life is no longer compatible with the pursuit of the dominant spiritual objective. Till then what is necessary is a power to practise an inner isolation, to be able to retire within oneself and concentrate at any time on the necessary spiritual purpose. There must also be a power to deal with the ordinary outer life from a new inner attitude and one can then make the happenings of that life itself a means for the inner change of nature and the growth in spiritual experience. This was what was recommended to X when she first wanted to join the Ashram; she had already acquired the habit of inward concentration and it was suggested to her to proceed farther in this way, opening herself towards the spiritual and psychic aid she could get from here, until she had made farther progress; later on we acceded to her request to join the Ashram. The Ashram

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itself has been created with another object than that ordinarily common to such institutions, not for the renunciation of the world but as a centre and a field of practice for the evolution of another kind and form of life which would in the final end be moved by a higher spiritual consciousness and embody a greater life of the spirit. There is no general rule as to the stage at which one may leave the ordinary life and enter here; in each case it depends on the personal need and impulsion and the possibility or the advisability for one to take the step, the decision resting with the Mother.

Not a School or Teaching Institution

This is not an "institution" for practical teaching of Yoga. Only those who follow Sri Aurobindo's path of Yoga and have been recognised as fit to bear the direct influence are allowed to come and stay here.

I am an irregular student of your Arya philosophy. Nowadays I keenly feel the necessity of meditation and concentration; for, I fear, without it the ego sense is likely to haunt me still, however much I may talk of self-surrender and spirituality.

I hope you will be kind enough to send me a copy of the instructions you might have given to the yogic pupils staying with you, to enable them to learn and practise meditation.

If copying the notes would be a tedious task, I pray some one should be asked to send me his notebook, which I would copy out and return safely without any unnecessary delay.

Yoga is not taught as in a school. There are no set formal instructions or notebooks; therefore his request cannot be complied with.

Suggest to him the separation of Purusha and Prakriti, introspection, rejection of ego and desire wherever he sees it. Also to open to the Divine Shakti.

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I was discouraged to learn that you have not yet come out. I would like to come to Pondicherry on the 15th August and remain for about three months. I try to follow the instructions given me, and have been able to calm my mind and improve my nature to some extent.

I am still not coming out; no "instructions" are given for the Sadhana. All depends now on the sadhaka being able to open silently to the influence and allowing that to work while rejecting all lower influences and lower movements. I do not know if he is quite ready for that as yet. If he can once open himself to the Divine Shakti and feel the Power and get accustomed to its working, it would then be different and he would profit by his stay. Otherwise he may find the conditions too difficult for him here.

Answer that the Asram is not meant for "study" of Yoga but for spiritual life. It has no teaching and no courses. Only those come who are accepted for this particular path of Yoga, which is more difficult than any other. The Asram has nothing to do with politics; but it is watched on account of Sri Aurobindo's past political activities of 20 years ago.

The Asram here is not precisely a place for "spiritual training" but for growing into a divine consciousness and divine life. Those who come here must have grown already so far that they are ready to give up all past mental ideas, fixed life-habits or life-tendencies and even the very mould of their physical consciousness and open only to the light of a greater Truth which, by their complete surrender to it, will transform the whole nature. This is very difficult, and it has been found by experience that those who come here unprepared break down after a time and can go no farther, because they cannot consent to get free from their past selves. They find the atmosphere too hard for them to breathe and the pressure of the Truth too exacting. Sri Aurobindo and the Mother are therefore unwilling to call anyone

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here, especially from so great a distance, transplanted from such different surroundings unless they have first assured themselves that the one concerned is ready for the change and truly called to this way of Sadhana.

There is no study of philosophy here; there is only a silent practice of Yoga. But this Yoga is too difficult for everyone to be admitted to it; one must have a special call or a certain capacity (not intellectual, but psychic or spiritual) before he is accepted. And even then all who are accepted as disciples are not allowed to stay in the Asram. The life of the Asram is of a special kind and it is only rarely that those are admitted who have not become permanent members; a few come and stay for short periods, but these are already accepted disciples of Sri Aurobindo.

I wish to get all the information about the sadhak-Asrama in regard to the following matters:

1) The method of instruction.

No "instruction" given. It is an Asram for spiritual life and the only method is to open to the divine influence and live and work for the Divine.

2) The students living there.

There are no students, only disciples who give their lives and all they have to the Asram and its spiritual aim and in return are maintained by the Asram.

3) The terms of joining the Asrama.

Only those who are already disciples can join and among them only those who are chosen by Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

4) Is the person free to communicate with friends and relatives?

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If he wants, but the less he does so, the better for his Yoga.

5) Is the Asrama free from politics?

Entirely.

6) What language is spoken prominently in the Asrama?

English, French, Bengali, Gujarati, Tamil, Telugu and Hindi—the sadhaks being of these nationalities.

7) Is the whole teaching based perfectly upon Hinduism?

No sectarian religion is the basis; orthodox Hinduism and its caste rules are not followed; but the spiritual Truth recognised here is in consonance with the Vedas, Upanishads and Gita while not limited by any Scripture.

Your Ashram purposes to be as I believe a training school for the synthetic process of realisation. Knowing it to be a place of peace and prayer I have come as a pilgrim seeking entrance into your Ashram.

Reply to him that he has been misinformed about the Asram; it is not a training school for the synthetic process of realisation. It is simply that a number of disciples of Sri Aurobindo are living here in order to practise Yoga—only those are allowed who have accepted this path which is not identical with any other discipline but a thing apart and are permitted by Sri Aurobindo to stay here. Sri Aurobindo himself does not see or speak with anyone.

You can write to him that the Asram is not an institution and no pupils are taken and no teaching given. Some of those who are already following Sri Aurobindo's Yoga are admitted to live here and practise the Yoga under the influence of the immediate presence of Sri Aurobindo. No others are admitted.

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Sri Aurobindo does not usually accept new disciples unless they have been seen and he is sure that they are called to this particular way of Yoga and have some capacity for it.

If he cannot receive help from a distance how does he expect to carry on the Yoga here? This is a Yoga which does not depend upon verbal instructions or anything outward but on the power to open themselves and receive the force and influence even in a complete silence. Those who do not receive it at a distance cannot receive it here also. Also without establishing in oneself calm, sincerity, peace, patience and perseverance this Yoga can not be done, for many difficulties have to be faced and it takes years and years to overcome them definitely and altogether.

Barin-da has just written me a letter. He has started a Yoga school. Fancy that!!

But what an idea, good heavens! A Yoga school—a class, a blackboard (with the gods on it?); interesting cases! a spiritual clinic, what? What has happened to Barin's wits and especially to his sense of humour? Too much Statesman? marriage? writing for a living? age?

