The Story of a Soul

17 December 1955

The days passed, but the state of my mind did not improve. I was perturbed by people's remarks. For example, I was told bluntly that if I was unable to provide money to the Mother, I should work very hard. This statement stupefied me. What strenuous labour could I do to prove myself a hard worker? I was already doing what was asked of me.

Moreover I sensed that for some time I was being treated differently by many people.

Then the Mother seemed like a stranger to me—she was no longer mine. I lost my trust, love, devotion, everything. I felt hesitant to approach her or ask her anything. This feeling touched me very deeply—tears rushed to my eyes. The demand for "hard work" was to be considered—and where was I to get money?

I convinced my mind that all these happenings were too trivial to cause me such pangs of anxiety. But I sensed that what these people had said was not without significance. So I wrote to the Mother. She made me understand:

17.12.55

My dear little child,

I am very sorry that some people have told you so much nonsense. It is their own way of seeing things, but it is not true and you must not believe them or take any decision on such silly talk.

I have told you to ask from me whatever you need and I shall happily give it to you. I am your true Mother and you must feel free with me.

As for the work you are doing for me, whenever you have finished something and it is ready for giving, you have only to let me know and I will call you in the morning to give it.

With my love and blessings.

I expressed my view to her:

My sweet Mother,

Thank you for your compassionate letter.

I thought that everybody in the Ashram are demigods and goddesses. How wrong I am and how totally perplexed.

Love,

Yours,
Huta

She soon responded:

17.12.55

My dear little child

The world is as it is—full of smallness and obscurity. The Divine alone is Light and Vastness, Truth and Compassion. So take refuge in the Divine and do not care for the smallness of the world, do not let it disturb you.

Keep only the Divine Presence in you with its peace and quietness. With my love and blessings.

I wrote to her that I was hers—now and forever. She was my sole refuge and I relied on her. She affirmed:

You have taken the right attitude—it is quite good. You have only to keep it with perseverance and you will surely progress on the way.