The Story of a Soul

Author’s Note

The Mother first asked me to write this book in 1957. At that time I told her that I was not prepared, and had insufficient command of English. But she persisted.

At last on the morning of May 9, 1969 I handed her the notebook in which I intended to begin The Story of a Soul. She wrote "Blessings" on it and gave it back to me. Then a moment or two later she said, "Give that book to me." When I did so, after a brief concentration she inserted a special blessing-packet into it. Then with a smile she took my hands in hers and affirmed:

My inspiration will come to you, from above or from within, or from both. I give you the power of expression.

Shortly afterwards she went into a deep trance for more than fifteen minutes. On emerging she assured me,

Child, everything will be all right.

So in telling this story I trusted throughout in the Mother's inspiration, and was also aware of Sri Aurobindo's Presence and help.

Indeed it was very interesting to go back to the origin and observe the development of the consciousness. Each of the Mother's letters and talks revealed numberless unknown things in a new light. I enjoyed this work thoroughly.

On 31st October 1969 I showed the Mother the many notebooks containing the first rough handwritten draft of The Story, which I had completed. She asked me to read something from them. I wondered how to select a passage there were more than fifty thick notebooks. I found a passage from the first chapter. She listened to it so attentively that when I stopped reading I found her still indrawn. I resumed:

Does the Divine exist in this world of falsehood? Is there any truth here? If not, then what am I living for? If my aspiration is true and sincere, then reveal that Truth to me, O Lord.

Instantly the Mother opened her eyes and exclaimed,

But child, now you have found it, you are here!

I smiled and answered,

Yes, Mother, but this is how the Story begins.

She nodded. I told her that now I would have to type everything that was written in all those notebooks, and she remarked,

Oh! It is a big work.

Then she touched each of the books, in order to surcharge The Story with her Force.

The Story of a Soul runs from 1954 to 1973 and is divided into several volumes. This first one covers the time up to the end of 1955.

The most valuable feature of it is all that has come from the hand of the Mother herself. First there are her letters. With the most humble gratitude I may record what she has said to me:

You are the only person in the world to whom I have written so many letters.

Then there are her talks. She saw my reports of these conversations and made corrections wherever necessary. She spoke mainly about spirituality and art, but also touched on various other subjects relating to many spheres of life.

There are facsimiles of many of her letters, comments and messages to me. A few of these appear in the present volume.

In addition The Story of a Soul contains extracts from my spiritual diaries, in which day-to-day experiences, aspirations, prayers, visions and dreams are recorded. The Mother encouraged me to write these diaries, in books which she sent me each year with her blessings. The extracts given here were seen, corrected and blessed by the Mother. In them, my constant turning to her for help and guidance is expressed. The impact intended is of realities directly experienced.

I have been quite frank about my weaknesses, defects, difficulties and struggles, my revolts against the Truth, and the dreadful attacks of the hostile forces; and I have told how the Mother's Grace and Love saved me miraculously in spite of severe ordeals, tremendous falls and even catastrophes. The story also shows how the Mother shapes and develops our consciousness.

And of course, her living Presence has been there all the time to see her child through and guide it towards the Supreme Goal. I would like to quote Sri Aurobindo:

This is how God in His love teaches the child soul and the weakling, taking them step by step and witholding the vision of His ultimate and yet unattainable mountain-tops. And have we not all some weakness? Are we not all in His sight but as little children?

In my narrative it will be observed how the characters I have encountered during my life were only instruments of various forces that came to help or hinder my progress. No personal significance needs to be attached to them, as most human beings are unconscious instruments of World-Forces. It must also be remembered that things said at one time about people—however true they may have been then —may not hold for all time. There are different circumstances as life goes on and what may emerge from temporary confrontations or clashes are not necessarily eternal facts. It is always possible for people to change in consciousness.

The Mother's letters and talks will be found to indicate what would take place in my inner and outer life in the future. All that she has said is coming true gradually—not only about my future, but about the future of the whole world, which she has visioned and willed.

Whenever anything from the writings of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother has struck me as particularly illuminating the occasions and events with which I have dealt, I have quoted it. The Mother often used to refer me to her own works as well as to Sri Aurobindo's in order to enlighten me in connection with her letters and talks to me and my inner and outer state.

I have also drawn upon other writers whenever they appealed to me and seemed relevant.

Since an outline of it was published as a serial in Mother India: a monthly review of culture, The Story has been recast at several places, and almost rewritten in some. I felt as if I were painting it, and applying a variety of colours to make it truer, richer and more vivid. And I am thankful to my friends and well-wishers for their goodwill and collaboration in the Divine's Work.

When the first version of The Story of a Soul was read out to the Mother on October 5, 1972 by her son Monsieur Andre, she wrote and sent to me through him a message which conveys everything.

This is the interesting story of how a being discovers the Divine Life.

Nolini Kanta Gupta, the Mother's personal secretary went through the script and spontaneously wrote of it:

It is a beautiful book well-written, elevating, illuminating, inspring. To read the book is to come closer to the Mother into her arms.

On receiving these wonderful words I asked Nolini-da if I could take them in The Story of a Soul. He said that I certainly could if the Mother consented.

The Mother saw this note received from Nolini-da and gave permission for it to be included in this book.

From the way one soul has been guided, all can learn and be benefitted on the long universal road towards the Divine Life, Light, Love and Truth.

I am profoundly grateful to the Mother and Sri Aurobindo.

Huta

नैनं छिन्दन्ति शस्त्राणि
नैनं दहति पावकः ।
न चैने क्लेदयन्त्यापो
न शोषयति मारुतः ।।

अच्छेद्योऽयमदाह्योऽयम्‌
अक्लेद्योऽशोष्य एव च ।
नित्यः सर्वगतः स्थाणुर्‌
अचलोऽयं सनातनः ।।

--श्रीभगवद्गीता २/२३, २४

"Weapons cannot cleave it, nor the fire burn, nor do the waters drench it, nor the wind dry."

Sri Aurobindo, Essays on the Gita: The Creed of the Aryan Fighter

"It is uncleavable and incombustible, it can neither be drenched nor dried. Eternal, all-pervading, stable and immobile, it is for ever and for ever."

Sri Aurobindo, Essays on the Gita: The Creed of the Aryan Fighter

(Translated by Sri Aurobindo)