You can write and tell her this is not a school and there are no students or correspondence system. It is an Asram or residence for those of the disciples of Sri Aurobindo whom he selects and the Yoga done here is conducted not by verbal instruction but by special methods mostly of a silent influence, concentration and self-discipline. It is only for those who accept the aims and demands of this special path of Yoga.

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You can answer that the Asram is only a residence for a number of Sri Aurobindo's disciples to stay and practise Yoga. As the number has become very large, it was necessary to organise it as an Asram, but it still retains its original character. Outsiders are not usually allowed to reside, for there is no provision for that. There are no religious discourses nor any set course of instruction. All is done by meditation, work for the Divine and self-opening to receive knowledge and experience from Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

Write to him that pupils are not taken into the Asram, for there is no teaching or instruction. The Asram is a place where some of the disciples of Sri Aurobindo are allowed to live and practise Yoga or prepare themselves for it by work and service if they are not yet ready for the deeper inner practice. As a rule disciples are not allowed to live in the Asram unless they have been specially chosen and usually after some practice of the Yoga outside.

Sri Aurobindo does not receive anyone in a private interview or speak to anyone. The work of the Asram is carried on by the Mother, Sri Mira Devi. Only 3 times in a year Sri Aurobindo gives a silent blessing to his disciples in the Asram and those from outside and a restricted number of visitors from outside. The disciples admitted into the Asram are expected to know enough of the Yoga (through Sri Aurobindo's writings or otherwise) to practise it or prepare themselves for the practice—the principal requirement for progress in the Yoga is that they should be able to open their consciousness mentally, psychically and spiritually to the silent help and force which is given them from within; they must also follow implicitly the directions for work, action, life or their sadhana given them by Sri Aurobindo and the Mother.

In these conditions it may not be worth while for him to come here unless he has acquainted himself more intimately with the Yoga of Sri Aurobindo and found that it is the path his nature accepts and can follow. The Yogic Sadhan does not give any real idea of the nature of this Yoga; he would have to read other works of a completer and deeper character. Most even

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after accepting follow out the practice of the Yoga to a certain extent and communicate their experiences before thinking of coming here for a closer contact.

If however he is in any case coming to India to find his path and a Guru, he could pass through Pondicherry and see the Asram and establish a contact after which it can be known whether he can take up the Yoga.

Write that this Asram is not intended for religious teaching, but for the practice of Yoga; its object, like that of all Yoga, is the attainment of a higher consciousness and the spiritual life. But Sri Aurobindo's Yoga is a special path with its own special objects in addition to this common aim of all Yoga. Only those are admitted who have a call to this special path which is a very difficult one, are recognised as having some capacity for it and are willing to give up everything else and follow without reservations the guidance of Sri Aurobindo. There is no separate asram for ladies; the Asram is composed of several houses and accommodation is given according to convenience.

Representation of People in the Ashram

My mind is so full of thoughts about the possibilities of new creation that whenever I see a sadhak I think of him as an aspect of the beauty of the new creation.

That is what he should be.

What disciples we are of what a Master!

As to the disciples, I agree!

I wish you had chosen or called some better stuff—perhaps somebody like Krishnaprem.

Yes, but would the better stuff, supposing it to exist, be typical of humanity? To deal with a few exceptional types would hardly

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solve the problem. And would they consent to follow my path—that is another question. And if they were put to the test, would not the common humanity suddenly reveal itself—that is still another question.

In the Ashram one finds that people with forceful personalities and great capacities like X or Y are not able to put their energies to good use. Others, like Z and A, who have no great capacities, are able to apply their energies better. No doubt the Divine could give great capacities to Z and A, but could they ever become great writers or artists like X, Y or B?

There is no necessity for everybody to become artists or writers or do work of a public character. Z and A have their own capacities and it is sufficient for the present if they train themselves to make them fit for the Mother's work. Others have great capacities which they are content to use in the small and obscure work of the Asram without figuring before the public in something big. What is important now is to get the true consciousness from above, get rid of the ego (which nobody has yet done) and learn to be an instrument of the Divine Force. After that the manifestation can take place, not before.

It is necessary or rather inevitable that in an Asram which is a "laboratory", as Adhar Das puts it,⁷ for a spiritual and supramental Yoga, humanity should be variously represented. For the problem of transformation has to deal with all sorts of elements favourable and unfavourable. The same man indeed carries in him a mixture of these two things. If only sattwic and cultured men came for the Yoga, men without very much of the vital difficulty in them, then because the difficulty of the vital element in terrestrial nature has not been faced and overcome, it might well be that the endeavour would fail. There might conceivably

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be under certain circumstances an overmental layer superimposed on the mental, vital and physical and influencing them, but hardly anything supramental or a sovereign transmutation of the human being. Those in the Asram come from all quarters and are of all kinds; it cannot be otherwise.

In the course of the Yoga, collectively—though not for each one necessarily—as each plane is dealt with, all its difficulties arise. That will explain much in the Asram that people do not expect there. When the preliminary work is over in the "laboratory", things must change.

Also much stress has not been laid on human fellowship of the ordinary kind between the inmates, (though good feeling, consideration and courtesy should always be there), because that is not the aim; it is a unity in a new consciousness that is the aim and the first thing is for each to do his sadhana, to arrive at that new consciousness and realise oneness there.

Whatever faults are there in the sadhaks must be removed by the Light from above—a sattwic rule can only change natures predisposed to a sattwic rule.

Your description of the psychological state of the Asramites is vivid and convincing and very true. It is that which we are up against. It is the average physical consciousness of humanity concentrated in the Asram and the one consolation is that if the Force can transform that, then it can transform anything. If everybody were as accurately conscious of the nature of the thing as you show yourself in this letter, the transformation would be perhaps more quickly possible.

Profiting from One's Stay in the Ashram

He can come, if he understands the conditions under which alone he can profit by staying here. Henceforth a stay here can only be profitable (1) for those who are ready for an intensive sadhana turning their back on all attachments belonging to the ordinary human life, (2) for those who, though not ready, yet

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recognise fully the aim and open themselves so as to prepare for it, (3) those who, even if not capable as yet of an inner intensive sadhana, can yet dedicate themselves entirely in the way of service.

You can write to him that at present his coming here is hardly possible or advisable. There are now nearly 80 members in the Asram and all the accommodation available is taken up or else marked out already for others who are coming. Moreover if he has not been able to make the vital surrender, he would not be able to profit by coming here; for the conditions of the sadhana here are no longer what they were before and this vital surrender is precisely the first condition of any benefit from our help or any true farther progress.

