The Story of a Soul

01 June 1955

On June 1st I wrote to the Mother:

The Divine Forces are slow to appear, while the anti-divine forces are prompt to rush into my consciousness and upset everything. Why is that?

She answered:

Because your call is not sincere enough and your confidence in the Divine's Grace is not sufficient.

In my letter I had added:

Mother, grant me three things on this Prosperity Day:

1) I should never lose faith in you. My love for you must increase.

2) Give me peace. My behaviour with you should always be as of a true child.

3) Give me strength to fulfil your Will.

To these three things she wrote:

Yes, Yes, Yes.

But how could I cultivate sincerity and confidence when all around me I saw crude and bewildering things happening? It was not easy to discriminate between the two colossal forces—the Truth and the Falsehood.

I received constant suggestions from the evil forces. I was almost convinced that they were absolutely right in pointing out numberless things which seemed utterly true and real. I was over-credulous and hypersensitive—hence the conflict between my inner and my outer being. This acutely painful division often left me sullen and confused.

Many a time prayers to the Mother arose from my aching heart, begging for her help. She wrote to me:

I am giving and shall continue to give—but the important thing is that you must receive.

If you call or aspire with fear that you will not be heard, or have doubts about the Divine's answer, then the adverse forces that are always on the watch, slip into your consciousness through the fear and the doubts and do their mischief.

So you must call with a true and sincere faith.

Help and Grace are always with you. But you must open yourself to them.

I endeavoured to follow her advice to the best of my ability. But it was hard to persevere. Some parts of my being refused to accept the new conditions of life, and frequently revolted against the Mother's Force, Grace, Love, Light, Truth and Peace. Time and again, these parts opened the door to perilous forces.

I found myself amidst strangers, and strange customs. There had been an instant change of environment, atmosphere, food and climate. Now I wondered whether I would be able to achieve my goal in such a place. My mind grew increasingly sceptical.