The Story of a Soul

01 November 1954

We reached Pondicherry on the morning of November 1st, 1954. It was a Monday. At the Ashram gate I asked somebody where I could find Dyuman. The person waiting for us was none other than Dyuman himself, whom I had known through correspondence. He took us to Golconde, a very striking structure made according to the Mother's own idea and plan. There we were received by Mona Pinto, an English lady who had been in charge of the building since its inception. Dyuman left us there, after instructing Maniben N. Patel, Mona's assistant, to take us to the main Ashram building, where the Mother would distribute a message.

We were given separate rooms. I took a quick shower and changed into a white silk sari. A thrilling sensation overtook me—I was to see the Mother, to whom I had been addressing the prayers in my diary, my Salutations.

When I entered the Ashram building, a huge wave of Peace engulfed me. There was a profusion of flowers of different kinds, shapes, colours and fragrances, beautiful bowers of creepers, and a small rockery with a tiny pond full of sweet small water-lilies. As I proceeded further, my eyes were drawn to more and more details. Many people clustered near the marble Samadhi of Sri Aurobindo. There was also a long line moving slowly and silently towards the Meditation Hall downstairs.

I went first to the Samadhi, in the middle of the courtyard. It was adorned with an abundance of flowers which gave the impression of a rich carpet with intricate multicoloured designs. Incense sticks diffused their scented aroma in the air. A huge tree spread like an umbrella over everything. I knelt before the Samadhi. As I rose, my eyes fell upon the touching and exalting inscription which is engraved there, in English on one side and in French on the other, a prayer from the Mother:

To Thee who hast been the material envelope of our Master, to Thee our infinite gratitude. Before Thee who hast done so much for us, who hast worked, struggled, suffered, hoped, endured so much, before Thee who hast willed all, attempted all, prepared, achieved all for us, before Thee we bow down and implore that we may never forget, even for a moment, all we owe to Thee.

Then slowly I walked forward in the line. As we turned to the left I had a first distant glimpse of the Mother: clad in a fine sari, she was Seated radiant in a high-backed carved chair inside the Meditation Hall. The whole place was superbly decorated. A sadhak was fanning the Mother with a peacock-feather fan. And she was handing each person a message with her blessings.

Step by step I approached her. My heart started beating a shade faster. The warmth of her emanating vibrations wrapped my whole being. As she handed me the message, a powerful spark of her divine touch left me completely lost in her luminous Presence: I forgot to look at her!

The message was from Sri Aurobindo, and was applicable to the de facto merger of Pondicherry with the Indian Union which took place that day:

A free and united India will be there and the Mother will gather around her her sons and weld them into a single national strength in the life of a great and unified people.

This message was on the back of the card. On the front was the date, 1 November 1954, above a picture of the Mother's symbol against a silvery-blue square. Beneath this were the words:

The spiritual flag of united India.

That day the Mother stated:

For us the 1st November has a deep significance. We have a flag which Sri Aurobindo called the Spiritual Flag of United India. Its square form, its colour and every detail of its design have a symbolic meaning. It was hoisted here on the 15th August 1947 when India became free. It will now be hoisted on the 1st November 1954 when these settlements get united with India and it will be hoisted in future whenever India recovers other parts of herself. United India has a special mission to fulfil in the world. Sri Aurobindo laid down his life for it and we are prepared to do the same.

I saw the Mother once again in the afternoon. She was in the Prosperity Room, giving scented leaves to all. Every first of the month she would go there to bless the Ashram residents to begin the new month. And in her presence they were given their monthly requirements.

This time I looked at her. Our eyes were locked in utter silence. It was as if our souls embraced. So deep, so intimate was our meeting that I realised instantly that here was the ONE I had been seeking since childhood, the ONE who could help me, that here was SHE who could release me from the dreadful confusion in which I had been struggling all those years. Then my inner being murmured, "Yes, this is the TRUTH and LOVE I have been seeking and aspiring for."

Her sparkling eyes and sweet smile captured my entire self.

Suffering was lost in her immortal smile. ||81.16||

Now my soul was at rest—it had finally found its home.

As might a soul fly like a hunted bird,
Escaping with tired wings from a world of storms,
And a quiet reach like a remembered breast,
In a haven of safety and splendid soft repose
One could drink life back in streams of honey-fire,
Recover the lost habit of happiness,
Feel her bright nature’s glorious ambiance,
And preen joy in her warmth and colour’s rule. ||3.36||

Later I asked Maniben about the leaves the Mother had given. She explained, "It is sweet marjoram ... the Mother has given them the significance, New Birth—birth to the true consciousness, that of the Divine Presence in us."