As for his sadhana, if he can persist in the attitude he has taken and be entirely sincere in it, then the difficulty he is experiencing is bound to disappear. Necessarily, the resistance in the vital being and the body, based on all their past habits, cannot be overcome in a day. In his case, it is probable that the mental has reached the point where the surrender can be made, but the vital puruṣa still refuses. If he can become conscious in his sadhana not only of the resistance on the surface but of the vital being behind in its entirety, separately from the mind, and see all its deeper movements and offer them in the whole and detail to the Mother for transformation, then the work of transformation can be done. It is for more and more consciousness and more and more strength for consecration that he must ask.

You can write to him that, if he is in the grip of adverse forces, it is not a condition in which to come to the Asram. Only those are called here and allowed to stay who are ready to profit by the Asram atmosphere. What he can do, if he likes, is to come for the 15th August for darshan—after seeing him, then we can

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say something more definite.

It is no use people staying here unless they have, first, the capacity and, secondly, the pull and the will for Yoga.

No, it is not enough to be in the Asram—one has to open to the Mother and put away the mud which one was playing with in the world.

But what is the meaning of the dull life we lead here? No scope for any skills, no use for knowledge. My five years of medical study all lost. Some at least have the satisfaction of using their capacities—X his training as an engineer, Y his medical knowledge. But for most of us, it seems like you have put square pegs in round holes.

Obviously the life here is not that of a place where the mind and vital can hope to be satisfied and fulfilled or lead a lively life. It is only if one can live within that it becomes satisfactory. Y himself if he were outside, would be dealing not with two or three selected patients but with many—he speaks of hundreds in the past—and would be living a much fuller vital life. But for one who has the assured inner life, there is no dullness. Realisation within must be the first object; work for the Divine on the basis of the true inner self and a new consciousness, not on the basis of the old, is the result that can follow. Till then work and life can be only a means of sadhana, not a "self-fulfilment" or a brilliant and interesting vital life on the old basis.

Everybody has to deal with the lower nature. No Yoga can be done without overcoming it, neither this Yoga nor any other. A Yogic life means a life in which one tries to follow the law of Yoga, the aim of Yoga in all details of life. Here people do not do that, they live like ordinary people, quarrelling, gossiping,

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indulging their desires, thinking of Yoga only in their spare moments.

Departure from the Ashram

X is quite happy here and she is progressing very well in her sadhana. If she goes away from here, the progress will be stopped and much of what she has gained may be lost. An intensive and concentrated sadhana once begun has to be persistently continued in the right atmosphere. If it is kept up only for a short time and then dropped for another kind of life in which the concentration is diffused and weakened, there is no likelihood of fruition. For this reason we would disapprove of her departure.

I have had no time to answer X's letter tonight. I will write in the course of tomorrow, afternoon or evening. He may at least ask the gentleman inside who is so furiously hurrying him away, to wait for one day.

It looks as if the hopes I had for him were either unjustified or premature—he is either too young or too raw and unfit. In that case there will be nothing to do but to let him return to the ordinary life and ordinary atmosphere. But he must understand, if he goes, that it is his own choice and must not blame either myself or the Mother.

I certainly cannot sanction your departure on so wrong and trivial a ground. You must be aware, as you admitted at first, that you are yourself to blame. When the Mother after a long and exhausting morning's work still gave you time, it was very wrong of you to reward her by speech of an insulting character. And it was wrong of you to resent her kind letter and her reference to the adverse force which you yourself have called the "devil" and from which you have prayed insistently to be delivered. I shall add that if you allow yourself to be ruled in this way by

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self-will and an abnormal sensitiveness, you will always create trouble for yourself, no matter where you go.

I could only sanction your departure if I came to the conclusion that you are still too young and raw and ill-balanced to bear the pressure for change which is inevitable in the atmosphere of the Asram. But before this attack, you were progressing very well with a rapid growth in consciousness and character. It ought not to be difficult for you to get over this attack and settle down to a self-development of your undoubted possibilities on the right line. It would be a pity if you threw away the chance by obstinate persistence in the result of a moment's pique.

I prefer not to give any decision till after the 15th. You will do well to wait till then and see if your present feelings do not change.

When these moods come upon you, why do you run away from the Mother and avoid her? Why do you not come to her, tell her frankly what you feel and what is in your mind and let her take the trouble from you?

The reasons you give for wishing to leave us are no good reasons at all. If you want to see the richness and greatness of God, you will, if you wait, see more of it with us than you ever can outside. And if you want to see the Himalayas, it will be much better for you to see them hereafter with your Mother beside you.

You are quite mistaken when you say that if you will go, there will be no Devil left in the Asram. The Devil is not here because of you; he is here because he wants to give trouble to the Mother and spoil her work. And what he chiefly wants is to drive her children away from her, and especially those who like you are nearest to her. If you go, he will remain; and not only he will remain, but he will feel that he has won a great victory and will set himself with a double vigour to attack her through others.

You talk of not giving trouble to the Mother and to me; but do you not realise that nothing can be worse trouble to us than your going away? The moods of revolt that come upon

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you are clouds that pass; but to see you leave us in this way and feel our love rejected and your place near us empty would be indeed a real trouble to us and we would feel it more deeply than anything else you could do.

You know that it is not true that your sole desire is to go away. It is only so when you are in these moods. And you know that these are moods that pass, and if you allow the Mother to take them away, they go at once. The trouble is that when they come, you take them too much to heart and you begin to think that there is nothing else to do but go away. I assure you that that is no solution and that we would much rather have you with us even with these moods than be separated from you; compared with our love for you, the trouble they give us is mere dust in the balance.

Read this letter, talk with the Mother and act according to your true self; never mind the rest.

It is certainly the force hostile to the Yoga and the divine realisation upon earth that is acting upon you at the present moment. It is the force (one force and not many) which is here in the Asram and has been going about from one to another. With some as with X, Y and Z it has succeeded; others have cast it from them and have been able to liberate the light of their soul, open in that light to the nearness and constant presence of the Mother, feel her working in them and move forward in a constant spiritual progress. Some are still struggling, but in spite of the bitterness of the struggle have been able to keep faithfully to the divine call that brought them here.

