Born on 19 February 1933 to Nolinikanta and Ila Sen, Amita Sen came to Sri Aurobindo Ashram for the first time in August 1940. She settled in the Ashram in 1942 with her parents and elder sister Chitra who has been associated with the Department of Physical Education as the Captain-in-charge of the ladies' section since 1947 and also taught Biology at Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education. Her elder brother Dr. Satyabrata Sen (F.R.C.S., England) had attended on Sri Aurobindo prior to His mahasamadhi on 5 December 1950.
Nolini Sen was an eminent mathematician who had as his classmate and peer Dr. Satyendranath Bose (of the Bose-Einstein theory fame) and Dr. Meghnad Saha. He taught Mathematics and Geography to the students of the Ashram School. One of his students Aniruddha Sircar has remarked about him: 'He was so full of the milk of human kindness that it was beyond him to scold a child for any misdemeanour and most of the children took full advantage of his goodness.'
Amita was one of the first students of the Ashram School. In the initial years she worked with Mona Pinto for preparing the linen for Golconde. After the completion of her formal education in 1955 she became a teacher in Sri Aurobindo International Centre of Education. She is also a prolific writer. But she is best known in the Aurobindonian community of Pondicherry for her outstanding performances as Savitri — a role which she has immortalized. It was the Mother Herself who had chosen her for the role of Savitri for the 1st December programmes of the Ashram School.
(March 2009)
The following interview was taken in March 2009 at Girod House in Pondicherry where Amita-di stays with her sister Chitra Sen:
How did your contact with the Ashram commence?
My parents used to study books by Nolini-da and by Sri Aurobindo that were published at that time — that means 1936-1939, that is, during the three years we were in Rangoon. All the books at home were numbered and I had, even as late as in 1975, a copy of System of National Education in the first edition which was with my parents and which they had studied there and one copy of Love and Death which had been published in a book form, I think, in 1922 by Mrinalini Chattopadhyay. My father and mother were studious people. My father was Deputy Auditor General of the Railways, so he used to be posted for three years in one place and the next three years in another. We were in Allahabad and from there we went to Rangoon. There also the posting would be three years. And the Headmistress whose school we were admitted to was a Bengali lady and she knew that Chitra-di would be there only for three years so she had arranged in such a way that Chitra-di would not have to study Burmese, a compulsory subject. So a little adjustment was always made by the Principals and Headmistresses. In Lahore also we stayed for only one year. I was very interested in starting writing and studying and once my brothers and sister would ask for bound notebooks for their classes, I told my mother — I was only 4 or 5 years old — "I want a notebook, I want to write." My parents were like that: I had asked for a notebook, okay, you'll get a notebook. Then my mother asked me: "What have you written?" When I showed her my notebook she couldn't check her laughter. She turned page after page and saw I've put one circle after another along every line. To me it was like writing. My mother had preserved that book for a long time. When I saw it as an adult here in Pondicherry, you can never guess what I did. I laughed but said, "You have kept it so long!" and returned it to her saying, "Yes, I remember."
I had seen my mother write letters to the Ashram and receive letters from Nolini-da in answer. It was much later — I think in 1939 when we were in Lahore — that my father came here for the first time. My mother also came here that very year. And at that time they had to take permission for Darshan. My mother had written in Bengali to Nolini-da and the Mother had seen the letter and She said: "Someone who has such a handwriting has a control over her vital. So certainly she will come." It [the handwriting] was artistic. Once, much later, the Mother wanted to compare the alphabets of the Indian languages and She had asked my mother to write the Bengali alphabets. On looking at the alphabets of the Indian languages — this was after 1952 — She had said that the Bengali alphabets among all the Indian languages are the most artistic of all. I came in contact with the Ashram at that time itself. We had come here in 1940. That was the first Darshan. We had come in August. We did not stay in this house. There was another house opposite Harpagon where we stayed — the house that was occupied by Millie, Udar's sister, for a long time. We used to stay there. Golconde was getting ready, it was under construction.
