Others too had to understand Her secret - her own disciples, Nations. Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? '... The body knows that the work will go on and on and on...'
The last turning point of Mother's yoga, and she comes out of it with this cry: "I have walked a long, long time. There was nothing but a constant cry, as if everything were torn away from me. It was the whole problem of the world." And this Agenda is more and more strewn with heartrending little cries. It was not enough to have found the secret for herself, the others too had to understand, her own disciples, Nations locked in their egoistic power: "They have no faith! 'She is old, she is old', an atmosphere of resistance to the change; 'it is impossible, impossible' from all sides.... Not a single minute should be wasted - I am in a hurry.... The reign of the Divine must, oh, must come!.... If the entire Russian block were to turn to the right side, that would be an enormous support! The victory is certain, but I don't know which path will be followed to reach it.... We must cling, cling so tightly to Truth.... They don't listen to me any more." She is 93, groping her way into the unknown: "I see more clearly with eyes closed than with eyes open, and it is a physical vision, purely physical, but a kind of physical that seems more complete. The consciousness of the cells is what has to change, all the rest will follow naturally! I have the feeling I am on my way to discovering the illusion that must be destroyed so that physical life may go on uninterrupted - death is the result of a distortion of consciousness." Will she be heard? Will she be allowed to pursue her experience? "Only a violent death could halt the transformation; otherwise the body knows that the work will go on and on and on...." And this cry again: "There will be a miracle! But what, I don't know."
(Mother sees Satprem regarding the English translation of the latest "Notes on the Way" for the next "Bulletin." After the work:)
Mother, I was thinking of the Agenda....
?...
Well, if I don't see you, the Agenda is empty.
The agenda? What agenda?
The Agenda, all the notes on the work of transformation.
Oh!... There have been some, but.... If it's not meant for publication, there is... it's incredible what there was. But it's not for publication.
But it stays only with me.
I remember having said some things to R.—I don't know whether she has a good memory.... You know, she came in when it had just happened, so I told her. But I didn't ask her to take any notes so I don't know what she did.
But if there is to be some continuity in the recording of all the work, you would have to see me from time to time.
Oh, yes, mon petit, certainly, with great pleasure! Only, you see, I didn't call you because I wasn't speaking. I wasn't saying anything.
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My only means of control was silence.... Now it's over. My leg still hurts, but it's quite bearable.
I have to see you.... Only I hesitated to tell you to come because there are days when... (gesture of interiorization).1
But, Mother, that doesn't matter, it makes no difference to me.
Days when I say nothing at all.
Yes, Mother, but I would simply be there at your disposal.
All right, mon petit.
We can sit in silence, and whenever you want to say something you can say it.
All right, fine.... At this time then. We'll just continue on the same days—or more often if you want? It can be more often.
However you want it, Mother. Before, I used to see you on Wednesdays and Saturdays.
Yes, but would you prefer three times or....
No, no, Mother! However you want it, whatever is best for you.
I don't really know.... It's very strange, for me this whole sense of organization has become... (gesture of disintegration). I might suddenly say, "Well, if Satprem were here...." You understand? It rather works like that, but it's not very practical.
Well, you could have me called, I'll come at once.
Yes, but you may be in the middle of doing something.
No, no, there's nothing more important!
Look, let's keep the usual days. Wednesday and Saturday, and then if I have something to tell you one day, I'll send you a note or have you called.
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Yes, I'll come any time, it's quite easy for me.
All right, then.... I don't know, all this planning and organizing, all that is gone.
Suddenly something comes up—that's when.... If I could only write.... But I can't.
Well, just have me called.
Yes, that's it. It would always be around the same time. And then Wednesdays and Saturdays you come regularly.
(Satprem leaves and Sujata goes up to Mother)
Mother, I have something for you.
What is it?
We went for a walk yesterday and found this on the beach. It's mother of pearl, Mother.
Ooh!... It's lovely. Oh, how lovely it is.... There must have been a whole shell.
It's for you, Mother.
Mon petit, I don't have any room to keep things, you had better keep it.... I don't have any room (turning toward the room), this has become complete chaos. It's better if you keep it.
Yes, Mother.
I feel like a fluid being who doesn't take up space and can't keep anything! (Mother laughs) It's like that. Whenever things come to me, they always come to be channeled to their proper place—let everything be in its place. I am... just the site of the channeling (gesture in all directions): this here, that there, this there.... How beautiful it would be if things were the way I see them, oh!...
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