That it is the same hostile force would be shown, even if its presence were not for us visible and palpable, by the fact that the suggestions it makes to the minds of its victims are always the same. Its one master sign is always this impulse to get away from the Asram, away from myself and the Mother, out of this atmosphere, and at once. For the force does not want to give time for reflection, for resistance, for the saving Power to be felt and act. Its other signs are doubt, tamasic depression, an

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exaggerated sense of impurity and unfitness, the idea that the Mother is remote, does not care for one, is not giving what she ought to give, is not divine, with other similar suggestions accompanied by an inability to feel her presence or her help, a feeling that the Yoga is not possible or is not going to be done in this life, the desire to go away and do something in the ordinary world—the thing itself suggested varying according to the personal mind. If it were not this one invariable hostile force acting, there would not be this exact similarity in all the cases. In each case it is the same obscurities thrown on the intelligence, the same subconscious movements of the vital brought to the surface, the same irrational impulses pushing to the same action,—departure, renunciation of the soul's truth, refusal of the Divine Love and the Divine Call.

It is the vital crisis, the test, the ordeal for you as for others—a test and ordeal which we would willingly spare to those who are with us but which they call on themselves by persistence in some wrong line of movement or some falsification of the inner attitude. If you reject entirely the falsehood that this force casts upon the sadhak, if you remain faithful to the Light that called you here, you conquer and, even if serious difficulties still remain, the final victory is sure and the divine triumph of the soul over the Ignorance and the darkness.

The Mother has told me what you said to her. In other circumstances I would have asked you to stay on in the confidence that, however sharp the struggle might be, the inner being in you aided by the Divine Force would prevail over the other and foreign influence. But in the condition of mind described by you some relief and rest from the inner struggle seems to be necessary for you. An absence from Pondicherry and change of atmosphere may be the best way to give it.

I do not, however, care to take the responsibility of sending you to Hyderabad, as that might turn out not at all the best, but the worst thing for you. Even if there were nothing else to do, it would not be possible to send you all that way

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alone; arrangements would have to be made. We would prefer instead to see whether another means cannot be arranged, such as staying in a quiet place in the hills where you could have a healthy change of air for a time and other surroundings and recover your vital strength and nervous balance. We are making enquiries and in a few days hope to be able to let you know what can be done.

I write this much today in answer to your request for an immediate decision; but I have something to say with regard to your spiritual life and its difficulties which I have not had time to finish. I will finish it tomorrow and send it to you.

You ought to be able to see, after receiving today's telegram, that the cause of the unrest is in yourself and not in the outward circumstances. It is your vital attachment to family ties and the ordinary social ideas and feelings that has risen in you and creates the difficulty. If you want to practise Yoga, you must be able to live in the world, so long as you are there, with a mind set upon the Divine and not bound by the environment. One who does this, can help those around him a hundred times more than one who is bound and attached to the world.

It is not possible for the Mother to tell you to remain, if you are yourself in your mind and vital eager to go. It is from within yourself that there must come the clear will on one side or the other.

The crisis you are passing through might be due to your not being ready for an intensive practice of Yoga. On the other hand, a crisis of this kind often happens in the ordinary course of the sadhana. As long as the sadhana is only in the mind, things go on well enough, but as soon as the vital or the physical begin to be worked upon directly, all the resistance, inability, obscurity in the adhar rises up and there may be a prolonged period or recurrent periods of darkness.

I would suggest to wait a little longer—say, till the 24th

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November. If by that time there is no return of the favourable course of the sadhana or if meanwhile you find the resistance too great, you may for a time discontinue.

In any case, the habit you speak of ought to be given up at once and altogether. You must be aware how injurious it is to the mind, the nervous system and the body, and it can of itself create the most serious obstacles in the way of any sadhana.

In the outside world people live in quite a different consciousness and the sadhak if he goes there in the middle of his sadhana is bound either to fall back into it or to get so much mixed with it that he either falls out of his path or struggles through great difficulties. Either the work within is, outside, not done at all or what would here take 2 or 3 years would there be not done in thirty.

How can the people in this Asram judge whether a man has progressed in Yoga or not? They judge from outward appearances—if a sadhak secludes himself, sits much in meditation, gets voices and experiences, etc. etc. they think he is a great sadhak! X was always a very poor Adhar. He had a few experiences of an elementary kind—confused and uncertain, but at every step he was getting into trouble and going off on a side path and we had to pull him up. At last he began to get voices and inspirations which he declared to be ours—I wrote to him many letters of serious warning and explanation but he refused to listen, was too much attached to his false voices and inspirations and, to avoid rebuke and correction, ceased to write or inform us. So he went wholly wrong and finally became hostile. You can tell this by my authority to anybody who is puzzled like yourself about this matter.

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If your staying here is to end in "death and scandal", obviously I cannot tell you not to go. But I have not forsaken you; it is you who prefer to turn away from the Yoga. I will not "send" you away. If you go, it will be because you do not want to stay here or feel that you cannot and that you will be at peace elsewhere. You can take my blessings with you if or when you go—but I do not know why they should be of more use to you than my help and guidance in the Yoga.

I know well that the ordinary life is not for me. Why then do I get thoughts of going? What part of me wishes it?

Is it a part of yourself at all that has the idea? It may be that it is only because others are thinking it or wanting you to come and some portion of you still in contact with them gets the impression. Such touches can easily be felt as if they were your own ideas, emotions or desires, but they may not be so.

I hear that many people, at one time or another, have been on the point of going away from here due to pressure of Yoga.

It is not due to the pressure of Yoga, but to the pressure of something in them that negates the Yoga. If one follows one's psychic being and higher mental call, no amount of pressure of Yoga can produce such results. People talk as if the Yoga had some maleficent force in it which produces these results. It is on the contrary the resistance to Yoga that does it.

It feels as though some hostile force is trying to pull me back. But I have no desire to return to my old family life.

It usually happens like that—when one comes out of the world, the forces that govern the world do all they can to pull you back into their own unquiet movement.

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I don't know why. It is perfectly irrational. People have been going as well as coming since the Asram began. Perhaps it arises from the ignorant idea that the people who go like X and Y are true bhaktas and sadhaks—while the fact is that X never made much progress even elementary and Y has been in a state of vital revolt sometimes against the Mother, sometimes against myself, battling against both, for the last six or seven years. People go away because they are too proud and arrogant to accept the control of the Guru or of the Truth or of the Divine. Y had decided that the Truth was in him alone and there was no Truth in myself or in the Mother.

What would be the best way of rejecting the thought of going away? Every few days or so I have to deal with this "challenge".

The reason why it recurs so much is that it is not so much a personal reaction as a force that whenever it gets the door of the consciousness open, is consciously pressing the idea of departure with all sorts of reasons to support it. There are a certain number in the Asram who have it with the same recurrence—while there are others who used to have it but from whose consciousness it is now after a long series of attacks excluded or fading out. Obviously to give the movement any kind of scope would be no conquest. One day it will give up coming of itself, as it has done with others, when the external vital nature has got as convinced as the inner being of the imperativeness of its spiritual destiny.