It was truly my new birth!

Dyuman introduced me to Chandanben C. Shah from Africa, who had settled in the Ashram with her husband and children. She acquainted me and my husband with several other families who were very kind to us.

Chandanben and I went to the Playground in the evening. There I saw men, women, girls, boys and small children standing group-wise. They wore shorts and shirts or vests—the shirts and vests were white but the shorts were of different colours; green, red, dark grey, white, navy blue according to the age-groups (A, B, C, D, E, etc.). Women and girls wore kitty caps to secure their long hair.

Sri Aurobindo and the Mother have put great stress on physical culture. Here are their words:

The Perfection of the body, as great a perfection as we can bring about by the means at our disposal, must be the ultimate aim of physical culture. Perfection is the true aim of all culture, the spiritual and psychic, the mental, the vital, and it must be the aim of our physical culture also.

Sri Aurobindo, Essays in Philosophy and Yoga: Perfection of the Body

Physical culture is the best way of developing the consciousness of the body, and the more the body is conscious, the more it is capable of receiving the divine forces that are at work to transform it and give birth to the new race.

The Mother, On Education: General Messages and Letters

The physical consciousness and physical being, the body itself, must reach a perfection in all that it is and does which now we can hardly conceive. It may even in the end be suffused with a light and beauty and bliss from beyond, and the life divine assume a body divine.

Sri Aurobindo, Essays in Philosophy and Yoga: Perfection of the Body

Because it was a special occasion, all these people in the groups first marched past with the band as the Mother took the salute, standing against the spiritual map of undivided India, which had been engraved in green cement upon the wall, with the Mother's symbol in brass at its centre.

About this map of India the Mother has stated:

The map was made after the partition.

It is the map of true India in spite of all passing appearances, and it will always remain the map of the true India, whatever people may think about it.

The Mother, Words of the Mother - I: India

After this the Mother withdrew to her room in the Playground. We watched the Ashramites marching. At the end they observed a few minutes of collective concentration with the Mother, who had come out of her room again. Then her special chair and foot-rest were placed near the map, along with a small table on which stood plates of toffees. She sat in the chair and distributed toffees to everyone.

When it was my turn to go to her, the soul in me rushed out to meet her. She looked at me with her shining eyes for a second. We exchanged smiles. Then I bowed at her feet. She leaned forward and caressed my head. The sweet warmth of her love flooded my whole being.

At that instant I felt the Perfect Love, for she is THAT: My soul knew that we had loved each other for countless ages. There was a golden current of love flowing ceaselessly between the Mother and her child. Her love caught me up, to burn and shine through all my being. I could scarcely believe my good fortune—everything else in the world seemed trivial and totally unimportant.

As I record this, my memory drifts to a later day, 1st September 1966, when the Mother gave me an exquisite birthday card with a big orange-red rose painted on it. These lines accompanied it:

With my blessings for your aspiration to lead your entire being to your goal:

Love manifest in Truth

and with Sri Aurobindo I say, "Forever Love ..."

After a few moments' contemplation, the Mother pointed to the rose and said,

This means tendresse in French. But it is not 'tenderness'. It is an individual love—it means deep love, sweet care, intensity of compassion.

My child, when I was writing this card for you, I came to know that it is for ages that I have been loving you.

Her words were like jewels, suddenly set into my heart. I affirmed, "Mother I have felt the same, ever since I first saw you." She smiled and nodded.

To the orange-red rose, she has given the significance:

Flaming love for the Divine—ready for all heroism and sacrifice.

After taking prasad from the Mother, we went to the Central Park, in front of Government House. Later this was renamed "Bharati Memorial Park". This park was designed by the sadhak Pavitra (Philippe Barbier St.-Hilaire), one of the Mother's personal secretaries who used to handle all foreign correspondence, and who would drive the Mother's car when she went out. In 1954 those gardens were still not fully planted. Most of the park was still bare. There the de facto merger of Pondicherry with the Indian Union was being celebrated with songs and a Durga dance. I was informed that this was the first time that the Ashram children had been allowed by the Mother to participate in a public programme.

The day came to an end. I was so happy, so content, that I slept instantly, peacefully, after I reached my room at Golconde.