The Story of a Soul

03 March 1955

Time seemed to move too fast. On March 3rd Laljibhai with my second brother Vasantbhai and his wife Manjula arrived, along with my husband and his elder brother. The same evening the Mother gave them quite a long interview.

Afterwards Laljibhai was asked to remain a little longer. She revealed to him many things about my soul and my future, which he related to me later that night—for he was staying in Golconde. The others were staying in the New Guest House, run by Manoranjan Ganguli, a sadhak—Leena Dowsett helped him.

I had dinner with my relatives at the New Guest House. I was wearing my shorts, shirt, kitty-cap and tennis shoes—heaven knows what they thought about my outfit!

My husband asked to have a word with me in private. He told me that my letter had been a shock to him and that he had been terribly upset for days. I said to him:

"I am very sorry—but right from the start every explanation was given to you that I was constrained to get married: my family considered my wish not to go in for married life as the ravings of a lunatic. I had nobody to turn to, because nobody would believe or understand my feelings.

"You know I fell very ill and had a nervous breakdown because it was not easy to adjust to life with your family—my ideals were very different. It was impossible for me to lead an ordinary life because my soul aspires for something higher and exceptional. Believe me, I was very unhappy.

"I am not a coward. I haven't left the ordinary world because of difficulties and sufferings. My soul is destined to lead the spiritual life. I hope you will understand."

He replied, "Yes, I do. The Mother also told us that you were not meant for the ordinary life, and that you were pure. But in case you change your mind my doors are always open for you."

I smiled and said, "I am grateful. But the chances are thin. So I want you to remarry and be happy. I cannot possibly give you what is expected of a wife. Moreover you cannot give me what I have been hoping for: true, selfless love and companionship in the spiritual life. So there you are."

We exchanged good wishes, and parted.

The next morning, after the Mother had seen the divorce certificate which my relatives had brought with them, I signed it in front of a Pondicherry Judge, Mr. S. Shiva—himself a devotee of the Mother.

My relatives went around to see some of the Ashram Departments and activities. I accompanied them. I felt indifferent, detached. My sister-in-law begged me with tears in her eyes, "Please come back to where you belong. You are too young to stay here all alone." I could have given her many explanations, but remained silent. During the distribution she wept before the Mother, who consoled her with compassion.

The next morning all of them left for Bombay, except Laljibhai, who remained thirteen days longer. During that time Dyuman took us both on an outing to see some of the fields and gardens of the Ashram.

When Laljibhai left on March 16th I felt sad. Nevertheless I was much relieved, because the Mother had settled everything with my family, my husband and my in-laws, so that they never questioned me or accused me of anything.

Now no earthly power could ever take me away from my Beloved Mother.