I do not understand the meaning of the complaint in your letter. I am not aware that there was any maltreatment of you by us or any lack of true love and care. In your spiritual life I have striven to give you all the possible help and support and guidance, more so than to most others because I felt that you had much need of it. I do not see any reason why you should go on the goad of a difficulty which always occurs in sadhana or under the driving

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of a suggestion or impulse; if it were a mature and deliberate decision taken after full reflection, one could understand it. In any case, this Asram is here as your spiritual home so long as you choose to avail yourself of it and our help and consistent support in your difficulties are at your disposal so long as you need and desire them for the attainment of the goal of your spiritual endeavour.

For the last few days, I have felt quite foreign here. I do not like going to work or doing anything else. If there is any reason for my being here, I don't know what it is.

Why do you allow these suggestions to get hold of your mind? You have made great progress here which you could not have made over there—and as for usefulness, there are few whose work can be relied on as yours can. Dry moments come to all—that is not a reason for doubting one's call to the Yoga. Shake off these false suggestions—they must surely be the result of the old atmosphere coming in in such a mass—and regain the peace and stillness that you were having before.

I have given you the permission to go only on your insistence that the pull from there is too strong for you to resist. It is not because we think that it is the right or the best thing for you—on the contrary we do not like the idea of your going at all. I have told you that to stay and fight out any inner difficulty here is always the true course. If there is any misconception about that, you should reconsider your decision.

I have written to X⁸ to set right any misunderstanding—if there is really a misunderstanding—about our consent to her going. That consent I consider as forced from me by her own insistence that she could not stay—the pull was too great—she must go.

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I reminded her of what I told her before that the only true way was to stay and fight out the difficulty—the only justification for going would be if her call was more to the family life than to the spiritual life. I have told her that we keep to that and the Mother and I do not like her going—and asked her to reconsider her decision. For it is hers not mine. You know that I dislike any one who has a psychic call going away from here, because it is throwing away their spiritual destiny or at least postponing it. For I don't suppose X, if she persists in going, will remain always under the illusion of the family bonds—but the risk is there and the postponement is there. Mother has called her tomorrow morning and we will see what she decides.

The Mother was not distant and had no reason for being so—that cannot be put forward as a reason for going away. It is the feeling of the vital-physical that has been stopped in its activities and is not yet able to receive the touch of the higher consciousness or keep it that makes you feel like that. I don't know that you would get so much interest or satisfaction from the life outside that it would be worth while to give up and go. To persist is better.

The inability to go can come from the psychic which refuses, when it comes to the point, to allow the other parts to budge, or it can come from the vital which has no longer any pull towards the ordinary life and knows that it will never be satisfied there. It is usually the higher parts of the vital that act like that. What still is capable of turning outwards is probably the physical vital in which the old tendencies have not been extinguished.

I certainly do not wish to "put you in the wrong box", nor have I an idea or any desire to keep you here against your own inclination or choice. Going or staying is a matter entirely for

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your own decision. If you can stay here with spiritual profit to yourself, we shall be very glad; but if you find that there is nothing to be gained by staying or that you cannot receive anything or that your will is decidedly for the ordinary life, I certainly would not like to put any undue pressure on you to stay against your own real interest or will. You must consider yourself entirely free to shape your own course in life by your own independent choice.

Where will I begin again? There certainly is something fundamentally wrong—otherwise why these impulses to depart? Everything is confused. I can't see my way, and have lost all capacity to analyse or synthesise. In addition [in the preceding letter] you are practically giving me a carte blanche to depart!

I am not telling you to go, but if I tell you the opposite it will only strengthen the suggestion that is being put on you—viz. that you are being kept here contrary to your own nature's choice and your mind's judgment for something that you cannot do and no longer want to do, a spiritual life that you cannot live and don't want to live. You think it is something in yourself that says that, but in reality it is not so. Only as you cannot see that at present, I have no choice but to leave everything to your own decision so that the sense of being outrageously compelled to stay may have no ground for growing in you.

You have mentioned X's case more than once as analogous, but his was quite opposite. He considered himself as the holder of the supramental Truth whom all ought to approach for the Truth, but that this was an Asram peopled by Asuras who refused to recognise him and all these Asuras were supported against him at every step by the Mother and me. He gave me the ultimatum that in this we must support him against the others and give him his proper position or else give him freedom to leave the Asram with which he had no longer any affinity, an impossible place for such a one as he, so that he might give the Truth to others elsewhere. No point of contact at all there with you except the Force driving him away.

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What is happening just now is that there is a great uprush of the subconscient in which are the seeds or the strong remnants of the habitual difficulties of the nature. But its character is a confusion and obscurity without order or clear mental or other arrangement—it is a confused depression, discouragement, inability to progress—a feeling of what are we doing? why are we here? how can we go on? will anything ever be attained? and along with it old difficulties recurring in a confused and random but often violent and distressing fashion.

You cannot "begin" again; it would be too difficult a thing in this confusion. You have to get back to the point at which you deviated. If you can get back to the Peace that was coming and with it aspire to the freedom and wideness of the Purusha consciousness forming a point d'appui of detachment and separation from all this confusion of the subconscient Prakriti, then you will have a firm ground to stand upon and proceed. But for that you must make your choice firmly and refuse to be upset at every moment and diverted from it.

Sometimes people who are in difficulty ask your permission to leave the Ashram, and you and the Mother grant it. But if things turn out badly they say, "Why did I fall even after taking their permission to go?" I think that too much should not be made of such "permissions", which are often just concessions to their weaknesses.

It is well understood that the permission given does not exclude the possibility of the experiment ending badly. But the experiment becomes necessary if the pull of the ego or outer being and that of the soul have become too acute for solution otherwise or if the outer being insists on having its experience.

Do you mean [in the preceding letter] that when we feel a strong push to leave, it would be best to make the experiment?

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It is especially when the outer being rejects the Truth and insists on living its own life and refuses the rule of the spiritual life that the experiment becomes inevitable. I have never said that it is recommendable.

Sometimes that part is so violent that we feel we can't deal with it.

In some it is too strong; they have to go and see for themselves. That does not mean that everyone has to go whenever he feels a difficulty. These are exceptional cases.

Last evening I saw X off at the station. He looked very black in the face and gloomy too. I felt for the poor fellow who has lost his all through his own waywardness. I felt a little sad as I came back. The question recurred to me again and again: did Sri Krishna truly mean it concretely or did he merely poeticise when he said na hi kalyāṇa-kṛt kaścid durgatiṁ tāta gacchati?

