The Story of a Soul

16 November 1955

On the morning of November 16th I was not present at the Balcony Darshan. The Mother wrote to me:

My dear little child,

I did not see you at "Balcony" this morning—and just I had put on the nice green veil you have given me, thinking that you would be glad to see it on my head.

I hope you are all right.

With my love and blessings.

No, I was not all right. I was engulfed in surging waves of dejection, despondency, disappointment and depression. The attacks told on my nerves. I wept bitterly. I felt that life had little purpose for me now—it was as if those dire suggestions were compelling me to abandon the spiritual life.

I informed the Mother of all that I had been going through.

I begged her forgiveness for failing to respond to her Grace and Love. She answered:

16.11.55

My dear little child,

There is nothing to forgive—you are the first victim.

As I told you already, it is an adverse force that is harrassing you and wants to hurt you, and to take all peace and joy away from you. This force must leave you and go far away so that you can become quiet and happy.

Meanwhile, continue to call me for help, and surely one day we shall succeed in sending this nasty enemy away.

With my love and blessings.

I questioned her,

What is the meaning of "victim" here? Does it mean a sacrifice?

She replied:

I did not mean it in the sense of sacrifice, but as one says of somebody, "he is the victim of a malady."

These attacks fall upon you like an illness and you become their victim.

The following morning, to my amazement and pleasure, the Mother wore that same green veil once more. Ordinarily she would never use the same thing again on successive days—only after some time. She saw me there at the Balcony Darshan. Our eyes met for a second, and I felt much better.