The Story of a Soul

08 November 1955

I was still striking the wrong note. My mind was full of rubbish that gave me a throbbing headache.

My knowledge about the Divine Life was nil. I could not even follow what the Mother said in her French classes, whereas others talked and debated about spirituality with ease.

I heard one of the Mother's talks being discussed by some people. Eagerly I asked them what she had said. They simply cut me off. Tears of humiliation gathered in my eyes. I turned my face and walked away. I was over-sensitive and had an exaggerated sense of my deficiencies. In this frame of mind, how could I accept the Mother's word as infallible?

Added to everything else, she had warned me:

As for the attacks, it is a longstanding affair.

My conscious mind fiercely opposed the adverse forces. But at the same time I felt there was no hope, no bright future for me, so long as this wild whirl of suggestions lasted. Again I fell back into despair.

In the ordinary life I had failed to acquire a higher education, because of unfavourable circumstances. Nevertheless I was aware of my longing for something exceptional—something entirely different from what most people search for in the world. So I was not contented with my life.

Many scriptures state that if God wishes to open a gate of spirituality for certain souls, He creates adverse circumstances for them. When God bestows His Grace on a soul, He introduces it to a true Guide. God gives not wealth but wisdom.

The Mother revealed the truth to me:

8.11.55

My dear little child.

From your childhood something in you was aspiring for a great realisation—and if you failed in the various worldly things you tried, it is because you were meant for a higher realisation, that of the Spirit. Now the Divine has brought you to the place where you can fulfill your highest aspiration—find the Divine and unite with the Divine consciously. This naturally takes time and needs perseverance, but it is worth all the efforts that have to be made for its realisation.

My help, my strength, my power and my love will always be with you to take you to the goal.

With my blessings.

That was it! But I could not convince myself of this fact. The goal seemed too distant—almost unreachable. My multitudinous shortcomings seemed to block my way. I told myself repeatedly not to be disheartened when snags cropped up—I must have patience. But where was it? I was like the man who prayed "Dear God, I pray for patience, and I want it this minute."