You have forgotten the context. Arjuna asks what of a Yogi who fails in this life because of his errors—does he fall from both the ordinary life and the spiritual and perish like a broken cloud? Krishna says no. All who follow the Good get the reward of their effort and do not perish—they get it first in the life beyond and afterwards in the next birth in which the Yogi who fails now may even resume his effort under the best conditions and arrive at Siddhi. Krishna never said that nobody ever in this life fails who attempts the Yoga.

I feel a push to leave the Ashram often just before other people actually do leave. A day or two before X's departure on the 19th, I felt the same way. Do all people get such feelings?

There is a Force that is always seeking to push people away; formerly more than half the sadhaks were getting from time to time the suggestion to go. This has diminished now in its general power, but the Force is still there and presses very heavily on

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some. When it gets anyone to go, then the power of the suggestion revives through that person and spreads to others. Those who are specially sensitive receive it most.

If I am not doing anything useful here, why should I not try the world where also there is so much love and joy and the Divine?

Do you think so? Those who have gone do not find the world like that—they feel miserable and harassed on every side. So it has been with all who left here.

It is difficult for the Mother to decide for you. If you had been settled in Yoga as a resident sadhak of the Asram recognised as such by your family and everybody, then the rule of not allowing any tie of the world to draw you away would have stood with force against all such calls. But now it is different and you have to see for yourself what you feel called upon to do. For the Mother to decide would not be a solution from the spiritual point of view and it is better if the decision rises out of yourself—then only is it likely to be for you the true one.

What takes people away mostly is not the smaller failings like family attachment etc., but either ambition and great vanity or sexual desire or else some extreme form of vital ego which wants its own way and not the Divine's. It is from the first two causes that the departures from the Asram have mostly taken place and X and Y's case is no exception to the rule.

You can have permission to go. But one knows when one goes, one does not know whether or when one will come back. But if you really want to go, we cannot refuse permission.

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If you wish to go, Mother gives the permission. But we cannot assure you that you will be able to come back or that it will not injure your sadhana. These things depend on yourself and on circumstances.

X has been here on probation for three years now. If we are sending her home, it is not as a punishment for any offence or out of anger or any similar reason, but it is because that is the best thing for her also. It is after long observation of her that this step has been taken and it is not a sudden decision on our part but has been maturing for some time. We have not rejected her,—it is with our blessings that she will go and if she keeps the right attitude our protection will be with her there. This has all been now explained to her and I believe she is not affolée any longer.

It is a little difficult for me to answer your letter in view of what you have written there. I have certainly persuaded you to remain here because I did not think that going away was the right solution, nor do I think so now. But from what you wrote last time after this came on you, I understood that you did not really want to go and were glad that I had persuaded you, that in fact you would have suffered greatly if I had given my consent. Here you write very differently and in such a way that if I am to take what you say in its full sense I would have to reply at once "Yes, go, since there is no other alternative." Let me say that persuasion is not force. Last time I don't think I even used persuasion; I simply gave my opinion against your proposal. My opinion remains the same, but that is not binding on you. I have also never thought of cutting you off if you go to Cape Comorin for a time or to Calcutta. Everyone here is free to follow his own decision in these matters. But when I am asked for a full consent, I take it as an invitation to give my own view on what is proposed and I give it. There is no question there of detaining or refusing a bitter need and therefore there can be no reason for your being

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driven to the extremes of which you speak in your letter.

As for the way out of the impasse, I know only of the quieting of the mind which makes meditation effective, purification of the heart which brings the divine touch and in time the divine presence, humility before the Divine which liberates from egoism and the pride of the mind and of the vital, the pride that imposes its own reasonings on the ways of the spirit and the pride that refuses or is unable to surrender, sustained persistence in the call within and reliance on the Grace above. These things come by the inner discipline which you had begun to practise some time ago, but did not continue. Meditation, japa, prayer or aspiration from the heart can all succeed, if they are attended by these or even some of these things. But I do not know that you can be promised what you always make the condition of any inner endeavour, an immediate or almost immediate realisation or beginning of concrete realisation. I fully believe on the other hand that one who has the call in him cannot fail to arrive, if he follows patiently the way towards the Divine.

Frankly this is my view of the matter. I have never seen that anyone by changing place arrived at spiritual realisation—it always comes by a change of mind and heart. I put before you what I can see. The rest is for you to consider.

I have surely never said that you should not want the Divine Response. One does Yoga for that. What I have said is that you should not expect or insist on it at once or within an early time. It can come early or it can come late, but come it will if one is faithful in one's call—for one has not only to be sincere but to be faithful through all. If I deprecate insistence, it is because I have always found it creates difficulties and delays—owing to a strain and restlessness which is created—in the nature and despondencies and revolts of the vital when the insistence is not satisfied. The Divine knows best and one has to have trust in His wisdom and attune oneself with His will. Length of time is no proof of an ultimate incapacity to arrive—it is only a sign that there is something in oneself which has to be overcome and, if

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there is the will to reach the Divine, it can be overcome.

Suicide solves nothing—it only brings one back to life with the same difficulties to be faced in worse conditions. If one wishes to escape from life altogether, it can only be by the way of complete inner renunciation and merging oneself in the Silence of the Absolute or by a bhakti that becomes absolute or by a karmayoga that gives up one's own will and desires to the will of the Divine.

I have said also that the Grace can at any moment act suddenly, but over that one has no control, because it comes by an incalculable Will which sees things that the mind cannot see. It is precisely the reason why one should never despair,—that and also because no sincere aspiration to the Divine can fail in the end.

Mother does not remember having said to X what you report—it may have been something in another sense which X understood in that way. For it cannot be said that you have never received Force from us, you have received it to any extent; it can only be said that you were not conscious of it, but that happens with many. Certainly none of the sadhaks receives and uses all the Force the Mother sends, but that is a general fact and not peculiar to you.

I hope you will not carry out your idea of going suddenly away—if you have to go for a time, it should be with our knowledge and our protection around you. I hope it will not be necessary at all, but certainly it should not be in that way. Whatever else you doubt, you should not doubt that our love and affection will be always with you. But I still hope that you will be able to overcome this despair and this impulse of flight and develop the quiet force of intense will which brings the Light that is sure to come.

I have analysed and analysed myself, and have found that I have no real urge for the Divine. It seems more the unfavourable external circumstances that have brought me here. Had I been happy and in plenty there, would I have chosen

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the path? ... Where is the sincerity in me? ... So wouldn't it be better for you to let me go instead of wasting so much of your time and labour on me?