In the end of September-October, the rains were quite regular; it was the season of 'Transformation' flowers and it was also the season of rains. Yogananda-da used to come and call us so Chitra-di and I used to go far away. At that time the place where we have the UCO Bank was very far away. At that time it was residential quarters. I was very interested in these red-coloured houses. On the pavement it was strewed with 'Transformation' flowers and I stood up to smell the flowers. I used to tell my mother: "When I smell I feel like eating up the flowers." Then we picked up the flowers. And we had to count the flowers too. At that time, the Mother had about 10 to 15 flowers which were known as 'Special Flowers'. Those had to be offered to Her giving the number with a chit on the bowl or the dish. So then 'Special Flowers' had to be counted and given to the Mother. She stopped it when She said that now Her pact with Nature was completed. So, 'Transformation', 'Service', 'Divine's love' — these were among the flowers to be counted and given. We used to bring them and count them by tens. 10 flowers in one heap and whether there were 250 or 245 we would give a chit. We were allowed by the Mother to come and meet Sujata, Jiji, Abhay Singh to play a little with them. At that time, Jiji and Sujata used to stay in the corner opposite the Hindocha Sugar Mill. We used to come there from that corner and play carom. Jiji used to come to the Mother's place in the Ashram. She used to bring the counted flowers. So that's how I learned very quickly to count by tens.
Sri Aurobindo had asked Jiji to tell me, "The first things people surrender in the Ashram are goodwill and common sense." To me directly (or through Jiji) He had said to remember "anyone can appear like the Mother in the vital plane."
Can you share with us your experience of the first Darshan?
I was too young. Only 7 years old. On the 15th of August everything around was filled with a certain glow of silence. All present were only thinking of the Darshan. A couple of hours before the Darshan was to begin we went to the Dispensary. Nirod-da was seated in the inner room when I entered. He said, "This is charanamrita. If you believe in it, you can have it." On Darshan days, Nirod-da collected the water after washing Sri Aurobindo's feet and that water was known as charanamrita. Then I put my hands forward and he poured one table-spoon of that special water into them. I did as my parents had done before me: drank it and put the wet palms on my head. But what happened to me was not an imitation: the whole body seemed to become very calm, fresh and cool — I can't find the right word — it was, as if bathed from inside.
We used to sit in the courtyard. Bula-da used to call one batch after another. I was sitting in one place with my parents. And when our group was called, my father put an envelope in my hands saying where I had to put it as an offering. I was in front of them. And we were supposed to be very well-behaved and go in line properly. When we went up and entered the Darshan Room, I stepped out on the left and then to the right and saw Them. I used to talk with formulated thoughts — I said: "You [meaning Sri Aurobindo and the Mother] are both so beautiful. At whom to look first?" (laughter) But we were taught how to go for the Darshan. I liked the atmosphere and as I was interested in meditation, I too didn't look around and sat as quietly as possible. My parents, my sister and I were together — they knew exactly what to offer — garlands or lotus flowers — I just vaguely remember having asked very softly once: "Are we not taking any garlands?" My father just shook his head and seemed to say, "You just remember what you have to do" or something like that. We followed the queue and went up the stairs, the quietness grew still more deep, but it was something happy and fresh. When I stood for the Darshan I did my namaskar as I had been told — to the Mother first, then as She would nod or close Her eyes to say Her work was done, I turned to Sri Aurobindo, then did my pranam in the centre bowing my head, got a little confused as to the box in which the envelope my father had given me had to be placed but came out full of something no one can define. For everyone it was something new, a moment to be gathered in till the next Darshan.
Parichand-da and Umirchand-da used to stand on either side and Bansidhar outside for those who were giving the flowers, money and other offerings. Behind the Mother and Sri Aurobindo's couch were Champaklal and Nirod-da. They used to swing the chamor [a white fly-whisk]. I knew where the envelope had to be put. That's what I remember about the first Darshan. I was just 7 years old at that time.
What else do you remember about the Darshan days?
Later in the evening on that day itself, we youngsters were called back to the Meditation Hall and Dyuman-bhai used to bring down all the garlands that had been offered. We had to separate them in different heaps — all garlands of tulasi on one side, those mixed with flowers on another, flower garlands jasmine and surrender rose in two separate places. There were heaps of them. When we came back home we were full of the fragrance of incense sticks and flowers and everything that was beautiful on earth.
But the day after Darshan when many of the visitors had already left, the Mother distributed the garlands offered at Darshan time the previous day. We went up the staircase from the Meditation Hall and entered the main doorway where She would be standing with one person holding the tulasi garlands on one side and someone else with the flower garlands on the other in the open doorway leading to Sri Aurobindo's room. It used to be called the "Garland Distribution" and the Mother knew exactly which type to give to each one. People kept the tulasi garland for many, many months in their rooms, till the next Darshan day, maybe.