Your analysis and reasonings are those of Grand-mere Depression which sees only what she allows to come to the surface for her purposes. There are other things that Madame suppresses because they don't suit her. It does not greatly matter what brought you here—the important thing is to go on till the psychic truth behind all that becomes manifest. The inertia of your physical nature is only a thick crust on the surface which gives way slowly, but under the pressure it will give way. If you had some big object in the ordinary life and nothing to hope for here it might be different, but as things are it would be foolish to walk off under the instigation of this old Mother Gloom-Gloom. Stick on and you will get the soul's reward hereafter.

There is no reason to be so much cut down or despair of your progress. Evidently you have had a surging up of the old movements, but that can always happen so long as there is not an entire change of the old nature both in the conscious and subconscient parts. Something came up that made you get out of poise and stray into a past round of feelings. The one thing to do is to quiet yourself and get back into the true consciousness and poise.... Always keep within and do things without involving yourself in them, then nothing will happen or, if it does, no serious reaction will come.

The idea of leaving for any reason is of course absurd and out of the question. Eight years is a very short time for transformation. Most people spend as much as that or more to get conscious of their defects and acquire the serious will to change—and after that it takes a long time to get the will turned into full and final accomplishment. Each time one stumbles, one has to get back onto the right footing and go on with fresh resolution; by doing that the full change comes.

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You must not deceive yourself into thinking that the ordinary life will prepare you for the Asram life. So we cannot tell you how to prepare yourself. It is better to choose frankly between the two. If you go away, you would find the same difficulties if you came back. It is knowing that that you must decide.

Since the attacks of fear do not cease, it is best that you should go and rest for the time being from the sadhana—for these two cannot go together. In order to be quite sure, it would be advisable to see in Calcutta whether there is not some physical cause also such as blood pressure. It is not possible for the Mother to see you before you go as you have to go tonight. For the rest, we can decide only after seeing how you go on over there. If you keep your trust in the Divine and clear yourself of all that conflicts with it, there is no reason to fear that the Divine will abandon you. For the present what is necessary is to shake off this disturbance and get out of the condition of fear and nervous disturbance altogether.

As you say that you are determined to go, I can only answer by reaffirming our disapproval of the step you propose to take and the rejection—from a blind vital feeling—of the true path and the spiritual life. It is not true that you could not appreciate our help and solicitude or that you were unable to follow the sadhana, you are only shutting the doors of your mind and vital to the help and laying stress on a temporary block which would have disappeared if you had dissociated yourself from it. I can only express the hope that the true being in you will awake in time and draw you back from this course, restoring the inner contact with us and the unity with the higher Self, a glimpse of which had come to you for a moment.

Neither the Mother nor I have asked you to go nor approved

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of your going. As I could not give any assent to it and the reasons put forward by you precluded my asking you to stay, I had to be silent. Mother could not withhold from you the money you asked for because you claimed it as your own and her with holding it would have looked like an undue interference with your personal liberty and your formed decision. I must now say however that if you go, it will be your own decision and not in any way ours. If you change your decision and resolve to face out your difficulty here until it is solved, we shall be very glad of it.

There is no such impossibility of your victory over the harder parts of your nature as you imagine. There is only needed the perseverance to go on till this resistance breaks down and the psychic which is not absent nor unmanifest is able to dominate the others. That has to be done whether you stay here or not and to go is likely only to increase the difficulty and imperil the final result—it cannot help you. It is here that the struggle however acute has, because of the immediate presence of the Mother, the best chance and certitude of a solution and successful ending.

No one in fact is kept here when his will or decision is to go—although the principle of the spiritual life is against any return to the old one even for a time especially if the deeper urge is there and striving towards a firm foundation of the new consciousness—for the return to the ordinary atmosphere and surroundings and motives disturbs the work and throws back the progress.

Does your allowing people to go out from here mean that now there is no harm in their doing so?

No, it does not; it simply means that we can't always be holding back people whose vital says "I want to go, I want to go" and they side with the vital. They are allowed to go and take their risk.

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Each time somebody leaves the Asram, I feel a kick, a shock, a heartquake.

May I ask why? People have been leaving the Asram since it began, not only now. Say 30 or 40 people have gone, 130 or 140 others have come. The big Maharathas, X, Y, Z departed from this too damnable Asram where great men are not allowed to do as they like. The damnable Asram survives and grows. A and B and C fail in their Yoga—but the Yoga proceeds on its way, advances, develops. Why then kick, shock and heartquake?

You said long ago that the Supramental won't tolerate any nonsense of freedom of movement or wrong movement. Is this the kick he is imparting from high up? ... In these two months he has struck a tall tower like A and a fat buoy like B; how many of these!

And what then?

I hold the view that the Supramental is descending concentratedly, though I don't feel it,

Not so strongly or concentratedly as it ought, but better than before.

... and that those who resist, who are between two fires, have either to quit or to submit.

Even if it were so, that is their own business. The Divine is driving nobody out except in rare cases where their staying would be a calamity to the Asram (for instance it could decide one day to drive C out); if they cannot bear the pressure and rush away, listening to the "Go away, go away" push and suggestion of the Hostiles can it be said then that it was the Divine who drove them away and the push and suggestion of the Hostile is that of the Divine? A singular logic! The "Go, go" push and suggestion have been successfully there ever since the Asram started and even before when there was no Asram. How does that square with your theory that it is due to the concentrated

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descent of the Force?

What you say about yourself—the jealousy etc.—is already known; you have yourself written it all before to the Mother. In spite of that we did not consider you unfit for the Yoga. Every sadhak has by nature certain characteristics which are a great obstacle in the way of the sadhana; these remain with obstinacy and can only be overcome after a very long time by an action of the Divine from within. Your mistake is—not to have these defects, others have defects of anger, jealousy, envy etc. very strongly and not only have them within but show them very openly,—but to accept it as a reason for despair and the wish to go away from here. There is absolutely no meaning in going away, for nothing would be gained by it. One does not escape from what is within oneself by changing place; it follows and reproduces itself under other circumstances and among other surroundings. To go away and die does not solve anything either; for one's being and nature do not end with death, they continue. The only way to get rid of them is to throw them out and the only place where you can get rid of them is here. Here, if you remain, a time is sure to come when these things will go out of you. The suffering it causes cannot cease by going out—it can only cease by the inner cause being removed or else by your drawing back from them and realising your true self which even if they rose would not be troubled by them and could refuse to regard them as part of itself—this liberation too can only come here by sadhana.