Everything was so special for us. And the whole place was so full of Energy that we liked the Ashram life very much. I was so keen on Ashram things that the Mother told my mother: "They are very young. They need a little more substantial food. You give them eggs." There was no egg arrangement at that time. I revolted and told my mother: "Why should I have an egg? There is no egg supplied in the Ashram!" "But the Mother had asked you to take." I had no problem with non-vegetarian food because my mother was a vegetarian all the time and in the evening, we never had rice for dinner at home. So adjustment with Ashram and food was no problem.
When did you finally settle here?
We were here for August and November Darshan in 1940, April 1941 and then we didn't come till February 1942. We were attending school at Kolkata. We came here in 1942. That was really a very important decision for my parents. But my father was still in office and my mother, sister and I stayed here the whole year through. At that time we had a brother who was a cadet in the Indian Air Force. He was training as a pilot. He had an accident and died in 1945. It was a very big blow to all of us, for my mother specially. But he was also here in 1941. We were in this house [Girod House]. He had fallen ill. At that time, bed-ridden as he was with paratyphoid he had an experience of Aurangzeb in the 17th century around here in Pondicherry. He was a receptive person. In Rangoon also, he had told my mother that he felt certain things he had seen before when we had gone to Mandalay. He was very conscious. So at that time we had understood that there must have been some past of Pondicherry during the Mughal time. When I did a research on Pondicherry of 17th century which was published in Mother India in 2003-04, I found out that in Aurangzeb's time there was really a sort of siege around Pondicherry.
Can you share with us your memories of Sri Aurobindo?
I was chosen to recite the poem Who on the first annual day. I was only 11 years old. And I had to go and recite it in the Meditation Hall near Amrita-da's room so that He would be able to hear from His room. He didn't approve of the cuts. Stanzas were left out because Who was a long poem for a child of 11 like me. So my teacher thought a few cuts were necessary. My teacher at that time was Sisir-da. So Sisir-da said: "No, you've to do it once more." And he taught me and I think one more stanza was added. Then I went there after a few weeks and recited knowing that He was listening to me from upstairs. And Amrita-da and others were absolutely charmed! After that Sisir-da told me that it was all right.
The next year we recited from a scene from Perseus the Deliverer and the recitation was done with other items. I think I did the Prologue, we had recited in the Darshan Room. The Mother used to come at 11.30 and all the children after school used to sit in four rows in the Darshan Room. The Mother would distribute toffees or a flower or small tomatoes to each child. So at that time one day, after we were ready, the Mother listened to the Prologue. I had done the role of Athene, Aster [Patel] had done the role of Poseidon. The Mother was standing at the door and Sri Aurobindo in His room was also listening to us. The Mother went to His room, came and stood there. "Yes, it is all right. You can begin." Only then we started. It was quite good. When I came out to see the Mother, She said: "You have feeling. You will be able to do." And at that age I remember my only coach was Sisir-da. But I was a little sing-song in certain places — a sort of intonation which I learnt afterward — like at the end of Prologue: "Thou wingest from the eternal…" and the last speech. After that we had done the scene of Andromeda with Praxilla and Diomede, I think. This I am speaking of 1946. In 1947 we had our stage put up here and I had done Ahana. That also was done after the Mother had read out the lines which we had to recite in Her own rooms upstairs. And after that the Mother one morning asked us to take part in a French comedy. In 1949 I had done Savitri. About Savitri, the Mother told me that He [Sri Aurobindo] has himself chosen you for the role.
What was the most striking feature in Sri Aurobindo's personality that you remember the most?
I liked everything. We were too young to judge His personality. We knew that we had come to the Heaven of Heavens. When the Mother looked into you everyday, one could see that She was going through right inside you and so naturally the inside had to be a little clear. Automatically all the sadhaks used to be very quiet and very concentrated. On the eve of the Darshan Day, they were already getting ready for the Darshan the next day and there was a sort of expectation in the air and the whole atmosphere and the whole attitude were different. When I went, my impression was: "I want to follow Him and whom we know as the Mother." Everything was precious. I wanted to follow His teachings and I received a book Poems Past and Present and then Thoughts and Glimpses as birthday blessings from both of Them. It was, I heard, Nirod-da's idea.
Could you describe Sri Aurobindo's gaze?
I think I've to describe before that the Mother looking at you. Because when I looked at the Mother — what struck me in the Mother's eyes was the colour. It changed! It didn't remain the same. The eyes did not have the same intensity. She would look casually or long and you knew She is looking through you. At that time I did not analyze anything. Now if I look back, I might say the Mother looked at you through you and Sri Aurobindo looked at you all around you. It was like a whole blessing that came over in total compassion.
Do you remember the last Darshan of Sri Aurobindo on 24 November 1950?
No, I only recall we had to pass by without stopping for Darshan. Nirod-da was standing outside and asking us to move quickly.
How did you receive the news of Sri Aurobindo's passing away?
My brother Dr. Satyabrata was here at that time. He was also attending on Sri Aurobindo with Dr. Sanyal and Nirod-da. I think, in the early morning hours Nirod-da came round to call him and it was then that we came to know. Everything was absolutely spellbound for all the days. When I entered His room it was like seeing a golden dome. As far as I can remember, it was absolutely luminous. The whole Ashram was bathed in light. I don't know what I saw because right from my childhood I used to see things a little beyond the physical. And I was very close to flowers and nature. So twice, I think, once in Rangoon and then in Lahore during my stay I woke up and saw gnomes, fairies! But I think it developed afterwards more under the Mother's care.
And how did it happen?
I had taken a letter to the Mother. The Mother said: "Can you read out the letter clearly to me?" I said: "Yes." I used to write to Her in French. The main gist of the letter was: 'Mother, I noticed the other day, I talked to someone in the streets and I talked to somebody else. One was a girl and one was a boy. And it made no difference to me. I just talked to the person.' The Mother paused for a while, She was quite interested and then She initiated me. She said: "For half an hour a day in the morning or sometime, you will sit comfortably (not too comfortably — you must not fall asleep) enough so that you don't have to think of your body. And you will meditate and nothing should disturb you." I used to do that and the Mother showed me how to meditate.
I had heard Nolini-da and Amrita-da speak to my parents saying to silence the mind is one type of meditation. The Mother had explained afterwards to us two or three different types of meditation. But as a child when I sat I said one day: "There is no thought in my mind. So, I'm meditating." And Sri Aurobindo from His room had said: "Don't try that. You must do it only after your mind is enriched." That means not to try that type of silencing the thoughts in meditation until the mind is enriched and ready to receive higher inspiration.
How did your sadhana take shape following the departure of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother?
My sadhana had already started. I knew I was here for sadhana. So, I noticed things in a different way from other people. But after that letter, when the Mother initiated me something funny happened. It was a Wednesday and I decided to do it on Thursday collective meditation in front of Her. On Thursday morning when She saw me She said: "I know you didn't do it." I promptly said: "Why half an hour, Mother, I'll do it 24 hours a day." And from that evening onwards, I started the meditation and started doing japa all the time, when I was outside the class or while walking in the streets. After She left, She was very much with us. She used to look around and in 1978 — the Mother's Birth Centenary year — we expected Her to come back. We really thought that She would be coming back and taking charge of everything again. It didn't happen like that. On 1st of December 1978 also there was another chance of bringing Them back.
How?
People who had the power could bring Them — it had been referred to as Epilogue Darshan for March-Past. By putting three persons together to bring the Mother and three to bring the Writer. Sri Aurobindo would know how to manifest and come back!
Do you meet Sri Aurobindo and the Mother in the subtle physical?
The Mother does guide me off and on and for material things that I am doing. In 1997, I was given occultly a body which was the opposite of my own just for the sake of an experiment for some people or for what reason I do not know. And so I had to bear it through. And for 10 years it was enough. In 2007 I would have been given back something like my own looks but it wasn't done.
What, according to you, is the message Sri Aurobindo has brought for humanity?
The real message of human unity and the presence of a continuity of total human progress as described in The Human Cycle, I think, have been destroyed, dissolved in some sort of a way. I know that there are still individuals who can understand that there is something beyond the material plane that even if you are a staunch materialist, you'll see that there are dimensions of human beings which are beyond the material. That is, if two people of equal competence did the same job, the two people will do it a little differently. Their own reactions and attitude would not be the same. So the personality within the body is very important. So wherever you are, there is the human personality and a unification of the personality is important, that is, I think, the message of individual progress which ought to remain forever. Remember constantly, that you've an ideal, you try to unite everything in your actions, reactions to the highest ideal that you conceive of and become what you think is the best — adore and what you adore, attempt to be.
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