What you have written is quite correct. To say that the Divine is defeated when a sadhak goes away is an absurdity. If the sadhak allows his lower nature to get the better of him, it is his defeat, not the Divine's. The sadhak comes here not because the Divine has need of him, but because he has need of the Divine. If he carries out the conditions of the spiritual life and gives himself to the Mother's leading, he will attain his goal but if he wants

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to lay down his own conditions and impose his own ideas and his own desires on the Divine, then all the difficulty comes. This is what happened to X and Y and several others. Because the Divine does not yield to them they go away; but how is that a defeat for the Divine?

You speak as if the majority of the sadhaks who came here had gone! As a matter of fact it is only a small minority. Some went owing to a revolt of pride and ambition thinking that they had a great work to do or that they were already the equals or superiors of the Mother and Sri Aurobindo—some because they were unable to resist their sexual desires, others because they preferred to take their own way instead of following the directions of the Guru and went off the track. These things always happen to a number of those who start on the way, whatever the path they follow. It is no proof of the special difficulty of this Yoga. If one yields to ambition, sexual passion or self-sufficiency, a fall is always possible. There is also the possibility of being driven off the track by doubt or attraction to the old life—family, friends etc. The only one of these things that can act in your case is this doubt of your own capacity.

As I have told you, the capacity for having inner experience—and that is the one thing all sadhaks must have or develop—this you have, for it showed itself clearly. The rest does not depend on personal capacity, but on reliance and opening to the Mother's force. It was because you had that that you were progressing for some time very well. It got covered over by the physical consciousness which understands only external things and understands even those wrongly and obscurely. If that consciousness opens, there is no reason to suppose that you will not be able to go through.

By no means at my command can I make my mind even reasonably silent. It has again started bringing in doubts and misgivings and disquiet. One of them is that perhaps I am

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on the wrong path; this is not the goal that my nature wants. Perhaps it is some ambition that has attracted me to this path. I write this to you because I cannot deal with it effectively. Temperamentally the rest of my instruments seem more amenable to influences representing other paths and other goals. Am I really on the right path, have I really the call to it?

It is the right path for your inner nature and there there is the call. The resistance is from the outer, especially the mind, but that is due to a dissatisfied restlessness which is part of the outer mental nature (the reasons given are only supports which it builds for its restlessness) and that would have interfered wherever you might have been and on whatever path. To conquer this outer nature is the only way and that can be best done here, since the change of the outer being is here a part of the sadhana and you will receive the necessary help.

Don't be with me as with X. You couldn't keep him here; forces took him away. Doubts!

I repeat that he took himself away. No Force can take a man away, who really wants not to go and really wants the spiritual life. X wanted the "Divine Response" only, not spiritual life—his doubts all rose from that.

Yes, you can do as you propose. So long as you have the attachment to the family, it is not possible to do any good sadhana here. Yoga and attachment do not go together. As long as you have it, the best you can do is to go on with the ordinary life, develop Bhakti and try to prepare yourself for a true and complete sadhana hereafter.

It doesn't seem to me that it will be impossible for me to return after I have exhausted my vital attachments. I feel I am destined for the spiritual life and will take the final plunge very soon.

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When there is so sharp a difference between the inner and the outer being, it is always the sadhak who has to make his choice. As for coming back, many who have gone out have come back, others have not—for in going out there is always the danger of entering into a current of forces that make return impossible. Whatever decision you make should be clear and deliberate—otherwise, you may go out and as soon as you are there want to come back and after coming here again want to go; that would be inadmissible.

I have already answered more than once to what you have written in your last two letters and I can only give the same answer as before.

You write as if our only reason for not consenting to your going away or for not sending you away was that you had nowhere to go. But that is not so. It is because we do not approve of the idea of your going; it is a wrong step altogether without any sense or reason in it.

The difficulties in your nature are not peculiar to you alone among the sadhaks here and their persistence is no sign that you cannot do Yoga. The few years you have been here is too short a time to expect a transformation of the character. Nobody can expect a transformation in so short a time.

It is not a fact that you are incapable of doing Yoga. Anyone who can open his consciousness and have inner experiences is capable of Yoga and that did happen in you. The closing of this openness by a descent into the physical consciousness is some thing that has happened to most in this Asram and it usually takes a long time to come out of the closing. There is therefore no reason for concluding that this shows incapacity for Yoga and therefore there is no use in staying here.

The only reasonable thing for you to do is to get rid of this wrong idea and remain quietly here where alone the true consciousness and the true life can come to you.

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These ideas are only suggestions that always come up when you allow this sadness to grow in you; instead of indulging them, they should be immediately thrown from you. There is no "why" to your feeling of our far-away-ness and indifference, for these do not exist, and the feeling comes up automatically without any true reason along with this wave of the wrong kind of consciousness. Whenever this comes up, you should be at once sure that it is a wrong turn and stop it and reject all its characteristic suggestions. It is when you have been able to do so for a long time that you have made great progress and developed a right consciousness and right ideas and the true psychic attitude. You are not hampering our work nor standing in the way of others coming here; in cleaving to the sadhana in spite of all difficulties you are not deceiving yourself but, on the contrary, doing the right thing and you are certainly not deceiving the Divine, who knows very well both your aspiration and your difficulties. So there is not a shred of a reason for your going away. If you "sincerely want to do Yoga", and there can be no doubt about that, that is quite a sufficient reason for your being here. It does not matter about not having as yet any occult experiences, like the rising of the Kundalini etc.; these come to some early, to some late; and there are besides different lines of such experiences for different natures. You should not hanker after these or get disappointed and despondent because they do not yet come. These things can be left to come of themselves when the consciousness is ready. What you have to aspire to is bhakti, purification of the nature, right psychic consciousness and surrender. Aspire for bhakti and it will grow in you. It is already there within and it is that which expresses itself in your poetry and music and the feelings that rise up as in the temple of the Mother at the Cape. As the bhakti and aspiration in the nature grow, the right psychic consciousness will also increase and lead to the full surrender. But keep steady and don't indulge these ideas of incapacity and frustration and going away; they are stuff of tamas and good only to be flung aside.

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ABOUT

THEME

SIMILAR BOOKS

Letters on Himself
and the Ashram

Admission, Staying, Departure

"Acceptance" and "Admission"

Admission to the Ashram

1927-1943

The Purpose of the Ashram

Not a School or Teaching Institution

Representation of People in the Ashram

Profiting from One's Stay in the Ashram

Departure from the Ashram

Poems by Sri Aurobindo

Spiritual Significance of Flowers

Disciples / Seekers

Sri Aurobindo's Works

The Mother's Works

Satprem's Books

Works by Disciples / Seekers

Guidance

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